Disclaimer: all characters belong to J K Rowling and Warner brothers.
a/n story dedicated to Rainbow and Ari for inspiring me with this idea!
Please read Of Western Stars before you read this fic, otherwise, things will get very confusing!
Warning, some language.
Good Intentions
By neutral
Chapter two - little clueless godsons, big scheming godfathers
//
"Where…? I don't see… Oooo…"
Even in the dark, the deepening blush on the speaker's face was visible.
"Hush! We're going to be caught!"
A muffled giggle. "He's so cute!"
"Oh god, I can't believe I'm doing this. This is so stupid!"
"Oh, admit it, you're enjoying the view."
Another blush. "Shut up!"
"Shh! He's taking off his shirt!"
"He's not taking off his pants though…"
"Eww, you're sick!"
Another giggle. "Of course I am. Harry thinks so. He's so considerate."
"Harry…?!"
"Oh, come on. I can call him Harry if I want!"
"You barely even know him!"
"Yes I do. He helped me pick up my books in the corridor this morning."
"That's because you dropped them on purpose!"
"So what?"
"You're shameless!"
"You're just jealous."
"Bitch!"
"What?! After I told you about this hiding place too, you… whore!"
\\
Harry slowly lifted his head, hand frozen over a buckle of his quidditch shirt as he scanned the room suspiciously. There was a mild stirring of unease in his stomach that came whenever he felt that he was watched. Holding his breath, he slowly eased a hand towards the thin slab of wood lying on the bench inches away.
"Harry?"
Harry startled in surprise and nearly tripped over his feet. "What?" he said in a rush.
Ron lifted an inquisitive eyebrow, letting his gaze purposefully linger on the wand clutched in Harry's hand. "Harry, the game's going to start in a few minutes."
"Oh, right," Harry muttered distractedly.
Ron stared extra long at his friend. "Is there something wrong?" he cautiously asked.
"No, everything's fine," Harry managed to choke out without stuttering, glancing nervously over his shoulder. "I just thought I heard something."
"Well, there's the crowd," Ron offered carefully. "Then there were a couple of Hufflepuff girls coming out around the corner, and…"
"No, I thought someone said…" Harry suddenly blushed an alarming shade of red. "Never mind."
Remus inwardly sighed as Sirius neatly arranged the names of the Slytherin quidditch team over his parchment. Sirius already had them neatly lined in alphabetical order, before he changed his mind and reordered them again. Remus silently wished his thick minded friend would have that sort of diligence while teaching, but alas, it could not be.
This was a ritual Remus had seen since third year, when a particularly nasty game left Harry in the infirmary for over two days. Although it wasn't exactly the opposing team's fault -- the weather had been terrible, and the Ravenclaw chaser had crashed into Harry accidentally -- Sirius was bitterly vengeful. Since then, he kept careful tabs of ever player's wrongdoings against his godson.
Everyone now was forced to weigh the pros and cons of every action before targeting the Gryffindor seeker. Cripple the opposing team or suffer the consequences of being 'Blacklisted' (in other words, having their name placed in Professor Black's infamous book to be stored away for prankishment)? That question was on the surface of every quidditch player's mind.
Remus repressed a sigh. He was beginning to feel seriously sorry for the Slytherin team. Watching Sirius rearrange the names for the third time, Remus felt his self control finally wear away.
"Sirius, stop!" Remus carefully plucked the quill out of Sirius' hand.
"Hey!" Sirius snapped into attention with a jerk, and instantly pinned Remus with a dark glower. "Hand that over."
Remus held out an empty palm. "Give me that parchment first."
"The game's starting a few minutes," Sirius grumbled exasperatedly. "What are you doing?"
"What are you doing?" Remus snapped back, stubbornly folding his arms. "This is just a game. You should let those kids enjoy themselves!"
"Let them enjoy themselves?!" Sirius echoed in disbelief. Somehow, Remus mused, Sirius managed to twist those words to sound like adolescents enjoyed to torture during their free time. "No way! Who knows what they're thinking. They're Slytherins! For all we know, Snape could have set them up to ignite Harry's broom."
This time, Remus sighed aloud. "Sirius, use your common sense for once! Severus would do nothing of the sort. Besides, I recall that when you were a quidditch beater, you placed quite a few students in the hospital wing."
Sirius shrugged, brushing aside Remus' comment as if he had been commenting on the weather. "That's beside the point."
"What?!" Remus would have jumped to his feet if he wouldn't have attracted so much attention. Nevertheless, quite a few heads still turned in his direction at the generally mild-tempered professor's shout. Remus blushed and sank in his chair.
"Don't worry, I'm just taking some precautions," Sirius continued casually. "Ensuring Harry's safety like my parenting contract says."
Remus groaned, dropping his face into his hands in defeat. "That's stretching it way too far."
Sirius abruptly jabbed him in the ribs. "Quiet. Game's starting."
Remus sighed again, watching the green blurs streak past the teacher's stands sympathetically. Half of them were on Sirius' 'to be punished' list already, and probably don't even know it. Sirius was spontaneous in his habits; on any random day, he would let a boy wander through the halls with singing robes or dancing hair. Sirius always kept an amazingly straight face; there was never quite enough evidence to incriminate him.
