Disclaimer: all characters belong to J K Rowling and Warner brothers.
a/n story dedicated to Rainbow and Ari for inspiring me with this idea! And Von, whom I am seriously considering kidnapping and forcing by wand point to be my humor muse. She keeps popping these brilliant ideas that… there's no other way to describe them. After I read her review, I had to finish this chapter despite CoS' calling. All the credit of this chapter must go to her!
Please read Of Western Stars before you read this fic, otherwise, things will get very confusing!
Good Intentions
By neutral
Chapter three - of clueless godsons, and not so clueless godfathers
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" Sirius' enraged shout sent a few stray girls that had been strategically eavesdropping by the teachers' dorms scrambling for their common rooms.
Remus flinched, nearly tipping his tray of butterbeers. Sighing, he purposely knocked the tray against his friend's elbow, but Sirius didn't even notice.
Ever since they left Dumbledore's office earlier that afternoon (Sirius looked decidedly triumphant throughout Dumbledore's entire lecture. Snape looked ready to fling the closest object, which fortunately was Fawkes and therefore not plausible, at his archenemy's head), they had received earfuls of rumors. Remus had to drag him to the dorms almost by wand point to make sure he didn't barge into the dining hall and cause more serious damage. But Harry had chosen the unfortunate day to drop by, and when he slowly began to recount the earlier disaster…
Bulstrode? Remus could feel his stomach sinking. As much as he tried to encourage Harry join the mainstream teens and haul Sirius back by the scruff of his collar, he was beginning to have second thoughts. Not even those Hufflepuffs were as bad as Millicent Bulstrode!
He was going to have a talk with that girl soon, with Sirius and his wand if necessary. Remus bit the inside of his cheek, and discovering where his thoughts had been straying, felt like banging his head against the table. He was beginning to sound just like Sirius…
Remus sighed again, glancing at his friend out of the corner of his eye.
Sirius was on his feet, eyes saucer sized and face morphing into an alarming shade of red. He wheezed for breath, clutching his chest as if it was bordering on heart failure.
"What…" Sirius choked out, making an admirable attempt to sound calm but nonetheless failing. "did Bulstrode ask you?"
Harry's head met the oak table with a loud clunk that echoed through Sirius and Remus' dorms. "She…"
"… she…?" Sirius repeated slowly. His voice sounded a little frayed, but he was gritting his teeth too hard to notice.
"Umm…" Harry gulped, slowly lifting his head. "asked me…"
"She asked you out?" Remus softly interjected. He patted Harry reassuringly on the head despite the increasing sense of horror in the back of his mind. "What did you say…?"
Remus' hand suddenly flew to his mouth, face contorting into a grimace of pain. Under the table, Sirius was resolutely grinding the heel of his boot against Remus' foot.
"I'm sure she did not!" Sirius hissed through clenched teeth. "We just heard wrong earlier, didn't we?"
Remus jabbed his elbow against Sirius' ribs hard.
Harry cleared his throat uneasily. He had never seen his godfather so flustered; the glint in his eyes were unnerving. "Umm… she did, actually."
Sirius' face fell. Remus managed to twist free from under Sirius' boot, and hobbled to a chair nursing his foot. Sirius had been wearing dragonhide boots, and all he had on were slippers! He was going to retaliate later, Remus schemed as he massaged his foot, when Harry is out of the room.
"I was going to speak to her this morning. Someone had cursed her, and they all saying it was Padfoot," Harry was still obliviously trying to explain, waving his hand to gesture agitatedly. "I thought I should clear it up, since it obviously was a lie."
Out of the corner of his eye, Remus noticed Sirius' face pale a few shades. He looked as if he couldn't decide between guilt, horror, or disbelief.
"I took the curse off. Then…" Harry's voice drifted when he noticed the expression on Remus' face. "Moony, are you alright? What happened to your foot?"
Remus was pretty sure Sirius blanched a few more shades. "I…"
"… kicked the chair on accident. He was so shocked," Sirius sharply cut him off, condescendingly patting Remus on the head. Leaning over the table, he placed his hands firmly on his godson's shoulders and stubbornly proceeded to stare him down. "Harry, what did you tell her?"
Harry gulped again. Sheepishly, he sunk lower in his chair. "Well…"
"You said no, didn't you?" Sirius asked in a low whisper. Remus noted with some amount of admiration and disappointment that Sirius managed to keep his tone soothing. The menacing gleam in his eyes was carefully hidden away from his godson.
Harry, of course, was oblivious. He fiddled with his sleeve listlessly, "I…" his words died and a blush flooded his cheeks. "Well, no."
Sirius looked floored.
"I walked really quickly out of the room," Harry timidly finished. He looked embarrassed at just the memory; his face matching a tomato with stunning accuracy.
Remus floundered slightly trying to piece together what Harry meant exactly, and his mind conjured up a vivid image of Harry madly fleeing the Great Hall.
Harry ran?
After defeating Voldemort's minion, killing a basilisk, escaping the clutches of the strongest Dark Lord in history three times in a row, Harry ran from a girl. A really ugly girl, Remus had to understand, but she wasn't life threatening. Remus wasn't sure whether to be upset, amused, or just plainly horrified.
Sirius perked up. If he had been in his dog form, Remus was sure that his ears would have been vertical and his tail furiously lashing at air. "Really?"
"I didn't know what to say!" Harry said in a rush, misinterpreting their shocked expressions by miles. "That never happened to me before, and I didn't expect… She must have been so upset. I have to speak with her later…"
"No!!" Harry jumped at Sirius' sudden shout, and Sirius lowered his voice immediately. "No, don't worry about it, Harry. I'll take care of it, okay?"
Oh no. Despite how unlikable Bulstrode was, he still couldn't help hide the surge of pity that came at Sirius' declaration. Remus cleared his throat nervously, "Sirius, I think that Harry should…"
"I'll take care of it," Sirius repeated, aiming another kick at Remus' shin under the table. "Don't worry, Harry, I'll take care of everything."
