Holding - part 3
By Henra
HjMcgi@cryingmail.com
PG rated
Hey! Haha, long time no see, eh? Anyways, my old email server
had some troubles, so I changed my email addy. My new address is
HjMcgi@cryingmail.com and so send all future emails there, please!
Thankies!
Heeererreee's part three.
He could not forgive her.
Could not.
Would not.
No…?
Yes.
Part three
Mamoru looked at the phone. His hand reached out, brushed against
the cord, then pulled back. He grunted, and started to pace around his
room, shuffling across the carpet.
To call…or not to call, that was the question.
No, he told himself, shaking his head, have some pride, man!
Don't go chasing after that girl like some lovesick puppy.
He plopped down on his bed, defeated. But yet, he wanted to know
why she didn't show up tonight. How she could just leave him standing
in front of the theater so pitifully. She didn't seem like the type
who would do that…on purpose.
Or was she? She hadn't seemed like the type who would publicly
criticize a teacher, either, and she had done just that. His heart
pounded wildly. No…she couldn't. She wouldn't. But how was he to
ascertain?
He groaned inwardly. This was just what he hated about girls
he'd just met. He bit on the inside of his lip, and narrowed his eyes.
He hated agonizing over girls. When was the last time that he thought
so much about a girl it caused a headache? "Aaah!" He let out his
frustration and fell back on his pillows.
You better act cool and casual when you see her on Monday, he
noted to himself, don't let her know that you waited for her for almost
an hour.
He stilled. Why not? Why couldn't he tell her, make her feel
guilty?
Because, he answered almost immediately, she won't feel guilty.
She'll laugh at you and flaunt her hand at you, and say that it was
your own fault, since you did not choose to leave.
No, he then argued, she's not like that. She won't be so cold--
her name is Usagi! Rabbits are warm and friendly animals, aren't they?
He didn't know. He was confused, confused like he'd never been before.
He sighed heavily, and then laughed inwardly at himself. He'd
actually compared a real person to an animal. That showed how
insensible he was at the moment.
His gaze slipped to the clock hanging on the wall before his
desk. He was too tired to do his homework. He'd find time for it
tomorrow. Unless, of course, he actually would mope around like he did
these few hours.
Dressed in faded jeans and a black shirt, Mamoru walked through
the hallway casually, looking confident and cool. He hoped he wouldn't
run into Usagi. At least, not first thing in the morning. Who knew how
he would react once she started her apologies.
Apologies?
He stopped.
WAS there gonna be an apology? Was Usagi even going to say sorry,
really, for leaving him like that?
He felt a familiar twinge of frustration--something that he'd felt
practically every time he thought of her and her strange ways. He hated
that she was unpredictable…and yet he loved it. He'd never felt so…
helpless.
Helpless?
He smacked himself mentally. When had he ever let himself become
helpless in a situation involving a GIRL? Never. He sure wasn't going
to now. Holding up his wrist to view his watch, he came to the
conclusion that he had arrived at school too early--there was still
about ten minutes before the first bell rang.
He looked around, his confidence slipping a bit.
And suddenly, he froze. Shit.
There she was.
Yes, there was Tsukino Usagi, looking as perfect as ever.
Her long golden hair was parted, each side tied with a long blue
ribbon. Her lips were dabbed with pink gloss, looking absolutely
kissable. Her eyes somehow managed to seem even bluer and bigger,
darting around with a sparkling interest.
She fairly took his breath away.
He walked over to the nearest fountain, and bent down to take a
few sips of the water, even though thirst was the last thing on his
mind.
"Mamoru-san." Her soft voice rang in his ears just a second
later.
He took his time as he finished gulping; he wiped his mouth,
and then turned around to face her.
Her eyes were apologetic as they darted around his face. That
single saddened expression was almost enough to obliterate the
infuriation that he had against her. Keyword: almost. He nodded. "Hey.
What's up?"
"Hi." She bit her lip, looking unsure. "Are you…are you mad?"
"At what?"
"Me." She looked away for a while, biting her lip. "Me…not
showing up."
He studied her, and suddenly had the urge to clap his hands
together--she was acting so innocent. "Oh my god," he said
exaggeratedly, "You actually remember that you were supposed to meet
me! Oh how inconvenient…it's Monday now, you see, NOT Saturday."
"Look," she replied, her voice strong, "I'm sorry, okay? Believe
me, I intended to go. Something just…just came up, and I couldn't get
away. Don't be mad."
"What was it?"
"What?"
"What was it that 'came up'?"
She stared at him for a while, her mouth not moving. "I…it was
nothing."
The faintest annoyance crept into him. She was yet slamming
another door in his face. "Nothing? So 'nothing' kept you, yet you
still didn't show up? Wow, you really make me feel good about myself."
"Mamoru, why do you have to be so hard-headed? Didn't I just
apologize?"
He was caught off guard at the newfound edginess in her voice.
"You stood me off. Hear that? STOOD me OFF. I don't think that's
something I can just brush aside the minute you apologize."
"Why not--because of your stupid dignity? I said I'm sorry, okay?
What more do you want from me?" The pinkness in her cheeks was getting
red.
"I don't know! I waited for you there for almost--for SO long,
and I was even thinking that you got hurt. But noo, of course not,
you were probably so busy doing something else--like having a tongue
war with Yushiga--that you forgot about this date of ours." He
regretted the words, though, the second they were out his mouth.
For a moment, she didn't reply. There was a mixture of emotions
on her face, and it seemed as if she was going to cry. Then, her eyes
flashed, and daggers shot out from them. "Go to hell." She said the
words with such fierceness that his body froze.
She turned. Her braids swirled around, almost whipping him in
the face.
He suddenly faced her back. She took a step forward, and
abruptly, his brain started to work. It commanded him to grab her arm.
And made his mouth form words. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it
like that. You just…drive me crazy, you know that?"
Her arm stiffened under his hand. She slowly wheeled around to
face him. The simple move seemed to take forever. When she did look up,
there was no more anger in her blue eyes. "Really?" She asked softly,
her lips barely moving.
He gazed at her, his heart pounding crazily against his chest. He
dropped his hand, and watched as she unconsciously glanced at the spot
on her arm where he'd held. For a moment, as her lashes stroked her
cheek, she looked absolutely beautiful. Slowly, and almost
instinctively, he raised his hand to touch her face. Smooth, flawless
skin met the back of his palm. Her eyelashes fluttered.
Then, just a mere second later, she swung her head away as if
stung, and took a big stride backwards. She averted her eyes. "That
was not an answer."
He let his hand drop limply to his side. He stared at her
profile, and sighed softly. "Tsukino Usagi…"
She looked up at him again, surprised at the sound of her full
name on his lips.
"There has to be a reason why you're named that…but I still
haven't found out." He stepped closer to her, so that she had to tilt
her head to meet his eyes. He expected her to back away, but she didn't
move an inch.
"Names have nothing to do with a person's personality. Just like
you," she smiled lightly, "you're not a bodyguard--who are you supposed
to protect nowadays?"
He laughed at the hint of sarcasm in her voice. "Touché." He
brushed away a strand of hair by her eyes. "Am I forgiven?"
She grinned. "Am *I* forgiven?"
"Let's see, I froze my ass off there at the theater for an hour…
lost my dignity in front of so many people…no, I don't think you're
quite forgiven yet."
Her eyes laughed, and she suddenly put her arms around his neck,
so that she was against him. Mamoru gazed down at her, noticing the
coy grin hanging on her face. "Usagi…" His pulse started to race,
and his eyes kept lowering to glance at her full lips.
