-Author's Pointless Notes That Only Take Up Space Written Exactly at October 31, 2002:
11:59:59-
LS: And ye of little faith thought we weren't going to finish this story! *throws head back in
mock triumph laughter* You apparently have not heard my god-like status floating around
campus (er…not THAT particular status you're thinking of… ;) concerning me finishing papers
literally minutes before class starts. See, there's something to be said for burning the midnight oil,
procrastination, and a looming deadline hovering over your head. Let's just say we both work well
under pressure.
-Disclaimer: *I* am Naoko Takeuchi. *I* own Sailor Moon and all related characters,
merchandising, and most importantly, Mamoru. So back off. *smiles sweetly* If you would like to
send fan mail, please use either my email address or if you prefer snail mail: Lady Solo (aka
Naoko-sama), Coney Island Mental Institution, Room 69.
Chapter 4
***********
Moomoo Stink and the Hell Raisers
By: CR & LS
Rating: RRRRRRRRR (did I mention R?;)
***********
Mamoru skillfully skewed the poor fish with the end of his sharpened stick. Pleased with
himself, he noted that he handled long pole-like objects mighty well.
'That you do,' Neo said suggestively, and if Neo had eyebrows, he would be wiggling
them shamelessly. 'You DO (rather well I might add) know how to—"
"NEO!" Mamoru screamed, chin to his chest and looking scathingly down as he yelled at
his chibi Mamoru affectionately called Neo. "You need to shut the fuck up!" His fifth appendage
had found that torturing him for the past week or so—actually, for the past month, but had been
quiet for most of the first few weeks—was a new past time. Neo apparently liked causing Mamoru
grief.
'Oh, come ON you prissy vaginal belch. You do know how to handle—"
"I was referring to my CANE that I, Tuxedo Kamen, use to fight! You need to get your
mind out of the shit hole."
'I don't have a mind, you stupid cunt! I *AM* your mind….'
He reached down to the fish skewed on his stick, throwing it into a weaved basket Usagi
had made for the holding the fish while he hunted. So far, he had caught three fish the same way,
all a decent size to make a succulent fillet. 'You should find the girl and use _your_ decent size
on _her_ fillet.'
"I'm not talking to you anymore!" he growled low in his throat.
"Not talking to me, eh?" a hurt voice said slowly.
Mamoru turned around to see his only companion on this deserted island of hell: Usagi,
the klutz formally known as Odango Atama (LS: Prince, anyone? Oo;;). The expression on her
face did not match the hurt her voice had conveyed. She looked rather amused.
"Noooooo, I wasn't talking to you, Usa."
"So you were talking to yourself, eh?" She raised an eyebrow and placed her hands on
her bare waist. (Yes, bare: A week ago, after she had finally gotten fed up with the her thong—
her only barrier keeping her from going commando—she had decided to alter the tourist boob T-
shirt to make a more desirable outfit to avoid the ever-permanent wedgie her thong had
presented her with. She didn't know why she hadn't thought of this sooner. She had cut the
sleeves off and just above the midriff and with a small needle and thread traveling kit, she had
used the two sleeves to piece together a pair of non-wedgable bikini bottoms and used the rest of
the material as a tie-around skirt.)
"I was _not_ talking to myself!" he defended instantly, the lameness of his words obvious
even to himself. Even he didn't buy it. 'Damn, Chiba, now you've done it….'
"Then who were you—"
'Think fast think fast think fast! You TOTAL IDIOT! What'd you get on your entrance
exam again?' He couldn't think of anything to offer her as an excuse… 'That's it! I, your brain, am
kicking you in the ass for being a total moron!' And suddenly, it hit him. "I was practicing on what I
was going to say to…er…the evil cow and cronies when 30 days are up.…"
His mind actually had stopped screaming at him for being a total idiot and now was only
half-muttering 'lame-ass' the moment she stopped looking at him like he was a straight man in a
gay bar. She obviously had let that one slide, to which he was pretty grateful. How the hell could
he tell her about little Mamo-chan: Neo?
"Well, so you're not going to talk to him anymore?" She leaned over the basket and
counted the fish, wrinkling her nose at the sight of them. "I definitely won't be talking to those
streetwalking whores once I get my hands on them. More specific location: their necks. More
specific action: strangling."
Mamoru went back to searching the mid-calf water for fish to stab at, hoping to catch one
in front of her. It was the caveman instinct in him that wanted to prove he could fend for himself,
catch food, and still look good in a loin cloth. He had to admit one thing: being stuck on this island
did do wonders for his tan. Now, underneath that white mask of Tuxedo Kamen will be not only
the hunk protector of justice, but one _tan_ hunk protector of justice.