//
"Can you believe it?! Bulstrode tried to ask Harry out. The nerve of her!"
"At least it didn't work out. Otherwise, what would become of him?"
"He would be spoiled…" A dramatic sob.
"Humph. At least Professor Black taught her a lesson."
A long silence.
"I almost feel sorry for her…"
"You what?! Traitor!"
"Well, I…"
"Get out immediately!"
"But…"
"You're suppose to be one of us! You're suppose to be loyal in pursuit! How could you feel sorry for someone with the likes of her?"
"But you can't make me leave! Harry's going to start changing soon!"
"What?! How dare you call him Harry! Leave!!"
"How could you be so cruel?!"
\\
"Give me another minute," Harry called over his shoulder, kicking off his shoes and nesting the wand in a careful position where it was easily accessible. "You can start practicing without me, Ron, it doesn't really matter."
"Alright. Be quick though, we have to leave early with Hermione. She wants to start studying for exams," Ron shouted from the doorway.
Harry gave his friend a nod of acknowledgement, and began drawing his clothes from the compartment. The first game had been a victory, but the only won by a marginal forty points. If they wanted the quidditch cup this year, they would have to secure it by crushing the Hufflepuffs. Ravenclaw was far too difficult to conquer, but…
"Harry?"
Harry glanced up curiously, a bit bewildered by the nervous expression on Ron's face. "Is something wrong?" he cautiously asked.
Ron nodded, glancing around uneasily as if searching for eavesdroppers. "About that Bulstrode incident…"
Oh. He had almost forgotten about it. It had been three days ago, and since then, there were so many exams that he could do nothing but bury himself in the potion's textbook and pray that Snape wouldn't unleash his revenge on him. Snape's resentment of him bordered on outright hatred, especially after the potion's professor's numerous confrontations with his godfather.
Harry couldn't help but blush at just the awkward memory of the tall, beefy girl shyly whispering to him. He felt almost guilty at feeling terrified.
"You told Sirius, didn't you?"
What did that have anything to do with it? Harry wondered. Wordlessly, he nodded.
Ron cleared his throat, looking even more unsettled as he plowed boldly forward. "Harry, you really should know… I mean, you see… I don't know how I should say this. Sirius is probably going to kill me!"
"Why would Sirius want to kill you?" Harry asked, perplexed. "Sirius would do nothing of the sort."
Ron snorted, mumbling under his breath. Harry could just barely pick out the words of 'you have no idea' in his senseless babble.
"Listen, Harry, do you know where Bulstrode is?" Ron tentatively asked.
Harry opened his mouth to answer the rather obvious question, but hesitated. Now that he thought about it, he hadn't seen her sitting at the table recently. Not since the after she asked him out. But hadn't Sirius mentioned…?
"She's visiting her mother, Sirius told be on Tuesday," Harry muttered thoughtfully. "He says she's ill, and its very serious. She'll probably be gone for a while."
"Very serious indeed," Ron echoed indignantly. He sighed, frowning grimly at the cement floor. "You see, Bulstrode is in the infirmary…"
Bulstrode was with her mother's in the infirmary? Why was she there? Wouldn't it be more logical if Mrs. Bulstrode was placed in St. Mungo's instead? But perhaps she wanted to be closer to her daughter?
"Oh, well, I hope she gets better soon," Harry said awkwardly. "It's really sad that something like that happened to her."
Ron looked surprised for a brief moment, but he quickly broke into a relieved smile. "I knew you'd understand!" Ron said brightly, slapping Harry on the back. "I knew you couldn't possibly be that thick. Hurry up and change for practice!"
Harry watched Ron jog outside again with light steps, as if a burden had been released from his shoulders, and frowned in bewilderment. Since when was Ron that concerned for Bulstrode's mother? Shaking his head in confusion, Harry unfolded his quidditch uniform.
The hair on the back on his neck prickled in warning, and he instantly stilled. Harry's hand instinctively snatched his wand with practiced fluidity. He had been trained for years on the arts of dueling; it was nearly second nature to him. Soundlessly, he glided with his back against the wall to expose as little of himself as possible, and lunged for the storage room door.
The frame gave away under the cascade of brooms, balls, boxes, towels, and three large lumps that looked decidedly human. Harry leaped out of the way, aiming his wand carefully at the closest suspect.
And paused in shock.
"Ow…" one of them whispered, disentangling herself from the accessories and rubbing her back. It was a girl, and by the badge on her uniform, a Hufflepuff. "I told you two to be stay still!"
"It wasn't my fault!" another snapped, flicking the thick locks of hair from her face. "She hit me first!"
The third rolled her eyes skyward. "Well, you're just such a bit…"
Harry uneasily cleared his throat. "Excuse me?"
At the sound of his voice, the three girls froze as if petrified. As if moving through clay, they sluggishly turned around and stared at him. One of them blushed brightly, and Harry brief wondered if she was slightly feverish. Another coughed, and the one who spoke first slowly dragged herself to her feet.
What were three girls doing in the boy's changing room? Harry couldn't help but wonder as he stared at them gaping. Noticing he was still pinning them with his wand, Harry quickly lowered his hand and took a step back.
They all coughed at that action, although it sounded suspiciously like giggles.
"What are you…?" Harry gestured vaguely in their direction, feeling unusually self conscious. Their gazes felt oddly penetrating.
"Oh, we're…" the first one began, shyly fiddling with her hair.
"We got lost!" another piped in.
And somehow wandered into the boy's changing room? Harry mused in shock. But they probably didn't play quidditch and never really been on the field.
"Oh, I see," Harry murmured understandingly. "That's alright. There's no one here, so I guess you could sneak out really quickly. Where were you trying to go?"
The girl choked, glancing at her friend with a pointed stare. "Umm… to…"
"The infirmary!"
