Somewhere
A Songfic
By: C-Chan
Somewhere in the dark
I can hear the voice that calls my name
All he could see were the bodies...surrounding him, their blood puddling at his feet. He tried to run, but no matter where he turned he saw them, eyes long since dead but still filled with the same hatred he saw when he slaughtered them.
Looking down at his attire, he noticed he wasn't wearing the normal magenta gi or white hakama he adorned daily, but instead the deep navy gi and gray hakama he wore when he was him...Hitokiri Battousai. He ran faster, praying to whatever kami was torturing to let him rest, just this once. Not that they ever listened, anyway.
Something suddenly wrapped around his ankle, sending him hard into the cold earth. Looking down, he saw that one of the corpses had a death-grip on his leg, dragging him back towards the field where the bodies seemed to be calling him, beckoning him to join them. You don't disturb happiness...The wind seemed to whisper to him, blowing his firey ponytail about him. You should suffer like we did...
Dragging his foot away from the carcase, Kenshin stumbled to his feet and began running again. He'd do anything to get away, anything to be free of this nightmare. He could feel and hear the clink clink! of his daisho at his side, the katana and wakizashii that he used to slaughter hundreds.
With an angry growl he tore the weapons from his belt, tossing them to the ground as he continued to run. Didn't they understand? He wasn't Battousai anymore! He didn't want to suffer anymore? Wasn't 11 years of atonement enough for the sins he committed?
Stumbling over his own feet, Kenshin fell to his knees. His breath was heavy and ragid, and his body didn't want to respond to him anymore. He tried to find his way to his feet, but he simply slumped back down, held to the ground by an unknown force bent on making him suffer even more.
He looked down at his hands and was only half-surprised to see them covered in blood...their blood. It permanently stained his hands, and no matter how many times he scrubbed his hands until they bled of his own blood, the stains wouldn't fade. Just like the scar that stood out painfully on his left cheek.
"Please...leave me alone!" He begged when the wind began to whisper to him again, promising him torture beyond his imagination. But this was his fault. All his self-loathing and unworthiness was why he was here now, mulling over the past in the most harshest way possible.
When the corpses found their ways to him, he didn't resist. He allowed them to drag him down to the hell he sent them to himself. As the darkness reached to claim his senses, he heard a voice...a familiar voice pleading with him. "Kenshin!"
Kenshin could have sworn he knew who the voice belonged to, but two pictures appeared in his mind; one of a frail, young woman with pale features and dark eyes that barely every showed happiness, and one of a young shihondai whose eyes were bluer than the ocean, and that shined with love and caring.
The voice called to him again, pleading with him with the shout of his name, begging to be rescued. Finally finding the strength to move his body once again, he pushed through the endless pile of dead bodies to the field he was just standing in, following the one voice that he couldn't quite figure out who it belonged to, but hoping that her voice was save him from the hell he'd fallen into.
Might be my future
Might be a love waiting for me
As he finally found his feet planted on the field again, he began running in the opposite direction he was before, following the voice as it continued to plead with him.
Memories assaulted his mind, of the same dark-eyed woman standing in the rain, covered in the blood of the hitokiri he'd just slaughtered. He could remember her words as clear as day; "You made it rain blood." Memories of a shack, a safehouse where this woman pretended to live as man and wife, but eventually began to follow the roll, since they'd fallen in love with each other. Memories of a winter day, the white-velvet ground covered in crimson, puddling at his feet as he cradled the first woman he ever loved to his body, the feeling of his own blood flowing from the scar on his cheek, mingling with his beloved. He'd failed her that day. Kenshin promised to protect her, but instead he'd broken that vow and slayed her himself. That was something he would atone for the rest of his life, all the while keeping a promise he made to her that he'd never kill another human being as long as he lived.
Stumbling to a stop, he wiped a few of the stray tears that escaped his eyes. He never wanted to go through that again, not ever. He'd lost his first love, Tomoe, because he'd failed to protect her happiness. Sighing, he looked towards the endless black in hopes of hearing the voice again. It rang loud and clear, begging him back to consciousness again. He began running again, another assault of memories flowing through his brain.
