CR: All right you ungrateful, non-reviewing readers, here is the next chapter. Although I
would very much like to withhold this and every new chapter we've got until we get
more reviews, I realize that that is childish and just plain stupid. We would LIKE to have
more reviews to let us know whether or not you guys like what we've got or not but we
also realize that we can't force you to do anything you don't want to do. So, I guess this
is a moot point. SM isn't mine, and whatever LS says, it isn't hers either.
LS: If you read this, you review it, get it? People don't call me Solo Lector just because
I'm beautiful….
CR: And now, without further ado, here's the next chapter of Moomoo Stink and the Hell
Raisers. Dedicated to Neo for inspiring this chapter. Don't worry, Mrs. Neo. It's not
what you think.
LS: The sad thing is, yes it is….*thoughts wander to his stiff upper lippy* :D
************************************************************************
Moomoo Stink and the Hell Raisers
By: CR and LS
Chapter 3 by: CR
******************************
Usagi shifted uncomfortably on the soup can label bed, groaning inwardly at her
cursed luck. Her thong was beginning to piss the shit out of her. Seeing that Mamoru
was asleep facing her, she reached down between her legs in yet another futile attempt to
unwedge the thin Spandex strap deeply lodged between her ass cheeks. She arched her
back to give her better access to her backside and gave the thong a mighty tug. Usagi felt
greatly relieved to have that invader out of her crumbum, even for a mere few seconds
before it wedged itself back into place. She kicked both legs in annoyance and felt a
scream gurgling up her throat. Usagi was going to _kill_ that whore Minako for doing
this to her. When she got back to Tokyo, that hell raiser bitch better get her ass cheeks
sewn together for her own sake because Usagi was going to give her the mother of all
wedgies.
She squirmed around some more, trying to find a less…pinching…position on
their makeshift bed and almost cried out in frustration when she felt the thong going up
her ass even more. 'That does it. Mamoru can just kiss my ass cuz I can't take this
anymore!' Nodding her head defiantly, she once again arched her back and this time,
hooked both thumbs under the waistband and began inching the bothersome thongs
down. 'Almost…almost…'
Then it happened. Just as she had gotten the thong halfway down her thighs,
some unseen force of nature went and jerked her hand away, smacking the sleeping
Mamoru squarely in the loincloth. The scream that erupted from his lips was loud
enough to awaken the dead. It certainly was loud enough to make Usagi go deaf in one
ear.
"What the FUCK did you think you were doing?!" he screeched, clasping his sore
manhood protectively in his hands. If Usagi wasn't there staring at him, he'd probably be
checking to make sure his best friend was ok. He'd be inspecting him for damage,
soothing him with words of affection and letting the big guy know just how appreciated
he really was. In Mamoru's opinion, both of them had gotten happier since being well
acquainted with each other.
But Odango had to hurt his friend and for that, she must pay. He glared at Usagi
rather hatefully before using his hands to see if she did any permanent damage. He
almost sighed with relief when the big guy let him know that he was fine and could still
perform his duties efficiently.
"I'm sorry, Mamoru. I was just trying to take my thong off," Usagi offered
weakly. She really didn't _mean_ to hit him; that was just a bonus that came along with
getting that blasted Spandex/Lycra mutant bikini out of her ass. Seeing that Mamoru was
still glaring at her, Usagi stuck her bottom lip out pathetically and made her eyes look up
at him, making sure that her chin was pointed to her chest. Usagi had perfected the
puppy face down to a science and if Mamoru thought he could resist it, well then, he was
just as wrong about that as he was about the size of his…'pleasure stick.'
"And _why_ would you do _that_?" The tension in Mamoru's voice was
unmistakable.
"HEY! You try walking around this godforsaken island with a wedgie for 17
days and see how _you_ like it!" Then, as if to challenge Mamoru into indeed taking a
walk in her shoes, so to speak, she whipped the thong off violently and smacked him in
the chest with it. "Here. Show me what you got!"
Mamoru fought a losing battle between the big guy and his conscience (the angel
one, not the devil one). Hearing Usagi's explanation about why she accidentally hit him
in the family jewels did nothing to ease pain. In fact, seeing the puppy face she was
famous for AND knowing that she was naked from the waist down AND having her
thongs right there for the taking just made all sorts of mental images come alive in his
mind. Ah, the pictures…
'HEY! You have a HOT girl right beside you who has just taken her thong off
and you're lying there like a big doofus!' the big guy, whom Mamoru had affectionately
named Neo after a night of binge drinking with Motoki-err, the evil cow, yelled. 'Where
did I go wrong?' Mamoru could almost see Neo throwing up his hands-if he had any,
that is-in despair.
'Now, now, Mamoru. She's only fourteen years old,' his conscience chided.