All three of them furiously bobbed their heads.
"I'm slightly sick," said another. For emphasis, she coughed delicately into her hand.
She was wearing unusually thin clothes for this weather. Harry noticed the skirt that cropped above her knees and the almost sleeveless shirt that she wore with sympathy. "Would you like to borrow my cloak? You look a bit cold," Harry offered with a tentative smile.
"Yes, please," she returned the smile with half laden eyes, bringing her arms under her chest in a way that made her shirt look even more low cut.
She did seem very cold.
"I don't know if I lead you to the infirmary," Harry explained as he reached for his cloak. "Practice is beginning soon, but if you want, I can find someone to help you out."
"No, that's quite alright!"
The three of them all furiously shook their heads.
Slightly baffled, Harry watched the three in confusion for a short moment. An innate instinct in the back of his head told him to be wary. But they obviously had no malicious intent, that much was obvious. Shrugging inwardly, Harry held out his cloak with a warm grin. The girl with the scandalously scanty clothes accepted it with a wide smile of her own, and for a minute, he could have sworn the two other girls were glowering darkly. Harry quickly backed away, belatedly noticing that the girl was clutching his hand instead of his cloak with a bone crushing grip. She seemed to be slowly dragging him forward, and as Harry dithered to find his balance, his foot snagged a crevasse on the floor. With a muffled cry of alarm, he tripped backwards and fell hard on the hard tiles. The floor squeezed the air out of his lungs with one solid slap. Harry coughed hoarsely as he fought to regain his breath.
There was a weight on his chest, and Harry was dully reminded of the time he lost a game of tug of war and Padfoot sat on him in his dog form. It took possibly more than two minutes for him to notice why it was so hard to breathe.
Harry choked. The Hufflepuffs were sprawled over him -- although how they got there he had no idea -- and one of the girls had her face uncomfortably close to his neck.
"Ah… excuse me! I'm really sorry!" Harry stuttered in horror. He struggled to crawl away, trying to be as polite as he could, but the cloak had completely ensnarled him in a cocoon. He could only move one of his arms.
"That's quite alright," one of them muttered, but she sounded oddly giddily. "I lost my balance too."
Harry was certain the closest one had said it; there was a sinking feeling that he just felt her teeth against his neck.
"Could you please stand up?" Harry asked, embarrassed.
"Right! Of course…"
There was a rustle of movement, and the girls slowly removed themselves. Harry drew a relieved breath, but before he could turn and move out of the way, one of them lost her balance again and all three showered over him like oversized boulders. The girl's face came crashing down right over his own. Cringing, Harry struggled in a frenzied attempt to free himself, feeling more mortified by the minute. But tangled in his cloak, all he could do was trash helplessly, until he was caught in a mass of hands, legs, and arms and he wasn't even sure if his glasses were still on his face. For a brief moment, he could have sworn he felt a hand that was definitely not his own under his shirt.
Distantly, there was an enraged shout.
*
Ack! A shorter chapter than usual. But the rest of the chapter takes a different turn so it probably shouldn't have been joined in with this one. There will actually be another chapter of GI before the story comes to a close. It's really odd. Writing this is addicting, since its so much easier and doesn't require much thinking. The humor is hard, but writing the senseless in betweens is fun. Its kind of like PoM flashbacks. Especially after doing homework, GI is like a hot shower on a rainy day. This'll will probably be finished before next week, its nice to get another story out of the way. Ack, I'm so sorry!! CoS is still in the works... ack ack ack.
This chapter's odd… *sigh* there's really no other way to describe it I suppose, although I swear, I did not intend the things to be that extreme! All they were going to do was fall on Harry, but the second part… ack… I don't know where that came from!
Ron attempts the plunge by hinting to Harry about the truth, but sadly, Harry misinterpreted it by miles. The poor kid is hopeless. But he does have nice reflexes when it comes to battling. umm... I'm going to avoid bashing. Expect a looong bash at the end of the story.
aniwda [Sirius is evil! very, very evil he is], me [ack, sorry about that! PoM doesn't end on a very settling note. There will be another chapter up before the end of the year], AllAboutMe [thanks!], Rei [Harry is definitely oblivious! the girls will find a way], Gaby [ack! your email is still on my computer, it's been nearly a month. I will reply! There will be flashbacks for PoM, just not so much about the orphanage anymore], Sandrine Black [head stuck in the sand is a wonderful way to put it! Well, actually, this doesn't really focus about Harry getting into a relationship. I can't write romance, so I'm avoiding it altogether. You see mostly Harry getting in terrible situations and Sirius cracking his knuckles], The One and Only Amazing Typo [love the penname!], ginny5 [Sirius is... somewhat crazy, now that you mention it. Obsessive he is definitely], Emerald Phoenix524 [fear not! nothing terrible came of it], Allocin [I've been loading CoS in pieces, so it's probably confusing. oh my, does she really? now I'm worried. Should I visit Britian anytime soon?], -_- [there will be more CoS very soon. very, very soon!], Sparkle Tangerine [oh my, Harry turning gay because of all of Sirius' desperate efforts? oh my...], ccsgirl [thank you!], depth [Sirius wasn't too delighted, that's for sure. Bulstrode could be an interesting character though, it would have been fun if Harry said yes just because he was too embarrassed to say no], Lucy [yes, I am alive! happy birthday! how old are you now? did you have a big party and a big cake? wah, remind me again, I have to write a PoM thing for your dedication! Yes, definitely! Harry needs some proof to know that Sirius is insane. I'm planning something for it next chapter, it'll be... fun. Harry doesn't know anything about living, just surviving. *sigh*], Dark Whispers [CoS will come soon, I swear! I know that's been neglected lately, but its nearing a rather difficult point, and its... difficult to write. ack!], ratgirl [thank you! umm... all my other fics are drama, so I've been trying to keep GI away from it.], Nagini [soon, CoS will come soon! No Harry/anything, don't worry! It's more like... Harry + cluelessness if anything], Gia [thank you!], Dog Stars Crush [sadly, he does not. Things are becoming stranger and stranger], Embers