Maxwell Smart could feel himself slipping into the oblivion of a deep trance as the Sacred Cows
continued their musical command to destroy CONTROL. "I, uh, must think of . . . Shutting down
CONTROL! No, that's not right. Must . . . concentrate on something . . . else," he mused while
fading in and out of mental control. The sight of 99, standing guilelessly in front of him, made him
smile, despite his mental anguish. "Think . . . of . . . 99 . . ." he told himself over and over again
until he was saying the words out loud. Suddenly, the four KAOS agents were smiling dreamily
and ogling the female agent, the Cows still playing their dreadful music and chanting their evil
lyrics. Hey, she's mine! Thought Smart jealously. Then, it occurred to him that they had only
noticed 99 at all when he had chanted "Think of 99" out loud. It seemed that when the mind-
control music was playing, anything that was chanted would determine the listeners' course of
action. It hadn't mattered that the KAOS members had heard the first command, since their
objective was already to destroy CONTROL, and 99 hadn't been in the room until now. Come to
think of it, she was about ready to cave in to the command and attempt to dismantle CONTROL
herself! "I must give her some 'positive vibes,'" he decided. Slowly, and in a voice that was far
from musical, he began to intone loudly, "99 . . . take . . . off . . . the . . .ring." He repeated it over
and over again, praying that she would listen.
99 blinked at this new set of instructions, as if wondering which to follow. Max was so intent on
reaching his partner that he completely blocked out the chants of the KAOS agents. "You . . .
want . . . to . . . take . . . off . . . the . . .ring," he continued urgently. 99's fingers grazed the ring
lightly, but she didn't remove it.
Groovy Guru realized what his adversary was doing so, he commanded them to chant
louder, which they did. Of course, Max, who was also listening, raised the volume of his own
entreaty as a result of the hypnotic suggestion. Groovy Guru put in earplugs and began yelling at
Max, who ignored him completely. 99 seemed to be completely overwelmed by all of this input
and collapsed to the floor in a faint. Unseen by everyone, the ring fell off her finger and rolled
across the floor.
"You are so out, man!" Guru crowed triumphantly. "Your chic couldn't handle all of the
strain, and neither can I!" He snapped his fingers, the only sound besides chanting that seemed to
have any effect on listeners of the Hindu song. "I am not into this groove any more, man!" There
must be a more effective way of killing CONTROL! I know, torture!" He rubbed his hands
together in glee.
"Actually, I was really getting into that groovy music," said Max, once again stalling for
time. After all, he HAD failed his torture class at spy school 5 times.
Just then, 99 revived and quietly got to her feet. Ring-less and not hearing any commands
otherwise, she chopped Groovy Guru across the neck, sending him spinning to the floor. A little
black box flew out of his coat pocket.
"99! You're alright!" cried Max in great relief. She rushed to untie him, but was clobbered
by a Sacred Cow. The other two began their music once more.
"Not . . .again . . ." moaned Max as he struggled against the onslaught of evil suggestions
for the third time that evening.
Just when things looked their bleakest, the door to the studio was chopped down by a
tremendous force. Hymie had once again come to his buddy's rescue. In a matter of moments, the
three musicians and their boss were all unconscious on the floor.
"Hymie, you saved us!" exclaimed 99, in a voice full of emotion.
"I only did my duty," droned the robot patriotically.
"How did you know we were here?" queried the female agent.
"I used my tracking device," Hymie said diplomatically.
"Isn't that nice?" said Max sarcastically. "Now would one of you please untie me?"
"Oh, Max, I'm sorry!" cooed 99 as she bent to untie his legs. Hymie snapped the ropes
binding his wrists with ease and soon Agent 86 was a free man again.
"Hm, I wonder what this is," Maxwell Smart thought as he picked up the black box from
Groovy Guru's pocket.
At that moment, Larabee entered from the studio. "Wow! What weird music!" he
declared. "The band just kept saying 'kill, kill, kill,'"
"And it didn't affect you?" asked Max in disbelief.
"I took the headphones off before I could tell," he explained. "It was a stupid song
anyway.
"They didn't tie you up?"
"Yeah, they did, but 99 untied me."
"What? Why?"
"She wanted to . . ." He turned red.
"What did I want to do?" demanded 99, dreading the worst.
"Kiss me!" he mumbled, chuckling.
Max gave 99 a look.
"Now, Max, I don't remember anything of the sort-"
"Your ring, 99. It affected your moods."
"A mood ring that affects moods instead of reflecting them, leaving the wearer no memory
of his actions when it is removed" mused 99. "It was quite an ingenious little invention. Did I
really kiss you, Larabee?"
The look on Larabee's face was the only confirmation she needed. Max was turning a
violent shade of green.
"I think I know what mood you're in," teased 99.
Max grumbled a little before setting down the black box and using his shoe phone to call
the remaining agents left at CONTROL to dispose of the bodies.
