Yeah, I find this extremely lame, but if you guys like then review. Even
you people that lurk in the backround and just read it. REVIEW!! Please?
"Pink tutu??" Aragorn couldn't help himself. He sniggered. "I knew you were gay, but I didn't know you were THAT gay!!"
"I'm NOT GAY!!" Legolas shouted ineffectively. "I-I just keep it for special occasions, yeah, that's right!"
"Like what? The Mardi Gras??" Aragorn burst out laughing.
Gimli appeared to be thinking, and eventually looked up at the stricken elf, "Pink? You know I would've thought that a pretty lime would suit your complexion. I mean, I've got a fiery red one to suit my beard, you know I could should some tricks----"
"GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!" Legolas screamed, "This conversation is ruining my delicate ears!" with that he shoved himself out of the door, accidently slammed the door into the orc, knocking it senseless.
"Oh! Good one elf!" Merry exclaimed as he scooted out the door and proceeded to try and eat the tutu.
"Hey! Share it cousin!"
"Get stuffed!"
Frodo wearily stepped out of the door and put on his most serious/worried expression, "We must leave this evil place and continue on our journey to the cracks of Doom, where hopefully, the curse of Sauron---" his dramatic speech was cut short as something hurtled into him knocking him to the floor.
"MASTER!!! HELP ME!!!"
"Gwet owf meeeee!" Frodo said indistinctively as he tried to peel Sam off his face - to no avail. "I caan't bwreath!"
"They're gonna EAT ME!!" Sam was blubbering and trying to wrap his legs around Frodo's waist and out of reach of the slobbering Merry and Pippin who had given up on the tutu. Since Sam was quite a bit fatter then Frodo this didn't quite work, and he was slowly sliding down Frodo's slim body.
"Jesus Christ sam! This is NOT the time!" Aragorn strode out of the cell and yanked off the clinging Sam, almost pulling off Frodo's face at the same time. "Look, the next time you want to your master to 'save you' can you do it somewhere private, maybe even Legolas will join you.." He let the sentence trail and grinned slyly at Legolas with a raised eyebrow.
"I'm NOT G---" he was interrupted when a hand tugged his pants around groin level. "Hey! Watch it! That's special equipment down there!"
"Huh, whatever" Boromir appeared, having gotten over his near-death experience.
Legolas found himself looking into the dwarf's eyes, "Do you mind if I keep this? It would go fantastically with my hot pink stilettos that I keep for 'special occasions'", Gimli winked conspirationally.
"Oh no, I'm surrounded my homosexuals..." Legolas tried to back away and tripped over the orc.
"Eadfuwehadfaudfgai dawid ASIUWGF!! #$&^@#@^ Jsjadfhuaf!" the orc muttered as he opened his eyes, "Oh, sorry bout that bad language. Oh SHIT! I broke a nail!!! I broke a nail!!! And my face, look at it! Just look at it!! My complexion is ruined!! I only just ran out of 'Pimple/acne/facial hair/lumpy things-be-gone' today!! And I'm meant to be modelling in the beauty pageant tomorrow!! And Sauron was going to be my date!!" The orc promptly burst into tears and started wailing.
Everyone stared. Everything was absolutely silent except for the orcs bawling and the peaceful screams coming from the 'interrogation room'.
[In the interrogation room]
"WHERE IS THE RING!! TELL ME!!"
*screams ensue*
"SSSSSssssshhhhhhhiire!! Bagginsssssssszzzzzzzzz!!"
"Goddammit!! ARGH! I thought I taught you about lenghting your words and drawing out your ess'! It makes you sound evil!"
"Sssssshhhhhhhirrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeee! Bagginsssesssss!!"
"Look, Mr Toturer, I'm really sorry about this guy's lisp, I'm afraid I've done everything, short of ripping out his tongue...oh, I see, you're going to try that now?"
"Evil orccssssssieeeessssss! Hurtssssssss!"
"Yes, yes, shutup, you weird-ass little slimy fishy thing. Hmm, yes, I think that removing his tongue will stop the lisp, rightio..."
[back to the peaceful scene outside the prison cell]
"Um, Legolas, I think this is more of your expertise of field..." Boromir smirked.
"WHAT?? You want me to comfort an orc because he's broken a fingernail???"
"Well, yeah. I mean how often do you complain about it? Nails, hair, face, braids, plaits, blah blah blah" Boromir dismissed him with a wave of his hand.
"Muttermuttermutterjustyouwaitmuttermutterstupidedainmuttermutterkillyoumyse lf"
"What was that?" Boromir asked suspiciously
"Nothing" Legolas turned to the distraught orc, "Hey, its alrite. So you're a girl-orc huh?" he tried to get the orc into conversation.