Harry, as usual, had always been clueless. He even helped de-curse a few students once, much to Remus' amusement and Sirius' chagrin. Harry had remarked offhandedly that those spells had a familiar signature, but his godfather was probably second to last, before Remus, on his list of suspects.
The poor kid was oblivious.
Sirius was overprotective, and frighteningly so. But Remus often wondered if he would be the same had James and Lily lived. Harry could have had his own family, perhaps even siblings. He would never have suffered those five years with the Dursleys, never would nave came close to bleeding to death or having his throat slit. Sirius would never have had the reason to feel the need to shelter him to the extend he did now. Harry would have been a normal boy…
Sirius would probably be cheering his godson on. And driving James and Lily crazy while he did it.
Remus had a brief imagine of Sirius chirpily shoving Harry out the door with a girl and nearly slipped out of his chair.
Remus quickly shook his head.
Not right, not right.
Somehow, placing the words Harry, dating, girls along with Sirius in one sentence set off alarm bells in his head. If that was to ever occur, he would be locking Sirius in the basement for twenty-four hours as a precautionary action.
He would have laughed aloud if the picture didn't seem so ridiculous. Although the imagine did seem familiar.
… minus twenty-five years off Sirius' age, substitute Harry with James, and add a red-head to the girl waiting outside. Let the girl beside the redhead be a constantly changing variable. Now that picture fit probably eighty percent of his Sirius dating memories.
Remus made a careful note to enlighten Harry of his godfather's numerous escapades during his Hogwarts years. Out of Sirius' audio and visual range.
A sudden roar swept the bleachers, and Remus was jolted back into attention.
"Did you see that?" Sirius was on his feet, eyes narrowed into a fiery glare.
Remus was instantly on his guard. "See what?" he asked worriedly.
"She almost got Harry with that bludger!" Sirius spluttered angrily.
Another roar went up. Gripping the edge of his seat, Remus followed Sirius' line of vision and noticed the blur of red diving at a dangerously steep angle with another green splotch at his tail. There was a distant crack of a hard ball against wood -- Remus' heightened hearing could just make it out in the yelling -- and Harry's form spun off course.
"Shit!!" Sirius hissed beside him.
Remus held his breath.
Then with a rapid and skilled maneuver that Remus was sure he would break his own neck imitating, Harry straightened his broom and smoothened his course like butter.
The cheers were deafening.
"He's caught the snitch!" he could hear an unusually high-pitched voice squeaking.
Sirius was deathly silent. Remus sneaked a cautious glance his way, but his friend's expression was a stoic mask. Remus tensed.
"Tomorrow, for defense, I'm doing a demonstration," Sirius calmly announced. "during the Slytherin sixth year period."
This time, Remus did jump out of his chair. "No!!"
"Amazing catch, Harry!"
"That was great!"
"Did you see their faces?"
"Three cheers for our favorite seeker!"
Those were the shouts that greeted him the moment he stepped into the Gryffindor common room. Harry managed a slightly embarrassed smile, massaging his sore arm as he quickly ducked into a corner.
Right away, there was a chorus of disappointed 'Awww's.' Blushing even more fiercely, Harry slowly approached the excited circle of students.
"How's your arm?" Hermione asked, squeezing through George and Fred as she fought her way to her friend.
Harry shrugged, patting the precautionary bandage lightly. "It's just a fracture. It just took longer because she had to debone part of the wrist."
"Just a fracture?" Ron echoed indignantly. "That Bulstrode girl should be punished!"
"What she did was legal under the rules though," Harry reminded him as he reached for a butterbeer. "It doesn't matter anyway; it wasn't serious."
"I'm sure Sirius threw a fit," Hermione quietly mused.
Harry abruptly paused, his hand still holding the mug in mid air. "Well, yeah," he sighed, grimacing slightly at the memory. Unconsciously, he sank lower in his chair. "He insisted that I charm my robes next time so they're rock hard and was trying to get that plan approved by Dumbledore. But then Moony said that those robes would have weighed the same as rocks, so Sirius eventually quieted down. I think he was mostly just angry."
Silence.
Harry suddenly noticed nearly everyone in the common room was staring at him with wide eyes. "Padfoot has… odd ideas like that once in a while," Harry managed lamely.
George abruptly gave a dramatic sigh and fell backwards into a chair. "Padfoot, huh. It's hard to believe this is Padfoot of the Marauders we're talking about. The legendary Padfoot who placed more people in the hospital wing, single-handedly earned the most detentions, and dated the most girls in all of Hogwarts' history."
Harry choked on his butterbeer. "What…?!" he spluttered, making an admirable attempt to hide his face behind his arm and speak at the same time. He looked horror-struck, as if someone suddenly dropped the bombshell on him that Hermione was really Voldemort in disguise and Snape's hobby was hugging trees.
George was equally stunned. "You mean you don't know?"
"Sirius? Are you sure?" Harry choked out. Stubbornly, he set the mug on the table and stiffened almost defensively. "He told me he made some trouble at school, but that seems a bit excessive."
Fred and George exchanged significant glances.
