A.N: thank you for all the wonderful reviews (yes both of you). It makes
me feel good to know people think I am worth reviewing.
Disclaimer: TLK ain't mine. Though, I have watched it enough times that my friends used to say so.
~~~We last left our prepubescent hero scampering once again. This time to find his best friend Nala. She was down with her mother 'cause mother dear doesn't know how to "cut the umbilical." (Also, I have no idea how another cub could come into existence with only one male around. Scar doesn't count.)
"Yo bitch! Wazzzzzaaaah?!" Asked Simba as he pimped on over.
"Ain't nuthin' much Big Daddy. Lay some skin on me scat cat." Nala replied holding out her paw, which Simba slapped the palm of with his.
Simba whispered to her about a secret place he found out about. Nala showed no interest.
Simba sighed, "We would be in perilous danger and we could be killed."
Nala sat bolt upright, "By Jove! Do you really think so?" (I know that line is from The Mummy.)
"Yeah, so get your mom's tongue off your ass and let's go!"
Of course, they were off. His mom actually bought the lame ass "water hole" story. She still made them go with Zazu, though, because Zazu is Mufasa's bitch and has to do as he is told.
As the trio was on their way, Nala questioned Simba on how they would get rid of Zazu.
"Hmm." he thought for a moment, "well, I AM kinda hungry. And we jus' love us some fried chicken."
"Hey! We could teach all the animals song and dance and get that to help us catch and eat Zazu!"
"Yeah! Good idea! I'm glad I thought of it!"
"Bitch." Nala mumbled under her breath.
"Okay you can teach the lyrics and I'll teach the choreography. I'll get the rhinos and giraffes. You get the elephants, monkeys, and antelope." Simba ordered.
"Move ye young asses, little ones. I can't fly forever you know." Zazu called back to them.
Nala was over to the left scolding the alligators, "No, no, no, you overgrown iguana! You don't eat the birds!"
Simba was to the right of the trail screaming at the animals, "Idiot animals! It isn't turn, pivot, spin, kick, pause, perry, kick! It's turn, pivot, spin, kick, kick, pause, kick, perry! You can't do anything right!"
Zazu noticed all the hubbub and went back and landed.
"Look at you two, talking and collaborating on some project I could never guess for what. Your parents will be estatic when I tell them the good news."
The cubs stopped, "What news?" they asked.
"Why you two are going to be married, right? How far along in your pregnancy are you Nala?"
"What the Foshizzle?!" The cubs exclaimed, "We aren't married!"
"Or pregnant!" Nala added annoyed.
"Well, I thought it would be nicer if you two liked each other right off. That way the arranged marriage wouldn't be so forceful." Zazu seemed so sure of this.
"Arranged?!" Simba said, "What a load! We're just kids! Besides, I am still unsure of my sexual identity. Give me some time and support for whatever my decision may be!"
Nala and Zazu blinked.
"Anyway," Nala continued, "It would be illegal for kids to marry in the states."
"Well, this be Africa, young mo fo's. And Simba has a responsibility as a prince and future king. It takes more than just a lion to rule this country. You need a council, money, political stature, public prestige, advisors, Nelson Mandela, the voters approval."
Nala and Simba get bored with Zazu's ramblings. Their stomachs rumbled again reminding them of their musical number.
"Okay, I don't have time for this shizzat," Simba professed.
"Let's crank dis mo' fo'!" Nala exclaimed.
And they began their song of many appetites.
Simba: It's gonna be a mighty spleen, so vultures beware!
Zazu turns and notices them advancing on him.
Zazu: I've never had a king of beasts try to eat my derriere!
Simba: It's gonna be a 'mazin' event like it's always been before. Just cut it up and pull it out and toss him on the floor!
Zazu: Thus far a rather extremely frightening thing.
Simba: Oh I just can't WAIT to eat your spleen!
:O :o :O :O (paw prints)
Simba: Now I'm gonna pull this!
Zazu: (now don't touch me!)
Nala: Now I'm gonna bite there!
Zazu: (I'm not even getting paid for this!)
Simba: Now I'm gonna chop that!
Zazu: (Bad Kitties!)
S/N: Now I'm gonna tear here!
Zazu: (Not there!)
S/N: Free to eat all day.
Simba: Oh come along and play!
Boom Hey! Da da da da Boom Hey! Da da da da :O :o :O :o
Simba: I think it's time you and I eat Zazu's heart
Nala: I would really like the spleen, let me eat that part!