Mamoru nodded in agreement. 'She probably has NO idea that guys like Neo exist.'
(CR: Oh, guys like Neo exist all right…*laughs evilly* LS: YES they do….but they're
all happily married or gay, I tell you)
'THAT GIRL'S FOURTEEN?!' Neo shouted in shock. 'WHOA! Mamoru,
buddy, if this girl's only fourteen years old and already has a body like THAT, imagine
what she'd look like just two years from now. Va-va-va-VOOM!' As if to prove his
point, Neo stood at attention proudly, pitching a tent in Mamoru's loincloth in a statement
that meant he was there to stay.
Mamoru groaned in pain and pent up frustration. This couldn't be happening.
After the kiss they shared that day they were being chased around by that son-of-a-bitch
snake, they made an unspoken agreement that they had been drunk out of their asses and
thus had no idea what had happened. Now it just seems so wrong to have a beautiful girl
like Usagi prancing around in nothing but a t-shirt and not being able to do anything
about it. Mamoru wanted to cry.
"Uh, Mamoru, are you ok?" Usagi asked hesitantly when she saw the conflicting
emotions play out across his face. Maybe her puppy face was better than she thought.
"Fine Usa, just fine," he managed to croak out even as Neo waved an unseen
hello to Usagi. 'GO AWAY NEO!' he mentally shouted.
'MAKE ME, CUNT!' Neo shouted back, standing up taller than ever before.
'Please Neo,' he begged desperately, sweat dotting his forehead. 'If you go away
for TWO minutes, I promise we'll get some alone time. PLEASE!'
'Well….' Mamoru almost sighed with relief when he felt Neo starting to relax.
'You owe me BIG for this, dipshit. (CR: hey you know what this genius spellchecker
suggested for an alternate spelling of dipshit? Dips hit. What the faak's a dips hit?
Stupid cunt) I mean it. I expect to be treated like a king from now on. When we get
back to Tokyo, I want those silk boxers I've been telling you to get, not that cheap-ass,
cotton-chaffing, boxer brief shit you always buy at the discount rack. And when you
_do_ get more boxer briefs, for god's sakes make sure they're 100% cotton, not a poly-
cotton blend! Polyester doesn't let me _breathe_. Got that?'
'Yes, yes, I got it.' Mamoru rolled his eyes. He really _was_ a slave to his penis.
Not wanting to get on Neo's bad side again, Mamoru quickly adjusted his loincloth and
started to get up.
"Where are you going, Mamoru?"
"I'm just going to walk the pain off. Don't follow me!" he barked as an
afterthought, dashing out the cave like a man on a mission, Usagi's thong clutched tightly
in his hand.
"Who said I wanted to follow you anyway, asshole?" she retorted, feeling slightly
hurt at being ordered to leave him alone. Ever since they kissed, she'd been seeing
Mamoru in a whole new light. Not that seeing Mamoru naked wasn't an eye opening
experience that she had yet to get used to, it's just that this was the first time she had
actually seen any emotion in the man other than anger.
She had to admit that she liked it. She could've murdered that faakin snake for
ruining what could've become something she'd only seen in her father's secret porno
stash, which was stupidly hidden in her room and away from her mother's eyes. She
guessed he hadn't counted on her actually being curious enough to invite Molly over to
watch the mystery tape which she thought was a Disney movie. (CR: this is true, folks.
My dad, in a strange and stupid attempt to hide his porno stash from my mom, hid them
in my closet, where I of course found them and invited my friend over to watch them.
Imagine the shock going through our 11-year old minds when we hit play and there were
people doing stuff that _sounded_ like it hurt, but was oddly pleasurable enough to keep
on doing it. I knew it was a porno, I just didn't know it was a PORNO. Sorry, just a
glimpse into my odd little world. LS: So that's the origin of your hentai mind. That was
better an episode of Lifetime's Biography) Anyway, ever since that day, neither one of
them had mentioned it again, Usagi attributing their behaviour on the alcohol and
assuming that Mamoru had done the same.
Usagi sighed for the millionth time that day. If this was the evil cow and his
henchwomen's brilliant way of getting Mamoru and her closer together, then her theory
about all of them sharing half a brain was true. Walking around in these ridiculous get-
ups was just driving them to the brink of insanity, not to each other's arms. She sighed
again. Since wearing that torturous thong was no longer an option, she needed to find a
suitable covering to keep Mamoru AND his 'joy luck club' from spontaneously
combusting. She rose from the depths of the sleeping bag and pushed the alligator hide
blanket away, dusted herself off and left the cave.
Meanwhile, Mamoru and Neo had just finished 'bonding' and Mamoru was now
laying back sedately against a coconut tree with his arms behind his head, convinced that
he was the king of the world.
