A.N.: Hoo boy! I honestly didn't expect to get any reviews. And so far,
they have all been good (knock on wood), but if not, oh well. I enjoy
getting feed back and support. Feels weird, though, I have never received
any real compliments before (family and friends don't really count). But
complete strangers! Cool. Thank you my people. I'll try to hold up my end
of this thing. But I think I am getting lazy.
Disclaimer: I hate repeating myself.
~~~Nightfall after the Stampede~~~
Scar sat perched above all the lionesses speaking solemnly of an issue. None were really listening 'cause he never mattered before; any time he spoke to them it was some kind of "cat call". (once again, no pun intended.) Now some were crying because they were being mentally tortured having to listen to him drone on and on and on and on...
=thoughts of the lionesses as camera pans past them.
Just shut up. Shut up shut up shut up shut up
Did I leave the oven on? No, I checked. Did I? Yes, I checked. Did I?
Man, he has hairy elbows. What's the deal with those elbows? I bet he could sweep the floor with those dusters
Scar: And for me it is a deep personal loss..
Loss? What'd he say? I wasn't paying attention. Oh, well. If it were important I would have heard more about it
I've got a love-el-y bunch of co-co-nuts -dee-dle-ee-dee-dee. There they are standing in a row...
Must not kill, must not kill--
What's today, Saturday? I have a beauty appointment tomorrow-mustn't forget
Oh, I just can't WAIT to eat your spleen
I wonder if Victoria's Secret is still open. I think it closes at eight.
Scar: So, I have decided to take my rightfully deserved position.
Yeah, underneath your mom.
Scar: And now I will let the hyenas take it from here.
The lionesses gasped, "What the funky monkey ass?!"
Scar stopped and turned back to their complaints. "This actually surprises you ladies? Weren't any of you listening? I mentioned it several times in my speech a minute ago."
The hyenas gathered around. The argument heated up.
"Listen here, you little horny bastard! I have had just about enough of you! Wait till I tell Mufasa about this little hostile take over!"
Scar sighed, "You see, this is why you need to have a brain. I just told you he was dead. I am king now. You got a beef about me, take it up with me."
The lionesses stood there with their mouths hanging open. One in the back growled, "Aww, horse's ass!"
The hyenas slathered their tongues, the lionesses showed their disgust with curled lips, and spits toward them. Scar rolled his eyes, "Oh, for goodness sake. Play nice children. Or I'll have to give you a spanking." He walked back up to the main cave which was now his, "Now if you'll excuse me, I need my beauty sleep."
In that case, he'd probably have to go into a coma.
At the entrance, he turned and added, "If any of you would like to join me, that would be fine."
Sarabi yelled back, "It will be a cold day in hell before we sleep with you, Scar!"
Another lioness interrupted and scooted past Sarabi, "Hmph, speak for yourself, Honey."
Sarabi's jaw dropped as several others followed, "Hey, he's the only male within miles. I ain't waitin' for Simba to drag his sorry ass back here. And unless you're interested in interspecies relations," She said glancing around at the hyenas, "I suggest you look into this."
Pretty soon, it was just Sarabi, Nala, and her mother, Sarafina. Then, just Sarabi and Nala. Nala looked up at Sarabi and sighed. She slowly got up and headed for the cave.
"Oh, no you don't you little hussy." Sarabi growled snatching Nala back by the tail.
Rafiki sat in a tree a few yards away. Of course, none of this was clicking in his little monkey brain. Come on! All he was thinking was bananas, picking the crap outta his butt, and where's the nearest things he can hurl it at. Oh, and maybe more melon goo and foreheads. He must have some kinda fetish with goo on foreheads.I'm not gonna say what I'm thinking.Never mind.
And so the reign of Scar and his many bitches began. I wonder just how much pussy-MANY pussy cats he got.Geez, I need to get over that.But it's just too easy..
~~~~Desert somewhere~~~ Maybe Serengeti? That's northern Africa, right?
Simba lay passed out on the dried ground. Vultures began pecking at him and would have turned him to a rotting Swiss cheese carcass 'cause he certainly wasn't getting up on his own(lazy ass), when two figures charged the circle.
"YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
The buzzards didn't budge. They had been kicked around like crap on a busy city sidewalk. They weren't about to give up this one. The fat warthog kick one, which pecked a hole in his side as a counter attack. Pumbaa (the pig) began to fizzle out and deflate. His partner Timon the meerkat and the rest of the vultures stopped and stared at him.
Blushing Pumbaa stuck a bike pump nozzle up his butt and pumped himself back to his normal size. The others continued to stare.
"What? You think the gas was from eating? It really was just air escaping."