Zazu: If that is where part of me is headed, COUNT ME OUT! Out of service, get me outta ya' or I'll scream an' shout! This child is biting wildly on my wing!
Simba: Oh I just can't wait to eat your spleen!
Boom Hey! Da da da da Boom Hey! Da da da da
Simba: There won't be a bite left. Some say it's not right. Call me a crook but I'm.Eating in the spotlight!
Zazu: BACK OFF!!
Animals: Let's eat his liver and his spleen. You can take a leg I'll take a wing. Man o man o man we love to sing!
Simba: Oh I just can't wait to eat your spleen!
Animals: Oh he just can't wait to eat your spleen!
Whole menagerie: Oh we just can't waaaaaaait to eat your spleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!
Rhino ruins the meal for everyone because she misses a perry, kick and falls flat on her ass and on Zazu..
Simba and Nala look down and grimace. Ewww whatta mess.
"Oh, well. Ain't no thang butta chicken wang. He be trippin' too much no how." Simba said pointedly.
"Yeah, let's go big daddy." Nala replied.
And they scampered off again.
Not really paying attention they tumble down the hill right next to them that they failed to notice while waking straight towards it. Nala pins Simba with ease because he is a pussy..cat that is.
"Get off of me! You know I'm still unsure of my sexual preference!" Simba growled.
"Geez, what is it with you and your dad?" Nala said rolling her eyes.
"There is nothing wrong with us!" he defended.
"Yeah, okay whatever sister."
Simba growled and Nala rolled her eyes again laughingly.
"Look, let's just go oogle that big skull over there." Simba grumbled.
"Okay."
"No!" Zazu swooped up with a flintstones band-aid on his beak and a cast on his wing.
"Damn! We assumed you were an omelet by now." Simba confessed.
"Well, it will take more than rhino ass to get ride of me! Besides, I have a few more important appearances in this thing."
The Hyenas pop out off cue but oh well. You try and tell them!
"Well, well, well Popeye, What have we got here?"
"I dunno Shitsi, how about you Ed?"
"I do believe they are a pair of the Felix leo of the felis family. Known as "the king of the jungle" though natives to the African plains, they feast upon the flesh of numerous mammals, a few being water buffalo, zebra, wildebeests, and even in desperate times.hyena. Full grown at six years, the male lion lives alone or maybe with one other male as they aren't very good hunters. Mating hundreds of times in a day in the mating season, a lioness can give birth to a litter of up to eight, though, odds are only one will lives to see maturity."
The others blinked.
Ed sighed in defeat, "oh ahh heh heh *slobbers* *slathers tongue over lips and grins stupidly*."
Popeye nods, "That's right, a trio of trespassers!"
Shitsi bares her fangs, "We'd looove to have some cub sandwiches (rimshot sounds *duh dun ching!*)
"Oh that's a good one! We are so funny let's laugh and give the kids a chance to run! Since we're hyenas; filthy, dirty, scavengers; it means we automatically have low I.Q.'s!"
Simba and Nala dash off with Zazu trying his best to fly again. He eventually is able to catch up with the cubs, with those dumbass hyenas that don't deserve any respect simply because of their choice of lifestyle of scavenging even though they have been known to bring down buffalo when in bigger groups, close behind.
The cubs see Zazu getting ahead of them. Simba trips him to slow the hyenas down.
Tumbling down a mountain of bones with vibrating effects, Simba and Nala get a little more fun than they bargained for. Landing at the bottom with a thud they both look at each other.
In unison, "Again!"
Running back up past the hyenas, they rumbled back down.
"WEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"
"What the-?" Popeye exclaimed as they whizzed past again.
"Damn it! Get your asses moving! We have an attempt at murder to do here!"
"Awwww." they whine and resume their flight.
They hyenas corner them under a musty rib cage.
"Okay kitties. First we gonna rip open your stomachs, then we gonna eat yo' hearts, then we gonna-."
"Hey, Fido?" Simba interrupted, "Less talky, more killy."
They growled, but were then stopped by a roar behind them. Popeye and Ed turned to Shitsi.
"What? So I ate some spicy kielbasa awhile ago, so what?" she snapped defensively.
Mufasa leapt out and opened a can of whoop ass on those gol damn dirty shits, the hyenas. They ran off with yelps and slashed asses.
Simba trotted up and started to speak. Mufasa stopped him, "Shut up you little delinquent! You disobeyed me! Now your mother won't let me hear the end of it! 'I told you, you have no authority in this family, Lefty!' She always criticizes me!"