"Is this the ring?" asked Larabee as he jokingly put it on his finger. "I wonder how it
works." He began to fiddle with it, but the stone remained dull.
Max leaned forward with his shoe phone to his ear to see what Larabee was doing,
accidently stepping on the box and breaking it. "Oops!" he said in chagrin. "I think that was the
control for the ring."
The ring glowed black and Larabee began to shout. "Too many people, you're all
crowding me! I'm so hurried! Gotta run!" He scrambled about the room, pulling at his thinning
hair.
"Max!" scolded 99.
"Sorry about that, 99," he replied sheepishly.
She glared at him before grabbing Hymie, who had been neatly arranging the bodies,
chasing after Larabee to retrieve the ring.
TAG
"Well, 99," said Max as they entered Chief's office, "It's a good thing that we were able to get
that ring off Agent Larabee's hand. Let's just keep our little adventure to ourselves when Chief
comes home this afternoon."
"If you think that is best, Max," 99 said softly as she put her arms around Smart and tried
to kiss him. Max turned his head in embarrassment. She twirled her finger through his hair and
asked, "You have talked to Larabee about this, right?"
"Well, not exactly . . ."
Chief strolled into the room wearing shorts, sunglasses, and a Hawaiian shirt. "What a
vacation!" he exclaimed blissfully as he plopped his suitcase on his desk.
"Glad to see you back, Chief," Max said grinning as he pulled away from 99. They both
smiled innocently at their boss. Too innocently.
"Alright Max," Chief sighed heavily, bracing himself for the worst. "What happened?"
"Would you believe . . . nothing?" asked Smart hopefully. Chief glared. "How about
something?"
"What sort of something?" demanded Chief, his blood pressure rising.
Just then, Larabee stumbled into the room. "Well, boss, Groovy Guru is going to be on
the CONTROL retention facility for a long time. No more paroles for that fellow."
Max's face fell and he pointed at Chief. Larabee cringed as his boss yelled, "Parole? Who
granted him parole? MAX!"
THE END!
A/N I hope you enjoyed my humble attempt at bringing our favourite characters to life. Sorry if
the chant part was a little confusing. I wasn't quite sure how to explain it. I am currently in the
process of writing another episode-style fic called "CONTROL Under Construction" and a diary
fic told from Maxine's POV. If you liked this story, please, please read my friend's story, Zis is
KAOS. It is really funny and she isn't feeling well, so this would be a nice surprise, don't you
think? *nudges you*
continued their musical command to destroy CONTROL. "I, uh, must think of . . . Shutting down
CONTROL! No, that's not right. Must . . . concentrate on something . . . else," he mused while
fading in and out of mental control. The sight of 99, standing guilelessly in front of him, made him
smile, despite his mental anguish. "Think . . . of . . . 99 . . ." he told himself over and over again
until he was saying the words out loud. Suddenly, the four KAOS agents were smiling dreamily
and ogling the female agent, the Cows still playing their dreadful music and chanting their evil
lyrics. Hey, she's mine! Thought Smart jealously. Then, it occurred to him that they had only
noticed 99 at all when he had chanted "Think of 99" out loud. It seemed that when the mind-
control music was playing, anything that was chanted would determine the listeners' course of
action. It hadn't mattered that the KAOS members had heard the first command, since their
objective was already to destroy CONTROL, and 99 hadn't been in the room until now. Come to
think of it, she was about ready to cave in to the command and attempt to dismantle CONTROL
herself! "I must give her some 'positive vibes,'" he decided. Slowly, and in a voice that was far
from musical, he began to intone loudly, "99 . . . take . . . off . . . the . . .ring." He repeated it over
and over again, praying that she would listen.
99 blinked at this new set of instructions, as if wondering which to follow. Max was so intent on
reaching his partner that he completely blocked out the chants of the KAOS agents. "You . . .
want . . . to . . . take . . . off . . . the . . .ring," he continued urgently. 99's fingers grazed the ring
lightly, but she didn't remove it.
Groovy Guru realized what his adversary was doing so, he commanded them to chant
louder, which they did. Of course, Max, who was also listening, raised the volume of his own
entreaty as a result of the hypnotic suggestion. Groovy Guru put in earplugs and began yelling at
Max, who ignored him completely. 99 seemed to be completely overwelmed by all of this input
and collapsed to the floor in a faint. Unseen by everyone, the ring fell off her finger and rolled
across the floor.
"You are so out, man!" Guru crowed triumphantly. "Your chic couldn't handle all of the
strain, and neither can I!" He snapped his fingers, the only sound besides chanting that seemed to
have any effect on listeners of the Hindu song. "I am not into this groove any more, man!" There
must be a more effective way of killing CONTROL! I know, torture!" He rubbed his hands
together in glee.
"Actually, I was really getting into that groovy music," said Max, once again stalling for
time. After all, he HAD failed his torture class at spy school 5 times.
