A.N.: I've been having a bit of a tiff with my father about internet
access. Please be patient if things don't work themselves out right away.
Of course, I am surprising myself with this story. I am sure you other
author's make it up as you go along, right? I didn't know it was so easy.
Ha. I am such a newbie..
~~~Timon and Pumbaa to the rescue!~~~no not really
The duo-couple- was snoozing on top of one another dreaming---Shudder--- who knows what kinda dreams. Personally, I don't care to know. Nala slithered on up to them all sneaky like, and nudged Timon who lay on Pumbaa. *eyes roll*
His first sight was the hairs up Nala's big-ass shnoz.
"AAHHHHHHHH!!!!! AAAHHHHHH!!!! She doesn't use OxyClean! Your pores are atrocious, girl! Just look at those terrible blackheads. No, no, no. this just won't do!"
Timon kept obsessing until the lioness bared her fangs and knocked him off Pumbaa and began chomping on the warthog's leg. After all, with Simba gone, it was open season.
"Hey, little buddy! Help me! I have a hungry lioness gnawing on my ass!"
Timon being no bigger than a carrot could basically do jack shit to help the pig. So he sighed and began searching the classified ads for a new partner. Hmm, single white female...Nope. Single gay warthog, Yes!
After getting a good chunk off of Pumbaa, the lioness lay back and licked her chops, then eyed Timon hungrily. *writer blinks at screen. Damn, I can't do that to the poor warthog..It doesn't make any sense. You can't kill off an important character!*
A paintbrush appears outta nowhere and paints Pumbaa back to life. Nala stares in shock. Timon doesn't notice. He's too busy trying on his hot pink stilettos and fishnet stalkings because, hey, they just make a person feel pretty.
A hunter pops up from the brush and shoots Nala dead and proceeds in skinning her and heading away with the rotting carcass left to waste. Hey, I said you couldn't kill IMPORTANT characters. Simba is mostly GAY remember? He'll get over it.
And if not, there are the thirty other bitches and ho's waiting for him back home. That is if Scar hasn't made them all turn lesbian by now..
Timon turns around and sees Pumbaa sitting there looking a bit if not a lot bewildered at the sudden "resurrection".
"Hey, baby, what's say you an' me go to Simba's home and see how things are?" The meerkat offered feeling pretty in his "evening attire".
"How did you know he was there?" Pumbaa gurgled.
"Why should things make sense, huh? You were dead a minute ago."
"Yeah, okay."
And the two march off with a mission into the sunset.
With the duo just out of sight, Rafiki jumps up onto a branch above where the two were napping, "Ha, ha! You won't find him here! The king has returned."
Of, course no one heard this rare moment when Rafiki actually spoke sensible words, and the moment ended quickly when he saw the skinless carcass of Nala and promptly began flinging poo at it screeching.
~~~Desert~~~
..::Run Simba::.. .::Move your ass you dumb feline::. .:: ouch, this sand is hot::.
--Crunch-"Ow! That is the third damn bramble I've stepped on in the past five minutes!" Simba whined like a sissy and lick his smarting paw. While I'm sure if any of you were there you'd smack him upside the head and yell, "Get over it you pussy! (cat, that is)"
He gazed out over his once prosperous home, "Damn, I'm gonna fight my uncle for this?"
"Yes, Simba," Timon replied approaching him from behind (a sight he missed oh so much), "This is your home. And if you don't fight for it, who will? I sure as hell ain't by myself."
"I'll fight." Pumbaa spoke proudly, joining Simba's side.
Simba sighed .::great::. he thought to himself ..::I have the pig's support. Nothing can stop me now::. Simba rolled his eyes and began heading towards to once mighty rock of pride that now loomed rather sissily in the distance.
~~~Tune in next week when you'll hear Simba say, "Ow! That hurt! You are so bad!"
