Max walked back into the office in an apparent daze. He went to the coffee pot to give 99 her
new bobble, but she wasn't there. Shrugging, he continued to the inner sanctum of Chief's office.
There was his beloved, sitting on the desk with her legs crossed attractively at the ankle, sipping
coffee and chatting with Larabee. His heart skipped the cliched beat as he murmured her name.
99 blinked in surprise. "Did you say something, Max?" she asked in wonder as she placed her
mug on the desk. She could've sworn he'd said her name, but not in a tone she had ever heard
before.
Max's dark brown eyes seemed lit from within with an almost carnal desire. 99 was taken
completely aback at this new side of her hero. "I need you, 99!" he declared in an intense whisper.
Larabee was so frightened that he ran out of the room, leaving a very vulnerable female agent to
face the amorous Smart.
"Max, take it easy," she began nervously as she slid off the desk and slowly started for the
door. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing can ever be wrong if you're in the world, 99," he continued earnestly. Much to
her horror, he quickly backed her into a corner so that all she could see was his warm, brown
eyes. Before she could make a sound, he grabbed her around the waist and kissed her
passionately. That kiss was so potently wonderful that 99 would've fallen right over if she hadn't
had his strong arms around her, steadying her. As it was, her breath was quite literally taken
away, leaving her gasping for air . . . and more.
"Oh, Max," she said in a small voice, "I never knew you felt that way. Kiss me, kiss me
again."
She prepared herself for another wave of romantic ecstasy but was greeted by the sound
of: "99, what on earth are you talking about?" The silver ring was lying benignly on the floor.
Max had dropped it when he had embraced his fellow agent. Evidently, he had no memory of the
tumultuous kiss.
99 felt for certain that her heart would break. "But Max, you just kissed me, don't you
remember?"
"Now why would I do a thing like that? You must have been having another one of your
absurd romantic fantasies. Honestly, 99, you should learn to control them."
"Maxwell Smart! You take that back!" she cried, fighting back the hot tears stinging her
eyelids. "I have never in my life had an 'absurd romantic fantasy', and if I had, believe me, Agent
86, you would be the LAST to know."
"Calm down, 99," said Smart quickly. "Let me think." He was beginning to wonder if she
was telling the truth, for he had absolutely no memory of the last five minutes. He didn't even
have a clue how he got there or what he had been doing directly beforehand. It was all scrambled
in his already-illogical mind.
99 was about to continue her tirade when she noticed the lost-little-boy look on her
partner's countenance. "Max, you really don't remember kissing me, do you?" she asked, her eyes
wide with surprise.
"No, I don't," he replied quietly. "99, SOMETHING is going on here. If I could only
remember what." He glanced around the room, searching for something, ANYTHING that would
jog his memory. Suddenly, his gaze fell on the forgotten ring. "Aha!" he declared, scooping up the
ring, which had ceased glowing and returned to its original greyish hue. "Now I remember! I was
going to the jewelry store to buy a ring for you when-"
"Oh, Max!" 99 gushed, snatching the trinket from a confused looking Smart. "A mood
ring! These are all the latest rage! Groovy!" She slipped it on her finger, admiring its tranquil
beauty. It immediately changed color to dark blue, indicating her euphoric mood. "Thank you so
much!" She kissed him on the cheek and embraced him.
"Well, you're welcome, 99, but I didn't actually-" he started.
"I will wear it always," she promised solemnly, batting her ridiculously long false
eyelashes. "That is, unless I get a better offer." She rubbed her naked ring left finger for emphasis.
Max gulped and felt his face become unbearably hot. 99 tittered excitedly and made a little
cutesy face at him. Max turned even redder. Just then, Larabee re-entered the room, looking
flustered. Max, relieved at the distraction, pleasantly asked what was wrong.
"It's KAOS!" he panted. "They're here in droves and most of the staff has just been given
leave!"
"Well, can't you contact them?" Max asked in exasperation.
"Chief keeps all of that information in secret files," Larabee continued. "You know the
combination to get into the file cabinet, don't you?"
Agent 86 began to nod, but then quickly shook his head. "Chief told me last week that
you knew it so I didn't have to worry. Don't tell me you forgot it!"
"Uh, well . . ." stuttered Larabee. He grinned sheepishly up at his boss " I forgot it."