"Mamo, they're coming soon you know—in a few days…" Usagi said softly, sitting next to
the basket of fish.
He looked up from his random jabs in the water with a stick to look her in the eyes. And
what beautiful eyes they were. The time on the island had also served her a nice delicious,
perfectly trim, athletic body the perfect shade of tan. Just how he liked it—not pasty white, but not
so dark she looked like a permanent denizen of a beach. Er…even though they had been the
permanent denizens of this island for a little less than a month.
Well, at any rate, the tan made her look damn sexy. Her legs were a perfect dark color
that would look just scrumptious with that short Sailor Moon skirt of hers and those red go-go
boots that were involved in every Tokyo man's fantasies. "They're coming exactly in two days,
three hours, thirty nine minutes and fourteen seconds."
Her expression was priceless. "How…how did you know that?"
He pointed to a small contraption next to the bucket she had not noticed before. She
blinked, her vision telling her that she was clearly not seeing things. It _was_ there.
"A few days ago, to alleviate my infinite boredom and frustration, (Neo groaned at this
moment, causing Mamoru to roll his eyes) I built this time-telling device using my dead wrist
watch. I managed to calibrate the watch to be hooked up to satellites and can give us the exact
position you are located on this world. Not to mention, can let you swim at the very bottom of the
ocean and tells you the time in three pre-set time zones."
Usagi, staring worriedly at Mamoru as if he had just told her he was the king of the a
distant kingdom in the future called Crystal Tokyo and they had a child together named Rini,
managed to slip out a few sentences of logic. "You said the battery was dead…." Her face was
blank. 'He might as well be speaking in PHP (LS: *coff*)!'
"Oh, I used coconut milk to fuel it. There's plenty of coconuts on this island."
Her face was still blank. "Coconut milk?" That was the stupidest thing she had ever
heard! Coconut milk could be used to fuel a watch that had a GPS system and different time
zones under water?
Mamoru nodded gravely, holding his spear in front of him, following a newly spotted fish
swimming around his still feet. "The chemical properties of coconut milk are vastly"—he stabbed
at the fish and missed—"unexplored.
She could only stare at his perfect body, forgetting the nonsense of coconut milk. Her
time on the island with Mamoru was something that turned out not to be that bad—well, um,
besides the part with the snake. Er, actually, both times with the snake. And don't forget about the
alligator. AND the bears. God, who could forget about the bears? Well, and the ants, those little
mother fuckers. But actually, now that she thought about it, she would gladly be stuck on this Dr.
Doolittle infested three-ring circus for the kisses that they had shared together—that was
something she'd never forget.
And who could forget Chiba Mamoru in a loin cloth? Certainly not her. Once she got back
to her own bed, she definitely had the feeling that she would be having dreams of sugar and
spice and everything nice…and Mamoru in a loin cloth.
She knew there would be many women a-plenty that would DIE to see him sporting only
what his mamma gave him and the smallest piece of cloth known to mankind. And a month ago,
she would have to admit that she would have been the last person on this GALAXY to stand in
line to fight for the privilege. Now, she was pretty damn sure she'd Moon Tiara any female's (or
for that matter, any male's too) ass that even THOUGHT about looking in his direction. She didn't
know where that protective urge sprouted from, but it just felt right.
She was looking closely at the coconut time-teller machine, when she decided she was
too bored watching Mamoru's hard, lithe body move stealthily through the water. When his back
was turned, stick in hand and ready to strike at any moment at unsuspecting fish named Flounder
(from the Little Mermaid—at first she was quite distraught that they were eating one of her
favorite childhood characters but soon realized that food was more important than a cartoon), she
snuck off towards a few coconuts she was gathering when she found Mamo talking to himself.
She picked one up and laughed at the devilish thoughts she was coming up with.
She'd just chuck the coconut at him causing a small little splash. Seeing Mamoru
hunched over slight staring intently into the water brought a huge smile across her face as she
launched the coconut at him. It hit him squarely in the head, complete with a bopping sound
reserved for hollow objects, and then splashed into the water, scaring away the fish he had been
carefully hunting. The stick fell from his grip and limply, he fell over into the water.
At first, Usagi just stood there, watching his body lap in the water, wondering if she really
had that good of aim or if their luck had just been cursed on this island. She had meant to lightly
hit him and/or miss completely and just make a splash—but the fact remained, he wasn't moving.
Concerned that he wasn't playing with her, she ran to his limp body and immediately
started dragging him out of the water Baywatch style. Except the thing was, she was wearing
more than all the women on the show combined. "Mamoru!"
