Title: And the Saints Boweth Before the King
Author: DOKChairman
Time/Spoilers: Takes place after the events in 'Grave'.
Summary: I could write a summary, but then it would give away everything. So no summary, but I'll give you a hint. The opening I put down for the story is indicative of some of what the story might be about. Not much of a hint, I know, but it's all you're getting.
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own the rights to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all of its characters. I own nothing except the story, and the Anna Kournikova poster on my bedroom wall.
Author's note: I'm sorry it took me so long to update, but Fanfiction.net, in all of its infinite wisdom, decided to remove my story from the site and ban me from uploading any content whatsoever for an entire week. Why? I don't really know. They told me that I violated their guidelines for uploading content onto the site, yet they didn't tell me which guidelines I violated. I have no way of knowing if the things that I changed were the right things to change. I've been told that I only have a limited number of times I can be disciplined before I am permanently banned. That being said, I will post this story one last time. If it suddenly disappears off the site, then it's a safe bet I violated some rules and the story was pulled. If that happens, then I'm sorry, but I won't try again. My Farscape story is way too important to me to risk not being able to post anymore.
Author's note #2: Because of the Great Shipper Wars of 2001 and 2002, between those that supported B/S and those that didn't, I've decided to declare my allegiance right off the bat. I'm a diehard B/X'er, have been since I saw the first episode those six long years ago. Now for all those who don't like B/X don't jump ship just yet. Right now I kind of like the idea of Xander going on a journey of self discovery, kind of like he was supposed to do at the end of Season 3. I'm sorry but having your car break down 40 miles (or was it 40 minutes?) outside of your hometown and then stripping for a few months is not a journey of self-discovery. Well it is, just not the kind of self-discovery that I'm talking about.
There will be B/X interaction, they are best friends after all, but I don't know if there'll be any actual romance. But I can tell you this: not under any circumstances will there be B/S. I would rather watch a Full House marathon and then gouge my own eyes out with hot pokers then read a story with B/S in it. Now watching them on TV is another matter. Because then we get to see Sarah Michelle Gellar do lots of moaning, groaning, and writhing. Did I mention the writhing? It's hypocritical, I know, but what can I say. I'm a guy and Sarah is hot. I mean in all honesty, it was Sarah that got me interested in the show in the first place. Sure I grew to love the show's other amazing qualities, like the writing, but it was Sarah that drew me to the show.
Author's note #3: Uh, sorry about the rant. My therapist says that I need to express myself more and stop repressing. And since writing is a great form of self-expression, I tend to get a little carried away. But I'm done now, so onto the story.
Chapter 3: The Return of the Xander
When Xander awoke in the bar for the second time, he was more prepared for the feelings he was experiencing. He was less groggy and less confused. So it wasn't as big a shock to him when he came to and saw the same man that he had seen before sitting in front of him once again. The man that he had nicknamed Dick was quietly drinking a beer and watching the football game that was being shown on the only TV in the decrepit bar. Xander was fairly certain that Dick didn't know that he was awake yet.
Xander gathered himself and prepared for the following confrontation. He wanted some answers and he wasn't going to leave this place again until he got some.
Still acting like he was oblivious to Xander's status, Dick continued staring at the TV. Suddenly, the man jumped out of his chair and started chanting, "Go…go…go…come on… just a little bit more! Yes! Touchdown!" The man then threw his hand up in the universal gesture for a touchdown and started doing a little dance.
Xander just stared at him like the man had a second head growing out of his neck. The man turned around to see Xander staring at him, and he smiled a big grin. "Hey kid! You're finally awake. Good thing too, just in time to catch the game." The man then turned one last time to check out the TV before sitting back down in his chair.
Xander just looked at the man with disbelief. "I just got my neck snapped like a little twig and all you care about is some stupid football game."
"Whoa there kid! Don't ever call a Raider's game stupid. That's just plain wrong, man."
Xander's voice was dripping with sarcasm when he spoke, "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you were such a big fan. Since when do people who work for the Powers That Be watch football?"
The man smiled, "Are you kidding? Twenty-two humans doing all that they can to beat the shit out of each other? How could we not watch? I told you before, us otherworldly beings gotta get our kicks somewhere. And you people are so freaking entertaining. Besides, I like the color of their uniforms."
