A.N.: I got one review so here I go with another chapter.
Disclaimer: I am still not sure if I need this. I take no credit for TLK..K?
~~~~In a cave several yards from where the ceremony took place~~~~
SMACK!
A ruddy colored lion crunches a rodent that looks like a kangaroo mouse (native to Australia, so I don't know what it is doing in Africa, but what do I know?)
"Life isn't fair mousey poo," the lion mutters to the poor thing while holding it by its tail, "I am never gonna be king. My brother gets to just because he is older and can produce fertile offspring. Whilest I must fritter away like some dainty little marshmallow. I would love to be king. It's good to be the king."
"Scar, don't play with your food," Zazu, some unidentifiable species of bird, spoke.
Scar turned to him and gasped, "Eat missuh Jangles? Sakes alive! Whah, I wud neva thinka sucha thang!"
"Mr. Jingles" wiggled from Scar's grasp and scamper back under the door to the restaint room at the end of the block-um I mean rock, and not door, floor.
"Oh Zazu. You made him run away. Now I'll have to capture you and make you listen to me sing show tunes."
"HELP!" Zazu cried fluttering away.
"Scar! Let him go!" Mufasa rumbled from the entrance.
Scar released the blue bird's tail feathers and shimmied on over to Mufasa.
"Why, if it isn't Mister Big shot Smarty-pants with his fine way with the ladies, hot and doting wife, big ass kingdom, and little fur ball of an offspring?
"What?"
"Hi, Bro."
"Sarabi and I didn't see you groveling like the rest of the animals this morning at Simba's birth. What's the deal, Shlameel?"
"I was sitting right outside this cave. How could you not see me? I was two feet away."
"I'm the king I shouldn't have to turn my head if I don't wish it."
"I am in the shallow end of the gene pool when it comes to physique, good- looks, retractable claws, and the ability to have kids, but I have more brains than you ever did. Now leave me be or I'll tell everyone what your nickname in high school was."
"NO! Not that!"
Scar grinned little grinch grin, "Oh, yes. Lefty."
"No one must ever know!" Mufasa exclaimed, covering himself with his curled tail.
Scar sashed off scene humming the song "Natural Woman."(You make me feel like a natural woman.woman.)
Mufasa scurries back to Pride Rock, though now it would seem to fit "Ashamed of Those Locker Room Experiences Rock."
~~~~Time Passes~~~~
A young cub scampers out to the edge of Pride Rock and takes in a big breath of morning air. What a beautiful dawn..
Quickly turning around and scampering again to wake his parents, while on the way waking every other lioness by either an elbow in the belly or foot in the face. Geez, you'd think a cat would be just a little stealthier..
"DAD DAD DAD DAD DAD wake up it's almost dawn! What are you gonna do? Sleep all day? I mean c'mon!"
Mufasa rolled over and pinned Simba to the ground. Sarabi could hear a muffled cry but went back to snoozing. The kicking slowed and the cries began to stop. Holy crap! Mufasa, move your fat arse! You squishin' the star!
Mufasa yawned, "Leave me alone. I've got work in the morning."
(Writer gives him a stout kick to the ribs.) Mufasa growls, "Okay okay. I'm up, I'm up."
Simba jumps up as if nothing happened. Too bad Ridalin isn't sold to lion cubs. As the two strode outta the room, they received a few grumps from the lioness'.
"So you're going to answer that question I asked you yesterday Dad?" Simba said to his father.
"Of course, son," He replied.
Sitting atop that mighty rock of pride, Mufasa began his little spiel.
"Look, Simba. It starts with a girl lion and a boy lion. Now the boy lion takes his-"
"No, Dad. Not that question!"
"Oh, okay well then, smoking can be very addicting-"
"No! Not that one either!"
"Well, damn it! There's so damn many of those 'little talks' parents have to have with their kids these days. I mean if they aren't smokin' they're drinkin'. If they aren't drinkin' it's drugs. If they aren't doin' drugs it's that cheap-ass whore on the corner passing out herpes like they were toilet paper!"
Simba stared blankly at his huffing father.
Mufasa blinked, "Everything the light touches is our kingdom."
"Wow," Simba enthused.
"Uh, well let's see, then there's the circle of life.dark place is beyond our borders.crawling ants to leaping antelope.yes, we eat the antelope.go to the dark side and I'll tear you a new one. I think that covers it. Now go rub it in your uncle's face."
And with that Simba scampers some more. Off to see his brooding effeminate uncle.
"Hey, Uncie, guess what I have and you don't?"
"A father who experimented a lot in college before he met your mother?"
"No, silly. I'm gonna be king of the whole kingdom. From the crawling ant to the leaping antelope. That's right. I'm gonna RULE your ass!"
"Yes, well why don't you go play with some matches or something?"
"Can't. I'm a lion cub. There is that shadowy place, though. How about that?"
"Whatever. Just stay out of my way Leo."
A.N.: okay no song this time. If did keep going, I would have to wait until they reach the graveyard before I could cut it off. And I still have another song parody to put in the next chapter. So there is something to look forward to. And if you cared enough to read this far, GOOD FOR YOU. Congrats. And thanks. I love to know people actually read this stuff. And if you review, even better. Even if it is to say something mean. At least I know you read it. Merci beaucoup.
