A.N.: Okay, from now on I'll only be writing on weekends. I only have time
then, duh! So don't be surprised when my updates are a week or even more
apart. I'll try hard though. Oh, by the by..I just posted another story.
It is under originals, humor. It is called "String". It is short. Won't
take long to read. It isn't ROTFL hilarious (it wasn't meant to be), but I
would like a couple reviews. Thanks.
~~~Simba and Nala sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage-~~~
Simba hurled a fruit at the nosy bird. Hit it dead on. The two cats got back to what they were doing. What were they doing, you ask? Well, let's just say they put the WILD in WILDCAT. Anyway, later on as they were walking through the jungle, Nala just had to spoil the friggin' beautiful moment with her friggin' big mouth.
"Simba! Why ain't 'chu' getting' yo' punkass back to the Pridelands?"
"Yo' bitch! Why 'on't 'chu get up out my face befo' I put my fist in it?"
"You punkass mo' fo'! Why you be trippin'? All I be TRYin' ta' do is save yo' sorry ass!"
"Well, maybe I would go back if you quit BITCHIN' about it!"
"Oh, yeah? Well, yo' mama ain't gonna like the thought of you abandonin' her like 'dat!"
"Leave her outta it! Makuna Hatata! It means I can be who 'da #$@! I wanna wid'out anyone discrim'natin' agains' me!"
"Geez, Simba. It is ----out of---- not 'outta'. Damn, speak clearly..No wonder your dad committed suicide.."
"What the foshizzle?! My dad didn't commit suicide!"
"Well, if he didn't jump then how did he end up on the bottom of the hooves of a whole herd of wildebeest?"
Simba hesitated, "Uh, how the hell should I know? He was weird like that.."
Simba started walking away, "Simba, we really do need you at home, though. Scar has taken over and the hyenas are eating everything! There is no food, no water, no color, no grass, no living trees, no flamingos, no blue sky, no spirit, no laughter, no hippos, no elephants, no zebra, no giraffe, no leopards, no music, no alligators, no gazelle, no snakes, no crocodile hunter, no beavers, no penguins, no polar bears, no African killer bees, no malaria, no scorpions, no crawling ants to the leaping antelope, no---"
"Damn girl! I get the friggin' picture!" Simba massaged his pounding temples, "So there is jack diddly in the Pride Lands, so what?!"
"Scar is sleeping with my mom!"
"HOLY SHIT! We need to leave right away!" Simba replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
Nala glared at him, "It isn't funny. It's sick! My mom is sleeping with some icky lion guy and she doesn't even LIKE him!"
"Well, there's a big surprise," Simba mumbled.
"What was that?"
"Forget it!"
"Fine!"
And Simba stormed off without another word.
Nala on the other hand could be heard muttering, "Rotten, little shit."
Simba stalked back and forth grumbling about how he hated that bitch, "Acting like she's all that and a blueberry muffin! I oughtta smack her upside the head."
He sat down with a sigh and gazed up at the stars. They swirled around above him for a few moments before he realized they were fire flys.
"So THAT'S what stars are." Simba said to himself, "Geez, Timon was WAY off.."
Simba got up and ambled on over to a log that made a bridge of itself over a calm stream. He stared down at the reflection. Yards away, a low chant could be heard..
"Kahante kunkins, smashing pumpkins, Kahante kunkins, smashing pumpkins.."
Simba got so lulled by it that he fell fast asleep, "hmmm..smashing pumpkins..they had a few songs I liked...is it true they broke up?...ZZZzzzz." He fell into a deep slumber.
Rafiki jumped out of the tree and crept over to where Simba lay snoozing. Stepping up very quietly he gently placed his hands on Simba's side and--- SPLASH---pushed him into the stream.
Simba's mane was in his eyes, so he didn't see the culprit. He shook himself off and went to find a place to dry. Rafiki snuck up a little close and started huckin' rocks at him. Simba whirled around and beat the crap outta him 'cause, hey, he's a lion. Disney or not, you don't chuck rocks at lions. It ain't the brightest thing to do, but then again it is RAFIKI we're talking about here.
Simba stared up into the sky ignoring the furry mass that once was a whole baboon.
He began thinking out loud (as if we CARED what he was thinking. *look at me I'm Simba. I had a rough childhood. Pity me while I do a soliloquy of my feelings!* Two words Pah-leez!)
"(sigh) I wish I were bigger.."
A low rumble could be heard rolling over the hills. .::Simba::.. The clouds began to curl and form into the head of Mufasa. Simba gasped as the head spoke:
"Simba...I am your father...*asthmatic rasp*..You must come to the dark side.."
"Uh, Dad? Wrong movie."