"U-uh no" the orc sniffed, "I'm male."
"If you're male then why are you going into a beauty pageant? And" Legolas mentally groaned not able to stop himself, "Why the hell is Sauron your date??"
"O-oh! Aren't you a naughty elf!!" the orc wriggled his mono-brow, "You know. We're a couple. An item."
"YOU"RE GAY???????????" Legolas couldn't help himself from shrieking the words.
"Yep. You wanna come along? Only I know this other prisoner that I thought that you might get on well with. Admittedly he's a bit slimy but underneath that skin/shell/whatever I'm sure he's a really nice guy, uh, huma-er, thing."
[Interrogation room]
"Ssssssssssaaroun! Ssssssseeexxxxkkkkuuussssshhhhiiiiiiii!"
"Dammit, try his voicebox now"
[back to outside the cell]
"Er, no. No, No. NO!!" Legolas couldn't help himself from backing away.
"You know you want tooo!" the orc put on his most sly voice and wriggled his hips.
"ARRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Legolas ran away screaming.
"Do you think we should follow him mister strider?" Merry asked as Pippin tried to chew off his arm, "Stop that! You're getting slobber all over my arm!"
"Yeah, might be a good idea, who knows we might even run into the confiscated drugs room, whaddya think Gimli?" Aragorn consented with a nod of his newly cleaned head.
"Huh? What did you say?" Gimli looked up from trying to pull a tutu over his chainmail, "Damn, I wish I had brought those shoes....."
"Forget it. I can see that you're preoccupied there dwarf" Aragorn ran off following the quickly disappearing elf.
"Hey, I'm hungry! COME BACK!!" Merry and Pippin sped off, "In the drugs room do you think they'll be mushrooms?"
"Bound to be" Aragorn replied as they caught up, "Hopefully, *magic* mushrooms" his eyes gleamed.
Boromir looked around him and decided that up against a group of orcs, Frodo and Sam weren't exactly the best shields but he decided to try anyway. Picking up Frodo bodily he used him as a human shield and retreated. "If you fire, you'll only get the hobbit!!!" he laughed manically.
"Hey! What do you think you're doing with my master???" an indignant voice floated up.
"Using him as a shield"
"Oh ok."
And with that, the group ran through the tunnels, hopefully to freedom. And food. And a beauty therapy room. And the Mardi Gras.
Oh, and away from Sauron would be nice.
"Pink tutu??" Aragorn couldn't help himself. He sniggered. "I knew you were gay, but I didn't know you were THAT gay!!"
"I'm NOT GAY!!" Legolas shouted ineffectively. "I-I just keep it for special occasions, yeah, that's right!"
"Like what? The Mardi Gras??" Aragorn burst out laughing.
Gimli appeared to be thinking, and eventually looked up at the stricken elf, "Pink? You know I would've thought that a pretty lime would suit your complexion. I mean, I've got a fiery red one to suit my beard, you know I could should some tricks----"
"GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!" Legolas screamed, "This conversation is ruining my delicate ears!" with that he shoved himself out of the door, accidently slammed the door into the orc, knocking it senseless.
"Oh! Good one elf!" Merry exclaimed as he scooted out the door and proceeded to try and eat the tutu.
"Hey! Share it cousin!"
"Get stuffed!"
Frodo wearily stepped out of the door and put on his most serious/worried expression, "We must leave this evil place and continue on our journey to the cracks of Doom, where hopefully, the curse of Sauron---" his dramatic speech was cut short as something hurtled into him knocking him to the floor.
"MASTER!!! HELP ME!!!"
"Gwet owf meeeee!" Frodo said indistinctively as he tried to peel Sam off his face - to no avail. "I caan't bwreath!"
"They're gonna EAT ME!!" Sam was blubbering and trying to wrap his legs around Frodo's waist and out of reach of the slobbering Merry and Pippin who had given up on the tutu. Since Sam was quite a bit fatter then Frodo this didn't quite work, and he was slowly sliding down Frodo's slim body.
"Jesus Christ sam! This is NOT the time!" Aragorn strode out of the cell and yanked off the clinging Sam, almost pulling off Frodo's face at the same time. "Look, the next time you want to your master to 'save you' can you do it somewhere private, maybe even Legolas will join you.." He let the sentence trail and grinned slyly at Legolas with a raised eyebrow.
"I'm NOT G---" he was interrupted when a hand tugged his pants around groin level. "Hey! Watch it! That's special equipment down there!"
"Huh, whatever" Boromir appeared, having gotten over his near-death experience.
Legolas found himself looking into the dwarf's eyes, "Do you mind if I keep this? It would go fantastically with my hot pink stilettos that I keep for 'special occasions'", Gimli winked conspirationally.