Xander tried to keep his face serious, but his grin broke through his façade. "You like their uniforms? Come on, they're only black and silver. Now, Tampa Bay has got some good uniforms."
The man moved his hands up to cup his ears. "I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear you say that the Raider's uniforms sucked, because if I did I'd have to seriously kick your ass."
Xander laughed. For a brief moment during the banter he had forgotten why he was here. As soon as he remembered though, his smile disappeared and his face took on a more somber look.
Xander's change in attitude did not go unnoticed by the man sitting at the table. He had known the whole time that Xander had been awake. He had seen the serious and hopeless look on the kid's face and had started the whole discussion about football to try and take his mind off what was happening to him. The man actually liked the kid; it was kind of hard not too. He wanted to make what he was going through as easy as possible, but he knew that he wouldn't be able too. It was a part of Xander's test that he made the difficult choice ahead of him. When he did, the pain and hopelessness that he was feeling now would be nothing compared to what he was feeling now. The man knew what it was like making those kinds of decisions, because he had had to make them in his life as well.
It was time to get down to business. "Alright, kid. Here's the deal. The Powers That Be have given me the Ok to tell you more about why you're here. You were chosen because of your rather…unique qualities."
Xander interrupted, "What do you mean, unique qualities?"
The man looked disapprovingly at Xander before continuing, "Relax kid, and don't interrupt me. You see kid, the PTB need a hero, and you're it. It's been a very long time since the PTB had a hero that was only human, so they're putting you through the wringer to make sure you can handle the shit load of problems they want to put on your shoulders."
Xander mulled over what Dick had just said. A hero? Me? What the hell is he talking about? I ain't no hero. "You got the wrong guy, Dick. I ain't no hero."
The man smiled at Xander, "You're right kid. Right now, you ain't a hero. Pretty damn close, but you're not quite there yet. That's all gonna change though."
Xander still wasn't even close to being convinced. He had spent his whole life being told he was inadequate, a waste of perfectly good space. He had been called useless by his family, his friends, and by himself. He had become so used to being called useless, that he was starting to believe it was actually true. Those feelings weren't about to change all because some guy said they would.
The man saw the skeptical look on Xander's face and sighed in exasperation. "Why is it so hard to believe kid? Look at everything that you've done over the years. Trust me in this kid. I wouldn't be here if the PTB weren't absolutely sure you were the man they wanted."
"But how are they so sure? No one else has ever thought that I've been good for anything. Even my own friends have thought that I was useless at one time or another."
"You know, they told me you would be a hard sell, but I didn't believe them till now. It goes like this, Xander. Five years ago you saved the life of the slayer. That was the first time that the PTB noticed you. While everyone thought that she was gone for sure, you wouldn't believe it and you brought her back from the dead. After that, the PTB put you on their short list. Which let me tell you, that's not necessarily a good thing. You screwed the pooch big time with that stunt, but you didn't care. Let me tell you, the PTB liked that you didn't care. Even though they were pissed that you messed up their prophecy, they respected you because you did what you thought was right and didn't care about the consequences. The PTB like it when people take the initiative."
Xander interrupted Dick, "I wasn't about to let Buffy die just because some words in an old book said she was going too. If your PTB don't like what I did, then they can kiss my ass. I'd do it again if I had too."
The man laughed, "I have no doubt that you would kid. But you see kid; you have to understand where they're coming from. Because you saved the slayer's life, you threw off the entire balance between good and evil. Since the slayer was alive when she should have been dead, everything that she did after her death shouldn't have happened. Hence the whole Angelus thing."
When Xander heard that he had to say something. His voice was full of anger, "Are you telling me that the PTB put Buffy through that hell all because I saved her life. What the hell kind of bullshit is that? After everything she's done for them."
The man held his hands up in a placating gesture. He was surprised by the amount of anger in Xander's voice. "Whoa kid, calm down. I realize that the slayer is your friend and that you're biased when it comes to her, but the PTB can't afford that luxury. The PTB needed to restore the balance, and the only way to do that was to restore the slayer's boyfriend back to his true self. Don't get me wrong; the PTB didn't make the slayer have sex with the vampire or anything like that. They just didn't go out of their way to make sure the slayer knew about the curse."