He moaned and rubbed his head, exactly where she had hit him on the head with the
coconut. "Owwwwww," he moaned lucidly. "Dammit, USAGI!? You hit me with a coconut!"
"I was just trying to have some fun, you horse bangin' skank. I didn't know I'd actually
_hit_ you!" She rubbed her hand over the bump she could feel welting up on his head. "Poor
baby! I'm SORRY!"
"You SHOULD be sorry! Didn't you know that coconuts kill more people in the world than
sharks do? Approximately 150 people are killed each year by coconuts! (LS: TRUE, FOLKS! Next
time you go swimming and think Jaws, you have more of a chance of being eaten by killer
COCONUTS.) And they hurt, dammit!"
Leaning over his head, she kissed his bump lightly, smiling down at his angry and pouting
face. She had to admit that he was pretty good at looking lame, but she had a feeling that he was
feeling exceptionally lame at the moment for catching a coconut in the head. "I'm sorry, Mamo. I
kissed it…did it make it feel better?"
He looked up at her, his midnight blue eyes meeting hers, his raven black hair roughed
and looking very unkempt. In other words, he looked so damn sexy she felt her heart start to
race. His eyes darkened, she could tell, as they continued to stare at each other, "I think you're
going to have to do it again, Usagi…." he said softly, his voice dangerously low.
She leaned towards the offending spot once again, a small smile on her face, when she
felt a hand start to stroke her waist lightly, the touch feeling like a feather. And somehow, of their
own accord, her lips didn't meet his bump, but rather _his_ lips. And somehow, of their own
accord, she found her arms wrapped around his neck. And then, she was under him, the warm
sand on her back as Mamoru continued to assault her lips. His tongue darted out to tease her
lips, while all pretense of light-hearted fun disappeared immediately and began to turn into
something she had only experienced with Mamoru's other kisses.
'GOGOGOGOGOGO!' Neo cheered Mamoru enthusiastically.
Her knees were weak and she was mighty grateful that not only was she lying down but
wouldn't want the feeling to stop. She was beginning to like it, this feeling she was bathed in. His
soft hands had moved to her caress her back, his lips traveling down her neck as she arched
against him, moaning soft enough that she wasn't sure if it was actually her voice or her
imagination. His hand found her breasts under her homemade Jane getup, cupping them as his
tongue traced her lips once again the outline of her mouth. His knee slipped between her legs
which led to her wrap them around his hips—
"MAMORU! USAGI!"
Usa jumped easily three feet in the air, Mamoru springing like a rocket to his feet, both
standing so still, they could have been mistaken for totem poles. "MAMORUUUU! USAGGGGGI!"
The voice came again, this time louder and distinguishable. It was Motoki. Looking quickly around
the island, they saw absolutely no one, the way it had been for the past month. They turned to
each other, both of their chests heaving, both flushed red from head to toe (literally).
'FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!' Neo cried, and if possible, would be crying on his knees,
begging for the cruel torture to come to an end. Mamoru, for once, didn't tell Neo to shut up, and
merely agreed with his little Mamo-chan (LS: the spell checker is telling me this should me
Mamma-chan Oo;;), feeling almost on the verge of tears himself. 'For the LOVE of GAWD, why?'
Neo continued in his cry of literal frustration. 'I have done good things in my life...why the HELL
can't I just find a nice sweet—'
'I suggest you shut the fuck up so I figure where the evil COW is, NEO!' Mamoru
screamed at his…lower mind.
"So, how's Usagi's cunt today?" Motoki's voice continued, the smile present in his voice
though they still had yet to locate where he was. If possible, Mamoru's and Usagi's face
(er…body) flushed even redder than before.
"Where is he?" she asked quietly, eyes darting back and forth. She could tell he was
listening carefully to the sharply demanding voice of Motoki.
"SO what are you guys up to?" he asked as if he had run into them on the street. A soft
purr of a cat, but a very very distinguishable purr to Usagi—that of her guardian cat Luna—was
heard in the background. She froze yet again. Mamoru noticed Usagi's reaction and raised a
questioning eyebrow. She shook her head to tell him he'd be informed later.
"Hullo?! Are you two love birds there?"
Mamoru finally found words somewhere hidden beneath his shocked aura. How many
times now was it that they have been interrupted now? Neo immediately shouted, 'TOO MANY!'
and felt him agitated with anger. "Motoki!? YOU WHORE! Where are you?"
The answer came swiftly as Usagi continued eye the rest of the beach for any sign of
movement. "I'm in Tokyo, in the arcade of course."
