Rose Garden of Horrors
By Reanna King
AUTHOR'S NOTES: It's been a long time since I've put up new installments to this, so I'll put all of the remaining parts up today, for those who've been waiting to see how this thing ends.
ACT II
Scene 4
(MIKI and ANTHY enter the rose garden)
THE PLANT: Well well, look who's back!
MIKI: I see what's going on here! All over Japan… and then all over the world… Thousands of you, eating! That's what you had planned from the start, isn't it?
THE PLANT: No shit, Sherlock.
MIKI: We're not talking about just one man-eating rose, here! You're planning on world conquest, aren't you?
THE PLANT: Give the kid a prize! (begins laughing—when it does this, we can now see how massive its flower has become; it dwarfs MIKI and everything else in the garden)
MIKI: You won't get away with this! I don't care what I have to do! Only one of us is getting out of here alive!
"BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE" (originally "MEAN GREEN MOTHER FROM OUTERSPACE")
lead vocal: THE PLANT
THE PLANT: BETTER HOLD YOUR HORSES
YOU BETTER STOP RIGHT THERE!
YOU MUST THINK YOU'RE SOMETHING
WITH THAT "TOUGH GUY" AIR
DON'T DO NOTHING RASH, BOY
THIS IS YOUR WAKE-UP CALL
WE'RE GONNA DO THINGS MY WAY
OR WE WON'T DO THINGS AT ALL!
(THE PLANT'S enormous pot begins to quiver… the entire thing scrapes against the floor until THE PLANT'S roots begin to break through the sides of the pots. After a final effort, THE PLANT breaks the pot entirely, sending dirt and fragments of pot everywhere, and we see it in its full glory: THE PLANT takes up almost all of the space in the rose garden. Its flower is the size of a small car, and its dozens of roots and tendrils reach out everywhere—they look quite phallic… And just like in the movie, many of its tendrils end in a bud similar to the one it originally grew up from. THE PLANT laughs nastily)
THE PLANT: I CAN TELL YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT
THE THIN ICE YOU'RE ON
I CAN TELL YOU DON'T GOT A CLUE
WHAT YOU'RE DOING WRONG
I CAN TELL YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT
THE DEEP SHIT YOU'RE IN
I CAN TELL YOU DON'T GOT A CLUE
SO I'M GONNA FILL YOU IN!
(At this point, the buds at the end of THE PLANT'S tendrils bloom into baby Anthy Twos and begin accompanying THE PLANT'S singing)
BABIES: (AHHHHHHH… AHHHHHHH… AHHHHHH… AHHHHHH… AHHHHHHHH!!)
THE PLANT: Screw the revolution!
I'M JUST A BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE
AND I'M RUDE
BABIES: (BIG, BLUE, RUDE!)
MIKI: Outer space?!
THE PLANT: I'M JUST A BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE
AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU BEEN SCREWED!
I'M JUST A BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE
DON'T BE A FOOL
'N JUST DROP YOUR CASE
BABIES: (OOOHH, OOOHH, OOOHH, OOOHH…)
THE PLANT: CAUSE I'M
ALL: BIG AND BLUE!
THE PLANT: AND I AM RUDE!
ANTHY: (turns to MIKI) Quick, Miki-sama! The sword!
MIKI: Huh?… Oh, right, the sword! I hope this works…
ANTHY: O roses of the noble castle! O Power of Dios that slumbers within me! Harken unto thy master and reveal to us!…
(MIKI draws the Sword of Dios from ANTHY)
MIKI: The power to revolutionize the world! (MIKI brandishes the sword)
THE PLANT: (cackles) A sword? Don't make me laugh!
THE PLANT: YOU THINK THAT YOU'RE THE CHICK, KID?
YOU WANNA SMASH MY SHELL?
YOU WANNA FIGHT A DUEL, HUH?
I'D RATHER GIVE YA HELL
BETTER SAVE YOUR SKIN, BOY
DROP THAT SILLY SWORD
AND DON'T GIVE ME NO TROUBLE
CAUSE YOUR ANTICS MAKE ME BORED!