"So Neo, was it as good for you as it was for me?" he joked.
'Oh yeah. Don't bother me, cunt…tired.' And with that, Neo turned over to
sleep, relieved, but still not satisfied. If he could only get his hands on that girl
with the ass, he'd show her a thing or two…
"Neo! Go to sleep!"
'Whatever, cunt. You know you want her ass just as much as I do.'
"Well, yeah, but I'm not gonna do anything about it. As Tuxedo Kamen, I have a
responsibility to the world's citizens and that includes preserving Usagi's virtue."
'HA!'
"Oh shut the fuck up, Neo! The lengths I go to please your ungrateful ass…"
'Don't talk as if you're not getting anything out of our _business_ arrangements,
you caped crustacean.'
"Ah fuck you. You're getting too outspoken for your own damn good." Mamoru
forcefully lowered the loincloth and closed his eyes for a well-deserved nap.
Usagi, on the other hand, had no idea there was a discussion going on between
Mamoru and Neo concerning her. She was walking around the little hellhole she didn't
want to call home, trying to find a suitable replacement for her thong and the other
'clothes' they've been wearing ever since they landed on this miserable atoll. On the plus
side, Usagi's tan was developing quite nicely and her head felt lighter because of her lack
of hair.
At the thought of her hair, Usagi's hand immediately flew up to the severed ends,
reminding herself of what she'd like to do to a certain Hino Rei once she got back on
Tokyo soil, and to a certain group of bar wenches, who had streetwalking written in their
futures, for not stopping her. Oh the things she'd like to do to them when she got back.
She and Mamoru had come to the conclusion that their backstabbing 'friends' had
come up with some sort of elaborate lie to get them out of school and Mamoru out of
work. She wondered where her parents thought she was and about Mamoru's parents as
well. Surely they hadn't been party to this madness. She knew her father would kill the
seventeen year old Mamoru (CR: I decided to stick with the manga ages because I just
don't feel comfy with a 21 year old Mamoru lusting after a 14 year old girl. Some
authors-one in particular whose name has something to do with spinning and can't write
sex scenes for shit-might like that, but I sure as hell don't. LS: *falls over laughing*) if
he ever caught him walking down the same sidewalk as his daughter, she could just
picture the kittens he'd have if he ever found out that they were alone on this island
together dressed like two crack addicts who had just fallen naked into the Salvation Army
donation box and emerged in a state worse than they had started in.
Luckily, those fucking bastards had enough sense to leave them with the basic
things that they would need to keep up their appearances, i.e. razors. Usagi would've
died if she had to walk around this place with hairy legs and hairy pits. She blushed
when she thought about the rather tiny nature of the thong and rejoiced when she had
taken care of _that_ problem the second they had found those precious, precious razor
blades. So the little gang of hellions had a tiny bone of human decency in them after all.
Unluckily for Mamoru, however, there was only one razor and five replacement blades,
meaning they'd have to share. She could still remember the scowl on his face when she
thrust the razor in his face, full of hair she had shaved from her…everywhere. To his
credit, he took the razor from her outstretched hand and walked to the stream without
commenting on the copious amount of hair clogging the blades or her tomato-red face.
Finally, Usagi had found some reeds growing near the stream that would be
perfect for making a skirt out of. She quickly cut the grasses down with the small knife
provided to them by the children of the damned, in other words, her ex-friends. Using
her mad basket weaving skills-her mother had made her take courses on basket weaving
for the past two years, fearing that being a professional video game tester was a highly
competitive job market seeing as how every slacker kid like her daughter wanted to
become one-she fashioned a grass skirt much like the hula dancers she saw once on a
travel show. Then she cut more grasses and wove a hat for her ungrateful companion
because he was constantly complaining about the harsh effects UVA and UVB rays were
doing to his skin.
Speaking of Mamoru, _where_ the hell was he? The last time she had seen him
was a half hour ago and this wasn't a very large island. Granted, it was big enough for
bears, alligators, snakes and now humans to exist, but it only took about an hour or two to
walk across the island in a leisurely pace. 'This island is like the Garden of Eden in
reverse,' she thought grumpily as she traipsed around the beach looking for Mamoru.
'We're walking around practically naked, well aware of what the sight of our nearly-
naked bodies are doing to each other; drunken animals roaming the premises freely and
not giving a rat's ass what they're doing to each other and their hapless witnesses; Satan
rules this island with an iron and let his bastard offspring deliver them into its evil.'
Finally she found him, after much walking and muttering to herself something
along the lines of "revenge," "murder," loincloth," and "nice ass," sprawled under a palm
tree, both legs crossed at the ankle and arms behind his head. If Usagi didn't know any
better, she would've thought that Mamoru went out and got himself some. Her face
reddened when she saw her discarded bikini bottom on the sand next to him.
