Disclaimer: I do not own Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakumeshi (aka Spirited Away). And I do not have any money. This fan fiction is for the sole purpose of putting my idea(s) out into the public and sharing them with those who are interested. I am not making money off of this fan fiction.

But this fan fiction still belongs to me.

Out the Window and Through the Tunnel

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Wavering Thoughts, Wavering Heart


It was still night when Chihiro arrived at her house, her mind a little sluggish on how she had gotten there. She did remember the meeting with Rin, though, and the glimpse of Haku, half hidden behind the building and the other half covered in shadows. But, Chihiro had been sure that it was him, and she knew that he was uneasy too. Was the uneasiness because he knew she was there, or was it because he knew she wouldn't be there? Chihiro hoped it was the latter.

She still wasn't quite sure she had went back. After all, how many years had it been since she left from the dream and how long had she stopped thinking about him. It seemed like forever and none, the two extreme ends of the scale.

But did he love her? Knowing that they shared a bond of friendship was nice, but Chihiro knew that her feelings were more than that. Did she really find her soul mate at the age of ten? Or did she only fall in love with her memory of him, the heroic side of him, the powerful side of him?

No, you didn't, Chihiro told herself, chided herself for her own doubt. Everybody had a way of trying to preserve their dreams. You have seen the weak and violent side of Haku when he was cursed and when you helped him remember his name.

Even if he did love her, does he still love her? Even if he still loves her, wouldn't she cause him pain when she dies? He was a river spirit, and spirits live forever. And before that, are they allowed to love each other? Which world will they stay in?

No, she wasn't a materialistic person, but at high school, she knew that people were made of more than feelings, mere hopes and wishes.  Ideas would never be able to feed a person, and Chihiro knew that well.

So, she turned away. Perhaps she would be mature enough to tell him that she loved him one day, but not today. Maybe after she started to actually grow like most of the other girls in her class. Maybe when she graduated college and could make a living. Maybe when she was sure of their lives.

No, Chihiro wasn't a child anymore. Dreams were nice to encourage you to keep on going, but it was you that needed to keep on going for your dreams.

Her parents were already asleep when she came home.

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The sunlight penetrated through the window forcefully, making sure that Chihiro would be up before noon, even on a Saturday morning, and with a headache. She realized that being out that late last night was not a good idea. Even when she just came back home, somehow crossing the river, she had felt drained. Her headache was her evidence.

Grudgingly, she came out of bed and brushed her teeth and took a shower. Sort of willing her feet to move, she went downstairs and ate her breakfast. She hurried through the process of putting on her shoes and a light jacket as it was nearing winter.

She opened the door and tapped her toes on the floors a couple of times before she left. "I'm leaving," she said to her parents, who were busy getting ready to shop and work. Chihiro was going to meet her friends today, and do something in town, but nobody was sure of that 'something' they were going to do yet. Mitsuki had said they should watch a movie, and Ayame said she wanted to go window shopping. Rika, two years older than Chihiro and a ton more mature, had offered to drive them, but it was decided that taking the bus would be more interesting.

Chihiro could feel that it was going to be an interesting day. She wished Haku could be there with her to enjoy all the earthly joys, but she also knew that the human world would cut him off of his spiritual energy and cause his death, just like how she almost disappeared before Haku gave her that thing to eat so that her body would get used to the spiritual essence of herself as well. She couldn't give food to Haku though, because Haku doesn't have anything materialistic about him. Maybe she could let him draw on her energy, but she didn't know how that would work, or even if it would.

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Chihiro neared the the bus stop they had all agreed to meet at, simply because they would have to take the bus to the next town if they wanted to do anything. Funny, though, there was already somebody else at the bus stop, a person that Chihiro didn't recognize as a person from the town.

He held himself maturely, even though he was quite short, and his eyes shimmered with that childlike innocence. But the deep green eyes held an intensity in them as well, an intensity that was brought out by his long-ish, aqua hair.

"Haku," Chihiro half yelled, half blurted out before she was able to remind herself that Haku did not wear jeans or T-shirt or listen to portable mp3 players.

Too late. The boy snapped out of his thoughts and looked up at Chihiro. After a slight pause, he said, "hi."

Chihiro shifted uncomfortably. He was awfully good looking too, and in the way Haku was good looking. As she neared the bus stop, she muttered, under her breath, an apology and how he looked like a friend that she hasn't met in a long time.

"Oh, ok," he said. Chihiro was startled that he had actually heard her. Then, she noticed that he slipped back into his world of music as Chihiro looked around for her friends.

"I am Haku, though," he said abruptly.

"Oh," Chihiro said. Funny how they have the same looks and the same name. Maybe all the spirits had a counter part in the human world, she mused. "I'm Ogino Chihiro, but you can call me Sen." It was also interesting how she felt immediately comfortable with him just because he was like a memory from her dream. But he was totally different. He had coolness and calm where Haku, the dragon, had aggressiveness and passion for what was going on in the world and his part in the world.

Just then, Mitsuki, Ayame, and Rika arrived. They all had the same, suspicious smile on them as they greeted Chihiro and told her that they intended to do something fun, about her love life.

Chihiro was wrapped up in her own thoughts. She desperately wished that she didn't run away from Haku last night. She wished that Haku could know what she was thinking and that he would understand. She wished that she could go into the spirit world and stay there, or that Haku could come and stay here, or something so that they could see each other regularly.

"Sen," Mitsuki yelled into Chihiro's ear. Chihiro jumped visibly. "You were lost in your own thoughts again. Were you thinking about... Ha-..."

"Haku," Chihiro filled in for Mitsuki.

"Yeah, Haku. Were you thinking about him again?"   Chihiro told Mitsuki enough for Mitsuki to figure out that Chihiro had, at least, a crush on this 'Haku'.

Chihiro sighed in defeat.

"Hey, Ayame, Rika, I have a plan," Mitsuki was telling the other two in a huddle excluding Chihiro. "I say we hook Chihiro up with Haku." Seeing the puzzled expressions on their faces, she explained, "This Haku," as she pointed to the boy listening to his mp3 player.   They knew perfectly well that Chihiro could hear them too.

Chihiro's first thought was that is not going to work. Her second was how they learned of his name, and that thought was followed by a feeling of extreme irritation at the fact that her friends had spied on her, again, to see if she was interested in a guy. Well, she did treat him like a friend and already asked him to call her by her nick name.

She thought that she wouldn't mind going out with this Haku, maybe, but a nagging corner of her mind told her that it would not be right to make this Haku think that she liked him when she actually only loved the Haku that could turn into a dragon.

Chihiro also knew that her friends were going to start insisting that they all do something, and then ditch the two of them in the restaurant of movie or wherever they happen to be.

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a/n: As for the length, I'm trying to not go over 10 chapters because, well, I just don't like really long fan-fics. I'll prolly finish next chap. in a day or two, but I really want to know what you thought of this part.

I also hope that this chapter cleared some of the confusion. If it doesn't... well, you can always ask when submitting a review. And I welcome constructive criticisms. As long as it's backed up by how I can fix it, I will gladly fix it after I finish the story. ^^

Ayame is a girl's name (for all of you that watched Fruits Basket).