of Fate [thank you! your sister only reads fics with more than 500 reviews? humm... I suppose that's a way to save time if she doesn't have much. Ack, trust me, I'm not very good. There are so many more authors on this site I'm humbled compared to them. But over time, we'll all improve. it just takes practice! Remus is a really fun character to write, because it seems that in every fic, he remains relatively the same. he's always the calm voice of reason resolutely bashing down on something Sirius does. Harry's cute? really? It seems that the word cute has always been attached to Harry in the WS verse story, its really odd. maybe its the obliviousness? oh my, overprotective big brother! how scary! does he give all your guy friends a hard time?], WeasleyTwinsLover1112 [no, no, I'm not that evil! I wouldn't even be able to write it. tell me when you have PL ready to post!], lilyblue [thank you! it was a harder to make it as senselessly funny with a plot at the same time, but... ack. this one becomes even less funny], Anti Pasta [love the name! do you like Pasta? it is rather fun to write something light hearted after a stressful school day. I understand you perfectly. WS is depressing and it made me feel guilty writing it, and CoS... ack, that's just cruel], summersun [definitely! Sirius is pissed.], Lucerito-del-alba [Sirius is hard to stomach? well, he is a bit... out there. I'm glad you enjoyed it nevertheless. Thank you!], Shichan [thank you! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well], Sea Chelle [Harry's completely clueless as to what's happening! he wouldn't even understand if some girl kissed him. Harry lives in an entirely different lifestyle, so he doesn't really understand things as basic as getting a girlfriend. really, you'd be admiring him? even with Sirius as an threat?], Si Monyet Kecil [your penname sounds really familiar! Where did it come from?], Wishful Thinker [alas, he is clueless! CoS will come soon!], lady knight of kennan [no, no, definitely don't start on new fics! i have muses for that too, but I always beat them down. it's agonizing, it really is. So more Ron and Hermy then? Hermy's getting neglected in this story], Autumn Ice [how did you like PoM? ack, ends rather unsettlingly, doesn't it?], Rainbow [you're alive! yay! that's good to know! I uploaded PoM on the original hiatus note, so you did actually review it. I think Fido is really evil, but *sigh* what can we do? Out of the Night has disappeared! Are you planning an update soon? Harry has been completely sheltered, since Sirius is so obsessive. I hope you don't stay dead, you must live at least a little!], Blizzard [Sirius is very much wanting to kill her! Harry... runs. Poor guy, he has no clue how to react], Tory [I suppose its probably because humor becomes addicting after a while, but GI is definitely going to be my last humor fic. after a while though, it grows on you. Classics are great too, sometimes, there aren't enough of those completed.], Sara Minks [thank you! I hope you enjoyed CoS!], Brighid [thank you! It's great that you thought it was humorous! Your fic is wonderful, I'm sorry I've never reviewed it, I'm definitely going to once I scrap enough time to leave a long review. It really deserves one. I hope you have another chapter ready soon!], Krissy [thank you!], you didn't leave a name but its great you took the time to review [will do!], Von [once again, you poured the fuel to this chapter! that is what happened with the girls being discovered, and falling on him, and getting a little feeling up before someone unfortunately barges in. Flinging them over the stairwell, you have no idea how tempting that was! Although, alas, they fell out of a closet and not stairs. Perhaps Sirius can attempt that with the next unfortunate victim... Snape? I'd love to incorporate some Snape banging, but I can't figure out how to incorporate it! *sighs ruefully* it would be so fun to write. Sirius has got some serious issues, but so does Harry. And so does Ms. Shameless for that matter. Ron, Hermione, and the Hufflepuffs know nothing about his scar. Harry isn't the type who would readily admit something like that to them. The Dursleys left quite a number of scars on him... humm... I must kidnap you as my muse. you have such wonderful ideas! thank you so much!], Jedi Cosmos [Harry makes so much sense as someone naive, doesn't he? Rowling's Harry isn't that naive, but being extreme is fun. Remus was quite amusing too! For some reason, I think that he's one of those guardians who encourage a lot when you're still innocent, but once you start following his dating advice, suddenly changes his mind. Hide & Seek is great! I really hope you don't take as long to update as Catch, that was agonizing! Hide & Seek... humm... I'm obsessed about that fic. I've been trying to figure out what its going to be about with Monster's Inc. and the title, and so far, it's not very helpful. Arug! Post soon! GI is going to be slightly longer than as planned, but it ends at a very odd note. ack, I shouldn't have told you that!], carmsfic [poor Harry, definitely!], Kaydee [you know, I should start posting at ACKisms, that's been getting neglected. *sigh* I am addicted to writing drama. I can't help it! What can we say, Sirius is a guy who makes tons of waves. Whereever he goes, he goes with a bang. So you like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest now? How's it going?], webweaver [thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. How did you like CD? It's one of my older ones and doesn't flow very smoothly... ack], stormyfire [that's great! thank you!], Lady Arwan of Rivendell [no, no, so many ideas from the last chapter of GI came from Von's review. She has the most brilliant humor ideas. I have a ML, would you like to join that for updates?], you left no name but thank you for reviewing [well, you'll see!], MeShelly [that is true, now that you mention it. Harry has this unflattering faith in Sirius' good character, its rather disturbing. But its rather sad that Sirius feels he'd lose Harry's trust if he tells him anything about what he's like before. And those stalker girls *cringe* well, that'll be... disturbing. She definitely doesn't seem like the type who would as out Harry, but it was still fun to torture him! I updated PoM, although it doesn't end really nicely. ack!], Fickle [thank you!], Nacasara [yes you are! where have you been?! *nod nod* Sirius will have his vengeance!]
a/n story dedicated to Rainbow and Ari for inspiring me with this idea! And Von, whom I am seriously considering kidnapping and forcing by wand point to be my humor muse. She keeps popping these brilliant ideas that… there's no other way to describe them. After I read her review, I had to finish this chapter despite CoS' calling. All the credit of this chapter must go to her!