"How about if I pay you back?
Goosebumps popped out on his arms, and he was unable to speak.
"You want to kiss me, don't you?"
Shock spread throughout his body. He looked into her eyes, her
blue eyes that seemed to dance into his. He cleared his throat, well
aware of her slim body pressed against his. "Am I supposed to actually
answer that?"
She laughed, and her hold on him tightened. "No…not really."
Then before he knew it, her eyes closed, and she was suddenly
kissing him. Her gentle fingers seemed to caress the back of his neck,
and her kiss burned on his lips. His hands, unable to help themselves,
found their way around her waist, and he pulled her--if it was
possible--even closer. His head whirled, and he bent it as the kiss
deepened, so that her back was arched. His body temperature rose about
ten degrees when she slid her tongue in his mouth.
He enjoyed the kiss immensely, yet he could not shake away a
wary feeling down in the pit of his stomach. Her attitude had changed
dramatically in such a short amount of time. But her small form
fitted perfectly in his arms…it was incredulous that he should be
feeling anything but pure bliss.
A sudden breeze brushed against his face; a faint smell of
perfume reached his nostrils. His eyes half-opened automatically, then
closed again--but not before seeing a raven head sprint by.
Hands pushed Mamoru from behind, shoving him against the locker
painfully. He grunted, and turned around with a frown on his face.
Seeing Yushiga, his anger rose. "What the hell was that?"
"Stay away from Usagi. She's mine." Yushiga jabbed a finger at
Mamoru's chest, his eyes flashing dangerously.
Mamoru held back the urge to laugh. "First of all, Usagi's not
an object, so there IS no 'yours', 'mine' whatever. Secondly, you and
her were never together--there is absolutely no way that you can say
that. Third…she's with me now."
"I don't think so, Mamoru. I thought you and I were friends--
you knew I liked her."
"Really? Well, FRIENDS don't try to hurt each other on purpose."
Mamoru felt a sting at his chest, where it had hit against the
protruding part of the locker. "Besides, Yushiga, just because you
like her doesn't mean no one else can't go out with her. And also…I
really don't think she likes guys whose hobby is to shove people
around when they least expect it."
Yushiga narrowed his eyes. "All right, all right. I'll remember
this, Mamoru. You just go out and have fun with her…for now." He kept
his eyes on Mamoru as he walked away.
Mamoru straightened his shirt, and then rubbed his hand over the
painful spot on his chest.
"What's wrong?"
The feminine voice startled him. He turned and saw a concerned
Minako, and forced a smile. "Oh, it's nothing. I kinda bumped against
the locker."
Minako raised her eyebrows. "By accident?"
"Yeah." He answered, and then adjusted the straps of his
backpack. "So, what's up?"
"I just wanted to tell you something. Something rather…strange,
but I think important also."
"Really? Like what?"
Minako smiled, glad that she had caught his interest. "It's
about Usagi-san."
He nodded. "I expected that. So what is it?"
"I'm sure you've already heard about the rumor that she was
kicked out of her old school?" Hearing an affirmative from him, she
went on, "Well, I found out the truth behind that little rumor. She WAS
kicked out, because she had gotten into a fight with a boy." She
stepped closer to him, and lowered her voice. "The thing is, they were
shouting about something, and then she punched him in the nose. He
bled, fell to the ground, but she kept on kicking him in the stomach.
He later had to go to a hospital. She never offered an apology to the
boy or his parents, and so she was expelled."
He was appalled. "What? Where the hell did you hear this?"
She was taken back, her eyes widening. "I didn't make this up,
okay? It's true. You can go ask her if you want--I hear you guys are
going out."
"Minako, I respect you, but I don't believe what you're saying.
I mean, for all I could know, you got it from some stupid shit-talking
guy." Mamoru knew his voice sounded terribly accusing, but he couldn't
hold back the disturbing feelings her words had caused.
She sighed. "Believe me, Mamoru-san, I meant nothing bad by
telling you this. I just wanted you to know it because you guys are
with each other. And I like you, Mamoru…I don't want you to get hurt
or anything."
"Don't worry, all right? It's not like Usagi's gonna beat me up.
Thanks for your concern, but it was unnecessary." With that, he walked
away from Minako.
"Hey." Usagi greeted Mamoru with a smile when she spotted him.
"Hey yourself." Mamoru grinned and leaned over to give her a
kiss on the lips before sitting down. Her soft scent surrounded his
nostrils, and he sighed. "You know what day it is?" He looked
around the park, and was surprised that, from what he could see, they
were the only two in the area.
There was a short silence while she thought. Then: "It's not your
birthday, not my birthday, nor any holiday…" She blew out a breath of
air. "I have no idea."
"It is--" He grinned. "--our one month anniversary." He slung an
arm around her shoulders, and kissed her temple tenderly. "I can't
believe you didn't remember!" He exclaimed dramatically. He leaned
his back against the tree trunk, and rested his chin on the top of her
head.
"Whoa. Didn't know time fly by so fast." She twisted around so
she could give him a kiss on the lips.
He smiled, and held her hand in his, caressing the back of it
with his thumb.
"So how do you want celebrate this day?" Her eyes danced
affectionately, and a warm smile spread over her face.
Before he could open his mouth, a soft breeze blew, causing the
grass beneath them to sway back and forth gently. The orange sunlight
streamed through the leaves of the oak tree, casting a spotted shadow
across the ground. Mamoru closed his eyes for a moment, a smile on his
lips. He'd never felt so good in his life. "Maybe…dinner? Or movies?
Or…ice cream?"
"All of those sound good. But…I was thinking maybe we could stay
like this…" Usagi wrapped her arms around his waist, and slid so that
her head lay against his chest.
"And just be with each other?" He continued quietly.
"Yeah." Her voice was barely above a whisper.
I've never thought that I could feel this way about a girl,
Mamoru thought to himself as he smoothed away a few strands of blond
hair on her head.
"And I've never thought that I could be like this for a guy…"
Usagi's sweet voice echoed back to him.
"What? Oh--you, you heard that. I didn't realize that I was
speaking out loud."
She laughed. "Why not? Don't you want me to know?" She lifted her
head off his chest and leaned back, looking at him from under her
eyelids.
He smiled. "Of course I do. I didn't want you to know so fast,
though."
"Too bad. You leaked your own secret," she teased with a wide
smile. She moved forward, and their lips locked in a delicate kiss.
She grinned after it ended, then fell back to her original spot.
"Usagi?" He said her name tenderly, his breath becoming quick.
"Yeah?"
His heart began to pound. "Usagi…I, I lov--"
She immediately got off him, cutting off his words. She walked
away for a few steps, and then came back again, her eyes big. Her
abrupt movement surprised him, and he got off the ground also, looking
in disbelief at her wild expression. "Usagi--"
"No, stop. Please!" Her tone was quick and pleading. She ran a
hand through her hair, her eyes darting all over the place. "Please,
Mamoru-chan…don't."
"Don't what?" He walked closer to her, becoming alarmed at the
frantic look on her face.
"Don't…feel that way about me. I'm serious…I'm not worth it."
"What? Usagi, you don't even know what I'm feeling. And besides,
I think I should be the judge of your 'worthiness', okay, since I'm the
one who feels this way about you." He reached out to touch her, but she
slid away, putting a good five feet between them.
"Mamoru--I know…" She trailed off, pausing for a second.
"Believe me, you'd better off if you don't say that, if you don't
feel that. Please…I'm telling you, just trust me on this."