Silently fuming, she walked up to him slowly and scooped up some sand in her
cupped hands. She smiled wickedly as she dumped it on his chest with Mamoru none the
wiser. Soon, Mamoru was completely buried under a shitload of sand, save his head. He
would need his eyes clear of sand when she began taunting him with the food she was
eating over the fire she had built while he naively slept.
The smell of something roasting roused Mamoru back to the land of the living.
He tried to wipe his bleary eyes but to his astonishment, found that he could not lift his
arms up, nor could he lift up his legs. Panicked, he blinked furiously and found that he
was buried under sand with Usagi peacefully roasting fish on a stick.
"What did you do, Odango?" he asked, his tone a warning of what was in store for
her when he was finally free.
"I buried you in sand," she answered lightly, smacking her lips at the yummy
looking fish she had found in one of the traps they set up when they first arrived.
"_Why_ did you bury me in sand?" If Usagi was scared by his dangerously low
voice, she didn't show it.
"Because you were using me in one of your ecchi fantasies again and I didn't like
it."
"You were never in ANY of my ecchi fantasies," he countered, trying not to think
of Usagi in a harem girl costume, feeding him grapes one by one as he lay on a luxurious
feather bed, arms and legs tied to the bedposts. He blushed furiously, thankful that Usagi
had her back turned to him. 'You were in Neo's.'
"Then what was my thong doing right beside you?" she replied haughtily, turning
the fish over to promote even cooking.
"I used it as an insect repellent," he deadpanned. Usagi narrowed her eyes
dangerously.
"Keep that up sparky, and you'll be spending the night out here, alone with your
ecchi thoughts and unable to do anything about them."
"You're not seriously going to leave me here all night, are you, Odango?" he
asked, infusing every ounce of charm he possessed in his voice.
"Try me."
'Sheesh. Women,' he thought in disgust.
'What a woman,' Neo said in admiration.
'Shut the fuck up, Neo. It's all your fault I'm in this position, you horny bastard.'
'Don't pretend you didn't like it. C'mon, admit it. I won't tell,' Neo taunted.
'Remember the Sultan of the Island fantasy that we came up with? The one where Usagi,
the harem girl with the insatiable sexual appetite, drugs your tea and when you wake up,
you're tied to the bed and she's doing this thing with her tongue…'
'Yes, yes, I remember. It's kinda hard to forget when you keep reminding me of
it.' Mamoru closed his eyes in remembrance and shook his head when he realized this
was not the time to be thinking of Usagi the Insatiable. He opened his eyes…and
screamed.
Usagi whipped around at the sound of Mamoru screaming his head off. "What's
the matter?"
"SCORPION! Right under my chin! Get it off, get it off, get it off!" Usagi ran
up to the screaming man and sure enough, there was a huge black scorpion with its tail
aimed directly at Mamoru's face. "Get it off, Usa!"
Usagi saw the look of terror on Mamoru's face and knew that he was truly
frightened. She motioned him to keep calm and to be quiet, crept up to the scorpion and
used the straw hat she wove for Mamoru to trap it. Using a banana leaf she found on the
sand, she carefully slid it underneath the hat and disposed of the scorpion in the fire.
'Usagi one, evil animals zero.'
She walked back to Mamoru and began digging him out of his sandy prison.
When she finally got enough sand off for him to get up on his own, Mamoru stood up
with Usagi's help and dusted himself off.
"Are you okay, Mamo? I'm sorry about burying you in the sand. I'd hate to
think of what could've happened if the scorpion got you." Mamoru said nothing and she
sighed. "I'm sorry. I'll just go back to the cave now--"
Whatever words Usagi was going to say next were muffled as Mamoru's lips
came down on hers. It was a slow, lingering kiss, one that made Usagi tremble out of
fear and longing. When they finally broke apart, Mamoru grinned slyly at the dazed look
on Usagi's face. "Let's go back to the cave now," he said, taking her hand and leading
them back to the cave not far away.
'I KNEW I taught you a thing or two!' exclaimed Neo triumphantly.
'Aw, shut up, Neo!'
************************************************************************
CR: Well, that's all I can write. This goes out to Neo for letting us use him as the
butt of our jokes. AND WHAT A BUTT! Heheheh…Anyways, review you bastards or we'll
find your lazy asses and eat your livers. Or we could just get Neo to do some weird PHP
shit on your computers, effectively cutting off Internet access and messing up with your
lives. Don't think it's not possible. Neo knows all.
LS: And don't think she's making this up, folks. Neo is one resourceful mother fucker.