"Well, I suppose if you insist," Fred finally muttered, grimly shaking his head. Sighing, he propped his legs on the counter and watched Harry over the bridge of his nose. "Don't tell Mr. Padfoot we said that about him."
Harry lifted an bewildered eyebrow.
"You have to admit Fred as a point though," Ron said somewhat dejectedly. "Imagine what Sirius would do if he found out."
The twin's expressions collectively fell in horror.
"Ouch," Hermione muttered, grimacing. "That's not a good sign, especially if Sirius wanted to keep it a secret."
Harry bit his lip, visibly bewildered at the sight of their grim expressions. "What do you mean? Why do I have an odd idea that you're talking about me?"
"It's like that girl thing," Ron glared at his friend as if trying to communicate through eyes alone. But Harry just blinked, looking more perplexed than before.
"What girl thing?" Harry warily asked, nervously fidgeting when everyone seemed to turn in his direction once again.
Ron's jaw dropped. He gawked at his friend as if he suddenly grew a second head with three arms. "Harry, you can't be serious. You don't mean you don't know?!"
Harry opened his mouth and closed it again, stunned into silence.
"You know," Ron muttered, gesturing with his hands and staring at Harry pointedly. "You know…"
Harry frowned, "Ron, are you okay?"
Ron made a strangled noise that sounded oddly like an choking hippogriff underwater. "I can't believe it! You really don't know! Harry, Sirius has been practically beating girls off your back with a two by four, and you don't even know!!"
Harry scooted back in his chair uneasily. "What? Why would he do something like that? There must he some mistake. Padfoot would do nothing of the sort."
Hermione and Ron simultaneously groaned.
The Great Hall was a storehouse of whispers and giggles when Harry made his way in beside Ron and Hermione the next morning. Harry slowed in wary anticipation, but Ron simply shrugged.
"What's going on?" Harry whispered uneasily.
"Didn't you hear?" Dean piped excitedly. "Professor Black did a demonstration for the sixth year Slytherins."
Hermione's expression fell in understanding and Ron looked decidedly triumphant.
Harry just blinked. "What happened? It couldn't be that bad, could it? Sirius is a pretty good teacher when it comes to demonstrations."
Ron suddenly coughed, turning a bright shade of red as he tried to glare at Harry in disbelief. Harry turned to him in surprise, and vaguely caught something along the lines of 'your own godfather too! How…?' when Hermione suddenly gasped.
"Oh my god, Bulstrode!" Hermione choked out, expression caught between sympathy and mirth. Ever since second year at the dueling club, where the Slytherin girl had attempted decapitation of Hermione, she had never been fond of the bear-like girl. Hermione tugged at Harry's sleeve and pointed towards the Slytherin table.
Harry's jaw dropped when he caught sight of the tall, beefily-built beater, huddled almost against the floor. If Sirius had been attempting to do some imitation of Medusa, he was by all accounts successful. Her usually mouse brown hair was a mass of hissing vipers, and her skin had the mashed pattern of crushed rock. Everyone at her table seemed to be caught between keeping as far away from Millicent Bulstrode and shooting death glares at Sirius' empty chair.
His godfather must be getting reprimanded by Dumbledore, Harry noted worriedly.
But Sirius had cursed her? That didn't seem possible. His always smiling, always cheerful, always forgiving godfather would do nothing of the sort. Harry had failed potions for two years straight, and Sirius never said a word of reprimand. He just grinned, and told him that he was rather proud that Harry had rather slim chances of becoming a Potions Master.
His godfather, cursing a student? There must have been some mistake.
Everyone seemed to be accusing Sirius of whatever happened to her. That was wrong. He had to correct that immediately. Especially after his friends' vague words about Sirius last night, Harry felt the urge to defend his godfather stronger than ever. Plus, he was beginning to feel rather sorry for Bulstrode, even if she had fractured his elbow the night before. And so, driven by those thoughts, Harry cautiously approached the Slytherin table.
"Are you alright?" Harry carefully asked.
Millicent Bulstrode seemed to shrink even further under the table before she recognized his voice. "Potter!" she seemed to be trying to sound angry, but that attempt fell pathetically short. "What are you doing here?"
"I was wondering if you needed help," Harry managed, feeling awkward as increasing pairs of eyes turned to watch him. He gestured at his hair blindly with his wand. "You know, with those."
Bulstrode' face hardened. "For your help? Get away, you…!"
"I'm offering to help!" Harry held out his hands disarmingly, but Bulstrode seemed to inflate more with anger.
"You lying hypocrite! You're probably just like…"
"I won't make it worse! It's just a counter curse. There, see?" Harry stuffed his wand back in his pocket and slowly began backing away. He was beginning to regret coming here to begin with; Bulstrode only seemed to hate him more.
Bulstrode abruptly fell silent. She fingered her now smooth her between her fingers tentatively, and slowly lifted her tiny, beady eyes to meet his. "Oh," she whispered.
Harry cleared his throat uneasily. The thought of clearing Sirius' name had evaporated after Bulstrode's shrieked accusations.
Bulstrode averted her gaze, her cheeks tingling slightly pink. It looked odd on her large, square face, like some large dab of paint on rock. "Thank you."