He shook his head slowly, looking at her with amazement. "I
can't believe what I'm hearing. You…most girls would just jump when
guys tell them that--"
"Well I'm not 'most girls', okay?" She began to pace around,
and his eyes followed her every step. "MOST girls don't have horrible
lives like me. MOST girls weren't kicked out of their schools because
they had punched a guy and sent him to a hospital. MOST girls have
people that love them, that take care of them. MOST girls…" Her voice
broke, and she plumped down on the ground, her hands covering her face.
"Most girls have parents that are NORMAL."
He didn't understand her last statement, but he knew now wasn't
the time to ask. He wanted to put his arms around her, but waited for
her shoulders to stop shaking. He opened his mouth, keeping his
emotions in check. "Usagi…" He searched for words to say, but came up
with nothing.
Usagi's head flew up. "Oh my god." She got up, and moved her
hands rapidly to dust off some bit of grass on her jeans. "What did I
just say? Oh my god. I have to go." She didn't even look at him before
turning around and running away.
He immediately chased after her, confused at the sudden change.
"Usagi! Usagi, wait! Whe-where are you going?" She ran up a small hill,
and he quickened his pace, catching up within a few seconds. He grabbed
her from behind, and she fell to the ground with a small cry. He lost
his balance, and they rolled off the grassy hill, a tangle of arms and
legs.
He got off her as soon as possible, but didn't let go of her
hand, afraid that he was going to lose her again. There was fury in her
eyes after she stood up and faced him. "Let go of me." Her voice was
level, but Mamoru could detect the irritation lying under the
smoothness.
"I will, but promise me you won't take off again."
"Mamoru, what's WRONG with you? Let go of me!" The volume of her
voice increased, as did the shaking of her body. She stared at him
with blazing eyes, and he was almost beginning to be afraid. He had
never seen her in such a state.
"Listen to me, okay? Please." He loosened his grip on her hand,
but looked at her firmly. "I don't understand what just happened, but
I need to finish what I had intended to say." He felt her struggling
to get free of his grasp. "I'm not going to hurt you--I just want you
to hear me out."
Her blue eyes stared into his, and he could tell that she was
calming down gradually. "Usagi, what I had meant to say was--that I
love you." He held her gaze steadily, although his voice was beginning
to tremble. "I have never felt this way about anyone, and it is
actually scares me a little--" He managed a tight smile, "--because
I don't know what to do."
She turned her eyes away.
"This past month has been so amazing. Being with you is the most
wonderful feeling in the world--it's like all my troubles just melt
away whenever I'm near you. I feel as if I'm on top of the world each
time you put your arms around me. The sight of you lifts up my whole
being, my--" He paused, overwhelmed with emotion. He closed his eyes
briefly, not wanting to scare her away with the intensity of his voice.
He heard her quick breaths, and opened his eyes to find tears in
hers. Surprised, he let go of her hand, and stepped back. "Usagi-chan,
what's wrong?"
Then, as quickly as her tears had come, they were gone. And he
wondered if they were even there in the first place.
She shook her head and said simply, "I'm sorry."
He didn't quite understand. "Wha-what?"
She smiled lightly. "I'm sorry that you feel this way. I knew
you were going to say something like this," her voice was soft, "and
that's why I tried to--run away. I didn't want you to say these things
to me." She moistened her lips, and looked at him with distant eyes.
"I don't get it."
"I don't feel the same, okay? This past month with you has been
really great, but…you're just a friend. A boyfriend, maybe, who kept
me company while I adjusted to a new school. Nothing more."
There was a painful squeeze at his heart.
"I told you not to say it--I told you to just trust me in this.
I wanted to save you from this…rejection." She said the words aloofly,
her tone casual. "But you didn't listen to me. You went ahead and did
it anyway." She laughed, and it was the first time that he hated her
the sound of her laughter. "I even tried to run away from you--because
I hadn't wanted to be where I am right now, saying what I'm saying
right now. Well, I don't mind it so much, though…it's you who's getting
hurt." Her eyes slightly enlarged, as if she pitied him.
His body felt as cold as ice. His heart merely crumbled.
"If you didn't get all of that, I can sum it up for you." She
paused dramatically, looking at him still with widened eyes. "I don't
love you, Mamoru."
She stared at him, and he could've sworn he saw laughter behind
her eyes. His hands clutched into hard fists. He clenched his teeth,
and fought hard to stay still.
Say something. Say anything, he directed his mind. Two minutes
have gone by already in total silence. Save yourself the humiliation.
"I should've expected that." He didn't quite mean for his voice
to sound so hard. "I mean, after all--it's you--you who humiliated
Rei the first time you met her, who tormented Haruna-sensei just for
the fun of it, who stood me off at the movies and had no guilt at
all… You. You who's Tsukino Usagi. So of course it would be you
who's the first one to crush my whole spirit with merely words."
His eyes narrowed. "I'm the stupid one." He knew he was going to
regret saying this to her, but it felt good just to let out that
anger.
She didn't even bat an eye during all of this, he noted to
himself bitterly.
"Yep," she then added with an even tone, "I told you before,
Mamoru, that I wasn't your type. You know why? Because you like sweet
girls…you want a girlfriend who dresses according to the latest trend,
who sits by the phone every night for your call, who acts dramatic in
everything that happens--"
"You think you know me so well, don't you?" She was beginning to
get on his nerves. She made him sound so shallow, and he wasn't like
that. Was he?
She smiled--mockingly? He coudn't tell. "No…I only wish I did.
I just said what I thought you wanted in a girl."
"Usagi--we've been together for a month now. Why would I be with
you if I didn't want you?"
"You should be with Rei."
"What?" He spat the word out with incredulity. Rei-chan? How
could Usagi be thinking of another girl who was completely irrelevant?
"You know…" He stopped breathing hard. "Maybe you aren't even going
out with me because you like me--but because of Rei."
"What?" This time it was Usagi's turn to be surprised. "What
are you talking about?"
"The first time that we kissed, it was because of Rei. The
second time we kissed, I saw Rei run by. When I first asked you out,
you said no. But after you saw Rei with me, you changed your mind--"
"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute." Her eyes were big with amazement.
"What, are you saying that I'm with you only to put on a show for Rei?
Do you know how incredibly stupid that sounds?"
He stayed unfazed. "Then why were you with me?" He didn't expect
an answer.
"What do you want me to do, Mamoru?" Usagi rolled her eyes, and
moistened her lips. "Don't be such a sentimental baby, okay? You don't
need to be cooed and caressed and picked up every five minutes. If
you're really desperate, go find some other girl who can pet you the
way you want her to, okay?" She turned her heels, and was taking off
again.
"So you're going, just like that?"
She stopped.
"I mean, a month--a whole MONTH, Usagi…gone?" There was no
emotion in his voice, but he knew she could sense his intensity in his
words.
She didn't reply. She stood with her back to him, so he
couldn't see her face. He felt like there was a wall between them.
"My words…" He had to take this one last chance. "they mean
absolute nothing to you?"
She turned around slowly, and gazed at him in silence. Nothing in
her eyes possibly betrayed her feelings. She looked down at the ground,
and then up again, and uttered one word: "No."
And there. His heart simply shattered.
But he breathed in deeply, keeping his face stone-like.
"I'm sorry, too, for what I feel for you." He had never heard his
voice sound so flat and empty. And he walked away; turned his back on
the girl he loved.
Had he walked just a bit slower, he would've heard her say
softly "I'm sorry."