CR: To a certain reviewer who doesn't know what a cunt is, don't ask your mom. That's
all I can say. If you're REALLY curious, look it up in Webster's if you haven't done so
already.
would very much like to withhold this and every new chapter we've got until we get
more reviews, I realize that that is childish and just plain stupid. We would LIKE to have
more reviews to let us know whether or not you guys like what we've got or not but we
also realize that we can't force you to do anything you don't want to do. So, I guess this
is a moot point. SM isn't mine, and whatever LS says, it isn't hers either.
LS: If you read this, you review it, get it? People don't call me Solo Lector just because
I'm beautiful….
CR: And now, without further ado, here's the next chapter of Moomoo Stink and the Hell
Raisers. Dedicated to Neo for inspiring this chapter. Don't worry, Mrs. Neo. It's not
what you think.
LS: The sad thing is, yes it is….*thoughts wander to his stiff upper lippy* :D
************************************************************************
Moomoo Stink and the Hell Raisers
By: CR and LS
Chapter 3 by: CR
******************************
Usagi shifted uncomfortably on the soup can label bed, groaning inwardly at her
cursed luck. Her thong was beginning to piss the shit out of her. Seeing that Mamoru
was asleep facing her, she reached down between her legs in yet another futile attempt to
unwedge the thin Spandex strap deeply lodged between her ass cheeks. She arched her
back to give her better access to her backside and gave the thong a mighty tug. Usagi felt
greatly relieved to have that invader out of her crumbum, even for a mere few seconds
before it wedged itself back into place. She kicked both legs in annoyance and felt a
scream gurgling up her throat. Usagi was going to _kill_ that whore Minako for doing
this to her. When she got back to Tokyo, that hell raiser bitch better get her ass cheeks
sewn together for her own sake because Usagi was going to give her the mother of all
wedgies.
She squirmed around some more, trying to find a less…pinching…position on
their makeshift bed and almost cried out in frustration when she felt the thong going up
her ass even more. 'That does it. Mamoru can just kiss my ass cuz I can't take this
anymore!' Nodding her head defiantly, she once again arched her back and this time,
hooked both thumbs under the waistband and began inching the bothersome thongs
down. 'Almost…almost…'
Then it happened. Just as she had gotten the thong halfway down her thighs,
some unseen force of nature went and jerked her hand away, smacking the sleeping
Mamoru squarely in the loincloth. The scream that erupted from his lips was loud
enough to awaken the dead. It certainly was loud enough to make Usagi go deaf in one
ear.
"What the FUCK did you think you were doing?!" he screeched, clasping his sore
manhood protectively in his hands. If Usagi wasn't there staring at him, he'd probably be
checking to make sure his best friend was ok. He'd be inspecting him for damage,
soothing him with words of affection and letting the big guy know just how appreciated
he really was. In Mamoru's opinion, both of them had gotten happier since being well
acquainted with each other.
But Odango had to hurt his friend and for that, she must pay. He glared at Usagi
rather hatefully before using his hands to see if she did any permanent damage. He
almost sighed with relief when the big guy let him know that he was fine and could still
perform his duties efficiently.
"I'm sorry, Mamoru. I was just trying to take my thong off," Usagi offered
weakly. She really didn't _mean_ to hit him; that was just a bonus that came along with
getting that blasted Spandex/Lycra mutant bikini out of her ass. Seeing that Mamoru was
still glaring at her, Usagi stuck her bottom lip out pathetically and made her eyes look up
at him, making sure that her chin was pointed to her chest. Usagi had perfected the
puppy face down to a science and if Mamoru thought he could resist it, well then, he was
just as wrong about that as he was about the size of his…'pleasure stick.'
"And _why_ would you do _that_?" The tension in Mamoru's voice was
unmistakable.
"HEY! You try walking around this godforsaken island with a wedgie for 17
days and see how _you_ like it!" Then, as if to challenge Mamoru into indeed taking a
walk in her shoes, so to speak, she whipped the thong off violently and smacked him in
the chest with it. "Here. Show me what you got!"
Mamoru fought a losing battle between the big guy and his conscience (the angel
one, not the devil one). Hearing Usagi's explanation about why she accidentally hit him
in the family jewels did nothing to ease pain. In fact, seeing the puppy face she was
famous for AND knowing that she was naked from the waist down AND having her
thongs right there for the taking just made all sorts of mental images come alive in his
mind. Ah, the pictures…
'HEY! You have a HOT girl right beside you who has just taken her thong off
and you're lying there like a big doofus!' the big guy, whom Mamoru had affectionately
named Neo after a night of binge drinking with Motoki-err, the evil cow, yelled. 'Where
did I go wrong?' Mamoru could almost see Neo throwing up his hands-if he had any,
that is-in despair.
'Now, now, Mamoru. She's only fourteen years old,' his conscience chided.