Harry only faintly registered her voice. He forced a smile on his face, awkwardly backing away and trying to not appear too obvious at the same time.
Bulstrode ducked her head, making a sound that seemed almost like… a giggle? Was he imagining things?
"You're really nice," she whispered almost shyly. "And really cute."
Harry must have planted his foot over a crevasse in the rock, because his balance suddenly shifted too far to the right. Harry staggered, grabbing the edge of the table to keep from falling. "Wha… what?" his voice came out like a strangled croak.
Bulstrode blushed even more, timidly twirling her fingers in her lap. "Would you go out with me?"
This time, Harry did fall.
*
That was… random. Sorry about that! This isn't very good. It really obviously flakes off towards the end, but I was running out of time and really had to rush it. I got that little burst of inspiration, and tried to use it for PoM, only everything I wrote came out sarcastic and thought I better use it for GI instead. Humm… GI isn't really humor, is it? It's just light-hearted, and beyond that, not really funny. It's odd though. I never really thought that humor fics were plotless and random, aren't those categorized as parodies? Humm… perhaps I should change the category of this one? Accck! The last chapter was funnier, but that isn't saying much. *sigh*
Sorry about the Harry cousin mistake in the last chapter! I guess I could sort of try to say that after what happened with the Dursleys in Of Western Stars, Sirius no longer considers Harry anywhere remotely related to the Dursleys? That sounds like a pathetic attempt for an excuse doesn't it? *sigh*
Bulstrode is the girl in book two who appeared in the dueling club with Draco and the rest. She seems really… odd in here, doesn't she? Screaming at Harry one minute and then becoming all squealy on him the next. Umm… my only excuse is… moodswings? Ack ack ack. She's quite… beefy. Imagine Goyle or Crabbe, only female, and you'll get the idea of what she looks like. *evil cackle*
Von, thank you so much! You have no idea how much your review inspired me! That was where I got the idea for Bulstrode actually, and the rest just wrote itself. Sirius is very widely feared! And Harry's terribly oblivious! The poor kid doesn't even know about Sirius' old reputation. Harry does still have his neck scar, although it was never mentioned. It's hard to tie it into the middle of a scene though. Clawtracks? Well, I suppose he would have experienced it, although… humm… Clawtracks isn't complete yet, so its hard to say.
*sigh* Lily of the Valley, you died... again! And so did Jade S. And Rainbow. And Shei, but she's not really dead, just boycotting ffNET. And a lot of other people *burns incense and lights candles in mourning*
Jedi Cosmos, does Harry seem unnaturally naive? He came out seemingly like he was... fourteen in his chapter. His instincts were all in the wrong places, though. He hears whispers and reaches for his wand *sigh* the poor kid will never get a clue. Humor is really hard to write. I am in awe of you, being able to write great humor and light-hearted fics. Are you going to continue Catch and Order of the Phoenix? Those are great stories, and I've been chewing my lip and waiting for you to update. How was your Turkey trip, by the way?
MunchingRobin, that's an interesting idea. Sirius or Snape, who most intimidates the girls *evil cackle* Sirius will be horrified at the thought. Ginny? Umm... she hasn't made much of an appearance, has she? *sigh*
fishyfishy, if you die laughing, it's really not my fault! *hides* oh my, Ron giving Harry the boy talk *blink blink* Harry will be completely bewildered.
panther, it's great to know you enjoyed it! I do have some difficulty imagining Harry and Sirius in anything else but a father/son relationship too. It isn't what Rowling intended, that's for sure. Although we still have a serious dearth of Sirius in the HP books so far *sighs wistfully* Harry's still absolutely clueless, as always. *grins* the poor kid has no idea what's going on.
Lady Knight of Kennan, well, Good Intentions is where I go to work off extra steam. Sometimes, when the urge to write comes, but its an odd urge to write dialogue rather than description, I either write PoM flashbacks or GI. Its sort of... weird that way. That's probably why there were so many PoM flashbacks towards the end. CoS *hides* that's getting difficult, since the confrontation is coming so soon.
Lucy, Sirius does seem a bit... scary, doesn't he? He wasn't as scary in here, but still quite... disturbing. Pacing is hard,especially with school! And CoS seems to be falling behind. Ack...
Ari, how is school going?
Allocin, ack! I forgot to reply to your message on the gbook. Gimme until this afternoon Pacific time. Accck! I'm so sorry!
kaydee, Sirius does defend Harry a bit like the way a father would be of his daughter, now that you mention it. It's really... odd. I suppose that makes an interesting story, doesn't it? Fathers tend to be waay more overprotective of daughters. That's probably where the 'daddy's little girl' term came from. Hermi and Harry? humm... I'm trying to avoid couples in this story. There are so many variations in pairings. A lot of people seem to like Ginny...
Shades, you're right. I didn't realize until after I posted it, but the last chapter did have some of those connotations.
waai! I really want to reply to all the reviews! But then it was going to take too long, and... wow. This is amazing. A humor fic which I was having an ulcer over... this is amazing! I expected a few flames but everyone was so supportive. Wow... thank you all so much for your encouragements!