"Chiba, Mamoru." The teacher called out attendance, glancing up
from his glasses.
"Here," Mamoru answered flatly, not yet awake.
"Cokyo, Natsuki."
"I'm here." A voice from the back of the room replied.
Mamoru put his head down on the table. He hadn't slept well last
night. Maybe he could catch a few dozes while the teacher called out
each and every one's names. It usually took a long time, especially
if the students weren't paying attention.
"…Tsukino, Usagi?"
And his ears perked up.
"Tsukino Usagi." The teacher said again, his gaze sweeping the
quiet classroom.
Mamoru opened his eyes to the darkness of his arms.
Upon no answer, Kyoko-sensei frowned, and marked down on the
attendance sheet. "I hope Usagi isn't sick or anything…this is the
third day that she's been absent."
The third day? Mamoru raised his head, and caught Motoki's eye.
His friend mouthed "What happened to her?" and he could only shrug
his shoulders. He lowered his eyes and pondered the reason for her
absence. Maybe she really was sick. So sick that she couldn't even get
out of bed.
That wasn't a very soothing thought, but at least it beat
thinking that she had an accident and was in the hospital. Goosebumps
appeared on his arms, and he tried to rub them off with his thumbs.
Where could she be? He didn't like that he couldn't concentrate on what
the teacher was saying, but instead could only think of her. Her who
had broke his heart so harshly. He didn't love her still. He didn't.
But that didn't mean he couldn't care about her. He still had
the right (as a classmate) to find out where she was.
They hadn't spoken after that painful day in the park. He
didn't know what was going on with her. And today was Thursday.
She hadn't been to school since Tuesday.
And then suddenly, he had an idea. He could go to her house.
Or should he call beforehand? But no, she might not answer the phone,
if she really were sick or something. Going to her house right after
school was the best option.
Finally, Kyoko-sensei closed his book, and looked up at the
class. "Well, since we only have a few minutes of class left, we won't
be able to finish the chapter by today. Take down your assignment for
today from the board, and we'll continue tomorrow. If you're done, you
can pack up." Mamoru began to clean his desk.
He scribbled down the homework messily on a scrap of paper, then
inserted it into his book, not caring that he might not find it later.
He shoved his notebook into his backpack, then let the book drop into
it also. The heavy textbook made a thump, but the sound went unnoticed,
as the whole class was buzzing with noises of students cleaning up.
Everyone heard the bell, though, when it rang.
Mamoru got up hurriedly, and was the first one out of not only
the classroom door, but also the school door. His heart hammered in
his chest as he thought about what he was going to do. It was a big
risk, he knew--although, he had no idea exactly what he was risking.
He turned at the next block, the route to Usagi's house as
familiar as to his own. His backpack was like a ton of bricks,
hampering him so much that he had the urge to throw it somewhere. He
concentrated on the road ahead and tried to hurry as much as possible.
And then he arrived at her house.
His feet were rooted to the ground as he stared at the front
door. Should he or shouldn't he?
He took a deep breath, and commanded his legs to move forward.
You didn't waste your whole class time to decide on something and then
not do it at the last minute, his inner voice yelled. Left, right,
left, right, left, right.
As he inched closer to the front door, he noticed something
different in the air. He couldn't quite put his fingers on it, but
kept his awareness in check as he raised his hand to ring the
doorbell. There was no answer. He tapped his feet impatiently,
wondering where she could be during this hour.
And then he heard it. A scream. Her scream. It was her voice.
Usagi'd screamed.
"Holy shit," Mamoru cursed under his breath. That sound was
enough to send hairs on the back of his neck to stand up. He rang the
doorbell again, this time in a far more fearful state. "Usagi! Usagi,
open up if you're in there!" He pushed the door.
It opened.
For a moment, he just stood there, surprised and frozen to the
ground. Then, the clatter of china cracking on the floor snapped him
right to attention. He walked in the house and followed the sounds of
heartbreaking cries that made him want to tear his ears out. His heart
was pounding violently in his chest, and he could feel the rush of
blood in his throat.
And then, he reached hell.
There was a man in the room, who had his ruthless arms around
Usagi's neck. He was cussing at her loudly, using a series of words so
foul Mamoru felt his blood boil. Usagi was crying and yelling back at
the bearded man, her hands swinging above her head, trying to scratch
the man's face. Pieces of china were scattered all around the floor,
and the couch was flipped over, making the room seem like a place of
chaos.
Hell, this WAS a place of chaos. Mamoru cursed and strode
forward, his eyes focused on the man. "Get your hands off of her!"
And he swung, right toward the man's jaw. Instantly, a stinging pain
spread in his knuckles and traveled all the way up to his arm, but
Mamoru used his left fist and aimed again, this time directly at the
man's face. The man fell to the ground with a thump, and blood oozed
out of his lips.
"Mamoru!"
Mamoru then saw Usagi, and he immediately kneeled down to hold
her, his heart in his throat. "Oh my god, Usagi-chan, are you okay?"
Before she could reply, the man'd gotten up from the floor and
directed his voice at Mamoru. "Who are you and what the hell are you
doing in my house?"
"This isn't your house, dammit!" Usagi screamed as she stood up,
her face stained with tears. "Get your dirty ass out of MY house!"
"And if I don't, what are you going to do?" The man smirked,
and wiped the blood from his lips with the back of his hand. "Put me
in jail, Usagi, is that what you're gonna do? Put your dad behind
bars?"
"For the last time," Usagi said evenly through gritted teeth,
"you are NOT my father! Get the hell out NOW!"
Mamoru stepped forward, fully prepared to use his fists again.
The man was shorter than him for at least 5 inches. His knuckles were
starting to bruise, but he didn't care. As long as the guy didn't
touch Usagi again.
The man seemed to get the hint, and backed off. "I'll see you
again, Usagi. And next time, this badass won't be here to save you."
He then whipped around and was gone.
Mamoru exhaled, letting out the breath that he didn't even
realize he was holding. "Usagi--" he turned to her, but was cut off
by a loud slap to his face. "What the--"
"What the HELL are you doing here, Mamoru? How DARE you just
break into my house like this and HIT my stepdad?" Usagi's eyes
flashed accusingly, and she pushed him, causing him to back up
clumsily.
"WHAT?" He reclaimed his stability, and held Usagi's wrists
in midair. "What the hell am I doing here? Usagi, that bastard had
you by the neck, if you didn't notice! You were crying and screaming
and your whole freakin' house is a mess--"
"Did I ask for your help?! Did I?" Tears started to roll down
from her eyes, and she shook her head violently. "NO I didn't! I was
perfectly fine, okay? I could've handled the situation fine ON MY
OWN!" She pushed him further down the hall. "Go, get out! I don't
need you butting into my life right now!"
She was too quick, and he didn't have any time to regain his
balance before he was forced to step outside the door. "Usagi, stop
it! I was just trying to protect you from that asshole, okay? What
was he DOING to you?"
"None of your BUSINESS, okay?" She moved back, and her hand
grabbed the doorknob. "I don't even know what you're doing here. We
BROKE UP, Mamoru--and that means you don't interfere with my life or
I with yours. So why don't you march your ass back to your perfect
grades, your perfect house, and your perfect family? I certainly
don't need you HERE! Good-BYE!"
And with that, she slammed the door in his face.
* * *
Whooo! I can't even believe that it took me so long to write this part.