Timon throws up his hands, "Whatever! This kid is ours now! Move yo' punk asses outta our space."
A vulture walked calmy over to Timon and pecked his left eye.
"AHHH!!" He screamed with blood gushing out of his face.
Pumbaa picked him up and put him on his back. It was clear they were not gonna win this one. The vultures became more aggressive and began advancing on the duo.
Timon peered through his remaining good eye, "RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"
Pumbaa turned on his heels and peeled outta there.
*Writer sighs and gets up. Steps into desert and carries Simba over to the jungle*
"Geez, makin' me work." The writer sighs.
Timon, with a Flintstones band-aid on his eye, and Pumbaa standing next to him, they revived Simba with a few splashes of water to his face.
"Huh? Uh, where am I?" Simba moaned.
"You nearly died!" Pumbaa exclaimed.
"Oh, the vultures, yeah, thanks guys." Simba said.
"Uh, the vultures, yeah," Pumbaa gave Timon a sharp look who whispered back, "Hey, he was asleep he'll never know what hit him-or in this case, banged."
Pumbaa shook his head.
Simba got up on wobbly legs, "Geez, my ass hurts. Why is that?"
Timon interrupted Pumbaa before he could confess what they did, "Hey, kid you look blue."
"I'd say brownish-gold!" Pumbaa exclaimed, "Duh dun ching!"
Timon and Simba gave him annoyed looks. Simba whispered to Timon, "Is he gonna be like this for the next several years?"
"Unfortunately." Timon admitted.
'Damn. I thought I had left the pun champions back in the Pride Lands.' Simba thought to himself.
"Bowling for buzzards! I love it!" Pumbaa enthused.
Timon and Simba just stared at him until he laid down.
"Anyway, it's clear you were run out of your home and now you are here all alone. The world turned its back on you 'cause you were different, right?" Timon put his arm around Simba.
"Uh, different?"
"Yeah. They didn't except you for who you found you were," Timon went on, "Well, kid, you are in luck. We except you 'cause we are three in the same."
"Huh?" Simba didn't understand, "I don't understand."
"Well, let me put it in laymen's terms for ya'." And Timon cleared his throat.
"Makuna Hatata."
"What? Isn't it Hakuna Matata?"
"Nope, and unless you wanna get sued from copyright laws, I suggest you just go with me here."
"Makuna Hatata means 'sexual ways'." Pumbaa explained.
Then Timon got a dreamy look in his eye which was a clue to the others to leave him alone (he felt a song coming on).
"Makuna Hatata. It means 'sexual ways'."
Pumbaa continued, "Makuna Hatata, never gets much praise--."
Timon: You'll be rejected-for the rest of your days."
T/P: It's your problem full---Little Hell hole.----
Timon: Makuna hatata
Simba followed them further into the jungle, "Makuna hatata?"
"Yeah, it's a motto."
"Whatsa motto?"
"Nuthin', Whattsa matta wid' you? You friggen' pansy! Why can't you play sports for once? And cheerleading doesn't count!" Timon snapped back. Both he and Pumbaa burst into laughter.
Obviously, the joke went right over Simba's head.
"You know kid? Once you tell them who you have discovered within you, there is no turning back." Pumbaa told him.
"That's right, take Pumbaa here." Timon pointed.
Timon: Why went he was just a young warthog--."
Pumbaa: When I had a thing like a Loooooooooooooog!"
Timon: very nice.
Pumbaa: You know it, bitch.
Timon: he found all his girlfriends lacked a certain appeal. Only doing it like animals ever made him squeal.
Pumbaa: I'd take hold of their backs, and I'd jump right iiiiiiiiiin. They said it hurt, and why'd I have to do it in her rear eeeeeeeeeeeend?!"
Pumbaa: And oh the Shame!
Timon: (He found out he was gay!)
Pumbaa: Thought of changing my ways!
Timon: (Oh, you can't ever change your ways!)
Pumbaa: And he'd say it felt like a truck!
Timon: (How did it feel?!)
Pumbaa: Every time that we'd f-
Timon: Hey, Pumbaa! Not in front of the kid!
Pumbaa: Oh! Sorry
Simba blushed.
T/P: Makuna Hatata it means 'sexual deals'. Makuna hatata never gets much praise.
Simba: You'll be reject-for the rest of your days
Timon: it's a sad thing, kid!
S/T/P: It's out problem full-little hell hole.Makuna hatata!
Simba sighed, "Wow, it feels so good to get this off my chest."
Timon smiled, "Yeah, and now that you live here in seclusion with us, you will never be persecuted again."
"BURP! Boy, I'm starved." Pumbaa belched.