Usagi's body relaxed somewhat. "…So you can't see us…?"
"No, silly, I don't have that kind of money to spend on voyeur devices." Mamoru and
Usagi sighed collectively—Motoki had been only said those few lines to taunt the two un-
consenting island dwellers. "One of the girls—Ami actually—gave the communication device to
me so we could reach you should anything happen. Needless to say, it's been kind of quiet here
without you two bitching and with only two days left on the island, I had to taunt you further." They
could both imagine the big grin the cow had spread across his face, probably thinking he was
wallowing in his comic genius.
"You mother fucking—"
"Now now, Mamoru, watch your language, you potty mouth. You don't want to corrupt
sweet little innocent Usagi—"
Mamoru hid a smile as Usagi's face became scrunched with complete and utter rage.
"You salivating rabid dog, you're just lucky I'm not there to beat your ass you apron wearing
pussy—"
"Whoa, Tsukino Usagi, I see Mamoru shared with you his gift of creative insults," Motoki
whispered in surprise. "He share anything _else_ with you?" If possible, it was possible to see
Motoki wink suggestively.
'I _wish_,' Neo answered disappointedly, frowning.
"Tell Usagi to go to the cave and there she will find a little surprise for her."
Mamoru turned to her and saw that she heard. Usagi, frustrated beyond belief, stormed
off in the direction of the cave, feeling that although voicing her insults to Motoki wasn't exactly
the same as kicking M'Stink and the Hell Raisers in the nut sack after running them with a lawn
mower, a car, and then a bus in person. But it had felt rather good to call the evil cow a few
choice names. She jogged a little towards the cave, anxious to see what it was that was there—
something in the back of her mind told her that there was something wrong with this scenario—
but she blindly walked into the cave.
There, she found a small Victoria's Secret bag, and taped to the outside, a note.
'Usagi, Since the time on the island is almost up, we figured Mamoru would like
something different than the thong you've been wearing for the past 28 days or so. Enjoy! ^_^v'
"Minako!" she screamed in complete anger as she pulled out a red lacey teddy that was
rather raunchy. If possible, it revealed even more than her string bikini. She stuffed it back in the
store's bag, her face flushed red, and headed back towards the beach where she had left
Mamoru.
And as she approached him from behind, she heard the soft words he was whispering to
the communicator. "Me and Usagi get together?" He laughed as if that was the most
preposterous thing he had ever heard. "Usagi's a whiney little klutz, and not to mention only
fourteen. Sure, she may look rather nice, but believe me, I wouldn't touch her with a ten-foot—
actually, scratch that, make it a hundred foot—pole!"
"So Neo hasn't been—"
"No! Of course not, you evil cunt. She's a fat, lazy cow who does nothing all day but stuff
her face with caffeinated sweets and fail tests like a bitch in heat. And need I repeat she's
fourteen?"
Mamoru heard something behind him, causing him to turn around and find Usagi,
standing there, tears streaming down her face, hands over her mouth. She ran off towards the
cave, Mamoru behind her, but for the rest of their time on the island, she ignored him like the
lying asshole he was every time he opened his mouth to lie anymore.
**************
Motoki pulled the boat onto the island, smiling with triumph as he saw Mamoru and Usagi
standing on the beach in the clothes that had been provided for their stay on the little island. He
knew there was no way that those two could have stayed on the island for a month and not at
least felt _some_ feelings for the other. They were human and he knew, on the inside (beneath
the insult-flying exterior both possessed), lay an untapped love. He wasn't called the love doctor
for no reason. He knew these things.
"Hey, Usagi…Mamoru…" They walked straight past him and into the boat, not saying a
word to either him or each other. He blinked, wondering what the hell was going on. This was
_not_ how this plan was going to end up. He furrowed his eyebrows and pushed the boat off,
smiling at the two nonetheless. At least they weren't killing him. That was a sign of maturation,
but still no words from the two. Both had their arms crossed and were looking out into the ocean
as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.
Ah, well, it was great making up cover stories for his friend's absence and just thinking
about them brought a smile to his face every time: Usagi went studying abroad in Africa to learn
English with the Faaka Laata Tribe, Mamoru was out for a month for surgery for a rather nasty
sprained Neo….
And although it seemed as if this elaborate scheme didn't work, at least he can say he
tried to bring the stupid cunts together. And it was rather fun imagining what they were/could be
doing to make the time pass faster on a deserted island. Ah, well, he continued to row towards
the waiting boat to bring his little test subjects back to reality.