But I'm quite happy with the results. ^__^
Anyway, lots of feedback please! Heheehee.
http://www6.brinkster.com/moonieround
By Henra
HjMcgi@cryingmail.com
PG rated
Hey! Haha, long time no see, eh? Anyways, my old email server
had some troubles, so I changed my email addy. My new address is
HjMcgi@cryingmail.com and so send all future emails there, please!
Thankies!
Heeererreee's part three.
He could not forgive her.
Could not.
Would not.
No…?
Yes.
Part three
Mamoru looked at the phone. His hand reached out, brushed against
the cord, then pulled back. He grunted, and started to pace around his
room, shuffling across the carpet.
To call…or not to call, that was the question.
No, he told himself, shaking his head, have some pride, man!
Don't go chasing after that girl like some lovesick puppy.
He plopped down on his bed, defeated. But yet, he wanted to know
why she didn't show up tonight. How she could just leave him standing
in front of the theater so pitifully. She didn't seem like the type
who would do that…on purpose.
Or was she? She hadn't seemed like the type who would publicly
criticize a teacher, either, and she had done just that. His heart
pounded wildly. No…she couldn't. She wouldn't. But how was he to
ascertain?
He groaned inwardly. This was just what he hated about girls
he'd just met. He bit on the inside of his lip, and narrowed his eyes.
He hated agonizing over girls. When was the last time that he thought
so much about a girl it caused a headache? "Aaah!" He let out his
frustration and fell back on his pillows.
You better act cool and casual when you see her on Monday, he
noted to himself, don't let her know that you waited for her for almost
an hour.
He stilled. Why not? Why couldn't he tell her, make her feel
guilty?
Because, he answered almost immediately, she won't feel guilty.
She'll laugh at you and flaunt her hand at you, and say that it was
your own fault, since you did not choose to leave.
No, he then argued, she's not like that. She won't be so cold--
her name is Usagi! Rabbits are warm and friendly animals, aren't they?
He didn't know. He was confused, confused like he'd never been before.
He sighed heavily, and then laughed inwardly at himself. He'd
actually compared a real person to an animal. That showed how
insensible he was at the moment.
His gaze slipped to the clock hanging on the wall before his
desk. He was too tired to do his homework. He'd find time for it
tomorrow. Unless, of course, he actually would mope around like he did
these few hours.
Dressed in faded jeans and a black shirt, Mamoru walked through
the hallway casually, looking confident and cool. He hoped he wouldn't
run into Usagi. At least, not first thing in the morning. Who knew how
he would react once she started her apologies.
Apologies?
He stopped.
WAS there gonna be an apology? Was Usagi even going to say sorry,
really, for leaving him like that?
He felt a familiar twinge of frustration--something that he'd felt
practically every time he thought of her and her strange ways. He hated
that she was unpredictable…and yet he loved it. He'd never felt so…
helpless.
Helpless?
He smacked himself mentally. When had he ever let himself become
helpless in a situation involving a GIRL? Never. He sure wasn't going
to now. Holding up his wrist to view his watch, he came to the
conclusion that he had arrived at school too early--there was still
about ten minutes before the first bell rang.
He looked around, his confidence slipping a bit.
And suddenly, he froze. Shit.
There she was.
Yes, there was Tsukino Usagi, looking as perfect as ever.
Her long golden hair was parted, each side tied with a long blue
ribbon. Her lips were dabbed with pink gloss, looking absolutely
kissable. Her eyes somehow managed to seem even bluer and bigger,
darting around with a sparkling interest.
She fairly took his breath away.
He walked over to the nearest fountain, and bent down to take a
few sips of the water, even though thirst was the last thing on his
mind.
"Mamoru-san." Her soft voice rang in his ears just a second
later.
He took his time as he finished gulping; he wiped his mouth,
and then turned around to face her.
Her eyes were apologetic as they darted around his face. That
single saddened expression was almost enough to obliterate the
infuriation that he had against her. Keyword: almost. He nodded. "Hey.
What's up?"
"Hi." She bit her lip, looking unsure. "Are you…are you mad?"
"At what?"
"Me." She looked away for a while, biting her lip. "Me…not
showing up."
He studied her, and suddenly had the urge to clap his hands
together--she was acting so innocent. "Oh my god," he said
exaggeratedly, "You actually remember that you were supposed to meet
me! Oh how inconvenient…it's Monday now, you see, NOT Saturday."
"Look," she replied, her voice strong, "I'm sorry, okay? Believe
me, I intended to go. Something just…just came up, and I couldn't get
away. Don't be mad."
"What was it?"
"What?"
"What was it that 'came up'?"
She stared at him for a while, her mouth not moving. "I…it was
nothing."
The faintest annoyance crept into him. She was yet slamming
another door in his face. "Nothing? So 'nothing' kept you, yet you
still didn't show up? Wow, you really make me feel good about myself."
"Mamoru, why do you have to be so hard-headed? Didn't I just
apologize?"
He was caught off guard at the newfound edginess in her voice.
"You stood me off. Hear that? STOOD me OFF. I don't think that's
something I can just brush aside the minute you apologize."
"Why not--because of your stupid dignity? I said I'm sorry, okay?
What more do you want from me?" The pinkness in her cheeks was getting
red.
"I don't know! I waited for you there for almost--for SO long,
and I was even thinking that you got hurt. But noo, of course not,
you were probably so busy doing something else--like having a tongue
war with Yushiga--that you forgot about this date of ours." He
regretted the words, though, the second they were out his mouth.
For a moment, she didn't reply. There was a mixture of emotions
on her face, and it seemed as if she was going to cry. Then, her eyes
flashed, and daggers shot out from them. "Go to hell." She said the
words with such fierceness that his body froze.
She turned. Her braids swirled around, almost whipping him in
the face.
He suddenly faced her back. She took a step forward, and
abruptly, his brain started to work. It commanded him to grab her arm.
And made his mouth form words. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it
like that. You just…drive me crazy, you know that?"
Her arm stiffened under his hand. She slowly wheeled around to
face him. The simple move seemed to take forever. When she did look up,
there was no more anger in her blue eyes. "Really?" She asked softly,
her lips barely moving.
He gazed at her, his heart pounding crazily against his chest. He
dropped his hand, and watched as she unconsciously glanced at the spot
on her arm where he'd held. For a moment, as her lashes stroked her
cheek, she looked absolutely beautiful. Slowly, and almost
instinctively, he raised his hand to touch her face. Smooth, flawless
skin met the back of his palm. Her eyelashes fluttered.
Then, just a mere second later, she swung her head away as if
stung, and took a big stride backwards. She averted her eyes. "That
was not an answer."
He let his hand drop limply to his side. He stared at her
profile, and sighed softly. "Tsukino Usagi…"
She looked up at him again, surprised at the sound of her full
name on his lips.
"There has to be a reason why you're named that…but I still
haven't found out." He stepped closer to her, so that she had to tilt
her head to meet his eyes. He expected her to back away, but she didn't
move an inch.
"Names have nothing to do with a person's personality. Just like
you," she smiled lightly, "you're not a bodyguard--who are you supposed
to protect nowadays?"
He laughed at the hint of sarcasm in her voice. "Touché." He
brushed away a strand of hair by her eyes. "Am I forgiven?"
She grinned. "Am *I* forgiven?"
"Let's see, I froze my ass off there at the theater for an hour…
lost my dignity in front of so many people…no, I don't think you're
quite forgiven yet."
Her eyes laughed, and she suddenly put her arms around his neck,
so that she was against him. Mamoru gazed down at her, noticing the
coy grin hanging on her face. "Usagi…" His pulse started to race,
and his eyes kept lowering to glance at her full lips.