"Yeah, let's get some food." Timon offered.
"Yeah, Zebra!" Simba exclaimed.
"Uh, not here kid." Timon hesitantly said.
"Antelope?"
"Nope."
"Hippo?"
"Nuh uh."
"Gazelle?"
"No."
"Boar?"
"(sigh) No."
"Snake?"
"No."
"Elephant?"
"Naw."
"Giraffe?"
"No."
"Water buffalo?"
"No."
"Lizards?"
"Nopers."
"Fluffy blue and purple feathered birds as seen in the beginning?"
"Damn it! NO! No real meat!!" Timon screamed.
Pumbaa explained to Simba his pals point, "Here, we only eat worms."
"Worms? Eww."
"Yeah, well we just love worms. But only going down. The ones in your intestinal track are real pains in the ass, literally." Timon grimaced.
Simba grimaced also. Just the thought of it made him wanna hunker down scoot around.
"Anyway, let's get down to the chow! I know a good log." Timon announced.
And so Simba and his two new companions began a walk across the log. It must have been very very very long for it to take his whole adolescence to cross it. About two-thirds the way, when Simba first got his mane, the trio heard a -crunch--. Glancing back, they discover the log had rotted through and was breaking in two.
"Holy Crap! Lets get the heck outta here!" Timon screamed.
"MakunaHatataMakunaHatataMakunaHatataMakunaHatata--!" They picked up their pace as well as the song.
Leaping off the log just as it fell-, they missed the ledge by a few feet and plummeted the long way down to the bottom of the waterfall. First Timon made his little cannonball, then Pumbaa with his piddly little drop, followed lastly by Simba creating a tidal wave for Timon and Pumbaa.
They stared at each other in shock of their near death experience.
"Makuna Hatata! It means sexual deals.." And they went off continuing their little ballad or what ever. I don't really care.
~~~How WILL the Pride Lands get by?~~~
A.N. Okay, it actually took me a couple days to type this. But like I said at the beginning, I think I'm getting lazy. Plus it became Monday and so a new school week ensued. And any one who has been a high school student knows what I mean. If this chapter sucked, my apologies. Again, I will try harder. Oh, antimach? I read your "delightful romp" of a story. I believe it was "Circle of High." Hoo boy. Quite demented, but I laughed so hard my cheeks and stomach hurt. Chasing a gazelle naked yelling "POP GOES THE WEASEL!" Weird but I loved it. :P P.S. I am not homophobic. I have nothing against gays. Please take no offense.
Disclaimer: I hate repeating myself.
~~~Nightfall after the Stampede~~~
Scar sat perched above all the lionesses speaking solemnly of an issue. None were really listening 'cause he never mattered before; any time he spoke to them it was some kind of "cat call". (once again, no pun intended.) Now some were crying because they were being mentally tortured having to listen to him drone on and on and on and on...
=thoughts of the lionesses as camera pans past them.
Just shut up. Shut up shut up shut up shut up
Did I leave the oven on? No, I checked. Did I? Yes, I checked. Did I?
Man, he has hairy elbows. What's the deal with those elbows? I bet he could sweep the floor with those dusters
Scar: And for me it is a deep personal loss..
Loss? What'd he say? I wasn't paying attention. Oh, well. If it were important I would have heard more about it
I've got a love-el-y bunch of co-co-nuts -dee-dle-ee-dee-dee. There they are standing in a row...
Must not kill, must not kill--
What's today, Saturday? I have a beauty appointment tomorrow-mustn't forget
Oh, I just can't WAIT to eat your spleen
I wonder if Victoria's Secret is still open. I think it closes at eight.
Scar: So, I have decided to take my rightfully deserved position.
Yeah, underneath your mom.
Scar: And now I will let the hyenas take it from here.
The lionesses gasped, "What the funky monkey ass?!"
Scar stopped and turned back to their complaints. "This actually surprises you ladies? Weren't any of you listening? I mentioned it several times in my speech a minute ago."
The hyenas gathered around. The argument heated up.
"Listen here, you little horny bastard! I have had just about enough of you! Wait till I tell Mufasa about this little hostile take over!"
Scar sighed, "You see, this is why you need to have a brain. I just told you he was dead. I am king now. You got a beef about me, take it up with me."
The lionesses stood there with their mouths hanging open. One in the back growled, "Aww, horse's ass!"
The hyenas slathered their tongues, the lionesses showed their disgust with curled lips, and spits toward them. Scar rolled his eyes, "Oh, for goodness sake. Play nice children. Or I'll have to give you a spanking." He walked back up to the main cave which was now his, "Now if you'll excuse me, I need my beauty sleep."
