LilRebel: This is hilarious. Just read it.
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I went to a pet store. There were monkeys. I like monkeys. They were only 5
cents each. I thought this was unusual since they were usually a couple thousand a piece.
I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200.
I drove them home. I have a big car. A monkey named bob wanted to drive. He
swirved alot. Monkeys are funny. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I
laughed. Then they punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing.
Monkeys are stupid. They kept hurtling into the walls at high speeds. It was
funny. After the 3rd hour of smashing the novelty wore off.
Now I know why monkeys were so cheap. They all died. All at once. Kinda
like when you buy a goldfish and it dies an hour after you get it. So now I have 200 dead
monkeys. They were all over my room. Like 200 throw pillows. I don't know what to
do with them. I tried pretending they were stuffed animals. It worked for and hour...until
they started to decay. It smelled.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It got stuck. So now I had 1 soggy dead
monkey and 199 smelly dead monkeys.
I tried freezing them. I had to eat all the food so it wouldn't go bad. I only had
room for 2 monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds.
I had to pee. But I couldn't cuz there was a monkey in my toilet. I didn't want to
call a plumber cuz I was embarrassed.
Now I had 1 dead soggy monkey, 2 frozen dead monkeys, and 197 smelly dead
monkeys.
I tried burning the monkeys. Little did I know, my bed was flammable. I put the
fire out. Now I had 1 soggy dead monkey, 2 frozen dead monkeys, and 197 charred
smelly dead monkeys.
The smell wasn't improving and I really had to pee.
The garbage man came by. I tried to throw the monkeys out but the man said the
city wasn't allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him about the frozen ones. He
said he couldn't do that either. I didn't bother to tell him about the soggy one. I was mad.
I punched him in the genitals.
I finally figured out what to do with the monkeys. I gave them out as Christmas
presents. I gave them to my friends. They said they liked them, but I knew they didn't.
Damn ingrates. I punched them in the genitals.
I like monkeys.
________________________________________________________________________
I went to a pet store. There were monkeys. I like monkeys. They were only 5
cents each. I thought this was unusual since they were usually a couple thousand a piece.
I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200.
I drove them home. I have a big car. A monkey named bob wanted to drive. He
swirved alot. Monkeys are funny. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I
laughed. Then they punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing.
Monkeys are stupid. They kept hurtling into the walls at high speeds. It was
funny. After the 3rd hour of smashing the novelty wore off.
Now I know why monkeys were so cheap. They all died. All at once. Kinda
like when you buy a goldfish and it dies an hour after you get it. So now I have 200 dead
monkeys. They were all over my room. Like 200 throw pillows. I don't know what to
do with them. I tried pretending they were stuffed animals. It worked for and hour...until
they started to decay. It smelled.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It got stuck. So now I had 1 soggy dead
monkey and 199 smelly dead monkeys.
I tried freezing them. I had to eat all the food so it wouldn't go bad. I only had
room for 2 monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds.
I had to pee. But I couldn't cuz there was a monkey in my toilet. I didn't want to
call a plumber cuz I was embarrassed.
Now I had 1 dead soggy monkey, 2 frozen dead monkeys, and 197 smelly dead
monkeys.
I tried burning the monkeys. Little did I know, my bed was flammable. I put the
fire out. Now I had 1 soggy dead monkey, 2 frozen dead monkeys, and 197 charred
smelly dead monkeys.
The smell wasn't improving and I really had to pee.
The garbage man came by. I tried to throw the monkeys out but the man said the
city wasn't allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him about the frozen ones. He
said he couldn't do that either. I didn't bother to tell him about the soggy one. I was mad.
I punched him in the genitals.
I finally figured out what to do with the monkeys. I gave them out as Christmas
presents. I gave them to my friends. They said they liked them, but I knew they didn't.
Damn ingrates. I punched them in the genitals.
I like monkeys.