Max turned on him in annoyance. "I asked you not to tell me that!" Smart was about to
complain to 99, when he noticed that she had a slap-happy grin stuck on her face.
"KAOS is coming! We're going to die!" she chirped, clapping her hands like a giddy child.
The ring on her hand was glowing dark blue.
"99, have you by any chance lost your marbles!" shouted Max in panic.
99 seemed to be contemplating this thought. "Oh, well. Someone probably needs them
more than me anyway." She began humming a cheery tune as she straightened up the office.
"99! Earth to 99!" Maxwell Smart snapped his fingers loudly in front of her face.
"Don't be annoying, darling!" she said in a surly tone. Then, she kissed him, running her
hands through his hair roughly and growling.
Max shook his head violently and tried to get away from the psychotic 99. This HAD to
be a nightmare. Or maybe HE was having an absurd romantic fantasy now! Whatever the case, it
certainly was absurd! "99, listen to me, we are being attacked!" He grabbed her by the shoulders
and started shaking her.
"St-o-o-o-p th-a-a-at, dar-ar-ar-ling!" she said, giggling. The ring, jarred by the vibrations,
slid off her hand onto the floor. Suddenly, 99's gleeful expression was replaced by one of
confusion and annoyance. "Max, why are you shaking me? Stop that!" She pushed him away.
Hard. He fell over onto the floor. 99 gasped.
"Are you alright?" 99 and Max asked each other simultaneosly. Then, they exchanged a
romantic glance as 99 helped Max to his feet. "Oh, you dropped this," he said, picking up the
forgotten ring.
"Thanks," she replied, blushing, as she moved in for a kiss.
Max was about to oblige when Larabee shouted. "The're here! They're here! Head for
cover!" He darted under the desk in cowardice.
"Of all the cowardly . . ." Max began irately.
"What shall we do?" 99 queried, batting her long eyelashes. "Do you have a plan?"
Maxed smiled to see that she was back to normal. "We will just stand our ground, 99.
Hold the fort! Remember the Alamo!" He struck a majestic pose. Just then, a poison dart flew
into the room and poked Max's arm. "Ow!"
"Max!" cried 99 as she rushed to his side. Subconciously, she slipped the ring back onto
her finger. Immediately, she slowed in her steps and then began dancing around the room.
"99!" called Max in pain as he clutched his injured arm. He watched the crazed 99 in
agony as she began to watusi. Something was definitely wrong. He crawled over to the female spy
and whispered, "What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing!" she screetched joyfully as she switched to the monkey.
Max felt his strength fading and soon the room began to blur noticeably. He reached out
for his partner one last time before slumping over, apparently dead. 99 continued to dance,
oblivious to the body on the floor.
**************
When Max opened his eyes, he expected to be in either heaven or hell. He was completely
shocked to discover the psychadelic colors swirling around his throbbing head. "Hm, I didn't
know they did drugs in the afterlife," he mused as he tried to get up. That's when he realized that
he was very much alive. His head was spinning and pounding most terribly. Hard ropes were
cutting into the skin on his wrists and ankles and his vocal capacities were restricted for the
second time in 24 hours, only this time by a gag. He was tied to a chair in the middle of the
Groovy Guru radio station!
"Well, my groovy friend, it seems you were tripped out for a while there," came a
disturbingly familiar voice. Max squirmed in his seat as a bearded man with 60's style glasses
emerged from behind a glass partition. Three very oddly dressed musicians were right behind him.
One of them undid the Max's gag, snickering evilly.
"99!" Max exclaimed, suddenly remembering his sweetheart. "What have you done with
99!" He struggled against his bonds, but it was no use. He was too weak from the aftereffects of
the drug.
"Cool it, man. Your lover girl is perfectly safe as long as you promise to cooperate." The
Guru snapped his fingers and the Sacred Cows began to jam on their guitars.
"I don't believe you!" shouted Max as the hypnotic music flooded his brain. "If she's safe,
why can't I see her?"
The Cows were chanting, "Close Down CONTROL. Close down CONTROL." Maxwell
fought desparately to ignore their suggestive instructions but the odd rhythms and notes of the
music were rapidly breaking his will.
"Oh, you can see her sure enough, man." The Hindu snapped his fingers and the music
stopped. Agent 86 breathed a sigh of relief as he felt himself regaining control of his doped brain.