Please read Of Western Stars before you read this fic, otherwise, things will get very confusing!
Good Intentions
By neutral
Chapter three - of clueless godsons, and not so clueless godfathers
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" Sirius' enraged shout sent a few stray girls that had been strategically eavesdropping by the teachers' dorms scrambling for their common rooms.
Remus flinched, nearly tipping his tray of butterbeers. Sighing, he purposely knocked the tray against his friend's elbow, but Sirius didn't even notice.
Ever since they left Dumbledore's office earlier that afternoon (Sirius looked decidedly triumphant throughout Dumbledore's entire lecture. Snape looked ready to fling the closest object, which fortunately was Fawkes and therefore not plausible, at his archenemy's head), they had received earfuls of rumors. Remus had to drag him to the dorms almost by wand point to make sure he didn't barge into the dining hall and cause more serious damage. But Harry had chosen the unfortunate day to drop by, and when he slowly began to recount the earlier disaster…
Bulstrode? Remus could feel his stomach sinking. As much as he tried to encourage Harry join the mainstream teens and haul Sirius back by the scruff of his collar, he was beginning to have second thoughts. Not even those Hufflepuffs were as bad as Millicent Bulstrode!
He was going to have a talk with that girl soon, with Sirius and his wand if necessary. Remus bit the inside of his cheek, and discovering where his thoughts had been straying, felt like banging his head against the table. He was beginning to sound just like Sirius…
Remus sighed again, glancing at his friend out of the corner of his eye.
Sirius was on his feet, eyes saucer sized and face morphing into an alarming shade of red. He wheezed for breath, clutching his chest as if it was bordering on heart failure.
"What…" Sirius choked out, making an admirable attempt to sound calm but nonetheless failing. "did Bulstrode ask you?"
Harry's head met the oak table with a loud clunk that echoed through Sirius and Remus' dorms. "She…"
"… she…?" Sirius repeated slowly. His voice sounded a little frayed, but he was gritting his teeth too hard to notice.
"Umm…" Harry gulped, slowly lifting his head. "asked me…"
"She asked you out?" Remus softly interjected. He patted Harry reassuringly on the head despite the increasing sense of horror in the back of his mind. "What did you say…?"
Remus' hand suddenly flew to his mouth, face contorting into a grimace of pain. Under the table, Sirius was resolutely grinding the heel of his boot against Remus' foot.
"I'm sure she did not!" Sirius hissed through clenched teeth. "We just heard wrong earlier, didn't we?"
Remus jabbed his elbow against Sirius' ribs hard.
Harry cleared his throat uneasily. He had never seen his godfather so flustered; the glint in his eyes were unnerving. "Umm… she did, actually."
Sirius' face fell. Remus managed to twist free from under Sirius' boot, and hobbled to a chair nursing his foot. Sirius had been wearing dragonhide boots, and all he had on were slippers! He was going to retaliate later, Remus schemed as he massaged his foot, when Harry is out of the room.
"I was going to speak to her this morning. Someone had cursed her, and they all saying it was Padfoot," Harry was still obliviously trying to explain, waving his hand to gesture agitatedly. "I thought I should clear it up, since it obviously was a lie."
Out of the corner of his eye, Remus noticed Sirius' face pale a few shades. He looked as if he couldn't decide between guilt, horror, or disbelief.
"I took the curse off. Then…" Harry's voice drifted when he noticed the expression on Remus' face. "Moony, are you alright? What happened to your foot?"
Remus was pretty sure Sirius blanched a few more shades. "I…"
"… kicked the chair on accident. He was so shocked," Sirius sharply cut him off, condescendingly patting Remus on the head. Leaning over the table, he placed his hands firmly on his godson's shoulders and stubbornly proceeded to stare him down. "Harry, what did you tell her?"
Harry gulped again. Sheepishly, he sunk lower in his chair. "Well…"
"You said no, didn't you?" Sirius asked in a low whisper. Remus noted with some amount of admiration and disappointment that Sirius managed to keep his tone soothing. The menacing gleam in his eyes was carefully hidden away from his godson.
Harry, of course, was oblivious. He fiddled with his sleeve listlessly, "I…" his words died and a blush flooded his cheeks. "Well, no."
Sirius looked floored.
"I walked really quickly out of the room," Harry timidly finished. He looked embarrassed at just the memory; his face matching a tomato with stunning accuracy.
Remus floundered slightly trying to piece together what Harry meant exactly, and his mind conjured up a vivid image of Harry madly fleeing the Great Hall.
Harry ran?
After defeating Voldemort's minion, killing a basilisk, escaping the clutches of the strongest Dark Lord in history three times in a row, Harry ran from a girl. A really ugly girl, Remus had to understand, but she wasn't life threatening. Remus wasn't sure whether to be upset, amused, or just plainly horrified.
Sirius perked up. If he had been in his dog form, Remus was sure that his ears would have been vertical and his tail furiously lashing at air. "Really?"
"I didn't know what to say!" Harry said in a rush, misinterpreting their shocked expressions by miles. "That never happened to me before, and I didn't expect… She must have been so upset. I have to speak with her later…"
"No!!" Harry jumped at Sirius' sudden shout, and Sirius lowered his voice immediately. "No, don't worry about it, Harry. I'll take care of it, okay?"
Oh no. Despite how unlikable Bulstrode was, he still couldn't help hide the surge of pity that came at Sirius' declaration. Remus cleared his throat nervously, "Sirius, I think that Harry should…"
"I'll take care of it," Sirius repeated, aiming another kick at Remus' shin under the table. "Don't worry, Harry, I'll take care of everything."