MIKI: (turns to ANTHY) Anthy! Get out of here, quick!
ANTHY: Hai! (ANTHY runs from the rose garden)
THE PLANT: I CAN TELL YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT
THE BAD YOU'VE JUST MADE
I CAN TELL YOU DON'T GOT A CLUE
THIS AIN'T NO ROSE PARADE
YOUR DIOS WON'T SAVE YOU NOW
WHEN YOU LOSE, DON'T TAKE IT HARD
AIN'T NO WAY TO WIN, THERE'S NO WAY, NO HOW
I'LL GET YOU GOOD NOW!
EN GUARDE!
BABIES: (AHHHH… AHHHH… AHHHH… AHHHH… AHHHH!)
THE PLANT: Apocalypse now!
I'M JUST A BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE
AND I'M RUDE
BABIES: (BIG, BLUE, RUDE!)
THE PLANT: I'M JUST A BIG BLUE BLOSSOM, SO KNOW YOUR PLACE!
I DON'T LIKE YOUR ATTITUDE
I'M JUST A BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE
BABIES: (OOOH, OOOH, OOOH, OOOH…)
THE PLANT: GONNA SET YOU STRAIGHT
JUST HOLD ON THERE, ACE!
I'M BIG AND BLUE!
AND I AM RUDE!
THE PLANT: DON'T YOU TALK TO ME ABOUT KANGAROOS
YOU THINK BULLS ARE BAD? LET ME BREAK THE NEWS
YOU SAY ELEPHANTS PUT UP QUITE A FIGHT?
DON'T EVEN GO THERE
HA! GO FLY A KITE
THE PLANT: I'M NO SHINING THING, I AIN'T NEVER SHONE
AIN'T NO SUNNY GARDEN WHERE I MAKE MY HOME
YOU CAN KEEP THE SWORD
KEEP THE BRIDE
KEEP THE CASTLE, I'VE GOT MY PRIDE!
THE PLANT: I GOT POWER PODS, PHALLIC VINES
I GOT SHARP THORNS AND A SHARPER MIND
IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD
SAY GOOD BYE
YOU CATCH MY DRIFT?
I WANNA SEE YOU DIE!
BABIES: (AHHHH… AHHHHH… AHHHHH… AHHHHH… AHHHHHH!)
THE PLANT: Revolutionize this!
I'M JUST A BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE
AND I'M RUDE
BABIES: (BIG, BLUE, RUDE!)
THE PLANT: I'M JUST A BIG BLUE BLOSSOM, ONE BADASS CASE
AND I'VE LOSE MY PATIENCE, DUDE
BABIES: (AHHHHHHHH… AHHHHHH… AHHHHHH… AHHHHHHHH!!)
THE PLANT: GONNA TRASH YOUR ASS
GONNA THRASH YOUR PLACE
I'M BIG AND BLUE!
BABIES: (BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE…)
THE PLANT: I'M BIG AND BLUE!
BABIES: (BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE…)
THE PLANT: I'M BIG AND BLUE!*
BABIES: (BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE…)
(BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE…)
THE PLANT: AND I… … AM… … RUDE!
THE PLANT: (spoken) So long, Kaoru!
(We now see that THE PLANT has stretched out its tendrils to grab the sides of the rose garden as well as its central support pillar. MIKI sees what's about to happen, but it's too late)
(We see the outside of the rose garden, where ANTHY has been watching what's going on from a safe distance. Suddenly we hear the groaning of the metal gilding of the garden and the scraping of metal against concrete, followed by the cracking of glass)
ANTHY: Miki-sama!
(The support pillar inside the garden breaks. It crashes to the floor, sending up a cloud of dust that fills the garden and obscures our view of what's inside, but we can hear crashing sounds as everything inside falls to the ground, just before the entire structure collapses, raining heavy metal beams, stone and shards of shattered glass down upon MIKI and THE PLANT)
ANTHY: (covers her face) Oh, no!