"How about if I pay you back?
Goosebumps popped out on his arms, and he was unable to speak.
"You want to kiss me, don't you?"
Shock spread throughout his body. He looked into her eyes, her
blue eyes that seemed to dance into his. He cleared his throat, well
aware of her slim body pressed against his. "Am I supposed to actually
answer that?"
She laughed, and her hold on him tightened. "No…not really."
Then before he knew it, her eyes closed, and she was suddenly
kissing him. Her gentle fingers seemed to caress the back of his neck,
and her kiss burned on his lips. His hands, unable to help themselves,
found their way around her waist, and he pulled her--if it was
possible--even closer. His head whirled, and he bent it as the kiss
deepened, so that her back was arched. His body temperature rose about
ten degrees when she slid her tongue in his mouth.
He enjoyed the kiss immensely, yet he could not shake away a
wary feeling down in the pit of his stomach. Her attitude had changed
dramatically in such a short amount of time. But her small form
fitted perfectly in his arms…it was incredulous that he should be
feeling anything but pure bliss.
A sudden breeze brushed against his face; a faint smell of
perfume reached his nostrils. His eyes half-opened automatically, then
closed again--but not before seeing a raven head sprint by.
Hands pushed Mamoru from behind, shoving him against the locker
painfully. He grunted, and turned around with a frown on his face.
Seeing Yushiga, his anger rose. "What the hell was that?"
"Stay away from Usagi. She's mine." Yushiga jabbed a finger at
Mamoru's chest, his eyes flashing dangerously.
Mamoru held back the urge to laugh. "First of all, Usagi's not
an object, so there IS no 'yours', 'mine' whatever. Secondly, you and
her were never together--there is absolutely no way that you can say
that. Third…she's with me now."
"I don't think so, Mamoru. I thought you and I were friends--
you knew I liked her."
"Really? Well, FRIENDS don't try to hurt each other on purpose."
Mamoru felt a sting at his chest, where it had hit against the
protruding part of the locker. "Besides, Yushiga, just because you
like her doesn't mean no one else can't go out with her. And also…I
really don't think she likes guys whose hobby is to shove people
around when they least expect it."
Yushiga narrowed his eyes. "All right, all right. I'll remember
this, Mamoru. You just go out and have fun with her…for now." He kept
his eyes on Mamoru as he walked away.
Mamoru straightened his shirt, and then rubbed his hand over the
painful spot on his chest.
"What's wrong?"
The feminine voice startled him. He turned and saw a concerned
Minako, and forced a smile. "Oh, it's nothing. I kinda bumped against
the locker."
Minako raised her eyebrows. "By accident?"
"Yeah." He answered, and then adjusted the straps of his
backpack. "So, what's up?"
"I just wanted to tell you something. Something rather…strange,
but I think important also."
"Really? Like what?"
Minako smiled, glad that she had caught his interest. "It's
about Usagi-san."
He nodded. "I expected that. So what is it?"
"I'm sure you've already heard about the rumor that she was
kicked out of her old school?" Hearing an affirmative from him, she
went on, "Well, I found out the truth behind that little rumor. She WAS
kicked out, because she had gotten into a fight with a boy." She
stepped closer to him, and lowered her voice. "The thing is, they were
shouting about something, and then she punched him in the nose. He
bled, fell to the ground, but she kept on kicking him in the stomach.
He later had to go to a hospital. She never offered an apology to the
boy or his parents, and so she was expelled."
He was appalled. "What? Where the hell did you hear this?"
She was taken back, her eyes widening. "I didn't make this up,
okay? It's true. You can go ask her if you want--I hear you guys are
going out."
"Minako, I respect you, but I don't believe what you're saying.
I mean, for all I could know, you got it from some stupid shit-talking
guy." Mamoru knew his voice sounded terribly accusing, but he couldn't
hold back the disturbing feelings her words had caused.
She sighed. "Believe me, Mamoru-san, I meant nothing bad by
telling you this. I just wanted you to know it because you guys are
with each other. And I like you, Mamoru…I don't want you to get hurt
or anything."
"Don't worry, all right? It's not like Usagi's gonna beat me up.
Thanks for your concern, but it was unnecessary." With that, he walked
away from Minako.
"Hey." Usagi greeted Mamoru with a smile when she spotted him.
"Hey yourself." Mamoru grinned and leaned over to give her a
kiss on the lips before sitting down. Her soft scent surrounded his
nostrils, and he sighed. "You know what day it is?" He looked
around the park, and was surprised that, from what he could see, they
were the only two in the area.
There was a short silence while she thought. Then: "It's not your
birthday, not my birthday, nor any holiday…" She blew out a breath of
air. "I have no idea."
"It is--" He grinned. "--our one month anniversary." He slung an
arm around her shoulders, and kissed her temple tenderly. "I can't
believe you didn't remember!" He exclaimed dramatically. He leaned
his back against the tree trunk, and rested his chin on the top of her
head.
"Whoa. Didn't know time fly by so fast." She twisted around so
she could give him a kiss on the lips.
He smiled, and held her hand in his, caressing the back of it
with his thumb.
"So how do you want celebrate this day?" Her eyes danced
affectionately, and a warm smile spread over her face.
Before he could open his mouth, a soft breeze blew, causing the
grass beneath them to sway back and forth gently. The orange sunlight
streamed through the leaves of the oak tree, casting a spotted shadow
across the ground. Mamoru closed his eyes for a moment, a smile on his
lips. He'd never felt so good in his life. "Maybe…dinner? Or movies?
Or…ice cream?"
"All of those sound good. But…I was thinking maybe we could stay
like this…" Usagi wrapped her arms around his waist, and slid so that
her head lay against his chest.
"And just be with each other?" He continued quietly.
"Yeah." Her voice was barely above a whisper.
I've never thought that I could feel this way about a girl,
Mamoru thought to himself as he smoothed away a few strands of blond
hair on her head.
"And I've never thought that I could be like this for a guy…"
Usagi's sweet voice echoed back to him.
"What? Oh--you, you heard that. I didn't realize that I was
speaking out loud."
She laughed. "Why not? Don't you want me to know?" She lifted her
head off his chest and leaned back, looking at him from under her
eyelids.
He smiled. "Of course I do. I didn't want you to know so fast,
though."
"Too bad. You leaked your own secret," she teased with a wide
smile. She moved forward, and their lips locked in a delicate kiss.
She grinned after it ended, then fell back to her original spot.
"Usagi?" He said her name tenderly, his breath becoming quick.
"Yeah?"
His heart began to pound. "Usagi…I, I lov--"
She immediately got off him, cutting off his words. She walked
away for a few steps, and then came back again, her eyes big. Her
abrupt movement surprised him, and he got off the ground also, looking
in disbelief at her wild expression. "Usagi--"
"No, stop. Please!" Her tone was quick and pleading. She ran a
hand through her hair, her eyes darting all over the place. "Please,
Mamoru-chan…don't."
"Don't what?" He walked closer to her, becoming alarmed at the
frantic look on her face.
"Don't…feel that way about me. I'm serious…I'm not worth it."
"What? Usagi, you don't even know what I'm feeling. And besides,
I think I should be the judge of your 'worthiness', okay, since I'm the
one who feels this way about you." He reached out to touch her, but she
slid away, putting a good five feet between them.
"Mamoru--I know…" She trailed off, pausing for a second.
"Believe me, you'd better off if you don't say that, if you don't
feel that. Please…I'm telling you, just trust me on this."