*************************
Review or die. No fluffy way of saying that tonight, especially at this time. We won't post
the next chapter until we get 35 reviews.
11:59:59-
LS: And ye of little faith thought we weren't going to finish this story! *throws head back in
mock triumph laughter* You apparently have not heard my god-like status floating around
campus (er…not THAT particular status you're thinking of… ;) concerning me finishing papers
literally minutes before class starts. See, there's something to be said for burning the midnight oil,
procrastination, and a looming deadline hovering over your head. Let's just say we both work well
under pressure.
-Disclaimer: *I* am Naoko Takeuchi. *I* own Sailor Moon and all related characters,
merchandising, and most importantly, Mamoru. So back off. *smiles sweetly* If you would like to
send fan mail, please use either my email address or if you prefer snail mail: Lady Solo (aka
Naoko-sama), Coney Island Mental Institution, Room 69.
Chapter 4
***********
Moomoo Stink and the Hell Raisers
By: CR & LS
Rating: RRRRRRRRR (did I mention R?;)
***********
Mamoru skillfully skewed the poor fish with the end of his sharpened stick. Pleased with
himself, he noted that he handled long pole-like objects mighty well.
'That you do,' Neo said suggestively, and if Neo had eyebrows, he would be wiggling
them shamelessly. 'You DO (rather well I might add) know how to—"
"NEO!" Mamoru screamed, chin to his chest and looking scathingly down as he yelled at
his chibi Mamoru affectionately called Neo. "You need to shut the fuck up!" His fifth appendage
had found that torturing him for the past week or so—actually, for the past month, but had been
quiet for most of the first few weeks—was a new past time. Neo apparently liked causing Mamoru
grief.
'Oh, come ON you prissy vaginal belch. You do know how to handle—"
"I was referring to my CANE that I, Tuxedo Kamen, use to fight! You need to get your
mind out of the shit hole."
'I don't have a mind, you stupid cunt! I *AM* your mind….'
He reached down to the fish skewed on his stick, throwing it into a weaved basket Usagi
had made for the holding the fish while he hunted. So far, he had caught three fish the same way,
all a decent size to make a succulent fillet. 'You should find the girl and use _your_ decent size
on _her_ fillet.'
"I'm not talking to you anymore!" he growled low in his throat.
"Not talking to me, eh?" a hurt voice said slowly.
Mamoru turned around to see his only companion on this deserted island of hell: Usagi,
the klutz formally known as Odango Atama (LS: Prince, anyone? Oo;;). The expression on her
face did not match the hurt her voice had conveyed. She looked rather amused.
"Noooooo, I wasn't talking to you, Usa."
"So you were talking to yourself, eh?" She raised an eyebrow and placed her hands on
her bare waist. (Yes, bare: A week ago, after she had finally gotten fed up with the her thong—
her only barrier keeping her from going commando—she had decided to alter the tourist boob T-
shirt to make a more desirable outfit to avoid the ever-permanent wedgie her thong had
presented her with. She didn't know why she hadn't thought of this sooner. She had cut the
sleeves off and just above the midriff and with a small needle and thread traveling kit, she had
used the two sleeves to piece together a pair of non-wedgable bikini bottoms and used the rest of
the material as a tie-around skirt.)
"I was _not_ talking to myself!" he defended instantly, the lameness of his words obvious
even to himself. Even he didn't buy it. 'Damn, Chiba, now you've done it….'
"Then who were you—"
'Think fast think fast think fast! You TOTAL IDIOT! What'd you get on your entrance
exam again?' He couldn't think of anything to offer her as an excuse… 'That's it! I, your brain, am
kicking you in the ass for being a total moron!' And suddenly, it hit him. "I was practicing on what I
was going to say to…er…the evil cow and cronies when 30 days are up.…"
His mind actually had stopped screaming at him for being a total idiot and now was only
half-muttering 'lame-ass' the moment she stopped looking at him like he was a straight man in a
gay bar. She obviously had let that one slide, to which he was pretty grateful. How the hell could
he tell her about little Mamo-chan: Neo?
"Well, so you're not going to talk to him anymore?" She leaned over the basket and
counted the fish, wrinkling her nose at the sight of them. "I definitely won't be talking to those
streetwalking whores once I get my hands on them. More specific location: their necks. More
specific action: strangling."
Mamoru went back to searching the mid-calf water for fish to stab at, hoping to catch one
in front of her. It was the caveman instinct in him that wanted to prove he could fend for himself,
catch food, and still look good in a loin cloth. He had to admit one thing: being stuck on this island
did do wonders for his tan. Now, underneath that white mask of Tuxedo Kamen will be not only
the hunk protector of justice, but one _tan_ hunk protector of justice.