Simba blinked.
Mufasa tried again, "Let's go home."
Scar growluh luh luhs effeminately from his perch several feet above where they were. I can't believe they didn't see him. I mean what happened to the "wild animal senses"?
~~~On the way home, the stars come out~~~
"Zazu!" Mufasa summoned his bitch to his side.
"Yessssssss," he lisped.
"Take my son's wench home. I have to teach him a lesson on obedience."
Zazu fluttered off with Nala eyeing his chicken wings hungrily.
"Simba!" Mufasa summoned again.
Simba slithered over to where his father waited.
"Simba, I am very disappointed in you. I thought I could trust you."
"I know." He replied glumly.
"We men have to stick together in this family. We're surrounded by thirty females. That's a lot of estrogen and PMS. I can't handle it alone. And don't even get me started on menopaws." (Get it, menopaws? Oh I'm good).
"I know. I'm sorry, Dad."
"Okay then. Get over here. I have to tear you a new one."
"WHAT?!"
"I told you I would if you went to the dark side. It's either a new one or I cut of your hand."
"Geez, Dad. Jus' because you were Darth Vader too doesn't mean you have to always remind me of it. That was twenty-five years ago."
"Whatever. As long as I don't have to go straight home. I'd like to stay away form your mom as long I can. How about we go to Hooters or something?"
"But Dad, I am just a kid."
"Hooters is a family restaurant!"
"Sure, a family for the first few minutes before the husband looks at the waitress' ass or breasts then the mommy files for divorce."
"Geez, you really are swinging the other way aren't you?"
"I am NOT a homosexual!"
"Well, I don't know a single straight guy who would turn down a night at Hooters."
"Just tear me a new one." Simba sighed.
"Yeah, I'm sure you'd like that wouldn't you?"
"I'm going home." Simba mumbled.
"Oh, be nicccccce." Mufasa called after him.
A.N.: Okay no offense to anyone of different sexual preferences, but oh well. You can't sneeze without offending someone these days. It didn't seem long enough to cut it off before the elephant graveyard, so I kept ramblin'. My fingers hurt. I'll try to update soon, but I don't like to make and break promises. R 'n' R if you please. I like to know if you read this far into this monstrosity.
Disclaimer: TLK ain't mine. Though, I have watched it enough times that my friends used to say so.
~~~We last left our prepubescent hero scampering once again. This time to find his best friend Nala. She was down with her mother 'cause mother dear doesn't know how to "cut the umbilical." (Also, I have no idea how another cub could come into existence with only one male around. Scar doesn't count.)
"Yo bitch! Wazzzzzaaaah?!" Asked Simba as he pimped on over.
"Ain't nuthin' much Big Daddy. Lay some skin on me scat cat." Nala replied holding out her paw, which Simba slapped the palm of with his.
Simba whispered to her about a secret place he found out about. Nala showed no interest.
Simba sighed, "We would be in perilous danger and we could be killed."
Nala sat bolt upright, "By Jove! Do you really think so?" (I know that line is from The Mummy.)
"Yeah, so get your mom's tongue off your ass and let's go!"
Of course, they were off. His mom actually bought the lame ass "water hole" story. She still made them go with Zazu, though, because Zazu is Mufasa's bitch and has to do as he is told.
As the trio was on their way, Nala questioned Simba on how they would get rid of Zazu.
"Hmm." he thought for a moment, "well, I AM kinda hungry. And we jus' love us some fried chicken."
"Hey! We could teach all the animals song and dance and get that to help us catch and eat Zazu!"
"Yeah! Good idea! I'm glad I thought of it!"
"Bitch." Nala mumbled under her breath.
"Okay you can teach the lyrics and I'll teach the choreography. I'll get the rhinos and giraffes. You get the elephants, monkeys, and antelope." Simba ordered.
"Move ye young asses, little ones. I can't fly forever you know." Zazu called back to them.
Nala was over to the left scolding the alligators, "No, no, no, you overgrown iguana! You don't eat the birds!"
Simba was to the right of the trail screaming at the animals, "Idiot animals! It isn't turn, pivot, spin, kick, pause, perry, kick! It's turn, pivot, spin, kick, kick, pause, kick, perry! You can't do anything right!"
Zazu noticed all the hubbub and went back and landed.
"Look at you two, talking and collaborating on some project I could never guess for what. Your parents will be estatic when I tell them the good news."