Umm... not much time to write from now on. Would you like to see another PoM or CoS chapter?
a/n story dedicated to Rainbow and Ari for inspiring me with this idea!
Please read Of Western Stars before you read this fic, otherwise, things will get very confusing!
Warning, some language.
Good Intentions
By neutral
Chapter two - little clueless godsons, big scheming godfathers
//
"Where…? I don't see… Oooo…"
Even in the dark, the deepening blush on the speaker's face was visible.
"Hush! We're going to be caught!"
A muffled giggle. "He's so cute!"
"Oh god, I can't believe I'm doing this. This is so stupid!"
"Oh, admit it, you're enjoying the view."
Another blush. "Shut up!"
"Shh! He's taking off his shirt!"
"He's not taking off his pants though…"
"Eww, you're sick!"
Another giggle. "Of course I am. Harry thinks so. He's so considerate."
"Harry…?!"
"Oh, come on. I can call him Harry if I want!"
"You barely even know him!"
"Yes I do. He helped me pick up my books in the corridor this morning."
"That's because you dropped them on purpose!"
"So what?"
"You're shameless!"
"You're just jealous."
"Bitch!"
"What?! After I told you about this hiding place too, you… whore!"
\\
Harry slowly lifted his head, hand frozen over a buckle of his quidditch shirt as he scanned the room suspiciously. There was a mild stirring of unease in his stomach that came whenever he felt that he was watched. Holding his breath, he slowly eased a hand towards the thin slab of wood lying on the bench inches away.
"Harry?"
Harry startled in surprise and nearly tripped over his feet. "What?" he said in a rush.
Ron lifted an inquisitive eyebrow, letting his gaze purposefully linger on the wand clutched in Harry's hand. "Harry, the game's going to start in a few minutes."
"Oh, right," Harry muttered distractedly.
Ron stared extra long at his friend. "Is there something wrong?" he cautiously asked.
"No, everything's fine," Harry managed to choke out without stuttering, glancing nervously over his shoulder. "I just thought I heard something."
"Well, there's the crowd," Ron offered carefully. "Then there were a couple of Hufflepuff girls coming out around the corner, and…"
"No, I thought someone said…" Harry suddenly blushed an alarming shade of red. "Never mind."
Remus inwardly sighed as Sirius neatly arranged the names of the Slytherin quidditch team over his parchment. Sirius already had them neatly lined in alphabetical order, before he changed his mind and reordered them again. Remus silently wished his thick minded friend would have that sort of diligence while teaching, but alas, it could not be.
This was a ritual Remus had seen since third year, when a particularly nasty game left Harry in the infirmary for over two days. Although it wasn't exactly the opposing team's fault -- the weather had been terrible, and the Ravenclaw chaser had crashed into Harry accidentally -- Sirius was bitterly vengeful. Since then, he kept careful tabs of ever player's wrongdoings against his godson.
Everyone now was forced to weigh the pros and cons of every action before targeting the Gryffindor seeker. Cripple the opposing team or suffer the consequences of being 'Blacklisted' (in other words, having their name placed in Professor Black's infamous book to be stored away for prankishment)? That question was on the surface of every quidditch player's mind.
Remus repressed a sigh. He was beginning to feel seriously sorry for the Slytherin team. Watching Sirius rearrange the names for the third time, Remus felt his self control finally wear away.
"Sirius, stop!" Remus carefully plucked the quill out of Sirius' hand.
"Hey!" Sirius snapped into attention with a jerk, and instantly pinned Remus with a dark glower. "Hand that over."
Remus held out an empty palm. "Give me that parchment first."
"The game's starting a few minutes," Sirius grumbled exasperatedly. "What are you doing?"
"What are you doing?" Remus snapped back, stubbornly folding his arms. "This is just a game. You should let those kids enjoy themselves!"
"Let them enjoy themselves?!" Sirius echoed in disbelief. Somehow, Remus mused, Sirius managed to twist those words to sound like adolescents enjoyed to torture during their free time. "No way! Who knows what they're thinking. They're Slytherins! For all we know, Snape could have set them up to ignite Harry's broom."
This time, Remus sighed aloud. "Sirius, use your common sense for once! Severus would do nothing of the sort. Besides, I recall that when you were a quidditch beater, you placed quite a few students in the hospital wing."
Sirius shrugged, brushing aside Remus' comment as if he had been commenting on the weather. "That's beside the point."
"What?!" Remus would have jumped to his feet if he wouldn't have attracted so much attention. Nevertheless, quite a few heads still turned in his direction at the generally mild-tempered professor's shout. Remus blushed and sank in his chair.
"Don't worry, I'm just taking some precautions," Sirius continued casually. "Ensuring Harry's safety like my parenting contract says."
Remus groaned, dropping his face into his hands in defeat. "That's stretching it way too far."
Sirius abruptly jabbed him in the ribs. "Quiet. Game's starting."
Remus sighed again, watching the green blurs streak past the teacher's stands sympathetically. Half of them were on Sirius' 'to be punished' list already, and probably don't even know it. Sirius was spontaneous in his habits; on any random day, he would let a boy wander through the halls with singing robes or dancing hair. Sirius always kept an amazingly straight face; there was never quite enough evidence to incriminate him.
