Scene: Hannibal Lecter's Prison
[Enter Dr. Chilton]
Chilton: Good evening, Dr. Lecter. There is someone here to see you from the FBI. May I send him over?
Lecter: Yes, in just a moment. I have to put away my NASCAR pictures and up my pictures of Florence so I look sufficiently sophisticated yet at the same time.. Evvvillllll. Mwah wah wah.
Chilton: Whatever.
Lecter: What is his name?
Chilton: Special Agent Fred Rogers
Lecter: Send him over.
[Exit Chilton. Enter Rogers]
Rogers: Hello, Mr. Lecter. How are you today? Do you feel happy?
Hannibal: Yessss. I feel even better now that you're here because I plan to eat your spleen, because I'm so eeevil! Ha ha ha ha!
Rogers: That's wonderful, friend. Eating is good. Would you like to see pictures of the food factory I visited with our friend Mr. McFeely last week? It is fun. Let's look in picture picture. I like being your friend.
Hannibal: Tit for tat, Mr. Rogers! I will tell you the location of the killer, if you give me something, Mwa wa wa wa!
Rogers: So here we are inside the factory. Can you say factory?
Hannibal: The answer to your murder is right in front of you, but it's really behind a veil, No, here it is. The murder is right on the cover of the book you are reading, but you've turned past the page. Wait, I know. To see the murder, you have to. Oh I'm not as good at this any more. You're distracting me with your crazy talk.
Rogers: You are special, Hannibal. I like being your friend. I like you just the way you are.
Hannibal: Like me the way I am? I like to eat people's organs while they are still alive, remember? I'm a violent, murderous sociopath!
Rogers: You know, when I feel down, like that I like to sing a song. Would you like to hear it?
Hannibal: I'm a killer, don't you get it? Don't you get my persona? I'm down here in this dungeon prison thing because I'm supposed to be a dangerous man!
Rogers: It's such a good, feeling, a feeling inside.
Hannibal: I like the feeling inside the human body when I'm eating a liver! Ha! Hey, that's kind of gross.
Rogers: It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor.
Hannibal: I ate my neighbor with a nice Chianti and a fava, wait, I did that one already. I ate my neighbor and used him with a sno-cone and a caviar. No, you're throwing me off.
Rogers: It's a neighborly day in this beautiwood a neighborly day for a beauty.
Hannibal: Ok, how about this for a deal. I'll give you 50 bucks to stop singing. Deal?
Rogers: I like you just the way you are, neighbor.
Hannibal: Ahh! I can't stand it!
Rogers: Won't you be, won't you be..
Hannibal: Tit for tat, err, I love the suit, Senator. I can't think straight any more! How am I supposed to be menacing, when faced with this?
Rogers: Please won't you be, my neighbor.
Hannibal: Before we go any further, I'd like to point out that this little parody was written by someone with the email funnyhatus@yahoo.com, and the website www.geocities.com/funnyhatus. He would encourage you to write to him.
Rogers: So long, neighbor, see you tomorrow.
[Exit Rogers]
Hannibal: Chilton!
[Enter Doctor Chilton]
Chilton: What/
Hannibal: He's left !
Chilton: Oh no. I've got to call security. Security! Security! Rogers is on the loose! Emergency! We need a lockdown! Right away!
Hannibal: I'll never feel safe again.
[end]
[Enter Dr. Chilton]
Chilton: Good evening, Dr. Lecter. There is someone here to see you from the FBI. May I send him over?
Lecter: Yes, in just a moment. I have to put away my NASCAR pictures and up my pictures of Florence so I look sufficiently sophisticated yet at the same time.. Evvvillllll. Mwah wah wah.
Chilton: Whatever.
Lecter: What is his name?
Chilton: Special Agent Fred Rogers
Lecter: Send him over.
[Exit Chilton. Enter Rogers]
Rogers: Hello, Mr. Lecter. How are you today? Do you feel happy?
Hannibal: Yessss. I feel even better now that you're here because I plan to eat your spleen, because I'm so eeevil! Ha ha ha ha!
Rogers: That's wonderful, friend. Eating is good. Would you like to see pictures of the food factory I visited with our friend Mr. McFeely last week? It is fun. Let's look in picture picture. I like being your friend.
Hannibal: Tit for tat, Mr. Rogers! I will tell you the location of the killer, if you give me something, Mwa wa wa wa!
Rogers: So here we are inside the factory. Can you say factory?
Hannibal: The answer to your murder is right in front of you, but it's really behind a veil, No, here it is. The murder is right on the cover of the book you are reading, but you've turned past the page. Wait, I know. To see the murder, you have to. Oh I'm not as good at this any more. You're distracting me with your crazy talk.
Rogers: You are special, Hannibal. I like being your friend. I like you just the way you are.
Hannibal: Like me the way I am? I like to eat people's organs while they are still alive, remember? I'm a violent, murderous sociopath!
Rogers: You know, when I feel down, like that I like to sing a song. Would you like to hear it?
Hannibal: I'm a killer, don't you get it? Don't you get my persona? I'm down here in this dungeon prison thing because I'm supposed to be a dangerous man!
Rogers: It's such a good, feeling, a feeling inside.
Hannibal: I like the feeling inside the human body when I'm eating a liver! Ha! Hey, that's kind of gross.
Rogers: It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor.
Hannibal: I ate my neighbor with a nice Chianti and a fava, wait, I did that one already. I ate my neighbor and used him with a sno-cone and a caviar. No, you're throwing me off.
Rogers: It's a neighborly day in this beautiwood a neighborly day for a beauty.
Hannibal: Ok, how about this for a deal. I'll give you 50 bucks to stop singing. Deal?
Rogers: I like you just the way you are, neighbor.
Hannibal: Ahh! I can't stand it!
Rogers: Won't you be, won't you be..
Hannibal: Tit for tat, err, I love the suit, Senator. I can't think straight any more! How am I supposed to be menacing, when faced with this?
Rogers: Please won't you be, my neighbor.
Hannibal: Before we go any further, I'd like to point out that this little parody was written by someone with the email funnyhatus@yahoo.com, and the website www.geocities.com/funnyhatus. He would encourage you to write to him.
Rogers: So long, neighbor, see you tomorrow.
[Exit Rogers]
Hannibal: Chilton!
[Enter Doctor Chilton]
Chilton: What/
Hannibal: He's left !
Chilton: Oh no. I've got to call security. Security! Security! Rogers is on the loose! Emergency! We need a lockdown! Right away!
Hannibal: I'll never feel safe again.
[end]