"Mamo, they're coming soon you know—in a few days…" Usagi said softly, sitting next to
the basket of fish.
He looked up from his random jabs in the water with a stick to look her in the eyes. And
what beautiful eyes they were. The time on the island had also served her a nice delicious,
perfectly trim, athletic body the perfect shade of tan. Just how he liked it—not pasty white, but not
so dark she looked like a permanent denizen of a beach. Er…even though they had been the
permanent denizens of this island for a little less than a month.
Well, at any rate, the tan made her look damn sexy. Her legs were a perfect dark color
that would look just scrumptious with that short Sailor Moon skirt of hers and those red go-go
boots that were involved in every Tokyo man's fantasies. "They're coming exactly in two days,
three hours, thirty nine minutes and fourteen seconds."
Her expression was priceless. "How…how did you know that?"
He pointed to a small contraption next to the bucket she had not noticed before. She
blinked, her vision telling her that she was clearly not seeing things. It _was_ there.
"A few days ago, to alleviate my infinite boredom and frustration, (Neo groaned at this
moment, causing Mamoru to roll his eyes) I built this time-telling device using my dead wrist
watch. I managed to calibrate the watch to be hooked up to satellites and can give us the exact
position you are located on this world. Not to mention, can let you swim at the very bottom of the
ocean and tells you the time in three pre-set time zones."
Usagi, staring worriedly at Mamoru as if he had just told her he was the king of the a
distant kingdom in the future called Crystal Tokyo and they had a child together named Rini,
managed to slip out a few sentences of logic. "You said the battery was dead…." Her face was
blank. 'He might as well be speaking in PHP (LS: *coff*)!'
"Oh, I used coconut milk to fuel it. There's plenty of coconuts on this island."
Her face was still blank. "Coconut milk?" That was the stupidest thing she had ever
heard! Coconut milk could be used to fuel a watch that had a GPS system and different time
zones under water?
Mamoru nodded gravely, holding his spear in front of him, following a newly spotted fish
swimming around his still feet. "The chemical properties of coconut milk are vastly"—he stabbed
at the fish and missed—"unexplored.
She could only stare at his perfect body, forgetting the nonsense of coconut milk. Her
time on the island with Mamoru was something that turned out not to be that bad—well, um,
besides the part with the snake. Er, actually, both times with the snake. And don't forget about the
alligator. AND the bears. God, who could forget about the bears? Well, and the ants, those little
mother fuckers. But actually, now that she thought about it, she would gladly be stuck on this Dr.
Doolittle infested three-ring circus for the kisses that they had shared together—that was
something she'd never forget.
And who could forget Chiba Mamoru in a loin cloth? Certainly not her. Once she got back
to her own bed, she definitely had the feeling that she would be having dreams of sugar and
spice and everything nice…and Mamoru in a loin cloth.
She knew there would be many women a-plenty that would DIE to see him sporting only
what his mamma gave him and the smallest piece of cloth known to mankind. And a month ago,
she would have to admit that she would have been the last person on this GALAXY to stand in
line to fight for the privilege. Now, she was pretty damn sure she'd Moon Tiara any female's (or
for that matter, any male's too) ass that even THOUGHT about looking in his direction. She didn't
know where that protective urge sprouted from, but it just felt right.
She was looking closely at the coconut time-teller machine, when she decided she was
too bored watching Mamoru's hard, lithe body move stealthily through the water. When his back
was turned, stick in hand and ready to strike at any moment at unsuspecting fish named Flounder
(from the Little Mermaid—at first she was quite distraught that they were eating one of her
favorite childhood characters but soon realized that food was more important than a cartoon), she
snuck off towards a few coconuts she was gathering when she found Mamo talking to himself.
She picked one up and laughed at the devilish thoughts she was coming up with.
She'd just chuck the coconut at him causing a small little splash. Seeing Mamoru
hunched over slight staring intently into the water brought a huge smile across her face as she
launched the coconut at him. It hit him squarely in the head, complete with a bopping sound
reserved for hollow objects, and then splashed into the water, scaring away the fish he had been
carefully hunting. The stick fell from his grip and limply, he fell over into the water.
At first, Usagi just stood there, watching his body lap in the water, wondering if she really
had that good of aim or if their luck had just been cursed on this island. She had meant to lightly
hit him and/or miss completely and just make a splash—but the fact remained, he wasn't moving.
Concerned that he wasn't playing with her, she ran to his limp body and immediately
started dragging him out of the water Baywatch style. Except the thing was, she was wearing
more than all the women on the show combined. "Mamoru!"