The man stopped talking and took a drink out of his beer. Soon he continued, "It was during the whole Angelus thing where you really started to shine. That stunt you pulled when you didn't tell the slayer about the witch trying to restore her boyfriend's soul took some serious balls. The PTB knew that you're reasons for doing it weren't exactly pure, but they knew that for the most part you did what you thought you had to do to save the world. Once again another example of you making an important decision and damning the consequences."
Xander inwardly cringed. Not telling Buffy about Willow trying to restore Angel's soul was one of the few things that he had done in his life that he was truly ashamed of. He wasn't ashamed of the decision that he had made. He would never be ashamed of that. No, what he was ashamed of was that he had lied to Buffy. Xander hated lying to and betraying his friends. They were the most important things in his life.
If Dick noticed Xander's lapse in concentration he didn't show it. He just continued on, "If that wasn't enough, the job you pulled in stopping that zombie from blowing up the school was you're crowning achievement. That incident showed the PTB that you had the determination, will, strength, and the darkness needed to pull off what they wanted. The PTB wanted to approach you right then and there, but at the last minute they chose caution over expediency. The last time that they had a human champion, things didn't turn out very well and they didn't want to make a mistake with you. So they decided to put you through more tests."
Again the man paused to take a drink of his beer. "The PTB were impressed with how well you led that student army against the Mayor. It showed that despite how others perceived you and despite how you perceived yourself, you still had the qualities necessary enough to inspire others to follow you. That showed an impressive display of leadership skills. Once again you had another point in your favor. Then things kind of slowed down for you. Instead of throwing big, world-ending problems your way, the PTB decided to see how well you could handle everyday life. At first they were worried about you, but then you pulled through and started acting like a mature and productive member of human society. That was an impressive display of adaptation. No matter what situation you're in, you see to come out relatively on top."
"Then there was your best friend. When you stopped the witch from destroying the world by doing nothing more than telling her that you loved her, the PTB were sure that you were the man that they needed. That's why you're here. It's my job to prepare you for the difficult journey you have ahead of you, and to make sure that you pass your final test."
Xander was overwhelmed with anger. "Wait a second, are you telling me that my whole life has been one big test? My childhood, my family life, my friends, high school; they were all part of some plan to make me some test monkey in some supernatural, mystical job interview?"
Dick shrugged his shoulders, "Yeah, that's pretty much it."
Xander lost control of his anger and lashed out at Dick. He punched Dick in the face, sending him and his chair flying back and falling to the ground. Xander leapt out of his chair, but stayed in place. He was too angry to continue his attack. He just stood there seething. "What gives you the right to screw up my life? Who do you people think you are?"
Dick just looked up at Xander from his position on the ground. He brought one of his hands up and began rubbing his jaw where Xander had hit him. He soon stood up and picked up his chair, and then just sat back down and resumed drinking what was left of his beer.
When he was finished, he finally said something. "Ok, first off, ow! Damn kid, you got yourself a pretty mean punch there. And secondly, to answer your question about what gives us the right, I'll tell you this. What gives us the right is the fact that we were the only ones willing to do the job. You see kid, no one else wanted to touch you guys, what with your free will and unpredictability, and all that other jazz. People don't like going into a situation where the end result is an unknown, and let me tell you, humanity is one big question mark. The PTB were the only ones that saw humanity's potential and were willing to risk taking care of you guys. Which hasn't been very easy for them; you humans have a penchant to try and destroy each other. Plus the Big Guy has a huge soft spot for you guys, and it was a great way for them to win lots of brownie points with him."
Xander's anger had lessened a great deal during Dick's speech, and he soon deflated back into his chair. "Look, Dick, sorry about hitting you. It's just not everyday that I'm told that my life has been a living hell on purpose."
Dick smiled in understanding, "Hey, kid, it's alright. You're only human after all."
Xander frowned at Dick's comment, but then he remembered something that Dick had said earlier. "Wait a minute, you said that after I saved Willow, the PTB were sure I was the person they needed. So what the hell am I doing here?"
Dick looked slightly embarrassed when he answered, "They are sure, kid. If they had it their way, you would already be on your merry way. Unfortunately, because of the importance of your mission, they were overruled and a request was made that you underwent this last test."