Disclaimer: I am still not sure if I need this. I take no credit for TLK..K?
~~~~In a cave several yards from where the ceremony took place~~~~
SMACK!
A ruddy colored lion crunches a rodent that looks like a kangaroo mouse (native to Australia, so I don't know what it is doing in Africa, but what do I know?)
"Life isn't fair mousey poo," the lion mutters to the poor thing while holding it by its tail, "I am never gonna be king. My brother gets to just because he is older and can produce fertile offspring. Whilest I must fritter away like some dainty little marshmallow. I would love to be king. It's good to be the king."
"Scar, don't play with your food," Zazu, some unidentifiable species of bird, spoke.
Scar turned to him and gasped, "Eat missuh Jangles? Sakes alive! Whah, I wud neva thinka sucha thang!"
"Mr. Jingles" wiggled from Scar's grasp and scamper back under the door to the restaint room at the end of the block-um I mean rock, and not door, floor.
"Oh Zazu. You made him run away. Now I'll have to capture you and make you listen to me sing show tunes."
"HELP!" Zazu cried fluttering away.
"Scar! Let him go!" Mufasa rumbled from the entrance.
Scar released the blue bird's tail feathers and shimmied on over to Mufasa.
"Why, if it isn't Mister Big shot Smarty-pants with his fine way with the ladies, hot and doting wife, big ass kingdom, and little fur ball of an offspring?
"What?"
"Hi, Bro."
"Sarabi and I didn't see you groveling like the rest of the animals this morning at Simba's birth. What's the deal, Shlameel?"
"I was sitting right outside this cave. How could you not see me? I was two feet away."
"I'm the king I shouldn't have to turn my head if I don't wish it."
"I am in the shallow end of the gene pool when it comes to physique, good- looks, retractable claws, and the ability to have kids, but I have more brains than you ever did. Now leave me be or I'll tell everyone what your nickname in high school was."
"NO! Not that!"
Scar grinned little grinch grin, "Oh, yes. Lefty."
"No one must ever know!" Mufasa exclaimed, covering himself with his curled tail.
Scar sashed off scene humming the song "Natural Woman."(You make me feel like a natural woman.woman.)
Mufasa scurries back to Pride Rock, though now it would seem to fit "Ashamed of Those Locker Room Experiences Rock."
~~~~Time Passes~~~~
A young cub scampers out to the edge of Pride Rock and takes in a big breath of morning air. What a beautiful dawn..
Quickly turning around and scampering again to wake his parents, while on the way waking every other lioness by either an elbow in the belly or foot in the face. Geez, you'd think a cat would be just a little stealthier..
"DAD DAD DAD DAD DAD wake up it's almost dawn! What are you gonna do? Sleep all day? I mean c'mon!"
Mufasa rolled over and pinned Simba to the ground. Sarabi could hear a muffled cry but went back to snoozing. The kicking slowed and the cries began to stop. Holy crap! Mufasa, move your fat arse! You squishin' the star!
Mufasa yawned, "Leave me alone. I've got work in the morning."
(Writer gives him a stout kick to the ribs.) Mufasa growls, "Okay okay. I'm up, I'm up."
Simba jumps up as if nothing happened. Too bad Ridalin isn't sold to lion cubs. As the two strode outta the room, they received a few grumps from the lioness'.
"So you're going to answer that question I asked you yesterday Dad?" Simba said to his father.
"Of course, son," He replied.
Sitting atop that mighty rock of pride, Mufasa began his little spiel.
"Look, Simba. It starts with a girl lion and a boy lion. Now the boy lion takes his-"
"No, Dad. Not that question!"
"Oh, okay well then, smoking can be very addicting-"
"No! Not that one either!"
"Well, damn it! There's so damn many of those 'little talks' parents have to have with their kids these days. I mean if they aren't smokin' they're drinkin'. If they aren't drinkin' it's drugs. If they aren't doin' drugs it's that cheap-ass whore on the corner passing out herpes like they were toilet paper!"
Simba stared blankly at his huffing father.
Mufasa blinked, "Everything the light touches is our kingdom."
"Wow," Simba enthused.
"Uh, well let's see, then there's the circle of life.dark place is beyond our borders.crawling ants to leaping antelope.yes, we eat the antelope.go to the dark side and I'll tear you a new one. I think that covers it. Now go rub it in your uncle's face."
And with that Simba scampers some more. Off to see his brooding effeminate uncle.
"Hey, Uncie, guess what I have and you don't?"
"A father who experimented a lot in college before he met your mother?"
"No, silly. I'm gonna be king of the whole kingdom. From the crawling ant to the leaping antelope. That's right. I'm gonna RULE your ass!"
"Yes, well why don't you go play with some matches or something?"
"Can't. I'm a lion cub. There is that shadowy place, though. How about that?"
"Whatever. Just stay out of my way Leo."
A.N.: okay no song this time. If did keep going, I would have to wait until they reach the graveyard before I could cut it off. And I still have another song parody to put in the next chapter. So there is something to look forward to. And if you cared enough to read this far, GOOD FOR YOU. Congrats. And thanks. I love to know people actually read this stuff. And if you review, even better. Even if it is to say something mean. At least I know you read it. Merci beaucoup.