"Huh? Oh! Sorry. You must avenge my death, Simba..OOOoooOOOOOoooo"
Simba raised and eyebrow at the stupidity, "Umm, Dad, I am not going back to the Pride Lands."
"What?!" the cloud rumbled.
"Yeah, I honestly don't care about any kind of shit hole scar turned it to. It ain't my problem now."
"Damn it, you little delinquent! I don't give a rat's ass WHAT you think!"
"Well, who WOULD give a RAT'S ass? Ewww."
"Enough! You will get your fruity ass back there or I'll-"
"Or you'll what? blow me, cloud boy?"
"WHAT?!"
Simba sweated, "Uh, I mean, blow ON me. Heh heh. Yeah, blow ON me cloud boy."
Mufasa growled, "Look, I didn't raise you to be a pansy, so get outta this paradise and go back the the hell hole that will now be your new home! Oh, I see your point.."
"Yes, exactly. So, I am gonna stay here and you can stay there and everyone is happy."
"Yes. NO! No not everyone is happy. The girls need you Simba! Remember that day I told you we would stick together? Remember the PMS? Remember the menopaws, Son?! Remember the menopaws!?!"
Simba DID remember. He hadn't thought about it in so long. Thirty or more women.Those poor hyenas..
"I remember, Father!"
"Simba! You must go back! For them! For the hyenas! You must save the hyenas! (Scar I don't care about) but the hyenas! Go now son! Save them from the horrible torture of estrogen!"
Simba stood tall and proud. He took a deep breath and raced over the grasslands.
"Simba! The Pridelands are THAT way!" Mufasa's head was gone, but his paw was pointing in the other direction.
Simba stopped and turned around and raced off again. Yes, raced. No more scampering for this cat. He is no longer a cub, he passed puberty. And post-pubescent heroes do NOT scamper, they race! And the heroic music trumpets..Dah dah DAH dah dah dah dah dah!
The clouds rolled and disappeared, Simba was out of sight. Rafiki was a few feet away and as the camera panned over to him, he stood with his finger up his butt chanting lowly: Kahante kunkins, smashing pumpkins..
~~~BACK TO THE FUTURE~~~III sucks...
A.N: I am a bit distracted right now so I didn't want to write too much. There should be a warning sign: CAUTION DO NOT ATTEMPT TO WRITE WHILE PREOCCUPIED. I don't want the chapter to suck..Okay so I lied. I'm not distracted. I am just running out of lion king movie and I want this to last as long as possible..Sniffles..my fifteen minutes of fame are almost up..maybe I should make a new category of all Disney movie spoofs..holy crap, that is a lot..never mind. Let's take it one step at a time. :P
~~~Simba and Nala sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage-~~~
Simba hurled a fruit at the nosy bird. Hit it dead on. The two cats got back to what they were doing. What were they doing, you ask? Well, let's just say they put the WILD in WILDCAT. Anyway, later on as they were walking through the jungle, Nala just had to spoil the friggin' beautiful moment with her friggin' big mouth.
"Simba! Why ain't 'chu' getting' yo' punkass back to the Pridelands?"
"Yo' bitch! Why 'on't 'chu get up out my face befo' I put my fist in it?"
"You punkass mo' fo'! Why you be trippin'? All I be TRYin' ta' do is save yo' sorry ass!"
"Well, maybe I would go back if you quit BITCHIN' about it!"
"Oh, yeah? Well, yo' mama ain't gonna like the thought of you abandonin' her like 'dat!"
"Leave her outta it! Makuna Hatata! It means I can be who 'da #$@! I wanna wid'out anyone discrim'natin' agains' me!"
"Geez, Simba. It is ----out of---- not 'outta'. Damn, speak clearly..No wonder your dad committed suicide.."
"What the foshizzle?! My dad didn't commit suicide!"
"Well, if he didn't jump then how did he end up on the bottom of the hooves of a whole herd of wildebeest?"
Simba hesitated, "Uh, how the hell should I know? He was weird like that.."
Simba started walking away, "Simba, we really do need you at home, though. Scar has taken over and the hyenas are eating everything! There is no food, no water, no color, no grass, no living trees, no flamingos, no blue sky, no spirit, no laughter, no hippos, no elephants, no zebra, no giraffe, no leopards, no music, no alligators, no gazelle, no snakes, no crocodile hunter, no beavers, no penguins, no polar bears, no African killer bees, no malaria, no scorpions, no crawling ants to the leaping antelope, no---"
"Damn girl! I get the friggin' picture!" Simba massaged his pounding temples, "So there is jack diddly in the Pride Lands, so what?!"
"Scar is sleeping with my mom!"
"HOLY SHIT! We need to leave right away!" Simba replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
Nala glared at him, "It isn't funny. It's sick! My mom is sleeping with some icky lion guy and she doesn't even LIKE him!"