Mamoru nodded in agreement. 'She probably has NO idea that guys like Neo exist.'
(CR: Oh, guys like Neo exist all right…*laughs evilly* LS: YES they do….but they're
all happily married or gay, I tell you)
'THAT GIRL'S FOURTEEN?!' Neo shouted in shock. 'WHOA! Mamoru,
buddy, if this girl's only fourteen years old and already has a body like THAT, imagine
what she'd look like just two years from now. Va-va-va-VOOM!' As if to prove his
point, Neo stood at attention proudly, pitching a tent in Mamoru's loincloth in a statement
that meant he was there to stay.
Mamoru groaned in pain and pent up frustration. This couldn't be happening.
After the kiss they shared that day they were being chased around by that son-of-a-bitch
snake, they made an unspoken agreement that they had been drunk out of their asses and
thus had no idea what had happened. Now it just seems so wrong to have a beautiful girl
like Usagi prancing around in nothing but a t-shirt and not being able to do anything
about it. Mamoru wanted to cry.
"Uh, Mamoru, are you ok?" Usagi asked hesitantly when she saw the conflicting
emotions play out across his face. Maybe her puppy face was better than she thought.
"Fine Usa, just fine," he managed to croak out even as Neo waved an unseen
hello to Usagi. 'GO AWAY NEO!' he mentally shouted.
'MAKE ME, CUNT!' Neo shouted back, standing up taller than ever before.
'Please Neo,' he begged desperately, sweat dotting his forehead. 'If you go away
for TWO minutes, I promise we'll get some alone time. PLEASE!'
'Well….' Mamoru almost sighed with relief when he felt Neo starting to relax.
'You owe me BIG for this, dipshit. (CR: hey you know what this genius spellchecker
suggested for an alternate spelling of dipshit? Dips hit. What the faak's a dips hit?
Stupid cunt) I mean it. I expect to be treated like a king from now on. When we get
back to Tokyo, I want those silk boxers I've been telling you to get, not that cheap-ass,
cotton-chaffing, boxer brief shit you always buy at the discount rack. And when you
_do_ get more boxer briefs, for god's sakes make sure they're 100% cotton, not a poly-
cotton blend! Polyester doesn't let me _breathe_. Got that?'
'Yes, yes, I got it.' Mamoru rolled his eyes. He really _was_ a slave to his penis.
Not wanting to get on Neo's bad side again, Mamoru quickly adjusted his loincloth and
started to get up.
"Where are you going, Mamoru?"
"I'm just going to walk the pain off. Don't follow me!" he barked as an
afterthought, dashing out the cave like a man on a mission, Usagi's thong clutched tightly
in his hand.
"Who said I wanted to follow you anyway, asshole?" she retorted, feeling slightly
hurt at being ordered to leave him alone. Ever since they kissed, she'd been seeing
Mamoru in a whole new light. Not that seeing Mamoru naked wasn't an eye opening
experience that she had yet to get used to, it's just that this was the first time she had
actually seen any emotion in the man other than anger.
She had to admit that she liked it. She could've murdered that faakin snake for
ruining what could've become something she'd only seen in her father's secret porno
stash, which was stupidly hidden in her room and away from her mother's eyes. She
guessed he hadn't counted on her actually being curious enough to invite Molly over to
watch the mystery tape which she thought was a Disney movie. (CR: this is true, folks.
My dad, in a strange and stupid attempt to hide his porno stash from my mom, hid them
in my closet, where I of course found them and invited my friend over to watch them.
Imagine the shock going through our 11-year old minds when we hit play and there were
people doing stuff that _sounded_ like it hurt, but was oddly pleasurable enough to keep
on doing it. I knew it was a porno, I just didn't know it was a PORNO. Sorry, just a
glimpse into my odd little world. LS: So that's the origin of your hentai mind. That was
better an episode of Lifetime's Biography) Anyway, ever since that day, neither one of
them had mentioned it again, Usagi attributing their behaviour on the alcohol and
assuming that Mamoru had done the same.
Usagi sighed for the millionth time that day. If this was the evil cow and his
henchwomen's brilliant way of getting Mamoru and her closer together, then her theory
about all of them sharing half a brain was true. Walking around in these ridiculous get-
ups was just driving them to the brink of insanity, not to each other's arms. She sighed
again. Since wearing that torturous thong was no longer an option, she needed to find a
suitable covering to keep Mamoru AND his 'joy luck club' from spontaneously
combusting. She rose from the depths of the sleeping bag and pushed the alligator hide
blanket away, dusted herself off and left the cave.
Meanwhile, Mamoru and Neo had just finished 'bonding' and Mamoru was now
laying back sedately against a coconut tree with his arms behind his head, convinced that
he was the king of the world.
"So Neo, was it as good for you as it was for me?" he joked.