//
"Can you believe it?! Bulstrode tried to ask Harry out. The nerve of her!"
"At least it didn't work out. Otherwise, what would become of him?"
"He would be spoiled…" A dramatic sob.
"Humph. At least Professor Black taught her a lesson."
A long silence.
"I almost feel sorry for her…"
"You what?! Traitor!"
"Well, I…"
"Get out immediately!"
"But…"
"You're suppose to be one of us! You're suppose to be loyal in pursuit! How could you feel sorry for someone with the likes of her?"
"But you can't make me leave! Harry's going to start changing soon!"
"What?! How dare you call him Harry! Leave!!"
"How could you be so cruel?!"
\\
"Give me another minute," Harry called over his shoulder, kicking off his shoes and nesting the wand in a careful position where it was easily accessible. "You can start practicing without me, Ron, it doesn't really matter."
"Alright. Be quick though, we have to leave early with Hermione. She wants to start studying for exams," Ron shouted from the doorway.
Harry gave his friend a nod of acknowledgement, and began drawing his clothes from the compartment. The first game had been a victory, but the only won by a marginal forty points. If they wanted the quidditch cup this year, they would have to secure it by crushing the Hufflepuffs. Ravenclaw was far too difficult to conquer, but…
"Harry?"
Harry glanced up curiously, a bit bewildered by the nervous expression on Ron's face. "Is something wrong?" he cautiously asked.
Ron nodded, glancing around uneasily as if searching for eavesdroppers. "About that Bulstrode incident…"
Oh. He had almost forgotten about it. It had been three days ago, and since then, there were so many exams that he could do nothing but bury himself in the potion's textbook and pray that Snape wouldn't unleash his revenge on him. Snape's resentment of him bordered on outright hatred, especially after the potion's professor's numerous confrontations with his godfather.
Harry couldn't help but blush at just the awkward memory of the tall, beefy girl shyly whispering to him. He felt almost guilty at feeling terrified.
"You told Sirius, didn't you?"
What did that have anything to do with it? Harry wondered. Wordlessly, he nodded.
Ron cleared his throat, looking even more unsettled as he plowed boldly forward. "Harry, you really should know… I mean, you see… I don't know how I should say this. Sirius is probably going to kill me!"
"Why would Sirius want to kill you?" Harry asked, perplexed. "Sirius would do nothing of the sort."
Ron snorted, mumbling under his breath. Harry could just barely pick out the words of 'you have no idea' in his senseless babble.
"Listen, Harry, do you know where Bulstrode is?" Ron tentatively asked.
Harry opened his mouth to answer the rather obvious question, but hesitated. Now that he thought about it, he hadn't seen her sitting at the table recently. Not since the after she asked him out. But hadn't Sirius mentioned…?
"She's visiting her mother, Sirius told be on Tuesday," Harry muttered thoughtfully. "He says she's ill, and its very serious. She'll probably be gone for a while."
"Very serious indeed," Ron echoed indignantly. He sighed, frowning grimly at the cement floor. "You see, Bulstrode is in the infirmary…"
Bulstrode was with her mother's in the infirmary? Why was she there? Wouldn't it be more logical if Mrs. Bulstrode was placed in St. Mungo's instead? But perhaps she wanted to be closer to her daughter?
"Oh, well, I hope she gets better soon," Harry said awkwardly. "It's really sad that something like that happened to her."
Ron looked surprised for a brief moment, but he quickly broke into a relieved smile. "I knew you'd understand!" Ron said brightly, slapping Harry on the back. "I knew you couldn't possibly be that thick. Hurry up and change for practice!"
Harry watched Ron jog outside again with light steps, as if a burden had been released from his shoulders, and frowned in bewilderment. Since when was Ron that concerned for Bulstrode's mother? Shaking his head in confusion, Harry unfolded his quidditch uniform.
The hair on the back on his neck prickled in warning, and he instantly stilled. Harry's hand instinctively snatched his wand with practiced fluidity. He had been trained for years on the arts of dueling; it was nearly second nature to him. Soundlessly, he glided with his back against the wall to expose as little of himself as possible, and lunged for the storage room door.
The frame gave away under the cascade of brooms, balls, boxes, towels, and three large lumps that looked decidedly human. Harry leaped out of the way, aiming his wand carefully at the closest suspect.
And paused in shock.
"Ow…" one of them whispered, disentangling herself from the accessories and rubbing her back. It was a girl, and by the badge on her uniform, a Hufflepuff. "I told you two to be stay still!"
"It wasn't my fault!" another snapped, flicking the thick locks of hair from her face. "She hit me first!"
The third rolled her eyes skyward. "Well, you're just such a bit…"
Harry uneasily cleared his throat. "Excuse me?"
At the sound of his voice, the three girls froze as if petrified. As if moving through clay, they sluggishly turned around and stared at him. One of them blushed brightly, and Harry brief wondered if she was slightly feverish. Another coughed, and the one who spoke first slowly dragged herself to her feet.
What were three girls doing in the boy's changing room? Harry couldn't help but wonder as he stared at them gaping. Noticing he was still pinning them with his wand, Harry quickly lowered his hand and took a step back.
They all coughed at that action, although it sounded suspiciously like giggles.
"What are you…?" Harry gestured vaguely in their direction, feeling unusually self conscious. Their gazes felt oddly penetrating.
"Oh, we're…" the first one began, shyly fiddling with her hair.
"We got lost!" another piped in.
And somehow wandered into the boy's changing room? Harry mused in shock. But they probably didn't play quidditch and never really been on the field.
"Oh, I see," Harry murmured understandingly. "That's alright. There's no one here, so I guess you could sneak out really quickly. Where were you trying to go?"
The girl choked, glancing at her friend with a pointed stare. "Umm… to…"
"The infirmary!"