The cubs stopped, "What news?" they asked.
"Why you two are going to be married, right? How far along in your pregnancy are you Nala?"
"What the Foshizzle?!" The cubs exclaimed, "We aren't married!"
"Or pregnant!" Nala added annoyed.
"Well, I thought it would be nicer if you two liked each other right off. That way the arranged marriage wouldn't be so forceful." Zazu seemed so sure of this.
"Arranged?!" Simba said, "What a load! We're just kids! Besides, I am still unsure of my sexual identity. Give me some time and support for whatever my decision may be!"
Nala and Zazu blinked.
"Anyway," Nala continued, "It would be illegal for kids to marry in the states."
"Well, this be Africa, young mo fo's. And Simba has a responsibility as a prince and future king. It takes more than just a lion to rule this country. You need a council, money, political stature, public prestige, advisors, Nelson Mandela, the voters approval."
Nala and Simba get bored with Zazu's ramblings. Their stomachs rumbled again reminding them of their musical number.
"Okay, I don't have time for this shizzat," Simba professed.
"Let's crank dis mo' fo'!" Nala exclaimed.
And they began their song of many appetites.
Simba: It's gonna be a mighty spleen, so vultures beware!
Zazu turns and notices them advancing on him.
Zazu: I've never had a king of beasts try to eat my derriere!
Simba: It's gonna be a 'mazin' event like it's always been before. Just cut it up and pull it out and toss him on the floor!
Zazu: Thus far a rather extremely frightening thing.
Simba: Oh I just can't WAIT to eat your spleen!
:O :o :O :O (paw prints)
Simba: Now I'm gonna pull this!
Zazu: (now don't touch me!)
Nala: Now I'm gonna bite there!
Zazu: (I'm not even getting paid for this!)
Simba: Now I'm gonna chop that!
Zazu: (Bad Kitties!)
S/N: Now I'm gonna tear here!
Zazu: (Not there!)
S/N: Free to eat all day.
Simba: Oh come along and play!
Boom Hey! Da da da da Boom Hey! Da da da da :O :o :O :o
Simba: I think it's time you and I eat Zazu's heart
Nala: I would really like the spleen, let me eat that part!
Zazu: If that is where part of me is headed, COUNT ME OUT! Out of service, get me outta ya' or I'll scream an' shout! This child is biting wildly on my wing!
Simba: Oh I just can't wait to eat your spleen!
Boom Hey! Da da da da Boom Hey! Da da da da
Simba: There won't be a bite left. Some say it's not right. Call me a crook but I'm.Eating in the spotlight!
Zazu: BACK OFF!!
Animals: Let's eat his liver and his spleen. You can take a leg I'll take a wing. Man o man o man we love to sing!
Simba: Oh I just can't wait to eat your spleen!
Animals: Oh he just can't wait to eat your spleen!
Whole menagerie: Oh we just can't waaaaaaait to eat your spleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!
Rhino ruins the meal for everyone because she misses a perry, kick and falls flat on her ass and on Zazu..
Simba and Nala look down and grimace. Ewww whatta mess.
"Oh, well. Ain't no thang butta chicken wang. He be trippin' too much no how." Simba said pointedly.
"Yeah, let's go big daddy." Nala replied.
And they scampered off again.
Not really paying attention they tumble down the hill right next to them that they failed to notice while waking straight towards it. Nala pins Simba with ease because he is a pussy..cat that is.
"Get off of me! You know I'm still unsure of my sexual preference!" Simba growled.
"Geez, what is it with you and your dad?" Nala said rolling her eyes.
"There is nothing wrong with us!" he defended.
"Yeah, okay whatever sister."
Simba growled and Nala rolled her eyes again laughingly.
"Look, let's just go oogle that big skull over there." Simba grumbled.
"Okay."
"No!" Zazu swooped up with a flintstones band-aid on his beak and a cast on his wing.
"Damn! We assumed you were an omelet by now." Simba confessed.
"Well, it will take more than rhino ass to get ride of me! Besides, I have a few more important appearances in this thing."
The Hyenas pop out off cue but oh well. You try and tell them!
"Well, well, well Popeye, What have we got here?"
"I dunno Shitsi, how about you Ed?"
"I do believe they are a pair of the Felix leo of the felis family. Known as "the king of the jungle" though natives to the African plains, they feast upon the flesh of numerous mammals, a few being water buffalo, zebra, wildebeests, and even in desperate times.hyena. Full grown at six years, the male lion lives alone or maybe with one other male as they aren't very good hunters. Mating hundreds of times in a day in the mating season, a lioness can give birth to a litter of up to eight, though, odds are only one will lives to see maturity."