He moaned and rubbed his head, exactly where she had hit him on the head with the
coconut. "Owwwwww," he moaned lucidly. "Dammit, USAGI!? You hit me with a coconut!"
"I was just trying to have some fun, you horse bangin' skank. I didn't know I'd actually
_hit_ you!" She rubbed her hand over the bump she could feel welting up on his head. "Poor
baby! I'm SORRY!"
"You SHOULD be sorry! Didn't you know that coconuts kill more people in the world than
sharks do? Approximately 150 people are killed each year by coconuts! (LS: TRUE, FOLKS! Next
time you go swimming and think Jaws, you have more of a chance of being eaten by killer
COCONUTS.) And they hurt, dammit!"
Leaning over his head, she kissed his bump lightly, smiling down at his angry and pouting
face. She had to admit that he was pretty good at looking lame, but she had a feeling that he was
feeling exceptionally lame at the moment for catching a coconut in the head. "I'm sorry, Mamo. I
kissed it…did it make it feel better?"
He looked up at her, his midnight blue eyes meeting hers, his raven black hair roughed
and looking very unkempt. In other words, he looked so damn sexy she felt her heart start to
race. His eyes darkened, she could tell, as they continued to stare at each other, "I think you're
going to have to do it again, Usagi…." he said softly, his voice dangerously low.
She leaned towards the offending spot once again, a small smile on her face, when she
felt a hand start to stroke her waist lightly, the touch feeling like a feather. And somehow, of their
own accord, her lips didn't meet his bump, but rather _his_ lips. And somehow, of their own
accord, she found her arms wrapped around his neck. And then, she was under him, the warm
sand on her back as Mamoru continued to assault her lips. His tongue darted out to tease her
lips, while all pretense of light-hearted fun disappeared immediately and began to turn into
something she had only experienced with Mamoru's other kisses.
'GOGOGOGOGOGO!' Neo cheered Mamoru enthusiastically.
Her knees were weak and she was mighty grateful that not only was she lying down but
wouldn't want the feeling to stop. She was beginning to like it, this feeling she was bathed in. His
soft hands had moved to her caress her back, his lips traveling down her neck as she arched
against him, moaning soft enough that she wasn't sure if it was actually her voice or her
imagination. His hand found her breasts under her homemade Jane getup, cupping them as his
tongue traced her lips once again the outline of her mouth. His knee slipped between her legs
which led to her wrap them around his hips—
"MAMORU! USAGI!"
Usa jumped easily three feet in the air, Mamoru springing like a rocket to his feet, both
standing so still, they could have been mistaken for totem poles. "MAMORUUUU! USAGGGGGI!"
The voice came again, this time louder and distinguishable. It was Motoki. Looking quickly around
the island, they saw absolutely no one, the way it had been for the past month. They turned to
each other, both of their chests heaving, both flushed red from head to toe (literally).
'FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!' Neo cried, and if possible, would be crying on his knees,
begging for the cruel torture to come to an end. Mamoru, for once, didn't tell Neo to shut up, and
merely agreed with his little Mamo-chan (LS: the spell checker is telling me this should me
Mamma-chan Oo;;), feeling almost on the verge of tears himself. 'For the LOVE of GAWD, why?'
Neo continued in his cry of literal frustration. 'I have done good things in my life...why the HELL
can't I just find a nice sweet—'
'I suggest you shut the fuck up so I figure where the evil COW is, NEO!' Mamoru
screamed at his…lower mind.
"So, how's Usagi's cunt today?" Motoki's voice continued, the smile present in his voice
though they still had yet to locate where he was. If possible, Mamoru's and Usagi's face
(er…body) flushed even redder than before.
"Where is he?" she asked quietly, eyes darting back and forth. She could tell he was
listening carefully to the sharply demanding voice of Motoki.
"SO what are you guys up to?" he asked as if he had run into them on the street. A soft
purr of a cat, but a very very distinguishable purr to Usagi—that of her guardian cat Luna—was
heard in the background. She froze yet again. Mamoru noticed Usagi's reaction and raised a
questioning eyebrow. She shook her head to tell him he'd be informed later.
"Hullo?! Are you two love birds there?"
Mamoru finally found words somewhere hidden beneath his shocked aura. How many
times now was it that they have been interrupted now? Neo immediately shouted, 'TOO MANY!'
and felt him agitated with anger. "Motoki!? YOU WHORE! Where are you?"
The answer came swiftly as Usagi continued eye the rest of the beach for any sign of
movement. "I'm in Tokyo, in the arcade of course."