"Oh no, I'm surrounded my homosexuals..." Legolas tried to back away and tripped over the orc.
"Eadfuwehadfaudfgai dawid ASIUWGF!! #$&^@#@^ Jsjadfhuaf!" the orc muttered as he opened his eyes, "Oh, sorry bout that bad language. Oh SHIT! I broke a nail!!! I broke a nail!!! And my face, look at it! Just look at it!! My complexion is ruined!! I only just ran out of 'Pimple/acne/facial hair/lumpy things-be-gone' today!! And I'm meant to be modelling in the beauty pageant tomorrow!! And Sauron was going to be my date!!" The orc promptly burst into tears and started wailing.
Everyone stared. Everything was absolutely silent except for the orcs bawling and the peaceful screams coming from the 'interrogation room'.
[In the interrogation room]
"WHERE IS THE RING!! TELL ME!!"
*screams ensue*
"SSSSSssssshhhhhhhiire!! Bagginsssssssszzzzzzzzz!!"
"Goddammit!! ARGH! I thought I taught you about lenghting your words and drawing out your ess'! It makes you sound evil!"
"Sssssshhhhhhhirrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeee! Bagginsssesssss!!"
"Look, Mr Toturer, I'm really sorry about this guy's lisp, I'm afraid I've done everything, short of ripping out his tongue...oh, I see, you're going to try that now?"
"Evil orccssssssieeeessssss! Hurtssssssss!"
"Yes, yes, shutup, you weird-ass little slimy fishy thing. Hmm, yes, I think that removing his tongue will stop the lisp, rightio..."
[back to the peaceful scene outside the prison cell]
"Um, Legolas, I think this is more of your expertise of field..." Boromir smirked.
"WHAT?? You want me to comfort an orc because he's broken a fingernail???"
"Well, yeah. I mean how often do you complain about it? Nails, hair, face, braids, plaits, blah blah blah" Boromir dismissed him with a wave of his hand.
"Muttermuttermutterjustyouwaitmuttermutterstupidedainmuttermutterkillyoumyse lf"
"What was that?" Boromir asked suspiciously
"Nothing" Legolas turned to the distraught orc, "Hey, its alrite. So you're a girl-orc huh?" he tried to get the orc into conversation.
"U-uh no" the orc sniffed, "I'm male."
"If you're male then why are you going into a beauty pageant? And" Legolas mentally groaned not able to stop himself, "Why the hell is Sauron your date??"
"O-oh! Aren't you a naughty elf!!" the orc wriggled his mono-brow, "You know. We're a couple. An item."
"YOU"RE GAY???????????" Legolas couldn't help himself from shrieking the words.
"Yep. You wanna come along? Only I know this other prisoner that I thought that you might get on well with. Admittedly he's a bit slimy but underneath that skin/shell/whatever I'm sure he's a really nice guy, uh, huma-er, thing."
[Interrogation room]
"Ssssssssssaaroun! Ssssssseeexxxxkkkkuuussssshhhhiiiiiiii!"
"Dammit, try his voicebox now"
[back to outside the cell]
"Er, no. No, No. NO!!" Legolas couldn't help himself from backing away.
"You know you want tooo!" the orc put on his most sly voice and wriggled his hips.
"ARRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Legolas ran away screaming.
"Do you think we should follow him mister strider?" Merry asked as Pippin tried to chew off his arm, "Stop that! You're getting slobber all over my arm!"
"Yeah, might be a good idea, who knows we might even run into the confiscated drugs room, whaddya think Gimli?" Aragorn consented with a nod of his newly cleaned head.
"Huh? What did you say?" Gimli looked up from trying to pull a tutu over his chainmail, "Damn, I wish I had brought those shoes....."
"Forget it. I can see that you're preoccupied there dwarf" Aragorn ran off following the quickly disappearing elf.
"Hey, I'm hungry! COME BACK!!" Merry and Pippin sped off, "In the drugs room do you think they'll be mushrooms?"
"Bound to be" Aragorn replied as they caught up, "Hopefully, *magic* mushrooms" his eyes gleamed.
Boromir looked around him and decided that up against a group of orcs, Frodo and Sam weren't exactly the best shields but he decided to try anyway. Picking up Frodo bodily he used him as a human shield and retreated. "If you fire, you'll only get the hobbit!!!" he laughed manically.
"Hey! What do you think you're doing with my master???" an indignant voice floated up.
"Using him as a shield"
"Oh ok."
And with that, the group ran through the tunnels, hopefully to freedom. And food. And a beauty therapy room. And the Mardi Gras.
Oh, and away from Sauron would be nice.