Harry, as usual, had always been clueless. He even helped de-curse a few students once, much to Remus' amusement and Sirius' chagrin. Harry had remarked offhandedly that those spells had a familiar signature, but his godfather was probably second to last, before Remus, on his list of suspects.
The poor kid was oblivious.
Sirius was overprotective, and frighteningly so. But Remus often wondered if he would be the same had James and Lily lived. Harry could have had his own family, perhaps even siblings. He would never have suffered those five years with the Dursleys, never would nave came close to bleeding to death or having his throat slit. Sirius would never have had the reason to feel the need to shelter him to the extend he did now. Harry would have been a normal boy…
Sirius would probably be cheering his godson on. And driving James and Lily crazy while he did it.
Remus had a brief imagine of Sirius chirpily shoving Harry out the door with a girl and nearly slipped out of his chair.
Remus quickly shook his head.
Not right, not right.
Somehow, placing the words Harry, dating, girls along with Sirius in one sentence set off alarm bells in his head. If that was to ever occur, he would be locking Sirius in the basement for twenty-four hours as a precautionary action.
He would have laughed aloud if the picture didn't seem so ridiculous. Although the imagine did seem familiar.
… minus twenty-five years off Sirius' age, substitute Harry with James, and add a red-head to the girl waiting outside. Let the girl beside the redhead be a constantly changing variable. Now that picture fit probably eighty percent of his Sirius dating memories.
Remus made a careful note to enlighten Harry of his godfather's numerous escapades during his Hogwarts years. Out of Sirius' audio and visual range.
A sudden roar swept the bleachers, and Remus was jolted back into attention.
"Did you see that?" Sirius was on his feet, eyes narrowed into a fiery glare.
Remus was instantly on his guard. "See what?" he asked worriedly.
"She almost got Harry with that bludger!" Sirius spluttered angrily.
Another roar went up. Gripping the edge of his seat, Remus followed Sirius' line of vision and noticed the blur of red diving at a dangerously steep angle with another green splotch at his tail. There was a distant crack of a hard ball against wood -- Remus' heightened hearing could just make it out in the yelling -- and Harry's form spun off course.
"Shit!!" Sirius hissed beside him.
Remus held his breath.
Then with a rapid and skilled maneuver that Remus was sure he would break his own neck imitating, Harry straightened his broom and smoothened his course like butter.
The cheers were deafening.
"He's caught the snitch!" he could hear an unusually high-pitched voice squeaking.
Sirius was deathly silent. Remus sneaked a cautious glance his way, but his friend's expression was a stoic mask. Remus tensed.
"Tomorrow, for defense, I'm doing a demonstration," Sirius calmly announced. "during the Slytherin sixth year period."
This time, Remus did jump out of his chair. "No!!"
"Amazing catch, Harry!"
"That was great!"
"Did you see their faces?"
"Three cheers for our favorite seeker!"
Those were the shouts that greeted him the moment he stepped into the Gryffindor common room. Harry managed a slightly embarrassed smile, massaging his sore arm as he quickly ducked into a corner.
Right away, there was a chorus of disappointed 'Awww's.' Blushing even more fiercely, Harry slowly approached the excited circle of students.
"How's your arm?" Hermione asked, squeezing through George and Fred as she fought her way to her friend.
Harry shrugged, patting the precautionary bandage lightly. "It's just a fracture. It just took longer because she had to debone part of the wrist."
"Just a fracture?" Ron echoed indignantly. "That Bulstrode girl should be punished!"
"What she did was legal under the rules though," Harry reminded him as he reached for a butterbeer. "It doesn't matter anyway; it wasn't serious."
"I'm sure Sirius threw a fit," Hermione quietly mused.
Harry abruptly paused, his hand still holding the mug in mid air. "Well, yeah," he sighed, grimacing slightly at the memory. Unconsciously, he sank lower in his chair. "He insisted that I charm my robes next time so they're rock hard and was trying to get that plan approved by Dumbledore. But then Moony said that those robes would have weighed the same as rocks, so Sirius eventually quieted down. I think he was mostly just angry."
Silence.
Harry suddenly noticed nearly everyone in the common room was staring at him with wide eyes. "Padfoot has… odd ideas like that once in a while," Harry managed lamely.
George abruptly gave a dramatic sigh and fell backwards into a chair. "Padfoot, huh. It's hard to believe this is Padfoot of the Marauders we're talking about. The legendary Padfoot who placed more people in the hospital wing, single-handedly earned the most detentions, and dated the most girls in all of Hogwarts' history."
Harry choked on his butterbeer. "What…?!" he spluttered, making an admirable attempt to hide his face behind his arm and speak at the same time. He looked horror-struck, as if someone suddenly dropped the bombshell on him that Hermione was really Voldemort in disguise and Snape's hobby was hugging trees.
George was equally stunned. "You mean you don't know?"
"Sirius? Are you sure?" Harry choked out. Stubbornly, he set the mug on the table and stiffened almost defensively. "He told me he made some trouble at school, but that seems a bit excessive."
Fred and George exchanged significant glances.
