Title: Drowning Slowly
Chapter 2: Clean
Author: Kora
E-mail: KrazyKora@aol.com or WinterViolet24@aol.com
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The following characters belong to WWE and all the people and companies who deal with all that legal stuff. I am simply using the characters for my own twisted enjoyment. The lyrics are by Ben Folds Five and belong to them.
------------------------------
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
-Ben Folds Five, 'Brick'
------------------------------
Shawn unlocked the door to his motel room, then bent down to pick up Stephanie. She was still too limp too walk. Her whole body seemed drained of life and energy. He brought her over to his bed and laid her down on top of it. He went back to the door and shut it, sealing them inside his room. The door seemed to click shut with a sound of finality to it.
He rested his forehead against the door a moment or two before turning back to Stephanie. She hadn't moved an inch. He walked over and stripped the blanket from the bed as best he could, wrapping it around her shoulders. He held her shoulders in his hands softly, making sure that her eyes met his, "Stephanie, I have to go out for a few minutes. I'll be back as soon as I can. While I'm gone you can do whatever you want, understand?"
She was still mute but he imagined that she had gotten the message. As soon as he released her she fell back on the bed. It was almost like watching a leaf burn. Her body, which started off flat, began to curl into itself as she lay, once again resuming the fetal position she had had when she was laying in the gutter. Her eyes finally shut, squeezed tightly as she let out one heavy, solid breath.
Shawn didn't know whether to be encouraged by the movement or worried about it as he headed out of the motel room. He couldn't think while he was looking at her and he knew he needed to think. The motel where he was staying was rather cheap, but then he was only supposed to be in town for a few days. It was styled so that once you exited your room you were outside so of course the moment he stepped out the cold hit him like a fist. It was still raining in icy sheets, which made him shake just looking at it.
He stood there, absorbing the cold as he tried to think of what to do. He eventually decided to go and get her and himself some food. Perhaps after they ate she would loosen up and begin to talk. He came to the conclusion that in essence, there was nothing he could do. This had to all be up to Stephanie. She had to tell him what to do next. He didn't care what it was either. Whatever she wanted, he would do.
With that in mind he headed off to find some fast food, wanting to hurry back. He didn't think it was wise to leave Stephanie alone for too long considering the circumstances.
------------------------------
Stephanie lay immobile for some time, floating in and out of consciousness. Slowly she sat up and rubbed a hand through her hair. She rose to her feet, trembling as she did so. She slipped off the blanket and Shawn's jacket. With shaking hands she began to grab at her torn clothes. She started to walk towards the bathroom, shedding off her clothing as if they were a second skin.
She entered the bathroom then pushed at the bathroom door, causing it to almost shut behind her as she continued towards the shower. By the time she reached the shower she was completely naked. She pulled back the shower curtain and climbed inside, pulling it shut behind her. She turned on the water, making it as hot as possible. She pulled the tab to start the showerhead, steaming hot water pouring over her.
She ran her hands over her body, feeling several bumps and lacerations as she went. Her fingers combed through her hair, releasing sticks and clumps of mud. She found a bar of soap and a washcloth and she snatched them up quickly. She ran a finger over the soap. It was smooth and white. Clean. She eyed the washcloth, it was soft and white. Also clean. She rubbed the soap and washcloth together until she made a rich lather. She rubbed the washcloth over her body roughly. Her mind flashed to her leaving the coliseum. It flashed to her being grabbed from behind. Flashed to her clothes being torn. Flashed to her struggling. Flashed to her giving up.
She began to scrub so hard her skin turned pink. She felt so dirty. Felt as if she'd never be clean. She saw the mud, grime, grit, and dirt flow off her body and down the drain but it wasn't good enough. She tore at her hair, running the foaming washcloth all over herself. Blood soon joined the flow of water running down her body. Fresh pink blood. She had rubbed in some places so hard that she had broken skin. She didn't care. She had to be clean, had to get the dirt off. The feeling off.