The Guru whispered something to one of the Cows and he retreated to the glassed-in studio. He
returned a moment later with a very calm-looking 99. She blinked stupidly at him as she
approached.
"Hello, Max," she said sedately. The ring on her hand glowed green. "What in the world
are you doing tied to that chair?"
"99, help me!" pleaded Smart, tugging at the ropes that bound him.
"I don't see what the big rush is," she sighed, yawning. She held her hand up to her face
and admired the ring.
Just then, Max had a startling revelation. Everytime 99 wore the ring, she started acting
weird. When it fell off earlier, she had returned to normal. If only he could get her to take it off!
"99!" he cried. "Get rid of the ring!"
"Why?" was the blank answer.
"Because it's bad!" Max yelled frantically.
"Hi-de-ho," said 99, totally relaxed and disinterested.
Groovy Guru let out an amused chuckle. "You see it's useless, Mr. Smart. You are under
the influence of a very powerful drug, your partner here is completely apathetic, and Larabee is
being brainwashed to be a killer!"
"No! No! This can't be happening!" sobbed our hero. He was feeling utterly hopeless and
spent.
The Guru merely began to laugh maniacally. "And now, we need to know the password to
get into CONTROL headquarters so we can destroy that square joint and rule the world! If you
don't, we will just crank up the groovy vibes and you yourself will be personally responsible for
its demise! Now are you going to help us of your own free will and escape being a traitor or will
we have to end your career as a spy permenantly?"
Smart racked his battered brain for the proper answer to such a loaded question. "Are you
sure those are the only choices?" he asked innocently.
"Smart, don't make me lose my cool, man," replied Groovy Guru, obviously unamused.
Max shifted his gaze from each of the Sacred Cows and back to their leader, trying hard to
devise an escape, but all in vain. In a last ditch effort of valiance, he declared, "You'll never make
me talk!"
"Very well then, man," said the Guru. He gestured for the deranged musicians to
commence their terrible tune.
As the dissonant melody once again wound its way into Agent 86's mind, he couldn't help
but think that if he didn't do something fast, it would all be over for him, 99, and the rest of
CONTROL!!
TBC . . .
new bobble, but she wasn't there. Shrugging, he continued to the inner sanctum of Chief's office.
There was his beloved, sitting on the desk with her legs crossed attractively at the ankle, sipping
coffee and chatting with Larabee. His heart skipped the cliched beat as he murmured her name.
99 blinked in surprise. "Did you say something, Max?" she asked in wonder as she placed her
mug on the desk. She could've sworn he'd said her name, but not in a tone she had ever heard
before.
Max's dark brown eyes seemed lit from within with an almost carnal desire. 99 was taken
completely aback at this new side of her hero. "I need you, 99!" he declared in an intense whisper.
Larabee was so frightened that he ran out of the room, leaving a very vulnerable female agent to
face the amorous Smart.
"Max, take it easy," she began nervously as she slid off the desk and slowly started for the
door. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing can ever be wrong if you're in the world, 99," he continued earnestly. Much to
her horror, he quickly backed her into a corner so that all she could see was his warm, brown
eyes. Before she could make a sound, he grabbed her around the waist and kissed her
passionately. That kiss was so potently wonderful that 99 would've fallen right over if she hadn't
had his strong arms around her, steadying her. As it was, her breath was quite literally taken
away, leaving her gasping for air . . . and more.
"Oh, Max," she said in a small voice, "I never knew you felt that way. Kiss me, kiss me
again."
She prepared herself for another wave of romantic ecstasy but was greeted by the sound
of: "99, what on earth are you talking about?" The silver ring was lying benignly on the floor.
Max had dropped it when he had embraced his fellow agent. Evidently, he had no memory of the
tumultuous kiss.
99 felt for certain that her heart would break. "But Max, you just kissed me, don't you
remember?"
"Now why would I do a thing like that? You must have been having another one of your
absurd romantic fantasies. Honestly, 99, you should learn to control them."
"Maxwell Smart! You take that back!" she cried, fighting back the hot tears stinging her
eyelids. "I have never in my life had an 'absurd romantic fantasy', and if I had, believe me, Agent
86, you would be the LAST to know."