"Well, I suppose if you insist," Fred finally muttered, grimly shaking his head. Sighing, he propped his legs on the counter and watched Harry over the bridge of his nose. "Don't tell Mr. Padfoot we said that about him."
Harry lifted an bewildered eyebrow.
"You have to admit Fred as a point though," Ron said somewhat dejectedly. "Imagine what Sirius would do if he found out."
The twin's expressions collectively fell in horror.
"Ouch," Hermione muttered, grimacing. "That's not a good sign, especially if Sirius wanted to keep it a secret."
Harry bit his lip, visibly bewildered at the sight of their grim expressions. "What do you mean? Why do I have an odd idea that you're talking about me?"
"It's like that girl thing," Ron glared at his friend as if trying to communicate through eyes alone. But Harry just blinked, looking more perplexed than before.
"What girl thing?" Harry warily asked, nervously fidgeting when everyone seemed to turn in his direction once again.
Ron's jaw dropped. He gawked at his friend as if he suddenly grew a second head with three arms. "Harry, you can't be serious. You don't mean you don't know?!"
Harry opened his mouth and closed it again, stunned into silence.
"You know," Ron muttered, gesturing with his hands and staring at Harry pointedly. "You know…"
Harry frowned, "Ron, are you okay?"
Ron made a strangled noise that sounded oddly like an choking hippogriff underwater. "I can't believe it! You really don't know! Harry, Sirius has been practically beating girls off your back with a two by four, and you don't even know!!"
Harry scooted back in his chair uneasily. "What? Why would he do something like that? There must he some mistake. Padfoot would do nothing of the sort."
Hermione and Ron simultaneously groaned.
The Great Hall was a storehouse of whispers and giggles when Harry made his way in beside Ron and Hermione the next morning. Harry slowed in wary anticipation, but Ron simply shrugged.
"What's going on?" Harry whispered uneasily.
"Didn't you hear?" Dean piped excitedly. "Professor Black did a demonstration for the sixth year Slytherins."
Hermione's expression fell in understanding and Ron looked decidedly triumphant.
Harry just blinked. "What happened? It couldn't be that bad, could it? Sirius is a pretty good teacher when it comes to demonstrations."
Ron suddenly coughed, turning a bright shade of red as he tried to glare at Harry in disbelief. Harry turned to him in surprise, and vaguely caught something along the lines of 'your own godfather too! How…?' when Hermione suddenly gasped.
"Oh my god, Bulstrode!" Hermione choked out, expression caught between sympathy and mirth. Ever since second year at the dueling club, where the Slytherin girl had attempted decapitation of Hermione, she had never been fond of the bear-like girl. Hermione tugged at Harry's sleeve and pointed towards the Slytherin table.
Harry's jaw dropped when he caught sight of the tall, beefily-built beater, huddled almost against the floor. If Sirius had been attempting to do some imitation of Medusa, he was by all accounts successful. Her usually mouse brown hair was a mass of hissing vipers, and her skin had the mashed pattern of crushed rock. Everyone at her table seemed to be caught between keeping as far away from Millicent Bulstrode and shooting death glares at Sirius' empty chair.
His godfather must be getting reprimanded by Dumbledore, Harry noted worriedly.
But Sirius had cursed her? That didn't seem possible. His always smiling, always cheerful, always forgiving godfather would do nothing of the sort. Harry had failed potions for two years straight, and Sirius never said a word of reprimand. He just grinned, and told him that he was rather proud that Harry had rather slim chances of becoming a Potions Master.
His godfather, cursing a student? There must have been some mistake.
Everyone seemed to be accusing Sirius of whatever happened to her. That was wrong. He had to correct that immediately. Especially after his friends' vague words about Sirius last night, Harry felt the urge to defend his godfather stronger than ever. Plus, he was beginning to feel rather sorry for Bulstrode, even if she had fractured his elbow the night before. And so, driven by those thoughts, Harry cautiously approached the Slytherin table.
"Are you alright?" Harry carefully asked.
Millicent Bulstrode seemed to shrink even further under the table before she recognized his voice. "Potter!" she seemed to be trying to sound angry, but that attempt fell pathetically short. "What are you doing here?"
"I was wondering if you needed help," Harry managed, feeling awkward as increasing pairs of eyes turned to watch him. He gestured at his hair blindly with his wand. "You know, with those."
Bulstrode' face hardened. "For your help? Get away, you…!"
"I'm offering to help!" Harry held out his hands disarmingly, but Bulstrode seemed to inflate more with anger.
"You lying hypocrite! You're probably just like…"
"I won't make it worse! It's just a counter curse. There, see?" Harry stuffed his wand back in his pocket and slowly began backing away. He was beginning to regret coming here to begin with; Bulstrode only seemed to hate him more.
Bulstrode abruptly fell silent. She fingered her now smooth her between her fingers tentatively, and slowly lifted her tiny, beady eyes to meet his. "Oh," she whispered.
Harry cleared his throat uneasily. The thought of clearing Sirius' name had evaporated after Bulstrode's shrieked accusations.
Bulstrode averted her gaze, her cheeks tingling slightly pink. It looked odd on her large, square face, like some large dab of paint on rock. "Thank you."