He shook his head slowly, looking at her with amazement. "I
can't believe what I'm hearing. You…most girls would just jump when
guys tell them that--"
"Well I'm not 'most girls', okay?" She began to pace around,
and his eyes followed her every step. "MOST girls don't have horrible
lives like me. MOST girls weren't kicked out of their schools because
they had punched a guy and sent him to a hospital. MOST girls have
people that love them, that take care of them. MOST girls…" Her voice
broke, and she plumped down on the ground, her hands covering her face.
"Most girls have parents that are NORMAL."
He didn't understand her last statement, but he knew now wasn't
the time to ask. He wanted to put his arms around her, but waited for
her shoulders to stop shaking. He opened his mouth, keeping his
emotions in check. "Usagi…" He searched for words to say, but came up
with nothing.
Usagi's head flew up. "Oh my god." She got up, and moved her
hands rapidly to dust off some bit of grass on her jeans. "What did I
just say? Oh my god. I have to go." She didn't even look at him before
turning around and running away.
He immediately chased after her, confused at the sudden change.
"Usagi! Usagi, wait! Whe-where are you going?" She ran up a small hill,
and he quickened his pace, catching up within a few seconds. He grabbed
her from behind, and she fell to the ground with a small cry. He lost
his balance, and they rolled off the grassy hill, a tangle of arms and
legs.
He got off her as soon as possible, but didn't let go of her
hand, afraid that he was going to lose her again. There was fury in her
eyes after she stood up and faced him. "Let go of me." Her voice was
level, but Mamoru could detect the irritation lying under the
smoothness.
"I will, but promise me you won't take off again."
"Mamoru, what's WRONG with you? Let go of me!" The volume of her
voice increased, as did the shaking of her body. She stared at him
with blazing eyes, and he was almost beginning to be afraid. He had
never seen her in such a state.
"Listen to me, okay? Please." He loosened his grip on her hand,
but looked at her firmly. "I don't understand what just happened, but
I need to finish what I had intended to say." He felt her struggling
to get free of his grasp. "I'm not going to hurt you--I just want you
to hear me out."
Her blue eyes stared into his, and he could tell that she was
calming down gradually. "Usagi, what I had meant to say was--that I
love you." He held her gaze steadily, although his voice was beginning
to tremble. "I have never felt this way about anyone, and it is
actually scares me a little--" He managed a tight smile, "--because
I don't know what to do."
She turned her eyes away.
"This past month has been so amazing. Being with you is the most
wonderful feeling in the world--it's like all my troubles just melt
away whenever I'm near you. I feel as if I'm on top of the world each
time you put your arms around me. The sight of you lifts up my whole
being, my--" He paused, overwhelmed with emotion. He closed his eyes
briefly, not wanting to scare her away with the intensity of his voice.
He heard her quick breaths, and opened his eyes to find tears in
hers. Surprised, he let go of her hand, and stepped back. "Usagi-chan,
what's wrong?"
Then, as quickly as her tears had come, they were gone. And he
wondered if they were even there in the first place.
She shook her head and said simply, "I'm sorry."
He didn't quite understand. "Wha-what?"
She smiled lightly. "I'm sorry that you feel this way. I knew
you were going to say something like this," her voice was soft, "and
that's why I tried to--run away. I didn't want you to say these things
to me." She moistened her lips, and looked at him with distant eyes.
"I don't get it."
"I don't feel the same, okay? This past month with you has been
really great, but…you're just a friend. A boyfriend, maybe, who kept
me company while I adjusted to a new school. Nothing more."
There was a painful squeeze at his heart.
"I told you not to say it--I told you to just trust me in this.
I wanted to save you from this…rejection." She said the words aloofly,
her tone casual. "But you didn't listen to me. You went ahead and did
it anyway." She laughed, and it was the first time that he hated her
the sound of her laughter. "I even tried to run away from you--because
I hadn't wanted to be where I am right now, saying what I'm saying
right now. Well, I don't mind it so much, though…it's you who's getting
hurt." Her eyes slightly enlarged, as if she pitied him.
His body felt as cold as ice. His heart merely crumbled.
"If you didn't get all of that, I can sum it up for you." She
paused dramatically, looking at him still with widened eyes. "I don't
love you, Mamoru."
She stared at him, and he could've sworn he saw laughter behind
her eyes. His hands clutched into hard fists. He clenched his teeth,
and fought hard to stay still.
Say something. Say anything, he directed his mind. Two minutes
have gone by already in total silence. Save yourself the humiliation.
"I should've expected that." He didn't quite mean for his voice
to sound so hard. "I mean, after all--it's you--you who humiliated
Rei the first time you met her, who tormented Haruna-sensei just for
the fun of it, who stood me off at the movies and had no guilt at
all… You. You who's Tsukino Usagi. So of course it would be you
who's the first one to crush my whole spirit with merely words."
His eyes narrowed. "I'm the stupid one." He knew he was going to
regret saying this to her, but it felt good just to let out that
anger.
She didn't even bat an eye during all of this, he noted to
himself bitterly.
"Yep," she then added with an even tone, "I told you before,
Mamoru, that I wasn't your type. You know why? Because you like sweet
girls…you want a girlfriend who dresses according to the latest trend,
who sits by the phone every night for your call, who acts dramatic in
everything that happens--"
"You think you know me so well, don't you?" She was beginning to
get on his nerves. She made him sound so shallow, and he wasn't like
that. Was he?
She smiled--mockingly? He coudn't tell. "No…I only wish I did.
I just said what I thought you wanted in a girl."
"Usagi--we've been together for a month now. Why would I be with
you if I didn't want you?"
"You should be with Rei."
"What?" He spat the word out with incredulity. Rei-chan? How
could Usagi be thinking of another girl who was completely irrelevant?
"You know…" He stopped breathing hard. "Maybe you aren't even going
out with me because you like me--but because of Rei."
"What?" This time it was Usagi's turn to be surprised. "What
are you talking about?"
"The first time that we kissed, it was because of Rei. The
second time we kissed, I saw Rei run by. When I first asked you out,
you said no. But after you saw Rei with me, you changed your mind--"
"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute." Her eyes were big with amazement.
"What, are you saying that I'm with you only to put on a show for Rei?
Do you know how incredibly stupid that sounds?"
He stayed unfazed. "Then why were you with me?" He didn't expect
an answer.
"What do you want me to do, Mamoru?" Usagi rolled her eyes, and
moistened her lips. "Don't be such a sentimental baby, okay? You don't
need to be cooed and caressed and picked up every five minutes. If
you're really desperate, go find some other girl who can pet you the
way you want her to, okay?" She turned her heels, and was taking off
again.
"So you're going, just like that?"
She stopped.
"I mean, a month--a whole MONTH, Usagi…gone?" There was no
emotion in his voice, but he knew she could sense his intensity in his
words.
She didn't reply. She stood with her back to him, so he
couldn't see her face. He felt like there was a wall between them.
"My words…" He had to take this one last chance. "they mean
absolute nothing to you?"
She turned around slowly, and gazed at him in silence. Nothing in
her eyes possibly betrayed her feelings. She looked down at the ground,
and then up again, and uttered one word: "No."
And there. His heart simply shattered.
But he breathed in deeply, keeping his face stone-like.
"I'm sorry, too, for what I feel for you." He had never heard his
voice sound so flat and empty. And he walked away; turned his back on
the girl he loved.
Had he walked just a bit slower, he would've heard her say
softly "I'm sorry."