"Calm down, 99," said Smart quickly. "Let me think." He was beginning to wonder if she
was telling the truth, for he had absolutely no memory of the last five minutes. He didn't even
have a clue how he got there or what he had been doing directly beforehand. It was all scrambled
in his already-illogical mind.
99 was about to continue her tirade when she noticed the lost-little-boy look on her
partner's countenance. "Max, you really don't remember kissing me, do you?" she asked, her eyes
wide with surprise.
"No, I don't," he replied quietly. "99, SOMETHING is going on here. If I could only
remember what." He glanced around the room, searching for something, ANYTHING that would
jog his memory. Suddenly, his gaze fell on the forgotten ring. "Aha!" he declared, scooping up the
ring, which had ceased glowing and returned to its original greyish hue. "Now I remember! I was
going to the jewelry store to buy a ring for you when-"
"Oh, Max!" 99 gushed, snatching the trinket from a confused looking Smart. "A mood
ring! These are all the latest rage! Groovy!" She slipped it on her finger, admiring its tranquil
beauty. It immediately changed color to dark blue, indicating her euphoric mood. "Thank you so
much!" She kissed him on the cheek and embraced him.
"Well, you're welcome, 99, but I didn't actually-" he started.
"I will wear it always," she promised solemnly, batting her ridiculously long false
eyelashes. "That is, unless I get a better offer." She rubbed her naked ring left finger for emphasis.
Max gulped and felt his face become unbearably hot. 99 tittered excitedly and made a little
cutesy face at him. Max turned even redder. Just then, Larabee re-entered the room, looking
flustered. Max, relieved at the distraction, pleasantly asked what was wrong.
"It's KAOS!" he panted. "They're here in droves and most of the staff has just been given
leave!"
"Well, can't you contact them?" Max asked in exasperation.
"Chief keeps all of that information in secret files," Larabee continued. "You know the
combination to get into the file cabinet, don't you?"
Agent 86 began to nod, but then quickly shook his head. "Chief told me last week that
you knew it so I didn't have to worry. Don't tell me you forgot it!"
"Uh, well . . ." stuttered Larabee. He grinned sheepishly up at his boss " I forgot it."
Max turned on him in annoyance. "I asked you not to tell me that!" Smart was about to
complain to 99, when he noticed that she had a slap-happy grin stuck on her face.
"KAOS is coming! We're going to die!" she chirped, clapping her hands like a giddy child.
The ring on her hand was glowing dark blue.
"99, have you by any chance lost your marbles!" shouted Max in panic.
99 seemed to be contemplating this thought. "Oh, well. Someone probably needs them
more than me anyway." She began humming a cheery tune as she straightened up the office.
"99! Earth to 99!" Maxwell Smart snapped his fingers loudly in front of her face.
"Don't be annoying, darling!" she said in a surly tone. Then, she kissed him, running her
hands through his hair roughly and growling.
Max shook his head violently and tried to get away from the psychotic 99. This HAD to
be a nightmare. Or maybe HE was having an absurd romantic fantasy now! Whatever the case, it
certainly was absurd! "99, listen to me, we are being attacked!" He grabbed her by the shoulders
and started shaking her.
"St-o-o-o-p th-a-a-at, dar-ar-ar-ling!" she said, giggling. The ring, jarred by the vibrations,
slid off her hand onto the floor. Suddenly, 99's gleeful expression was replaced by one of
confusion and annoyance. "Max, why are you shaking me? Stop that!" She pushed him away.
Hard. He fell over onto the floor. 99 gasped.
"Are you alright?" 99 and Max asked each other simultaneosly. Then, they exchanged a
romantic glance as 99 helped Max to his feet. "Oh, you dropped this," he said, picking up the
forgotten ring.
"Thanks," she replied, blushing, as she moved in for a kiss.
Max was about to oblige when Larabee shouted. "The're here! They're here! Head for
cover!" He darted under the desk in cowardice.
"Of all the cowardly . . ." Max began irately.
"What shall we do?" 99 queried, batting her long eyelashes. "Do you have a plan?"
Maxed smiled to see that she was back to normal. "We will just stand our ground, 99.
Hold the fort! Remember the Alamo!" He struck a majestic pose. Just then, a poison dart flew
into the room and poked Max's arm. "Ow!"
