Tomb Raider: The Scantily Clad Chronicles
Chapter 4: Sacrifice
[Lara enters the secret castle of Baron Von Mimblewimble via the air vent. Meanwhile Pimms and Jeeves enter via the front door (Jeeves had the keys) Jeeves had offered to smuggle Lara in but she insisted on doing it the traditional way. They rendezvous in the toy room where the evil Baron Von Mimblewimble keeps his assorted dolls. How evil.]
Lara: Right, we've infiltrated the target base and are preparing to strike. Jeeves you say our goal is in the Left Quadrant of the Mandatory Sector.
Jeeves: Right, the Daggers in the Baron's Mother's bedroom.
Lara: What we need is a way to scale the exterior wall.
[TheScottishGuyWhoNoOneLikes enters wielding several large and unnecessarily shiny guns.]
TheScottishGuyWhoNoOneLikes: Ach! I see yee ure in a wee bat of achboder! Ie can elp ye there! [He produces shiny wall climbing contraption] Dis buby can sceel eny wall in da coontry. But not dos fancy Japanese walls.
Lara: [beat] How did you get in?
[TheScottishGuyWhoNoOneLikes begins to mumble incomprehensibly]
Jeeves: Well he's a …character?
Lara: Indeed. He just turns up whenever I'm in a predicament with some non- sensical ramblings and a handy dandy weapon. It's a pain in the ass!
Jeeves: Why don't you just shoot him?
Lara: I've tried but he never seems to be dead for very long. It's creepy.
Butler: [Scoffing] That's the pot calling the kettle black Miss. I died TWICE and I came back with no apparent reason.
Lara: Look who's talking Gary!
Butler: [Angry] It's PIMMS GOD DAMMNIT! [He attacks her and rolling around on the floor they begin to throttle each other] I'M GONNA KILL YOU!
Lara: [Punching him] I'D KILL YOU BUT IT'D BE A BLOODY WASTE OF TIME!
Jeeves: Shhhh! The Baron will hear you!
Baron: [Making a dramatic entrance ] A bit late for that traitor!
[Lara says nothing but after breaking the China head of one of Baron's dollies she throws it at his heart. Jeeves in a final rush of loyalty throws himself into the line of fire. He dies (dumbass) his master is simply knocked out.]
Butler: [Holding Jeeves limp corpse] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Lara: YESSSSS! Look ! [The ancient book of the Dagger of the Monks of Scantily Cladness has flown out of Baron's inside pocket.] Let's go you big women!
Chapter 4: Sacrifice
[Lara enters the secret castle of Baron Von Mimblewimble via the air vent. Meanwhile Pimms and Jeeves enter via the front door (Jeeves had the keys) Jeeves had offered to smuggle Lara in but she insisted on doing it the traditional way. They rendezvous in the toy room where the evil Baron Von Mimblewimble keeps his assorted dolls. How evil.]
Lara: Right, we've infiltrated the target base and are preparing to strike. Jeeves you say our goal is in the Left Quadrant of the Mandatory Sector.
Jeeves: Right, the Daggers in the Baron's Mother's bedroom.
Lara: What we need is a way to scale the exterior wall.
[TheScottishGuyWhoNoOneLikes enters wielding several large and unnecessarily shiny guns.]
TheScottishGuyWhoNoOneLikes: Ach! I see yee ure in a wee bat of achboder! Ie can elp ye there! [He produces shiny wall climbing contraption] Dis buby can sceel eny wall in da coontry. But not dos fancy Japanese walls.
Lara: [beat] How did you get in?
[TheScottishGuyWhoNoOneLikes begins to mumble incomprehensibly]
Jeeves: Well he's a …character?
Lara: Indeed. He just turns up whenever I'm in a predicament with some non- sensical ramblings and a handy dandy weapon. It's a pain in the ass!
Jeeves: Why don't you just shoot him?
Lara: I've tried but he never seems to be dead for very long. It's creepy.
Butler: [Scoffing] That's the pot calling the kettle black Miss. I died TWICE and I came back with no apparent reason.
Lara: Look who's talking Gary!
Butler: [Angry] It's PIMMS GOD DAMMNIT! [He attacks her and rolling around on the floor they begin to throttle each other] I'M GONNA KILL YOU!
Lara: [Punching him] I'D KILL YOU BUT IT'D BE A BLOODY WASTE OF TIME!
Jeeves: Shhhh! The Baron will hear you!
Baron: [Making a dramatic entrance ] A bit late for that traitor!
[Lara says nothing but after breaking the China head of one of Baron's dollies she throws it at his heart. Jeeves in a final rush of loyalty throws himself into the line of fire. He dies (dumbass) his master is simply knocked out.]
Butler: [Holding Jeeves limp corpse] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Lara: YESSSSS! Look ! [The ancient book of the Dagger of the Monks of Scantily Cladness has flown out of Baron's inside pocket.] Let's go you big women!