Memories of a young raven-haired goddess who was willing to allow him to live with her despite all the wrong doings in his past. I don't want Battousai to say, I want to rurouni to stay! Her words rang clear through his mind. A goddess who befriended a fighter-for-hire, a orphaned pick-pocket, and a woman doctor running from the opium business she was forced to work for. He remembered two simple promises that he'd managed to keep; to return a simple indigo ribbon to her, and to return back home to Tokyo together. He remembered feeling himself die when he found her dead in the dojo pinned to the wall with a cross-shaped scar cut into her cheek, and the joy of seeing her alive and well after three weeks away from her.
His goddess...Kaoru-dono. How could he forget such a beauty as her? Her heart was nothing but gold, looking past people's wrongs and seeing them for what they truly were. How many times had he witnessed her in the act? So innocent, so pure...he didn't deserve that happiness she gave him. But he wasn't about to push it away either. Suddenly, a figure appeared before him, covered from head to toe in crimson. He skidded to a stop at the sight, fresh tears welling in his eyes.
His Kaoru-dono, the person he swore to protect with his sakabatou and his life, stood before him, dead. Flashbacks to the Jinchuu incident invaded his mind again, and he stumbled forward. "Kaoru-dono?" He squeaked as the tears slid past his eyes.
"Kenshin." She said softly, extending her arm out to him.
He stumbled forward, stretching own hand out to meet hers. But as they were about to touch, Kaoru disappeared, causing Kenshin to fall down. He grasped the dirt before him, cursing himself for not keeping his promise again. He heard another voice this time, the same person but in a different tone. Not pleading for him to rescue her, but pleading for him to wake up. Closing his eyes, a bright light filled his head. Then, everything went blank.
Hug me tenderly
'Til the morning breaks, night fades away
"Kenshin?"
Kenshin started, then turned to look to his left, where his goddess was knelt down, looking at him with worry-filled sapphire orbs. He managed a weak smile, his rurouni facade, and nodded. "Y-Yes, I'm fine, Kaoru-dono." He stiffened slightly when he felt her hand on his shoulder, and looked up into those blue eyes again. "You were screaming in your sleep, Kenshin. Are you sure?"
He briefly remembered the nightmare, the smell of blood assaulting his senses and the hundreds of corpses that laid before him. The vision of his goddess standing before him as dead as the others, stretching out her hand towards him in one last pleading jesture. Shuddering at the memory, he looked down at the hands resting in his lap. There was no blood staining them now, just small and calloused-covered hands clamy from sweat. Letting a shaky sigh escape his lips, he turned to reassure Kaoru that he was fine, but was stopped when her arms wrapped around him and pulled him close. Stiffening again, he looked up at Kaoru's face, surprised at his goddess' actions. "Kaoru-dono?" "It's alright, Kenshin. I'm right here. I'll always be right here for you..." She whispered, stroking his back and shoulders. And suddenly, the dam broke. Years of pent-up anger and saddness that had welled into his heart to the point of exploding overflowed and poured out. Kenshin sat there and wept into Kaoru's shoulder, allowing the raven-haired shihondai to do comfort him. Kaoru slowly rocked him back and forth, whispering reassuring words to him as he continued to sob. She had never seen Kenshin like this before, but was a bit relieved to see that he allowed her to see him like this. Was he dreaming about the past again? Is this why he's cry? She asked herself, chancing a look at the red-head in her lap. Sighing, she rested her cheek against the top of his head.
Trapped inside pain
Don't let me down
Help me see the light
They sat there for a while, until Kenshin sobbed one last time and pulled away, bringing his yukata sleeve up to wipe away his tears. He looked up at Kaoru, trying to find a smile but failing miserably.
"Kenshin...what were you dreaming about?" Kaoru asked, breaking the silence.
He sighed heavily, then turned towards her, once again resting his hands in his lap. He looked up at her, and for a moment amethyst held sapphire until he dropped his gaze to the ground in front of him. "The past...all the men this unworthy one killed..." He whispered, his throat constricting slightly.
I thought so. Kaoru thought, waiting patiently for the rurouni to continue. He swallowed hard, then allowed himself to slump over as an old pain made itself present. "I could see everyone of their faces...and they wanted to me to suffer, to see the hell I sent them to..." He continued in a whisper tone, refusing to meet Kaoru's gaze. "And...I saw you, dead. I had broken my promise to protect you again, and--"
"But you didn't, Kenshin. See? I'm right here." Kaoru interrupted, placing her hand over the his to give him some sort of reasurrance.
"You shouldn't have to suffer anymore. You're no longer a hitokiri, not even a rurouni. You're Himura Kenshin, the man who protects people with his sword. Doesn't that mean anything?"