Harry only faintly registered her voice. He forced a smile on his face, awkwardly backing away and trying to not appear too obvious at the same time.
Bulstrode ducked her head, making a sound that seemed almost like… a giggle? Was he imagining things?
"You're really nice," she whispered almost shyly. "And really cute."
Harry must have planted his foot over a crevasse in the rock, because his balance suddenly shifted too far to the right. Harry staggered, grabbing the edge of the table to keep from falling. "Wha… what?" his voice came out like a strangled croak.
Bulstrode blushed even more, timidly twirling her fingers in her lap. "Would you go out with me?"
This time, Harry did fall.
*
That was… random. Sorry about that! This isn't very good. It really obviously flakes off towards the end, but I was running out of time and really had to rush it. I got that little burst of inspiration, and tried to use it for PoM, only everything I wrote came out sarcastic and thought I better use it for GI instead. Humm… GI isn't really humor, is it? It's just light-hearted, and beyond that, not really funny. It's odd though. I never really thought that humor fics were plotless and random, aren't those categorized as parodies? Humm… perhaps I should change the category of this one? Accck! The last chapter was funnier, but that isn't saying much. *sigh*
Sorry about the Harry cousin mistake in the last chapter! I guess I could sort of try to say that after what happened with the Dursleys in Of Western Stars, Sirius no longer considers Harry anywhere remotely related to the Dursleys? That sounds like a pathetic attempt for an excuse doesn't it? *sigh*
Bulstrode is the girl in book two who appeared in the dueling club with Draco and the rest. She seems really… odd in here, doesn't she? Screaming at Harry one minute and then becoming all squealy on him the next. Umm… my only excuse is… moodswings? Ack ack ack. She's quite… beefy. Imagine Goyle or Crabbe, only female, and you'll get the idea of what she looks like. *evil cackle*
Von, thank you so much! You have no idea how much your review inspired me! That was where I got the idea for Bulstrode actually, and the rest just wrote itself. Sirius is very widely feared! And Harry's terribly oblivious! The poor kid doesn't even know about Sirius' old reputation. Harry does still have his neck scar, although it was never mentioned. It's hard to tie it into the middle of a scene though. Clawtracks? Well, I suppose he would have experienced it, although… humm… Clawtracks isn't complete yet, so its hard to say.
*sigh* Lily of the Valley, you died... again! And so did Jade S. And Rainbow. And Shei, but she's not really dead, just boycotting ffNET. And a lot of other people *burns incense and lights candles in mourning*
Jedi Cosmos, does Harry seem unnaturally naive? He came out seemingly like he was... fourteen in his chapter. His instincts were all in the wrong places, though. He hears whispers and reaches for his wand *sigh* the poor kid will never get a clue. Humor is really hard to write. I am in awe of you, being able to write great humor and light-hearted fics. Are you going to continue Catch and Order of the Phoenix? Those are great stories, and I've been chewing my lip and waiting for you to update. How was your Turkey trip, by the way?
MunchingRobin, that's an interesting idea. Sirius or Snape, who most intimidates the girls *evil cackle* Sirius will be horrified at the thought. Ginny? Umm... she hasn't made much of an appearance, has she? *sigh*
fishyfishy, if you die laughing, it's really not my fault! *hides* oh my, Ron giving Harry the boy talk *blink blink* Harry will be completely bewildered.
panther, it's great to know you enjoyed it! I do have some difficulty imagining Harry and Sirius in anything else but a father/son relationship too. It isn't what Rowling intended, that's for sure. Although we still have a serious dearth of Sirius in the HP books so far *sighs wistfully* Harry's still absolutely clueless, as always. *grins* the poor kid has no idea what's going on.
Lady Knight of Kennan, well, Good Intentions is where I go to work off extra steam. Sometimes, when the urge to write comes, but its an odd urge to write dialogue rather than description, I either write PoM flashbacks or GI. Its sort of... weird that way. That's probably why there were so many PoM flashbacks towards the end. CoS *hides* that's getting difficult, since the confrontation is coming so soon.
Lucy, Sirius does seem a bit... scary, doesn't he? He wasn't as scary in here, but still quite... disturbing. Pacing is hard,especially with school! And CoS seems to be falling behind. Ack...
Ari, how is school going?
Allocin, ack! I forgot to reply to your message on the gbook. Gimme until this afternoon Pacific time. Accck! I'm so sorry!
kaydee, Sirius does defend Harry a bit like the way a father would be of his daughter, now that you mention it. It's really... odd. I suppose that makes an interesting story, doesn't it? Fathers tend to be waay more overprotective of daughters. That's probably where the 'daddy's little girl' term came from. Hermi and Harry? humm... I'm trying to avoid couples in this story. There are so many variations in pairings. A lot of people seem to like Ginny...
Shades, you're right. I didn't realize until after I posted it, but the last chapter did have some of those connotations.
waai! I really want to reply to all the reviews! But then it was going to take too long, and... wow. This is amazing. A humor fic which I was having an ulcer over... this is amazing! I expected a few flames but everyone was so supportive. Wow... thank you all so much for your encouragements!
Umm... not much time to write from now on. Would you like to see another PoM or CoS chapter?