By Reanna King
AUTHOR'S NOTES: It's been a long time since I've put up new installments to this, so I'll put all of the remaining parts up today, for those who've been waiting to see how this thing ends.
ACT II
Scene 4
(MIKI and ANTHY enter the rose garden)
THE PLANT: Well well, look who's back!
MIKI: I see what's going on here! All over Japan… and then all over the world… Thousands of you, eating! That's what you had planned from the start, isn't it?
THE PLANT: No shit, Sherlock.
MIKI: We're not talking about just one man-eating rose, here! You're planning on world conquest, aren't you?
THE PLANT: Give the kid a prize! (begins laughing—when it does this, we can now see how massive its flower has become; it dwarfs MIKI and everything else in the garden)
MIKI: You won't get away with this! I don't care what I have to do! Only one of us is getting out of here alive!
"BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE" (originally "MEAN GREEN MOTHER FROM OUTERSPACE")
lead vocal: THE PLANT
THE PLANT: BETTER HOLD YOUR HORSES
YOU BETTER STOP RIGHT THERE!
YOU MUST THINK YOU'RE SOMETHING
WITH THAT "TOUGH GUY" AIR
DON'T DO NOTHING RASH, BOY
THIS IS YOUR WAKE-UP CALL
WE'RE GONNA DO THINGS MY WAY
OR WE WON'T DO THINGS AT ALL!
(THE PLANT'S enormous pot begins to quiver… the entire thing scrapes against the floor until THE PLANT'S roots begin to break through the sides of the pots. After a final effort, THE PLANT breaks the pot entirely, sending dirt and fragments of pot everywhere, and we see it in its full glory: THE PLANT takes up almost all of the space in the rose garden. Its flower is the size of a small car, and its dozens of roots and tendrils reach out everywhere—they look quite phallic… And just like in the movie, many of its tendrils end in a bud similar to the one it originally grew up from. THE PLANT laughs nastily)
THE PLANT: I CAN TELL YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT
THE THIN ICE YOU'RE ON
I CAN TELL YOU DON'T GOT A CLUE
WHAT YOU'RE DOING WRONG
I CAN TELL YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT
THE DEEP SHIT YOU'RE IN
I CAN TELL YOU DON'T GOT A CLUE
SO I'M GONNA FILL YOU IN!
(At this point, the buds at the end of THE PLANT'S tendrils bloom into baby Anthy Twos and begin accompanying THE PLANT'S singing)
BABIES: (AHHHHHHH… AHHHHHHH… AHHHHHH… AHHHHHH… AHHHHHHHH!!)
THE PLANT: Screw the revolution!
I'M JUST A BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE
AND I'M RUDE
BABIES: (BIG, BLUE, RUDE!)
MIKI: Outer space?!
THE PLANT: I'M JUST A BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE
AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU BEEN SCREWED!
I'M JUST A BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE
DON'T BE A FOOL
'N JUST DROP YOUR CASE
BABIES: (OOOHH, OOOHH, OOOHH, OOOHH…)
THE PLANT: CAUSE I'M
ALL: BIG AND BLUE!
THE PLANT: AND I AM RUDE!
ANTHY: (turns to MIKI) Quick, Miki-sama! The sword!
MIKI: Huh?… Oh, right, the sword! I hope this works…
ANTHY: O roses of the noble castle! O Power of Dios that slumbers within me! Harken unto thy master and reveal to us!…
(MIKI draws the Sword of Dios from ANTHY)
MIKI: The power to revolutionize the world! (MIKI brandishes the sword)
THE PLANT: (cackles) A sword? Don't make me laugh!
THE PLANT: YOU THINK THAT YOU'RE THE CHICK, KID?
YOU WANNA SMASH MY SHELL?
YOU WANNA FIGHT A DUEL, HUH?
I'D RATHER GIVE YA HELL
BETTER SAVE YOUR SKIN, BOY
DROP THAT SILLY SWORD
AND DON'T GIVE ME NO TROUBLE
CAUSE YOUR ANTICS MAKE ME BORED!