Usagi's body relaxed somewhat. "…So you can't see us…?"
"No, silly, I don't have that kind of money to spend on voyeur devices." Mamoru and
Usagi sighed collectively—Motoki had been only said those few lines to taunt the two un-
consenting island dwellers. "One of the girls—Ami actually—gave the communication device to
me so we could reach you should anything happen. Needless to say, it's been kind of quiet here
without you two bitching and with only two days left on the island, I had to taunt you further." They
could both imagine the big grin the cow had spread across his face, probably thinking he was
wallowing in his comic genius.
"You mother fucking—"
"Now now, Mamoru, watch your language, you potty mouth. You don't want to corrupt
sweet little innocent Usagi—"
Mamoru hid a smile as Usagi's face became scrunched with complete and utter rage.
"You salivating rabid dog, you're just lucky I'm not there to beat your ass you apron wearing
pussy—"
"Whoa, Tsukino Usagi, I see Mamoru shared with you his gift of creative insults," Motoki
whispered in surprise. "He share anything _else_ with you?" If possible, it was possible to see
Motoki wink suggestively.
'I _wish_,' Neo answered disappointedly, frowning.
"Tell Usagi to go to the cave and there she will find a little surprise for her."
Mamoru turned to her and saw that she heard. Usagi, frustrated beyond belief, stormed
off in the direction of the cave, feeling that although voicing her insults to Motoki wasn't exactly
the same as kicking M'Stink and the Hell Raisers in the nut sack after running them with a lawn
mower, a car, and then a bus in person. But it had felt rather good to call the evil cow a few
choice names. She jogged a little towards the cave, anxious to see what it was that was there—
something in the back of her mind told her that there was something wrong with this scenario—
but she blindly walked into the cave.
There, she found a small Victoria's Secret bag, and taped to the outside, a note.
'Usagi, Since the time on the island is almost up, we figured Mamoru would like
something different than the thong you've been wearing for the past 28 days or so. Enjoy! ^_^v'
"Minako!" she screamed in complete anger as she pulled out a red lacey teddy that was
rather raunchy. If possible, it revealed even more than her string bikini. She stuffed it back in the
store's bag, her face flushed red, and headed back towards the beach where she had left
Mamoru.
And as she approached him from behind, she heard the soft words he was whispering to
the communicator. "Me and Usagi get together?" He laughed as if that was the most
preposterous thing he had ever heard. "Usagi's a whiney little klutz, and not to mention only
fourteen. Sure, she may look rather nice, but believe me, I wouldn't touch her with a ten-foot—
actually, scratch that, make it a hundred foot—pole!"
"So Neo hasn't been—"
"No! Of course not, you evil cunt. She's a fat, lazy cow who does nothing all day but stuff
her face with caffeinated sweets and fail tests like a bitch in heat. And need I repeat she's
fourteen?"
Mamoru heard something behind him, causing him to turn around and find Usagi,
standing there, tears streaming down her face, hands over her mouth. She ran off towards the
cave, Mamoru behind her, but for the rest of their time on the island, she ignored him like the
lying asshole he was every time he opened his mouth to lie anymore.
**************
Motoki pulled the boat onto the island, smiling with triumph as he saw Mamoru and Usagi
standing on the beach in the clothes that had been provided for their stay on the little island. He
knew there was no way that those two could have stayed on the island for a month and not at
least felt _some_ feelings for the other. They were human and he knew, on the inside (beneath
the insult-flying exterior both possessed), lay an untapped love. He wasn't called the love doctor
for no reason. He knew these things.
"Hey, Usagi…Mamoru…" They walked straight past him and into the boat, not saying a
word to either him or each other. He blinked, wondering what the hell was going on. This was
_not_ how this plan was going to end up. He furrowed his eyebrows and pushed the boat off,
smiling at the two nonetheless. At least they weren't killing him. That was a sign of maturation,
but still no words from the two. Both had their arms crossed and were looking out into the ocean
as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.
Ah, well, it was great making up cover stories for his friend's absence and just thinking
about them brought a smile to his face every time: Usagi went studying abroad in Africa to learn
English with the Faaka Laata Tribe, Mamoru was out for a month for surgery for a rather nasty
sprained Neo….
And although it seemed as if this elaborate scheme didn't work, at least he can say he
tried to bring the stupid cunts together. And it was rather fun imagining what they were/could be
doing to make the time pass faster on a deserted island. Ah, well, he continued to row towards
the waiting boat to bring his little test subjects back to reality.
*************************
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the next chapter until we get 35 reviews.