A.N. I know I know. Short. I myself hate short chapters. You feel cheated don't you? Like I don't care. But, I am trying. Besides I have to pass out candy to the little trick-or-treaters. (there was a little girl dressed as a fairy. Must have been three years old. She was so cute! Even after I gave her her candy she just stood there gawking. And, no, I wasn't wearing a scary costume. --Insert insult here---.) Anyways, happy holidays (though Halloween isn't a holiday) and I hope to update again soon. :P
~~~Timon and Pumbaa to the rescue!~~~no not really
The duo-couple- was snoozing on top of one another dreaming---Shudder--- who knows what kinda dreams. Personally, I don't care to know. Nala slithered on up to them all sneaky like, and nudged Timon who lay on Pumbaa. *eyes roll*
His first sight was the hairs up Nala's big-ass shnoz.
"AAHHHHHHHH!!!!! AAAHHHHHH!!!! She doesn't use OxyClean! Your pores are atrocious, girl! Just look at those terrible blackheads. No, no, no. this just won't do!"
Timon kept obsessing until the lioness bared her fangs and knocked him off Pumbaa and began chomping on the warthog's leg. After all, with Simba gone, it was open season.
"Hey, little buddy! Help me! I have a hungry lioness gnawing on my ass!"
Timon being no bigger than a carrot could basically do jack shit to help the pig. So he sighed and began searching the classified ads for a new partner. Hmm, single white female...Nope. Single gay warthog, Yes!
After getting a good chunk off of Pumbaa, the lioness lay back and licked her chops, then eyed Timon hungrily. *writer blinks at screen. Damn, I can't do that to the poor warthog..It doesn't make any sense. You can't kill off an important character!*
A paintbrush appears outta nowhere and paints Pumbaa back to life. Nala stares in shock. Timon doesn't notice. He's too busy trying on his hot pink stilettos and fishnet stalkings because, hey, they just make a person feel pretty.
A hunter pops up from the brush and shoots Nala dead and proceeds in skinning her and heading away with the rotting carcass left to waste. Hey, I said you couldn't kill IMPORTANT characters. Simba is mostly GAY remember? He'll get over it.
And if not, there are the thirty other bitches and ho's waiting for him back home. That is if Scar hasn't made them all turn lesbian by now..
Timon turns around and sees Pumbaa sitting there looking a bit if not a lot bewildered at the sudden "resurrection".
"Hey, baby, what's say you an' me go to Simba's home and see how things are?" The meerkat offered feeling pretty in his "evening attire".
"How did you know he was there?" Pumbaa gurgled.
"Why should things make sense, huh? You were dead a minute ago."
"Yeah, okay."
And the two march off with a mission into the sunset.
With the duo just out of sight, Rafiki jumps up onto a branch above where the two were napping, "Ha, ha! You won't find him here! The king has returned."
Of, course no one heard this rare moment when Rafiki actually spoke sensible words, and the moment ended quickly when he saw the skinless carcass of Nala and promptly began flinging poo at it screeching.
~~~Desert~~~
..::Run Simba::.. .::Move your ass you dumb feline::. .:: ouch, this sand is hot::.
--Crunch-"Ow! That is the third damn bramble I've stepped on in the past five minutes!" Simba whined like a sissy and lick his smarting paw. While I'm sure if any of you were there you'd smack him upside the head and yell, "Get over it you pussy! (cat, that is)"
He gazed out over his once prosperous home, "Damn, I'm gonna fight my uncle for this?"
"Yes, Simba," Timon replied approaching him from behind (a sight he missed oh so much), "This is your home. And if you don't fight for it, who will? I sure as hell ain't by myself."
"I'll fight." Pumbaa spoke proudly, joining Simba's side.
Simba sighed .::great::. he thought to himself ..::I have the pig's support. Nothing can stop me now::. Simba rolled his eyes and began heading towards to once mighty rock of pride that now loomed rather sissily in the distance.
~~~Tune in next week when you'll hear Simba say, "Ow! That hurt! You are so bad!"
A.N. I know I know. Short. I myself hate short chapters. You feel cheated don't you? Like I don't care. But, I am trying. Besides I have to pass out candy to the little trick-or-treaters. (there was a little girl dressed as a fairy. Must have been three years old. She was so cute! Even after I gave her her candy she just stood there gawking. And, no, I wasn't wearing a scary costume. --Insert insult here---.) Anyways, happy holidays (though Halloween isn't a holiday) and I hope to update again soon. :P