MIKI: (turns to ANTHY) Anthy! Get out of here, quick!
ANTHY: Hai! (ANTHY runs from the rose garden)
THE PLANT: I CAN TELL YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT
THE BAD YOU'VE JUST MADE
I CAN TELL YOU DON'T GOT A CLUE
THIS AIN'T NO ROSE PARADE
YOUR DIOS WON'T SAVE YOU NOW
WHEN YOU LOSE, DON'T TAKE IT HARD
AIN'T NO WAY TO WIN, THERE'S NO WAY, NO HOW
I'LL GET YOU GOOD NOW!
EN GUARDE!
BABIES: (AHHHH… AHHHH… AHHHH… AHHHH… AHHHH!)
THE PLANT: Apocalypse now!
I'M JUST A BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE
AND I'M RUDE
BABIES: (BIG, BLUE, RUDE!)
THE PLANT: I'M JUST A BIG BLUE BLOSSOM, SO KNOW YOUR PLACE!
I DON'T LIKE YOUR ATTITUDE
I'M JUST A BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE
BABIES: (OOOH, OOOH, OOOH, OOOH…)
THE PLANT: GONNA SET YOU STRAIGHT
JUST HOLD ON THERE, ACE!
I'M BIG AND BLUE!
AND I AM RUDE!
THE PLANT: DON'T YOU TALK TO ME ABOUT KANGAROOS
YOU THINK BULLS ARE BAD? LET ME BREAK THE NEWS
YOU SAY ELEPHANTS PUT UP QUITE A FIGHT?
DON'T EVEN GO THERE
HA! GO FLY A KITE
THE PLANT: I'M NO SHINING THING, I AIN'T NEVER SHONE
AIN'T NO SUNNY GARDEN WHERE I MAKE MY HOME
YOU CAN KEEP THE SWORD
KEEP THE BRIDE
KEEP THE CASTLE, I'VE GOT MY PRIDE!
THE PLANT: I GOT POWER PODS, PHALLIC VINES
I GOT SHARP THORNS AND A SHARPER MIND
IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD
SAY GOOD BYE
YOU CATCH MY DRIFT?
I WANNA SEE YOU DIE!
BABIES: (AHHHH… AHHHHH… AHHHHH… AHHHHH… AHHHHHH!)
THE PLANT: Revolutionize this!
I'M JUST A BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE
AND I'M RUDE
BABIES: (BIG, BLUE, RUDE!)
THE PLANT: I'M JUST A BIG BLUE BLOSSOM, ONE BADASS CASE
AND I'VE LOSE MY PATIENCE, DUDE
BABIES: (AHHHHHHHH… AHHHHHH… AHHHHHH… AHHHHHHHH!!)
THE PLANT: GONNA TRASH YOUR ASS
GONNA THRASH YOUR PLACE
I'M BIG AND BLUE!
BABIES: (BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE…)
THE PLANT: I'M BIG AND BLUE!
BABIES: (BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE…)
THE PLANT: I'M BIG AND BLUE!*
BABIES: (BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE…)
(BIG BLUE BLOSSOM FROM OUTERSPACE…)
THE PLANT: AND I… … AM… … RUDE!
THE PLANT: (spoken) So long, Kaoru!
(We now see that THE PLANT has stretched out its tendrils to grab the sides of the rose garden as well as its central support pillar. MIKI sees what's about to happen, but it's too late)
(We see the outside of the rose garden, where ANTHY has been watching what's going on from a safe distance. Suddenly we hear the groaning of the metal gilding of the garden and the scraping of metal against concrete, followed by the cracking of glass)
ANTHY: Miki-sama!
(The support pillar inside the garden breaks. It crashes to the floor, sending up a cloud of dust that fills the garden and obscures our view of what's inside, but we can hear crashing sounds as everything inside falls to the ground, just before the entire structure collapses, raining heavy metal beams, stone and shards of shattered glass down upon MIKI and THE PLANT)
ANTHY: (covers her face) Oh, no!