The others blinked.
Ed sighed in defeat, "oh ahh heh heh *slobbers* *slathers tongue over lips and grins stupidly*."
Popeye nods, "That's right, a trio of trespassers!"
Shitsi bares her fangs, "We'd looove to have some cub sandwiches (rimshot sounds *duh dun ching!*)
"Oh that's a good one! We are so funny let's laugh and give the kids a chance to run! Since we're hyenas; filthy, dirty, scavengers; it means we automatically have low I.Q.'s!"
Simba and Nala dash off with Zazu trying his best to fly again. He eventually is able to catch up with the cubs, with those dumbass hyenas that don't deserve any respect simply because of their choice of lifestyle of scavenging even though they have been known to bring down buffalo when in bigger groups, close behind.
The cubs see Zazu getting ahead of them. Simba trips him to slow the hyenas down.
Tumbling down a mountain of bones with vibrating effects, Simba and Nala get a little more fun than they bargained for. Landing at the bottom with a thud they both look at each other.
In unison, "Again!"
Running back up past the hyenas, they rumbled back down.
"WEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"
"What the-?" Popeye exclaimed as they whizzed past again.
"Damn it! Get your asses moving! We have an attempt at murder to do here!"
"Awwww." they whine and resume their flight.
They hyenas corner them under a musty rib cage.
"Okay kitties. First we gonna rip open your stomachs, then we gonna eat yo' hearts, then we gonna-."
"Hey, Fido?" Simba interrupted, "Less talky, more killy."
They growled, but were then stopped by a roar behind them. Popeye and Ed turned to Shitsi.
"What? So I ate some spicy kielbasa awhile ago, so what?" she snapped defensively.
Mufasa leapt out and opened a can of whoop ass on those gol damn dirty shits, the hyenas. They ran off with yelps and slashed asses.
Simba trotted up and started to speak. Mufasa stopped him, "Shut up you little delinquent! You disobeyed me! Now your mother won't let me hear the end of it! 'I told you, you have no authority in this family, Lefty!' She always criticizes me!"
Simba blinked.
Mufasa tried again, "Let's go home."
Scar growluh luh luhs effeminately from his perch several feet above where they were. I can't believe they didn't see him. I mean what happened to the "wild animal senses"?
~~~On the way home, the stars come out~~~
"Zazu!" Mufasa summoned his bitch to his side.
"Yessssssss," he lisped.
"Take my son's wench home. I have to teach him a lesson on obedience."
Zazu fluttered off with Nala eyeing his chicken wings hungrily.
"Simba!" Mufasa summoned again.
Simba slithered over to where his father waited.
"Simba, I am very disappointed in you. I thought I could trust you."
"I know." He replied glumly.
"We men have to stick together in this family. We're surrounded by thirty females. That's a lot of estrogen and PMS. I can't handle it alone. And don't even get me started on menopaws." (Get it, menopaws? Oh I'm good).
"I know. I'm sorry, Dad."
"Okay then. Get over here. I have to tear you a new one."
"WHAT?!"
"I told you I would if you went to the dark side. It's either a new one or I cut of your hand."
"Geez, Dad. Jus' because you were Darth Vader too doesn't mean you have to always remind me of it. That was twenty-five years ago."
"Whatever. As long as I don't have to go straight home. I'd like to stay away form your mom as long I can. How about we go to Hooters or something?"
"But Dad, I am just a kid."
"Hooters is a family restaurant!"
"Sure, a family for the first few minutes before the husband looks at the waitress' ass or breasts then the mommy files for divorce."
"Geez, you really are swinging the other way aren't you?"
"I am NOT a homosexual!"
"Well, I don't know a single straight guy who would turn down a night at Hooters."
"Just tear me a new one." Simba sighed.
"Yeah, I'm sure you'd like that wouldn't you?"
"I'm going home." Simba mumbled.
"Oh, be nicccccce." Mufasa called after him.
A.N.: Okay no offense to anyone of different sexual preferences, but oh well. You can't sneeze without offending someone these days. It didn't seem long enough to cut it off before the elephant graveyard, so I kept ramblin'. My fingers hurt. I'll try to update soon, but I don't like to make and break promises. R 'n' R if you please. I like to know if you read this far into this monstrosity.