In that case, he'd probably have to go into a coma.
At the entrance, he turned and added, "If any of you would like to join me, that would be fine."
Sarabi yelled back, "It will be a cold day in hell before we sleep with you, Scar!"
Another lioness interrupted and scooted past Sarabi, "Hmph, speak for yourself, Honey."
Sarabi's jaw dropped as several others followed, "Hey, he's the only male within miles. I ain't waitin' for Simba to drag his sorry ass back here. And unless you're interested in interspecies relations," She said glancing around at the hyenas, "I suggest you look into this."
Pretty soon, it was just Sarabi, Nala, and her mother, Sarafina. Then, just Sarabi and Nala. Nala looked up at Sarabi and sighed. She slowly got up and headed for the cave.
"Oh, no you don't you little hussy." Sarabi growled snatching Nala back by the tail.
Rafiki sat in a tree a few yards away. Of course, none of this was clicking in his little monkey brain. Come on! All he was thinking was bananas, picking the crap outta his butt, and where's the nearest things he can hurl it at. Oh, and maybe more melon goo and foreheads. He must have some kinda fetish with goo on foreheads.I'm not gonna say what I'm thinking.Never mind.
And so the reign of Scar and his many bitches began. I wonder just how much pussy-MANY pussy cats he got.Geez, I need to get over that.But it's just too easy..
~~~~Desert somewhere~~~ Maybe Serengeti? That's northern Africa, right?
Simba lay passed out on the dried ground. Vultures began pecking at him and would have turned him to a rotting Swiss cheese carcass 'cause he certainly wasn't getting up on his own(lazy ass), when two figures charged the circle.
"YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
The buzzards didn't budge. They had been kicked around like crap on a busy city sidewalk. They weren't about to give up this one. The fat warthog kick one, which pecked a hole in his side as a counter attack. Pumbaa (the pig) began to fizzle out and deflate. His partner Timon the meerkat and the rest of the vultures stopped and stared at him.
Blushing Pumbaa stuck a bike pump nozzle up his butt and pumped himself back to his normal size. The others continued to stare.
"What? You think the gas was from eating? It really was just air escaping."
Timon throws up his hands, "Whatever! This kid is ours now! Move yo' punk asses outta our space."
A vulture walked calmy over to Timon and pecked his left eye.
"AHHH!!" He screamed with blood gushing out of his face.
Pumbaa picked him up and put him on his back. It was clear they were not gonna win this one. The vultures became more aggressive and began advancing on the duo.
Timon peered through his remaining good eye, "RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"
Pumbaa turned on his heels and peeled outta there.
*Writer sighs and gets up. Steps into desert and carries Simba over to the jungle*
"Geez, makin' me work." The writer sighs.
Timon, with a Flintstones band-aid on his eye, and Pumbaa standing next to him, they revived Simba with a few splashes of water to his face.
"Huh? Uh, where am I?" Simba moaned.
"You nearly died!" Pumbaa exclaimed.
"Oh, the vultures, yeah, thanks guys." Simba said.
"Uh, the vultures, yeah," Pumbaa gave Timon a sharp look who whispered back, "Hey, he was asleep he'll never know what hit him-or in this case, banged."
Pumbaa shook his head.
Simba got up on wobbly legs, "Geez, my ass hurts. Why is that?"
Timon interrupted Pumbaa before he could confess what they did, "Hey, kid you look blue."
"I'd say brownish-gold!" Pumbaa exclaimed, "Duh dun ching!"
Timon and Simba gave him annoyed looks. Simba whispered to Timon, "Is he gonna be like this for the next several years?"
"Unfortunately." Timon admitted.
'Damn. I thought I had left the pun champions back in the Pride Lands.' Simba thought to himself.
"Bowling for buzzards! I love it!" Pumbaa enthused.
Timon and Simba just stared at him until he laid down.
"Anyway, it's clear you were run out of your home and now you are here all alone. The world turned its back on you 'cause you were different, right?" Timon put his arm around Simba.
"Uh, different?"
"Yeah. They didn't except you for who you found you were," Timon went on, "Well, kid, you are in luck. We except you 'cause we are three in the same."
"Huh?" Simba didn't understand, "I don't understand."
"Well, let me put it in laymen's terms for ya'." And Timon cleared his throat.
"Makuna Hatata."
"What? Isn't it Hakuna Matata?"
"Nope, and unless you wanna get sued from copyright laws, I suggest you just go with me here."
"Makuna Hatata means 'sexual ways'." Pumbaa explained.
Then Timon got a dreamy look in his eye which was a clue to the others to leave him alone (he felt a song coming on).