"Chiba, Mamoru." The teacher called out attendance, glancing up
from his glasses.
"Here," Mamoru answered flatly, not yet awake.
"Cokyo, Natsuki."
"I'm here." A voice from the back of the room replied.
Mamoru put his head down on the table. He hadn't slept well last
night. Maybe he could catch a few dozes while the teacher called out
each and every one's names. It usually took a long time, especially
if the students weren't paying attention.
"…Tsukino, Usagi?"
And his ears perked up.
"Tsukino Usagi." The teacher said again, his gaze sweeping the
quiet classroom.
Mamoru opened his eyes to the darkness of his arms.
Upon no answer, Kyoko-sensei frowned, and marked down on the
attendance sheet. "I hope Usagi isn't sick or anything…this is the
third day that she's been absent."
The third day? Mamoru raised his head, and caught Motoki's eye.
His friend mouthed "What happened to her?" and he could only shrug
his shoulders. He lowered his eyes and pondered the reason for her
absence. Maybe she really was sick. So sick that she couldn't even get
out of bed.
That wasn't a very soothing thought, but at least it beat
thinking that she had an accident and was in the hospital. Goosebumps
appeared on his arms, and he tried to rub them off with his thumbs.
Where could she be? He didn't like that he couldn't concentrate on what
the teacher was saying, but instead could only think of her. Her who
had broke his heart so harshly. He didn't love her still. He didn't.
But that didn't mean he couldn't care about her. He still had
the right (as a classmate) to find out where she was.
They hadn't spoken after that painful day in the park. He
didn't know what was going on with her. And today was Thursday.
She hadn't been to school since Tuesday.
And then suddenly, he had an idea. He could go to her house.
Or should he call beforehand? But no, she might not answer the phone,
if she really were sick or something. Going to her house right after
school was the best option.
Finally, Kyoko-sensei closed his book, and looked up at the
class. "Well, since we only have a few minutes of class left, we won't
be able to finish the chapter by today. Take down your assignment for
today from the board, and we'll continue tomorrow. If you're done, you
can pack up." Mamoru began to clean his desk.
He scribbled down the homework messily on a scrap of paper, then
inserted it into his book, not caring that he might not find it later.
He shoved his notebook into his backpack, then let the book drop into
it also. The heavy textbook made a thump, but the sound went unnoticed,
as the whole class was buzzing with noises of students cleaning up.
Everyone heard the bell, though, when it rang.
Mamoru got up hurriedly, and was the first one out of not only
the classroom door, but also the school door. His heart hammered in
his chest as he thought about what he was going to do. It was a big
risk, he knew--although, he had no idea exactly what he was risking.
He turned at the next block, the route to Usagi's house as
familiar as to his own. His backpack was like a ton of bricks,
hampering him so much that he had the urge to throw it somewhere. He
concentrated on the road ahead and tried to hurry as much as possible.
And then he arrived at her house.
His feet were rooted to the ground as he stared at the front
door. Should he or shouldn't he?
He took a deep breath, and commanded his legs to move forward.
You didn't waste your whole class time to decide on something and then
not do it at the last minute, his inner voice yelled. Left, right,
left, right, left, right.
As he inched closer to the front door, he noticed something
different in the air. He couldn't quite put his fingers on it, but
kept his awareness in check as he raised his hand to ring the
doorbell. There was no answer. He tapped his feet impatiently,
wondering where she could be during this hour.
And then he heard it. A scream. Her scream. It was her voice.
Usagi'd screamed.
"Holy shit," Mamoru cursed under his breath. That sound was
enough to send hairs on the back of his neck to stand up. He rang the
doorbell again, this time in a far more fearful state. "Usagi! Usagi,
open up if you're in there!" He pushed the door.
It opened.
For a moment, he just stood there, surprised and frozen to the
ground. Then, the clatter of china cracking on the floor snapped him
right to attention. He walked in the house and followed the sounds of
heartbreaking cries that made him want to tear his ears out. His heart
was pounding violently in his chest, and he could feel the rush of
blood in his throat.
And then, he reached hell.
There was a man in the room, who had his ruthless arms around
Usagi's neck. He was cussing at her loudly, using a series of words so
foul Mamoru felt his blood boil. Usagi was crying and yelling back at
the bearded man, her hands swinging above her head, trying to scratch
the man's face. Pieces of china were scattered all around the floor,
and the couch was flipped over, making the room seem like a place of
chaos.
Hell, this WAS a place of chaos. Mamoru cursed and strode
forward, his eyes focused on the man. "Get your hands off of her!"
And he swung, right toward the man's jaw. Instantly, a stinging pain
spread in his knuckles and traveled all the way up to his arm, but
Mamoru used his left fist and aimed again, this time directly at the
man's face. The man fell to the ground with a thump, and blood oozed
out of his lips.
"Mamoru!"
Mamoru then saw Usagi, and he immediately kneeled down to hold
her, his heart in his throat. "Oh my god, Usagi-chan, are you okay?"
Before she could reply, the man'd gotten up from the floor and
directed his voice at Mamoru. "Who are you and what the hell are you
doing in my house?"
"This isn't your house, dammit!" Usagi screamed as she stood up,
her face stained with tears. "Get your dirty ass out of MY house!"
"And if I don't, what are you going to do?" The man smirked,
and wiped the blood from his lips with the back of his hand. "Put me
in jail, Usagi, is that what you're gonna do? Put your dad behind
bars?"
"For the last time," Usagi said evenly through gritted teeth,
"you are NOT my father! Get the hell out NOW!"
Mamoru stepped forward, fully prepared to use his fists again.
The man was shorter than him for at least 5 inches. His knuckles were
starting to bruise, but he didn't care. As long as the guy didn't
touch Usagi again.
The man seemed to get the hint, and backed off. "I'll see you
again, Usagi. And next time, this badass won't be here to save you."
He then whipped around and was gone.
Mamoru exhaled, letting out the breath that he didn't even
realize he was holding. "Usagi--" he turned to her, but was cut off
by a loud slap to his face. "What the--"
"What the HELL are you doing here, Mamoru? How DARE you just
break into my house like this and HIT my stepdad?" Usagi's eyes
flashed accusingly, and she pushed him, causing him to back up
clumsily.
"WHAT?" He reclaimed his stability, and held Usagi's wrists
in midair. "What the hell am I doing here? Usagi, that bastard had
you by the neck, if you didn't notice! You were crying and screaming
and your whole freakin' house is a mess--"
"Did I ask for your help?! Did I?" Tears started to roll down
from her eyes, and she shook her head violently. "NO I didn't! I was
perfectly fine, okay? I could've handled the situation fine ON MY
OWN!" She pushed him further down the hall. "Go, get out! I don't
need you butting into my life right now!"
She was too quick, and he didn't have any time to regain his
balance before he was forced to step outside the door. "Usagi, stop
it! I was just trying to protect you from that asshole, okay? What
was he DOING to you?"
"None of your BUSINESS, okay?" She moved back, and her hand
grabbed the doorknob. "I don't even know what you're doing here. We
BROKE UP, Mamoru--and that means you don't interfere with my life or
I with yours. So why don't you march your ass back to your perfect
grades, your perfect house, and your perfect family? I certainly
don't need you HERE! Good-BYE!"
And with that, she slammed the door in his face.
* * *
Whooo! I can't even believe that it took me so long to write this part.
But I'm quite happy with the results. ^__^
Anyway, lots of feedback please! Heheehee.
http://www6.brinkster.com/moonieround