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Chapter 5, explanations.
Seska knew Chakotay didn't trust her. She didn't think anything she would say would stop him from telling the Captain about her, but she had to try. She took one more deep breath and started out.
"You know I am a Cardassian, then you know I was assigned to spy on the Maquis. After being pulled to this Quadrant I wasn't sure what to do. Those first weeks I was torn between joining with the Maquis in taking control of Voyager...," She saw Chakotay frowning. "Oh, we talked about it, we talked about it on your Voyager too, right after we came on board, and you know it. That must've been before the split, still."
Chakotay nodded.
"Then there was the Kazon. Jonas and I were approached by one of the Nistrim when we were collecting supplies. We talked about it, the two of us, and...," She hesitated. "Who else isn't important, this was two years ago and apart from Jonas, we all agreed they couldn't be trusted."
"You didn't stop him?" Chakotay asked.
"He surprised me as much as anyone. The only thing I knew when the Kazon turned up with a replicator was that it was likely one of us who had discussed it -but I didn't know who. I couldn't even be sure there wasn't someone else who had gotten the idea on his own," Seska said.
She noticed Chakotay looking at her closely.
"Coming on Voyager was also a great opportunity to learn everything about the latest Federation Starship," she continued. "Yeah, there was the treaty, but treaties often end up getting broken, and the Order would have been very interested if we had found a way home then."
"Would have been?" Chakotay asked. "You kept your cover until now."
"I won't ever go back to Cardassia," Seska said.
She saw Chakotay look at her sceptically.
"Well, at first that is what I intended, gather information not just about the Maquis but about Voyager as well. But over time... Well, the way we are stuck here we have to work together more than ever, more even than in the Maquis. The two crews got to working together in a way Cardassian crews never could have," Seska continued. "I made friends here. We are trained not to get emotionally involved, of course -not for real- but nothing they taught me could prepare me for being thrown to the other side of the Galaxy. And...," she trailed off.
Chakotay noticed her hesitation. "You're not telling me everything."
"Well, I also...," she broke off and looked at the table. "You know how back in the Alpha Quadrant..."
She had relaxed when they had sat down at the table and she'd started to tell her story, but now she was as nervous as she had been in the main lab.
Slowly, Chakotay began to realise what she couldn't say.
"You are in love. With... my counterpart."
Seska nodded. "Yes. We are... quite close."
Chakotay didn't know whether he was feeling stunned, angry, or disgusted. Strictly speaking, she hadn't been lying to him, or well, she had, but that was a long time ago.
"You never would have told," he snapped.
She shook her head in frustration. "Look, what was I supposed to do? Just say 'hi, I've been lying to you all this time and I am really a Cardie spy'? Dammit, we are 70,000 lightyears from home, and I was just plain damn scared. Scared of what would happen, afraid to loose...," she had been yelling, but suddenly she broke off again.
Chakotay studied her. He was still angry, but he was starting to believe she was telling the truth. She had never been a very good actor, not the Seska he had known.
"How long did you think you could keep this up?" he asked.
"I don't know.. I had hoped... I knew it couldn't last forever. If I ever got hurt the Doctor would be on to me right away. But I had thought... I definitely hadn't expected this. I know I can't ask you not to tell."
Chakotay looked at her. "I will not."
Seska blinked.
"You will," he added. "If you want to have any chance to be trusted again on this ship, it will have to come from you."
He got up and walked out of the lab, leaving her behind. He knew he was taking a risk, but he had seen some things in Seska he had liked, long ago in the Alpha Quadrant. Since then, he had often thought all of it had been a lie, but she had come after him. Not just after Voyager, but after him. And on this ship she had not sold out to the Kazon, had apparently even made it to Lieutenant. He would not leave this ship without making sure his counterpart and the Captain knew who Seska was, but he could afford to give her a chance to be the one to tell.
Chapter 5, explanations.
Seska knew Chakotay didn't trust her. She didn't think anything she would say would stop him from telling the Captain about her, but she had to try. She took one more deep breath and started out.
"You know I am a Cardassian, then you know I was assigned to spy on the Maquis. After being pulled to this Quadrant I wasn't sure what to do. Those first weeks I was torn between joining with the Maquis in taking control of Voyager...," She saw Chakotay frowning. "Oh, we talked about it, we talked about it on your Voyager too, right after we came on board, and you know it. That must've been before the split, still."
Chakotay nodded.
"Then there was the Kazon. Jonas and I were approached by one of the Nistrim when we were collecting supplies. We talked about it, the two of us, and...," She hesitated. "Who else isn't important, this was two years ago and apart from Jonas, we all agreed they couldn't be trusted."
"You didn't stop him?" Chakotay asked.
"He surprised me as much as anyone. The only thing I knew when the Kazon turned up with a replicator was that it was likely one of us who had discussed it -but I didn't know who. I couldn't even be sure there wasn't someone else who had gotten the idea on his own," Seska said.
She noticed Chakotay looking at her closely.
"Coming on Voyager was also a great opportunity to learn everything about the latest Federation Starship," she continued. "Yeah, there was the treaty, but treaties often end up getting broken, and the Order would have been very interested if we had found a way home then."
"Would have been?" Chakotay asked. "You kept your cover until now."
"I won't ever go back to Cardassia," Seska said.
She saw Chakotay look at her sceptically.
"Well, at first that is what I intended, gather information not just about the Maquis but about Voyager as well. But over time... Well, the way we are stuck here we have to work together more than ever, more even than in the Maquis. The two crews got to working together in a way Cardassian crews never could have," Seska continued. "I made friends here. We are trained not to get emotionally involved, of course -not for real- but nothing they taught me could prepare me for being thrown to the other side of the Galaxy. And...," she trailed off.
Chakotay noticed her hesitation. "You're not telling me everything."
"Well, I also...," she broke off and looked at the table. "You know how back in the Alpha Quadrant..."
She had relaxed when they had sat down at the table and she'd started to tell her story, but now she was as nervous as she had been in the main lab.
Slowly, Chakotay began to realise what she couldn't say.
"You are in love. With... my counterpart."
Seska nodded. "Yes. We are... quite close."
Chakotay didn't know whether he was feeling stunned, angry, or disgusted. Strictly speaking, she hadn't been lying to him, or well, she had, but that was a long time ago.
"You never would have told," he snapped.
She shook her head in frustration. "Look, what was I supposed to do? Just say 'hi, I've been lying to you all this time and I am really a Cardie spy'? Dammit, we are 70,000 lightyears from home, and I was just plain damn scared. Scared of what would happen, afraid to loose...," she had been yelling, but suddenly she broke off again.
Chakotay studied her. He was still angry, but he was starting to believe she was telling the truth. She had never been a very good actor, not the Seska he had known.
"How long did you think you could keep this up?" he asked.
"I don't know.. I had hoped... I knew it couldn't last forever. If I ever got hurt the Doctor would be on to me right away. But I had thought... I definitely hadn't expected this. I know I can't ask you not to tell."
Chakotay looked at her. "I will not."
Seska blinked.
"You will," he added. "If you want to have any chance to be trusted again on this ship, it will have to come from you."
He got up and walked out of the lab, leaving her behind. He knew he was taking a risk, but he had seen some things in Seska he had liked, long ago in the Alpha Quadrant. Since then, he had often thought all of it had been a lie, but she had come after him. Not just after Voyager, but after him. And on this ship she had not sold out to the Kazon, had apparently even made it to Lieutenant. He would not leave this ship without making sure his counterpart and the Captain knew who Seska was, but he could afford to give her a chance to be the one to tell.