Xander was confused, "Requested by who?"
Dick looked uncomfortable, "That's a very loaded question kid. It's really hard to say for sure. The ways of Heaven are not easily interpreted by the human mind."
"What do you mean? Can't you just give me a straight answer?"
The man sighed, "Hey look, I'm trying here. So back off, ok?"
Xander looked properly chastised, "Ok, I'll be shutting up now."
The man gave Xander a weak smile, "Thanks. Ok let's see, how can I put this so that you understand?" He paused for a few seconds, obviously in deep thought. "Alright, how about this? In the supernatural world, there is a certain hierarchy. At the bottom level you have your normal humans. Above them are the demons, vampires, champions, and any other like creatures. The next level contains beings like the PTB, and demigods, like that hell-bitch Glory. It's the level after them where things really start to get hot and heavy. That's where you get your real heavy hitters, like angels and Satan. And of course after them is the Boss man himself."
Dick paused and took a deep breath, "Now the whole point of this is that any request that could overrule the PTB has to come from really high up. Now the odds are that it came from an angel, or I should say more specifically, an archangel. However, everyone knows that the Boss likes to use the angels as his personal messengers, so the request probably came from him. If that's true, then this mission you're on is a lot more important than their letting on. Usually the Boss doesn't like getting involved in human affairs, it was the reason why he gave you free will after all, so if the request did come from him, that means that this is some real heavy shit your getting yourself into."
"Oh, way to make me feel a lot better Dick," Xander said sarcastically.
The man just shrugged his shoulders, "I'm sorry kid, I know that's not what you want to hear, but I ain't gonna sugar coat the thing for you. You deserve to know what you're getting yourself into."
"Yeah well, don't expect me to say thank you. I don't even want to be here."
The man sighed, "I know kid, but even though you don't want to be here, you'll do what needs to be done. That's just the kind of guy you are."
Xander asked, "So when do I go back? I'm assuming there's going to be a round three?"
"Yeah, but it won't be for a while. There have been some developments back on the Hellmouth. It seems the slayer and her friends are having difficulty reviving your body."
Xander looked at Dick in total confusion, "What the hell are you talking about? What do you mean they're having problems reviving my body? My body is right here!"
The man was surprised, "You mean you don't remember? That's strange; usually the transition doesn't cause memory loss. What is the last thing you remember?"
Xander answered after some hesitation, "The last thing I remember since I came here was waking up in that field the first time I faced that freak. Now that you mention it, I don't remember anything before I came here. I mean I remember stuff that happened last week, but I don't remember anything from before I got here."
Dick shook his head while he thought about what might be wrong. He started mumbling, "This is very strange. I told them bringing you here like this would be a problem, but do they ever listen to me? Of course they don't, I'm just a Guide." Dick stopped mumbling and looked at Xander sheepishly, "Sorry about that. Look, I'm going to have to reactivate your memories. You really need to remember the stuff that happened before you came here. It'll help you when you make your decision."
Xander rubbed his hands together eagerly, "Well, work your mojo on me."
Dick hesitated, "I wouldn't look so eager. The reactivation process is not a…pleasant experience."
Some of Xander's enthusiasm died down a little. "Yeah, well right now I don't really care. It sure as hell can't hurt as much as having your stomach sliced open or having your neck snapped. I think I can handle it, besides anything that gets me through this thing faster is worth the pain. You know what they say: no pain, no gain."
"Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you." Dick got up off his seat and walked over to Xander. He placed both his hands on the sides of Xander's head. "Take deep, even breaths. It'll help with the pain."
Xander took Dick's advice to heart, and began to breathe as evenly as he could. "Alright, here we go. On the count of three. 1…2…3!" As soon as Dick said the number 3, a blinding pain shot through Xander's head. Xander shot back out of his chair and fell down on the ground. Xander brought his hands up and grabbed his head, as memories assaulted his consciousness.
To be continued (If Fanfiction.net let's me)………………………..
PS If you feel the sudden urge to e-mail me, please do so at treepump999@hotmail.com. The address I have on my profile is not working at the moment. Does anyone know how to change the address for your fanfic account without having to get a whole new account?