"Well, there's a big surprise," Simba mumbled.
"What was that?"
"Forget it!"
"Fine!"
And Simba stormed off without another word.
Nala on the other hand could be heard muttering, "Rotten, little shit."
Simba stalked back and forth grumbling about how he hated that bitch, "Acting like she's all that and a blueberry muffin! I oughtta smack her upside the head."
He sat down with a sigh and gazed up at the stars. They swirled around above him for a few moments before he realized they were fire flys.
"So THAT'S what stars are." Simba said to himself, "Geez, Timon was WAY off.."
Simba got up and ambled on over to a log that made a bridge of itself over a calm stream. He stared down at the reflection. Yards away, a low chant could be heard..
"Kahante kunkins, smashing pumpkins, Kahante kunkins, smashing pumpkins.."
Simba got so lulled by it that he fell fast asleep, "hmmm..smashing pumpkins..they had a few songs I liked...is it true they broke up?...ZZZzzzz." He fell into a deep slumber.
Rafiki jumped out of the tree and crept over to where Simba lay snoozing. Stepping up very quietly he gently placed his hands on Simba's side and--- SPLASH---pushed him into the stream.
Simba's mane was in his eyes, so he didn't see the culprit. He shook himself off and went to find a place to dry. Rafiki snuck up a little close and started huckin' rocks at him. Simba whirled around and beat the crap outta him 'cause, hey, he's a lion. Disney or not, you don't chuck rocks at lions. It ain't the brightest thing to do, but then again it is RAFIKI we're talking about here.
Simba stared up into the sky ignoring the furry mass that once was a whole baboon.
He began thinking out loud (as if we CARED what he was thinking. *look at me I'm Simba. I had a rough childhood. Pity me while I do a soliloquy of my feelings!* Two words Pah-leez!)
"(sigh) I wish I were bigger.."
A low rumble could be heard rolling over the hills. .::Simba::.. The clouds began to curl and form into the head of Mufasa. Simba gasped as the head spoke:
"Simba...I am your father...*asthmatic rasp*..You must come to the dark side.."
"Uh, Dad? Wrong movie."
"Huh? Oh! Sorry. You must avenge my death, Simba..OOOoooOOOOOoooo"
Simba raised and eyebrow at the stupidity, "Umm, Dad, I am not going back to the Pride Lands."
"What?!" the cloud rumbled.
"Yeah, I honestly don't care about any kind of shit hole scar turned it to. It ain't my problem now."
"Damn it, you little delinquent! I don't give a rat's ass WHAT you think!"
"Well, who WOULD give a RAT'S ass? Ewww."
"Enough! You will get your fruity ass back there or I'll-"
"Or you'll what? blow me, cloud boy?"
"WHAT?!"
Simba sweated, "Uh, I mean, blow ON me. Heh heh. Yeah, blow ON me cloud boy."
Mufasa growled, "Look, I didn't raise you to be a pansy, so get outta this paradise and go back the the hell hole that will now be your new home! Oh, I see your point.."
"Yes, exactly. So, I am gonna stay here and you can stay there and everyone is happy."
"Yes. NO! No not everyone is happy. The girls need you Simba! Remember that day I told you we would stick together? Remember the PMS? Remember the menopaws, Son?! Remember the menopaws!?!"
Simba DID remember. He hadn't thought about it in so long. Thirty or more women.Those poor hyenas..
"I remember, Father!"
"Simba! You must go back! For them! For the hyenas! You must save the hyenas! (Scar I don't care about) but the hyenas! Go now son! Save them from the horrible torture of estrogen!"
Simba stood tall and proud. He took a deep breath and raced over the grasslands.
"Simba! The Pridelands are THAT way!" Mufasa's head was gone, but his paw was pointing in the other direction.
Simba stopped and turned around and raced off again. Yes, raced. No more scampering for this cat. He is no longer a cub, he passed puberty. And post-pubescent heroes do NOT scamper, they race! And the heroic music trumpets..Dah dah DAH dah dah dah dah dah!
The clouds rolled and disappeared, Simba was out of sight. Rafiki was a few feet away and as the camera panned over to him, he stood with his finger up his butt chanting lowly: Kahante kunkins, smashing pumpkins..
~~~BACK TO THE FUTURE~~~III sucks...
A.N: I am a bit distracted right now so I didn't want to write too much. There should be a warning sign: CAUTION DO NOT ATTEMPT TO WRITE WHILE PREOCCUPIED. I don't want the chapter to suck..Okay so I lied. I'm not distracted. I am just running out of lion king movie and I want this to last as long as possible..Sniffles..my fifteen minutes of fame are almost up..maybe I should make a new category of all Disney movie spoofs..holy crap, that is a lot..never mind. Let's take it one step at a time. :P