"Makuna Hatata. It means 'sexual ways'."
Pumbaa continued, "Makuna Hatata, never gets much praise--."
Timon: You'll be rejected-for the rest of your days."
T/P: It's your problem full---Little Hell hole.----
Timon: Makuna hatata
Simba followed them further into the jungle, "Makuna hatata?"
"Yeah, it's a motto."
"Whatsa motto?"
"Nuthin', Whattsa matta wid' you? You friggen' pansy! Why can't you play sports for once? And cheerleading doesn't count!" Timon snapped back. Both he and Pumbaa burst into laughter.
Obviously, the joke went right over Simba's head.
"You know kid? Once you tell them who you have discovered within you, there is no turning back." Pumbaa told him.
"That's right, take Pumbaa here." Timon pointed.
Timon: Why went he was just a young warthog--."
Pumbaa: When I had a thing like a Loooooooooooooog!"
Timon: very nice.
Pumbaa: You know it, bitch.
Timon: he found all his girlfriends lacked a certain appeal. Only doing it like animals ever made him squeal.
Pumbaa: I'd take hold of their backs, and I'd jump right iiiiiiiiiin. They said it hurt, and why'd I have to do it in her rear eeeeeeeeeeeend?!"
Pumbaa: And oh the Shame!
Timon: (He found out he was gay!)
Pumbaa: Thought of changing my ways!
Timon: (Oh, you can't ever change your ways!)
Pumbaa: And he'd say it felt like a truck!
Timon: (How did it feel?!)
Pumbaa: Every time that we'd f-
Timon: Hey, Pumbaa! Not in front of the kid!
Pumbaa: Oh! Sorry
Simba blushed.
T/P: Makuna Hatata it means 'sexual deals'. Makuna hatata never gets much praise.
Simba: You'll be reject-for the rest of your days
Timon: it's a sad thing, kid!
S/T/P: It's out problem full-little hell hole.Makuna hatata!
Simba sighed, "Wow, it feels so good to get this off my chest."
Timon smiled, "Yeah, and now that you live here in seclusion with us, you will never be persecuted again."
"BURP! Boy, I'm starved." Pumbaa belched.
"Yeah, let's get some food." Timon offered.
"Yeah, Zebra!" Simba exclaimed.
"Uh, not here kid." Timon hesitantly said.
"Antelope?"
"Nope."
"Hippo?"
"Nuh uh."
"Gazelle?"
"No."
"Boar?"
"(sigh) No."
"Snake?"
"No."
"Elephant?"
"Naw."
"Giraffe?"
"No."
"Water buffalo?"
"No."
"Lizards?"
"Nopers."
"Fluffy blue and purple feathered birds as seen in the beginning?"
"Damn it! NO! No real meat!!" Timon screamed.
Pumbaa explained to Simba his pals point, "Here, we only eat worms."
"Worms? Eww."
"Yeah, well we just love worms. But only going down. The ones in your intestinal track are real pains in the ass, literally." Timon grimaced.
Simba grimaced also. Just the thought of it made him wanna hunker down scoot around.
"Anyway, let's get down to the chow! I know a good log." Timon announced.
And so Simba and his two new companions began a walk across the log. It must have been very very very long for it to take his whole adolescence to cross it. About two-thirds the way, when Simba first got his mane, the trio heard a -crunch--. Glancing back, they discover the log had rotted through and was breaking in two.
"Holy Crap! Lets get the heck outta here!" Timon screamed.
"MakunaHatataMakunaHatataMakunaHatataMakunaHatata--!" They picked up their pace as well as the song.
Leaping off the log just as it fell-, they missed the ledge by a few feet and plummeted the long way down to the bottom of the waterfall. First Timon made his little cannonball, then Pumbaa with his piddly little drop, followed lastly by Simba creating a tidal wave for Timon and Pumbaa.
They stared at each other in shock of their near death experience.
"Makuna Hatata! It means sexual deals.." And they went off continuing their little ballad or what ever. I don't really care.
~~~How WILL the Pride Lands get by?~~~
A.N. Okay, it actually took me a couple days to type this. But like I said at the beginning, I think I'm getting lazy. Plus it became Monday and so a new school week ensued. And any one who has been a high school student knows what I mean. If this chapter sucked, my apologies. Again, I will try harder. Oh, antimach? I read your "delightful romp" of a story. I believe it was "Circle of High." Hoo boy. Quite demented, but I laughed so hard my cheeks and stomach hurt. Chasing a gazelle naked yelling "POP GOES THE WEASEL!" Weird but I loved it. :P P.S. I am not homophobic. I have nothing against gays. Please take no offense.