'Oh yeah. Don't bother me, cunt…tired.' And with that, Neo turned over to
sleep, relieved, but still not satisfied. If he could only get his hands on that girl
with the ass, he'd show her a thing or two…
"Neo! Go to sleep!"
'Whatever, cunt. You know you want her ass just as much as I do.'
"Well, yeah, but I'm not gonna do anything about it. As Tuxedo Kamen, I have a
responsibility to the world's citizens and that includes preserving Usagi's virtue."
'HA!'
"Oh shut the fuck up, Neo! The lengths I go to please your ungrateful ass…"
'Don't talk as if you're not getting anything out of our _business_ arrangements,
you caped crustacean.'
"Ah fuck you. You're getting too outspoken for your own damn good." Mamoru
forcefully lowered the loincloth and closed his eyes for a well-deserved nap.
Usagi, on the other hand, had no idea there was a discussion going on between
Mamoru and Neo concerning her. She was walking around the little hellhole she didn't
want to call home, trying to find a suitable replacement for her thong and the other
'clothes' they've been wearing ever since they landed on this miserable atoll. On the plus
side, Usagi's tan was developing quite nicely and her head felt lighter because of her lack
of hair.
At the thought of her hair, Usagi's hand immediately flew up to the severed ends,
reminding herself of what she'd like to do to a certain Hino Rei once she got back on
Tokyo soil, and to a certain group of bar wenches, who had streetwalking written in their
futures, for not stopping her. Oh the things she'd like to do to them when she got back.
She and Mamoru had come to the conclusion that their backstabbing 'friends' had
come up with some sort of elaborate lie to get them out of school and Mamoru out of
work. She wondered where her parents thought she was and about Mamoru's parents as
well. Surely they hadn't been party to this madness. She knew her father would kill the
seventeen year old Mamoru (CR: I decided to stick with the manga ages because I just
don't feel comfy with a 21 year old Mamoru lusting after a 14 year old girl. Some
authors-one in particular whose name has something to do with spinning and can't write
sex scenes for shit-might like that, but I sure as hell don't. LS: *falls over laughing*) if
he ever caught him walking down the same sidewalk as his daughter, she could just
picture the kittens he'd have if he ever found out that they were alone on this island
together dressed like two crack addicts who had just fallen naked into the Salvation Army
donation box and emerged in a state worse than they had started in.
Luckily, those fucking bastards had enough sense to leave them with the basic
things that they would need to keep up their appearances, i.e. razors. Usagi would've
died if she had to walk around this place with hairy legs and hairy pits. She blushed
when she thought about the rather tiny nature of the thong and rejoiced when she had
taken care of _that_ problem the second they had found those precious, precious razor
blades. So the little gang of hellions had a tiny bone of human decency in them after all.
Unluckily for Mamoru, however, there was only one razor and five replacement blades,
meaning they'd have to share. She could still remember the scowl on his face when she
thrust the razor in his face, full of hair she had shaved from her…everywhere. To his
credit, he took the razor from her outstretched hand and walked to the stream without
commenting on the copious amount of hair clogging the blades or her tomato-red face.
Finally, Usagi had found some reeds growing near the stream that would be
perfect for making a skirt out of. She quickly cut the grasses down with the small knife
provided to them by the children of the damned, in other words, her ex-friends. Using
her mad basket weaving skills-her mother had made her take courses on basket weaving
for the past two years, fearing that being a professional video game tester was a highly
competitive job market seeing as how every slacker kid like her daughter wanted to
become one-she fashioned a grass skirt much like the hula dancers she saw once on a
travel show. Then she cut more grasses and wove a hat for her ungrateful companion
because he was constantly complaining about the harsh effects UVA and UVB rays were
doing to his skin.
Speaking of Mamoru, _where_ the hell was he? The last time she had seen him
was a half hour ago and this wasn't a very large island. Granted, it was big enough for
bears, alligators, snakes and now humans to exist, but it only took about an hour or two to
walk across the island in a leisurely pace. 'This island is like the Garden of Eden in
reverse,' she thought grumpily as she traipsed around the beach looking for Mamoru.
'We're walking around practically naked, well aware of what the sight of our nearly-
naked bodies are doing to each other; drunken animals roaming the premises freely and
not giving a rat's ass what they're doing to each other and their hapless witnesses; Satan
rules this island with an iron and let his bastard offspring deliver them into its evil.'
Finally she found him, after much walking and muttering to herself something
along the lines of "revenge," "murder," loincloth," and "nice ass," sprawled under a palm
tree, both legs crossed at the ankle and arms behind his head. If Usagi didn't know any
better, she would've thought that Mamoru went out and got himself some. Her face
reddened when she saw her discarded bikini bottom on the sand next to him.