Just then, 99 revived and quietly got to her feet. Ring-less and not hearing any commands
otherwise, she chopped Groovy Guru across the neck, sending him spinning to the floor. A little
black box flew out of his coat pocket.
"99! You're alright!" cried Max in great relief. She rushed to untie him, but was clobbered
by a Sacred Cow. The other two began their music once more.
"Not . . .again . . ." moaned Max as he struggled against the onslaught of evil suggestions
for the third time that evening.
Just when things looked their bleakest, the door to the studio was chopped down by a
tremendous force. Hymie had once again come to his buddy's rescue. In a matter of moments, the
three musicians and their boss were all unconscious on the floor.
"Hymie, you saved us!" exclaimed 99, in a voice full of emotion.
"I only did my duty," droned the robot patriotically.
"How did you know we were here?" queried the female agent.
"I used my tracking device," Hymie said diplomatically.
"Isn't that nice?" said Max sarcastically. "Now would one of you please untie me?"
"Oh, Max, I'm sorry!" cooed 99 as she bent to untie his legs. Hymie snapped the ropes
binding his wrists with ease and soon Agent 86 was a free man again.
"Hm, I wonder what this is," Maxwell Smart thought as he picked up the black box from
Groovy Guru's pocket.
At that moment, Larabee entered from the studio. "Wow! What weird music!" he
declared. "The band just kept saying 'kill, kill, kill,'"
"And it didn't affect you?" asked Max in disbelief.
"I took the headphones off before I could tell," he explained. "It was a stupid song
anyway.
"They didn't tie you up?"
"Yeah, they did, but 99 untied me."
"What? Why?"
"She wanted to . . ." He turned red.
"What did I want to do?" demanded 99, dreading the worst.
"Kiss me!" he mumbled, chuckling.
Max gave 99 a look.
"Now, Max, I don't remember anything of the sort-"
"Your ring, 99. It affected your moods."
"A mood ring that affects moods instead of reflecting them, leaving the wearer no memory
of his actions when it is removed" mused 99. "It was quite an ingenious little invention. Did I
really kiss you, Larabee?"
The look on Larabee's face was the only confirmation she needed. Max was turning a
violent shade of green.
"I think I know what mood you're in," teased 99.
Max grumbled a little before setting down the black box and using his shoe phone to call
the remaining agents left at CONTROL to dispose of the bodies.
"Is this the ring?" asked Larabee as he jokingly put it on his finger. "I wonder how it
works." He began to fiddle with it, but the stone remained dull.
Max leaned forward with his shoe phone to his ear to see what Larabee was doing,
accidently stepping on the box and breaking it. "Oops!" he said in chagrin. "I think that was the
control for the ring."
The ring glowed black and Larabee began to shout. "Too many people, you're all
crowding me! I'm so hurried! Gotta run!" He scrambled about the room, pulling at his thinning
hair.
"Max!" scolded 99.
"Sorry about that, 99," he replied sheepishly.
She glared at him before grabbing Hymie, who had been neatly arranging the bodies,
chasing after Larabee to retrieve the ring.
TAG
"Well, 99," said Max as they entered Chief's office, "It's a good thing that we were able to get
that ring off Agent Larabee's hand. Let's just keep our little adventure to ourselves when Chief
comes home this afternoon."
"If you think that is best, Max," 99 said softly as she put her arms around Smart and tried
to kiss him. Max turned his head in embarrassment. She twirled her finger through his hair and
asked, "You have talked to Larabee about this, right?"
"Well, not exactly . . ."
Chief strolled into the room wearing shorts, sunglasses, and a Hawaiian shirt. "What a
vacation!" he exclaimed blissfully as he plopped his suitcase on his desk.
"Glad to see you back, Chief," Max said grinning as he pulled away from 99. They both
smiled innocently at their boss. Too innocently.
"Alright Max," Chief sighed heavily, bracing himself for the worst. "What happened?"
"Would you believe . . . nothing?" asked Smart hopefully. Chief glared. "How about
something?"
"What sort of something?" demanded Chief, his blood pressure rising.
Just then, Larabee stumbled into the room. "Well, boss, Groovy Guru is going to be on
the CONTROL retention facility for a long time. No more paroles for that fellow."
Max's face fell and he pointed at Chief. Larabee cringed as his boss yelled, "Parole? Who
granted him parole? MAX!"
THE END!
A/N I hope you enjoyed my humble attempt at bringing our favourite characters to life. Sorry if
the chant part was a little confusing. I wasn't quite sure how to explain it. I am currently in the
process of writing another episode-style fic called "CONTROL Under Construction" and a diary
fic told from Maxine's POV. If you liked this story, please, please read my friend's story, Zis is
KAOS. It is really funny and she isn't feeling well, so this would be a nice surprise, don't you
think? *nudges you*