"Max!" cried 99 as she rushed to his side. Subconciously, she slipped the ring back onto
her finger. Immediately, she slowed in her steps and then began dancing around the room.
"99!" called Max in pain as he clutched his injured arm. He watched the crazed 99 in
agony as she began to watusi. Something was definitely wrong. He crawled over to the female spy
and whispered, "What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing!" she screetched joyfully as she switched to the monkey.
Max felt his strength fading and soon the room began to blur noticeably. He reached out
for his partner one last time before slumping over, apparently dead. 99 continued to dance,
oblivious to the body on the floor.
**************
When Max opened his eyes, he expected to be in either heaven or hell. He was completely
shocked to discover the psychadelic colors swirling around his throbbing head. "Hm, I didn't
know they did drugs in the afterlife," he mused as he tried to get up. That's when he realized that
he was very much alive. His head was spinning and pounding most terribly. Hard ropes were
cutting into the skin on his wrists and ankles and his vocal capacities were restricted for the
second time in 24 hours, only this time by a gag. He was tied to a chair in the middle of the
Groovy Guru radio station!
"Well, my groovy friend, it seems you were tripped out for a while there," came a
disturbingly familiar voice. Max squirmed in his seat as a bearded man with 60's style glasses
emerged from behind a glass partition. Three very oddly dressed musicians were right behind him.
One of them undid the Max's gag, snickering evilly.
"99!" Max exclaimed, suddenly remembering his sweetheart. "What have you done with
99!" He struggled against his bonds, but it was no use. He was too weak from the aftereffects of
the drug.
"Cool it, man. Your lover girl is perfectly safe as long as you promise to cooperate." The
Guru snapped his fingers and the Sacred Cows began to jam on their guitars.
"I don't believe you!" shouted Max as the hypnotic music flooded his brain. "If she's safe,
why can't I see her?"
The Cows were chanting, "Close Down CONTROL. Close down CONTROL." Maxwell
fought desparately to ignore their suggestive instructions but the odd rhythms and notes of the
music were rapidly breaking his will.
"Oh, you can see her sure enough, man." The Hindu snapped his fingers and the music
stopped. Agent 86 breathed a sigh of relief as he felt himself regaining control of his doped brain.
The Guru whispered something to one of the Cows and he retreated to the glassed-in studio. He
returned a moment later with a very calm-looking 99. She blinked stupidly at him as she
approached.
"Hello, Max," she said sedately. The ring on her hand glowed green. "What in the world
are you doing tied to that chair?"
"99, help me!" pleaded Smart, tugging at the ropes that bound him.
"I don't see what the big rush is," she sighed, yawning. She held her hand up to her face
and admired the ring.
Just then, Max had a startling revelation. Everytime 99 wore the ring, she started acting
weird. When it fell off earlier, she had returned to normal. If only he could get her to take it off!
"99!" he cried. "Get rid of the ring!"
"Why?" was the blank answer.
"Because it's bad!" Max yelled frantically.
"Hi-de-ho," said 99, totally relaxed and disinterested.
Groovy Guru let out an amused chuckle. "You see it's useless, Mr. Smart. You are under
the influence of a very powerful drug, your partner here is completely apathetic, and Larabee is
being brainwashed to be a killer!"
"No! No! This can't be happening!" sobbed our hero. He was feeling utterly hopeless and
spent.
The Guru merely began to laugh maniacally. "And now, we need to know the password to
get into CONTROL headquarters so we can destroy that square joint and rule the world! If you
don't, we will just crank up the groovy vibes and you yourself will be personally responsible for
its demise! Now are you going to help us of your own free will and escape being a traitor or will
we have to end your career as a spy permenantly?"
Smart racked his battered brain for the proper answer to such a loaded question. "Are you
sure those are the only choices?" he asked innocently.
"Smart, don't make me lose my cool, man," replied Groovy Guru, obviously unamused.
Max shifted his gaze from each of the Sacred Cows and back to their leader, trying hard to
devise an escape, but all in vain. In a last ditch effort of valiance, he declared, "You'll never make
me talk!"
"Very well then, man," said the Guru. He gestured for the deranged musicians to
commence their terrible tune.
As the dissonant melody once again wound its way into Agent 86's mind, he couldn't help
but think that if he didn't do something fast, it would all be over for him, 99, and the rest of
CONTROL!!
TBC . . .