All three of them furiously bobbed their heads.
"I'm slightly sick," said another. For emphasis, she coughed delicately into her hand.
She was wearing unusually thin clothes for this weather. Harry noticed the skirt that cropped above her knees and the almost sleeveless shirt that she wore with sympathy. "Would you like to borrow my cloak? You look a bit cold," Harry offered with a tentative smile.
"Yes, please," she returned the smile with half laden eyes, bringing her arms under her chest in a way that made her shirt look even more low cut.
She did seem very cold.
"I don't know if I lead you to the infirmary," Harry explained as he reached for his cloak. "Practice is beginning soon, but if you want, I can find someone to help you out."
"No, that's quite alright!"
The three of them all furiously shook their heads.
Slightly baffled, Harry watched the three in confusion for a short moment. An innate instinct in the back of his head told him to be wary. But they obviously had no malicious intent, that much was obvious. Shrugging inwardly, Harry held out his cloak with a warm grin. The girl with the scandalously scanty clothes accepted it with a wide smile of her own, and for a minute, he could have sworn the two other girls were glowering darkly. Harry quickly backed away, belatedly noticing that the girl was clutching his hand instead of his cloak with a bone crushing grip. She seemed to be slowly dragging him forward, and as Harry dithered to find his balance, his foot snagged a crevasse on the floor. With a muffled cry of alarm, he tripped backwards and fell hard on the hard tiles. The floor squeezed the air out of his lungs with one solid slap. Harry coughed hoarsely as he fought to regain his breath.
There was a weight on his chest, and Harry was dully reminded of the time he lost a game of tug of war and Padfoot sat on him in his dog form. It took possibly more than two minutes for him to notice why it was so hard to breathe.
Harry choked. The Hufflepuffs were sprawled over him -- although how they got there he had no idea -- and one of the girls had her face uncomfortably close to his neck.
"Ah… excuse me! I'm really sorry!" Harry stuttered in horror. He struggled to crawl away, trying to be as polite as he could, but the cloak had completely ensnarled him in a cocoon. He could only move one of his arms.
"That's quite alright," one of them muttered, but she sounded oddly giddily. "I lost my balance too."
Harry was certain the closest one had said it; there was a sinking feeling that he just felt her teeth against his neck.
"Could you please stand up?" Harry asked, embarrassed.
"Right! Of course…"
There was a rustle of movement, and the girls slowly removed themselves. Harry drew a relieved breath, but before he could turn and move out of the way, one of them lost her balance again and all three showered over him like oversized boulders. The girl's face came crashing down right over his own. Cringing, Harry struggled in a frenzied attempt to free himself, feeling more mortified by the minute. But tangled in his cloak, all he could do was trash helplessly, until he was caught in a mass of hands, legs, and arms and he wasn't even sure if his glasses were still on his face. For a brief moment, he could have sworn he felt a hand that was definitely not his own under his shirt.
Distantly, there was an enraged shout.
*
Ack! A shorter chapter than usual. But the rest of the chapter takes a different turn so it probably shouldn't have been joined in with this one. There will actually be another chapter of GI before the story comes to a close. It's really odd. Writing this is addicting, since its so much easier and doesn't require much thinking. The humor is hard, but writing the senseless in betweens is fun. Its kind of like PoM flashbacks. Especially after doing homework, GI is like a hot shower on a rainy day. This'll will probably be finished before next week, its nice to get another story out of the way. Ack, I'm so sorry!! CoS is still in the works... ack ack ack.
This chapter's odd… *sigh* there's really no other way to describe it I suppose, although I swear, I did not intend the things to be that extreme! All they were going to do was fall on Harry, but the second part… ack… I don't know where that came from!
Ron attempts the plunge by hinting to Harry about the truth, but sadly, Harry misinterpreted it by miles. The poor kid is hopeless. But he does have nice reflexes when it comes to battling. umm... I'm going to avoid bashing. Expect a looong bash at the end of the story.
aniwda [Sirius is evil! very, very evil he is], me [ack, sorry about that! PoM doesn't end on a very settling note. There will be another chapter up before the end of the year], AllAboutMe [thanks!], Rei [Harry is definitely oblivious! the girls will find a way], Gaby [ack! your email is still on my computer, it's been nearly a month. I will reply! There will be flashbacks for PoM, just not so much about the orphanage anymore], Sandrine Black [head stuck in the sand is a wonderful way to put it! Well, actually, this doesn't really focus about Harry getting into a relationship. I can't write romance, so I'm avoiding it altogether. You see mostly Harry getting in terrible situations and Sirius cracking his knuckles], The One and Only Amazing Typo [love the penname!], ginny5 [Sirius is... somewhat crazy, now that you mention it. Obsessive he is definitely], Emerald Phoenix524 [fear not! nothing terrible came of it], Allocin [I've been loading CoS in pieces, so it's probably confusing. oh my, does she really? now I'm worried. Should I visit Britian anytime soon?], -_- [there will be more CoS very soon. very, very soon!], Sparkle Tangerine [oh my, Harry turning gay because of all of Sirius' desperate efforts? oh my...], ccsgirl [thank you!], depth [Sirius wasn't too delighted, that's for sure. Bulstrode could be an interesting character though, it would have been fun if Harry said yes just because he was too embarrassed to say no], Lucy [yes, I am alive! happy birthday! how old are you now? did you have a big party and a big cake? wah, remind me again, I have to write a PoM thing for your dedication! Yes, definitely! Harry needs some proof to know that Sirius is insane. I'm planning something for it next chapter, it'll be... fun. Harry doesn't know anything about living, just surviving. *sigh*], Dark Whispers [CoS will come soon, I swear! I know that's been neglected lately, but its nearing a rather difficult point, and its... difficult to write. ack!], ratgirl [thank you! umm... all my other fics are drama, so I've been trying to keep GI away from it.], Nagini [soon, CoS will come soon! No