Silently fuming, she walked up to him slowly and scooped up some sand in her
cupped hands. She smiled wickedly as she dumped it on his chest with Mamoru none the
wiser. Soon, Mamoru was completely buried under a shitload of sand, save his head. He
would need his eyes clear of sand when she began taunting him with the food she was
eating over the fire she had built while he naively slept.
The smell of something roasting roused Mamoru back to the land of the living.
He tried to wipe his bleary eyes but to his astonishment, found that he could not lift his
arms up, nor could he lift up his legs. Panicked, he blinked furiously and found that he
was buried under sand with Usagi peacefully roasting fish on a stick.
"What did you do, Odango?" he asked, his tone a warning of what was in store for
her when he was finally free.
"I buried you in sand," she answered lightly, smacking her lips at the yummy
looking fish she had found in one of the traps they set up when they first arrived.
"_Why_ did you bury me in sand?" If Usagi was scared by his dangerously low
voice, she didn't show it.
"Because you were using me in one of your ecchi fantasies again and I didn't like
it."
"You were never in ANY of my ecchi fantasies," he countered, trying not to think
of Usagi in a harem girl costume, feeding him grapes one by one as he lay on a luxurious
feather bed, arms and legs tied to the bedposts. He blushed furiously, thankful that Usagi
had her back turned to him. 'You were in Neo's.'
"Then what was my thong doing right beside you?" she replied haughtily, turning
the fish over to promote even cooking.
"I used it as an insect repellent," he deadpanned. Usagi narrowed her eyes
dangerously.
"Keep that up sparky, and you'll be spending the night out here, alone with your
ecchi thoughts and unable to do anything about them."
"You're not seriously going to leave me here all night, are you, Odango?" he
asked, infusing every ounce of charm he possessed in his voice.
"Try me."
'Sheesh. Women,' he thought in disgust.
'What a woman,' Neo said in admiration.
'Shut the fuck up, Neo. It's all your fault I'm in this position, you horny bastard.'
'Don't pretend you didn't like it. C'mon, admit it. I won't tell,' Neo taunted.
'Remember the Sultan of the Island fantasy that we came up with? The one where Usagi,
the harem girl with the insatiable sexual appetite, drugs your tea and when you wake up,
you're tied to the bed and she's doing this thing with her tongue…'
'Yes, yes, I remember. It's kinda hard to forget when you keep reminding me of
it.' Mamoru closed his eyes in remembrance and shook his head when he realized this
was not the time to be thinking of Usagi the Insatiable. He opened his eyes…and
screamed.
Usagi whipped around at the sound of Mamoru screaming his head off. "What's
the matter?"
"SCORPION! Right under my chin! Get it off, get it off, get it off!" Usagi ran
up to the screaming man and sure enough, there was a huge black scorpion with its tail
aimed directly at Mamoru's face. "Get it off, Usa!"
Usagi saw the look of terror on Mamoru's face and knew that he was truly
frightened. She motioned him to keep calm and to be quiet, crept up to the scorpion and
used the straw hat she wove for Mamoru to trap it. Using a banana leaf she found on the
sand, she carefully slid it underneath the hat and disposed of the scorpion in the fire.
'Usagi one, evil animals zero.'
She walked back to Mamoru and began digging him out of his sandy prison.
When she finally got enough sand off for him to get up on his own, Mamoru stood up
with Usagi's help and dusted himself off.
"Are you okay, Mamo? I'm sorry about burying you in the sand. I'd hate to
think of what could've happened if the scorpion got you." Mamoru said nothing and she
sighed. "I'm sorry. I'll just go back to the cave now--"
Whatever words Usagi was going to say next were muffled as Mamoru's lips
came down on hers. It was a slow, lingering kiss, one that made Usagi tremble out of
fear and longing. When they finally broke apart, Mamoru grinned slyly at the dazed look
on Usagi's face. "Let's go back to the cave now," he said, taking her hand and leading
them back to the cave not far away.
'I KNEW I taught you a thing or two!' exclaimed Neo triumphantly.
'Aw, shut up, Neo!'
************************************************************************
CR: Well, that's all I can write. This goes out to Neo for letting us use him as the
butt of our jokes. AND WHAT A BUTT! Heheheh…Anyways, review you bastards or we'll
find your lazy asses and eat your livers. Or we could just get Neo to do some weird PHP
shit on your computers, effectively cutting off Internet access and messing up with your
lives. Don't think it's not possible. Neo knows all.
LS: And don't think she's making this up, folks. Neo is one resourceful mother fucker.
CR: To a certain reviewer who doesn't know what a cunt is, don't ask your mom. That's
all I can say. If you're REALLY curious, look it up in Webster's if you haven't done so
already.