Her hands went to between her legs. She felt like he was still there. She could almost feel him still inside. Tearing away at her. She grabbed the showerhead and was pleased to find it removable. She directed the hot water between her legs, biting her lip as it seemed to burn. She didn't care. The scalding heat replacing the feeling of him. She replaced the showerhead and began to scrub again.
A dull throb began in her head and she could hear his voice. It came across almost androgynous in her memory, making it hard for her to place. 'You liked that, didn't you Stephanie? I've waited a long time to do that'.
She swallowed, her thoughts flashing to when he had risen up from on top of her, leaving her crushed against the ground. He had dropped her next to the gutter, his next words unforgettable. 'This is where you belong, Stephanie.'
This is where you belong, Stephanie.
Where you belong, Stephanie.
Where you belong.
Stephanie began to collapse to the floor of the bath. She felt something well up inside and choke her. She didn't want to let go. Didn't want to release it because she was afraid but she had no control, it bubbled out of her. A sob. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, the water still pouring down from above her as she began to weep uncontrollably.
------------------------------
Shawn entered the motel room carrying a bag full of Chinese take out. It smelled pretty good to him and he hoped it would to Stephanie too. Maybe it would break through that barrier she had constructed around herself. The moment he entered however he saw that the bed was empty and disheveled. A trail of clothes led towards the bathroom.
Shawn set down the bag of food and cautiously stepped towards the bathroom. He heard a heart-wrenching sob and stopped just outside the partially closed door. He tapped it with his knuckle, "Stephanie?"
His only answer was more crying. Shawn didn't know what to do. He didn't want to just barge in but he could tell she was in pain. He could hear the shower running and it suddenly occurred to him his earlier thought about it not being wise to leave her alone. After all, considering what had happened and the way she was acting it was obvious she wasn't in her right mind. What if she...
Shawn didn't imagine a strong woman like Stephanie would ever resort to hurting herself or worse but after what had happened...
He found himself cursing again as he entered the room. The air was full of thick steam as he headed over. He pulled back the curtain slowly and found her on the floor, arms wrapped around her knees. He could see new bruises now, one's surrounding her breasts and even her-
He felt tears well up as he swallowed, "Oh Jesus, Stephanie...I'm so sorry..."
Stephanie looked up at him and with a jagged cry she rose and wrapped her arms around him, burying her face into his strong shoulder. She shattered; the sobs escaping her so violently that her whole body shook. He held her close. It didn't matter that she was naked, all that mattered was this moment. This desperate need for comfort.
He found himself crying too, crying for her as waves of pain rolled out for her. She kept trying to speak but everything that came out of her mouth sounded strangled. Shawn picked up a few words-'sorry', 'he', 'hurts', 'clean', 'so dirty', 'wouldn't stop', 'couldn't fight', and 'oh god'. Each word tore at him and he found himself holding her tighter. He didn't want to scare her or crush her, she seemed so fragile now, but he couldn't help himself. He wanted to protect her, wanted to take away all this pain. It was so unfair.
Her sobbing became so bad that eventually she had tear herself away from him. She rushed to the toilet but didn't manage to get to it in time before she started to vomit. Some of the awful stuff fell on the floor before she managed to yank up the lid and let it fall into the bowl. She kept crying and vomiting until she was reduced to dry heaves.
All the while, in the back, Shawn turned off the shower and grabbed the wet washcloth as well as a body towel. He came over and gently wrapped the body towel around her. He bent down and pulled back her hair, running the wet washcloth along her forehead as she puked. Eventually she managed to stop and drew away. She pulled the towel around her body fully and let Shawn pull her close to him. They lay on the floor of the bathroom for quite sometime until at last she spoke.
"I'm sorry about your floor." She whispered. Her voice sounded rusty as if it hadn't been used in years.
"Don't be sorry." He replied simply.
They sat for another spell of silence when Stephanie whispered, "I should go to the hospital, shouldn't I?"
"It's up to you, sweetheart." He replied softly, when something occurred to him, he asked tentatively, "Is it-okay for me to hold you like this?"
A weak smile took her, "Yes. Please keep holding me."
She snuggled in closer to him, "And never let go."