Harry/anything, don't worry! It's more like... Harry + cluelessness if anything], Gia [thank you!], Dog Stars Crush [sadly, he does not. Things are becoming stranger and stranger], Embers of Fate [thank you! your sister only reads fics with more than 500 reviews? humm... I suppose that's a way to save time if she doesn't have much. Ack, trust me, I'm not very good. There are so many more authors on this site I'm humbled compared to them. But over time, we'll all improve. it just takes practice! Remus is a really fun character to write, because it seems that in every fic, he remains relatively the same. he's always the calm voice of reason resolutely bashing down on something Sirius does. Harry's cute? really? It seems that the word cute has always been attached to Harry in the WS verse story, its really odd. maybe its the obliviousness? oh my, overprotective big brother! how scary! does he give all your guy friends a hard time?], WeasleyTwinsLover1112 [no, no, I'm not that evil! I wouldn't even be able to write it. tell me when you have PL ready to post!], lilyblue [thank you! it was a harder to make it as senselessly funny with a plot at the same time, but... ack. this one becomes even less funny], Anti Pasta [love the name! do you like Pasta? it is rather fun to write something light hearted after a stressful school day. I understand you perfectly. WS is depressing and it made me feel guilty writing it, and CoS... ack, that's just cruel], summersun [definitely! Sirius is pissed.], Lucerito-del-alba [Sirius is hard to stomach? well, he is a bit... out there. I'm glad you enjoyed it nevertheless. Thank you!], Shichan [thank you! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well], Sea Chelle [Harry's completely clueless as to what's happening! he wouldn't even understand if some girl kissed him. Harry lives in an entirely different lifestyle, so he doesn't really understand things as basic as getting a girlfriend. really, you'd be admiring him? even with Sirius as an threat?], Si Monyet Kecil [your penname sounds really familiar! Where did it come from?], Wishful Thinker [alas, he is clueless! CoS will come soon!], lady knight of kennan [no, no, definitely don't start on new fics! i have muses for that too, but I always beat them down. it's agonizing, it really is. So more Ron and Hermy then? Hermy's getting neglected in this story], Autumn Ice [how did you like PoM? ack, ends rather unsettlingly, doesn't it?], Rainbow [you're alive! yay! that's good to know! I uploaded PoM on the original hiatus note, so you did actually review it. I think Fido is really evil, but *sigh* what can we do? Out of the Night has disappeared! Are you planning an update soon? Harry has been completely sheltered, since Sirius is so obsessive. I hope you don't stay dead, you must live at least a little!], Blizzard [Sirius is very much wanting to kill her! Harry... runs. Poor guy, he has no clue how to react], Tory [I suppose its probably because humor becomes addicting after a while, but GI is definitely going to be my last humor fic. after a while though, it grows on you. Classics are great too, sometimes, there aren't enough of those completed.], Sara Minks [thank you! I hope you enjoyed CoS!], Brighid [thank you! It's great that you thought it was humorous! Your fic is wonderful, I'm sorry I've never reviewed it, I'm definitely going to once I scrap enough time to leave a long review. It really deserves one. I hope you have another chapter ready soon!], Krissy [thank you!], you didn't leave a name but its great you took the time to review [will do!], Von [once again, you poured the fuel to this chapter! that is what happened with the girls being discovered, and falling on him, and getting a little feeling up before someone unfortunately barges in. Flinging them over the stairwell, you have no idea how tempting that was! Although, alas, they fell out of a closet and not stairs. Perhaps Sirius can attempt that with the next unfortunate victim... Snape? I'd love to incorporate some Snape banging, but I can't figure out how to incorporate it! *sighs ruefully* it would be so fun to write. Sirius has got some serious issues, but so does Harry. And so does Ms. Shameless for that matter. Ron, Hermione, and the Hufflepuffs know nothing about his scar. Harry isn't the type who would readily admit something like that to them. The Dursleys left quite a number of scars on him... humm... I must kidnap you as my muse. you have such wonderful ideas! thank you so much!], Jedi Cosmos [Harry makes so much sense as someone naive, doesn't he? Rowling's Harry isn't that naive, but being extreme is fun. Remus was quite amusing too! For some reason, I think that he's one of those guardians who encourage a lot when you're still innocent, but once you start following his dating advice, suddenly changes his mind. Hide & Seek is great! I really hope you don't take as long to update as Catch, that was agonizing! Hide & Seek... humm... I'm obsessed about that fic. I've been trying to figure out what its going to be about with Monster's Inc. and the title, and so far, it's not very helpful. Arug! Post soon! GI is going to be slightly longer than as planned, but it ends at a very odd note. ack, I shouldn't have told you that!], carmsfic [poor Harry, definitely!], Kaydee [you know, I should start posting at ACKisms, that's been getting neglected. *sigh* I am addicted to writing drama. I can't help it! What can we say, Sirius is a guy who makes tons of waves. Whereever he goes, he goes with a bang. So you like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest now? How's it going?], webweaver [thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. How did you like CD? It's one of my older ones and doesn't flow very smoothly... ack], stormyfire [that's great! thank you!], Lady Arwan of Rivendell [no, no, so many ideas from the last chapter of GI came from Von's review. She has the most brilliant humor ideas. I have a ML, would you like to join that for updates?], you left no name but thank you for reviewing [well, you'll see!], MeShelly [that is true, now that you mention it. Harry has this unflattering faith in Sirius' good character, its rather disturbing. But its rather sad that Sirius feels he'd lose Harry's trust if he tells him anything about what he's like before. And those stalker girls *cringe* well, that'll be... disturbing. She definitely doesn't seem like the type who would as out Harry, but it was still fun to torture him! I updated PoM, although it doesn't end really nicely. ack!], Fickle [thank you!], Nacasara [yes you are! where have you been?! *nod nod* Sirius will have his vengeance!]