"A Hitokiri is a hitokiri until the day he dies." Kenshin whispered, remembering when those words were spoken to him by the crazed Udo Jin'e. Risking a glance, Kenshin raised his eyes to Kaoru and was surprised to see her crying.
"But...b-but you don't kill anymore, Kenshin! You haven't taken a life in ten years!" She said, allowing the tears to fall.
Kenshin reached up to wipe them away, and finally managed a smile, trying to ease her sadness. "I wish I could see it the way you do, Kaoru-dono. I truly do." He said, gazing into her eyes. Kaoru placed her hand over his to keep it there, tilting her head slightly. "I don't care what anyone thinks. You're just Kenshin. Not Battousai, not the rurouni. Even if you don't believe, I always will. I'll always believe in you, Kenshin." She whispered, closing her eyes.
Wading through an empty life too long
I close my eyes
Listen to the wind
Longing to belong to a higher place
You've been surrounded in self-guilt for far too long. Another said, in complete agreement with the first. Twisted...angry...unworthy...you shouldn't be feeling like this anymore! You've found a home, a place with a family, and a woman to love with all your heart. Why do you continue to kill yourself like this!
She's too pure, too innocent for me to even think of staining her with my tainted soul. She deserves better, someone who doesn't have a past shrouded in blood. He argued back. He could sense the other voices scowling at him, and the angrier of the two spoke first. Kenshin no baka! How many times does she have to say it before you open your eyes?! She could care less if you were hitokiri or not! She loves you for you, not for your sins. Open your eyes, fool!
Kenshin did, and found his hand still cradling her face. Her tears had stopped falling and she was simply enjoying the touch, a small smile gracing her lips.
Let me be with you
When the shadow falls down upon me
Like a bird singing
Like a breeze blowing
It's calling me
Somewhere in the world
"Kaoru-dono?" Kenshin whispered, not wanting to disturb the tender moment they were sharing. Recluctantly, she opened her eyes to gaze at the ex-hitokiri, her smile widening ever so slightly. He returned it with one of his own; not his usual rurouni grin, but a geniune smile he hadn't used in years.
He brushed his thumb across her cheek lightly, then cradled the back of her neck, tangling his fingers in the silk of her hair. He suddenly leaned closer to her, causing Kaoru to sit completely still. What is he doing? Is he going to kiss me? The thought ran over and over through her mind, while her body screamed for her to react before he pulled away.
It was soft, tender, and just testing the waters, but Kaoru would remember at as the most wonderful thing she'd ever experienced. She allowed herself to lean into him, and he immediately wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his lap. They seperated after what seemed like an eternity and stared up into each other eyes, seeing on the love they shared. "Aishiteru, Kenshin." Kaoru whispered, reaching up to cup his scarred cheek.
He brought his hand up to cover her own, smiling softly. "I love you too, Kaoru." He replied.
Kenshin realized Kaoru must be had been tired, and leaned over to look into her eyes, smiling with rurouni innocence. "Kaoru, perhaps you should go back to bed. It's still late, and I'm sure you're tired."
Kaoru shook her head in response, then twisted so that she was facing him. Gently, she pushed him down so he was laying on the futon, then snuggled against him, sighing contently.
"K-Kaoru?" Kenshin whispered, a blush coming to his cheeks.
"I'm staying here...so I can chase your nightmares away." Was her reasons, she snuggled even closer, resting her head on his shoulder.
A goddess...Oh, Kaoru...I don't deserve you. He thought, turning on his side to wrap his arm around her. Placing a soft kiss on her cheek, he settled down and watched her fall asleep, a small smile still on his lips.
Watching the steady rise and fall of her chest, Kenshin finally allowed his own tired eyes to close, hugging his beloved closer to him. Perhaps I can let go of my past for you, goddess. I think I've found my someplace in the world, and it's here with you.
And for the first night in almost ten years, Kenshin slept peacefully, not a single nightmare entering his dreams.
A/N: *Blink* I have NO idea where this came from, but I felt like writing it. I don't know if the song fits in at all, but I tried my hardest to write to it....did I fail? *Shrug* Anyway, this is the final song in Slayers Try, played during at the end of the last episode. I was searching for a song to write a fic to, and this one just stuck out for some reason. I dunno...was it any good? Please, let me know! Arrigatou, Ja ne, and Review, onegai!