Title: Drowning Slowly

Chapter 6: Want

Author: Kora

E-mail: KrazyKora@aol.com or WinterViolet24@aol.com

Rating: R

Disclaimer: The following characters belong to WWE and all the people and companies who deal with all that legal stuff. I am simply using the characters for my own twisted enjoyment. The lyrics are by Ben Folds Five and belong to them.

Author's Note: This is a very serious fan fiction dealing with some very dark themes. Therefore I have placed several warnings. Some are my normal warnings and others deal with the subject matter I am writing about.

I was inspired to write this story by Temptation Eyes' "Do Unto Others' and Kittie Kittie Kittie's "Somewhere Out There" (two great stories I would recommend to anyone). Now granted, both of those stories are slash and feature Adam/Jeff whereas this story is in my normal Shawn/Stephanie theme but both stories took serous subjects and dealt with them in an impressive way, showing off how good both authors are.

It inspired me to try a dark subject and see what I could come up with. That all said, here are the warnings-

This is a fan fiction based on characters from the WWE. This story does not represent the real Stephanie McMahon or Shawn Michaels, etc. It is based on their fictional characters not the actual people themselves. I am fully aware Shawn Michaels is married and that it has even been announced on the show that he has a wife and child. However, seeing as this is fiction, I am pretending he does not. This takes place after Shawn first emerged from his chair, before the casket match and before the (in my opinion) icky kiss between Stephanie and Bischoff which I am going to try and forget. This is not a story to be taken lightly; it has some very tense/disturbing scenes and deals with the subject of rape. If you can't take abuse and violence in a story, or a story with the mistreating of your favorite wrestler, then maybe you shouldn't read this.

------------------------------

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

-Ben Folds Five, 'Brick'

------------------------------

Stephanie paced back and forth in front of the front door. She hoped it didn't look too odd but she knew at any second Shawn would show up and she didn't want anyone to see. If her father or Shane caught sight of Shawn all hell would break lose. Vince would want to know why Shawn was there and Shane, well, he would automatically know why and she was worried he'd spill the beans to her father, her permission or no.

There was a sudden tap on the door and she dived for the handle, thrusting the big door wide open. Shawn stood there, shades hanging low on his nose, looking for all the world a cool character. He slouched forward until he was leaning in the doorway and he locked eyes with her, a slight grin on his face, "I just drove up your driveway, and-whew-is my car tired."

"Quick! Come in or they'll see you!" Stephanie hissed and grabbed Shawn's elbow. She tugged him inside swiftly and shut the door behind him. She took hold of his elbow again and ushered him up the stairs to her room, all the while looking around every corner. Once they were in her room she locked the door behind her again and let out a big breath of relief. Shawn had a raised eyebrow, "Let me guess: I'm not supposed to be here."

"It's not that." She sighed, running a hand through her hair as she leaned back against the door.

"No, no. I understand. Can't let Mom and Dad see your secret boyfriend. We better hurry up and get down to the making out and fooling around while the excitement's still hot."

She gave him something of an amused look, "You really think of yourself as something of a Ladies' man, don't you?"

"I'm afraid I cannot deny that allegation, ma'am." Shawn said and pretended to tip a hat.

Stephanie pushed away from the door, "I just-I didn't want my father to see you because it would look odd and I didn't want Shane to see because then..."

"He'd ask questions. Think something is wrong, I know, princess. I can figure stuff out for myself." Shawn assured her. He looked around the room. It wasn't exactly homey, that was for sure. It had an impressively high ceiling, an outdoor balcony with sliding glass doors, a king size canopy bed, an entertainment center, several chairs, couches, an oriental rug, and a fireplace. Not to mention the adjoining bathroom. He walked over to one of the dressers, idly fingering a fancy china set that rested on top, "Are you sure this is your bedroom? It looks more like..."

"A museum? A display room? I've always thought so too but, hey, this is as close to royalty as a McMahon can afford. Father wanted it to feel as if each room was it's own studio apartment."

"Well, he succeeded. See you got the fire going." Shawn walked over to the fireplace, eyeing the roaring fire inside with some interest.

"Maids came in this morning and started it. Told me it was cold outside said it...was probably going to rain." Stephanie wrapped her arms around herself at the last part, her eyes casting to the sliding glass doors. She could peer outside. It did indeed look dark out. Stormy. She could see the trees move under the weight of the wind. She shivered.

Shawn saw this and frowned, "You okay."

Stephanie tried to muster up a smile and failed, "Yeah. Fine."

There was a stiff silence, Stephanie wracked her brain for someway to continue their conversation, at last she found it, "I overheard some of the stuff you said to Shane back at the hospital. About not pressuring me and letting me make my own decisions. I never knew you were so-knowledgeable."

"I'm not. I just let Shane think that," Shane smirked, "I actually read all that stuff in a pamphlet Dr. Russell gave me to read. Practically had it memorized. Used it to show your brother up. I extend my deepest apologies. Really."

His sarcasm was easily heard and Stephanie sighed, "Somehow I don't get the feeling you really do."

"Hey, Shane deserved it. He thinks he's so smart. I hate people like that. Actually, I feel like most people think that around me. That they're better than me, smarter than me. I think it's because they resent how good-looking I am. What do you think?"

Stephanie walked over to him, "Could be that."

He settled on to the couch near the fireplace and turned his attention to Stephanie fully, "Enough with the small talk. You called me down here for a reason. What do you need?"

She found a seat opposite him and rested her hands between her knees, her head bent, her eyes downcast. They didn't speak for a length of time. Shawn had the feeling she wasn't comfortable enough yet to discuss the reason she had called him to her. He suddenly felt wrong for pushing her. Hadn't he been the one campaigning against that? Ashamed at not taking his own advice, he reopened the mild banter, "You look nice."

Stephanie made a disbelieving sound at that. She wore red jogging pants with blue and white strips up the side as well as a matching red zip-front hoodie. She had taken a shower not too long ago so her long brown hair was still loose and damp, the wetness making her hair curl. She shrugged, "I'm wearing teenager's clothing. You'd think I was going out to exercise but...I don't know. Lately I haven't had the energy to get all fancy. My dad made a note of it-he keeps asking why I look so, what were his words, slovenly, I believe it was."

Shawn gave her a warm smile, "Well I think you look lovely."

She felt a flash run through her, warming her veins and she realized with some embarrassment that she was blushing. She tried to suppress the blush, pushing a few strands of hair behind her ear, "Um...well, you probably want to know why I called."

"You can tell me when you feel like it. Until then we can just shoot the breeze. I mean, technically, I know zip about you."

"There's not much to tell," she replied quietly, "I'd be more interested in hearing about you."

"Me?" Shawn pointed to himself, his face a picture of fake shock, "But I'm my favorite topic! I'll keep you here for hours!"

She rested her face in her hands, "I would love that."

"Well, you asked for it," he said and quickly began to rehash as much of himself as he could. He began with the normal introduction, this is my childhood, this is my favorite color, movie, etc. Then he went into deeper topics, some dissolving into rants. Before Stephanie knew it, she was receiving a long lecture about why Texas is one of the greatest states in the USA as well as why Garth Brooks isn't just a musician but a visionary.

She listened with strong intent, surprised to find herself actually interested. She could see herself at another time. Yawning and rolling her eyes as he droned on and on. But then, that was just another example of the person she used to be. The person who was now dead. This reborn Stephanie McMahon found Shawn's every word, no matter how inane, to be stirring. Besides, she had asked for this. She had wanted to know him. All about him ever since he had found her. Saved her.

Vaguely she could drum up one of her first memories from after the assault, that being of her on the shower floor. She could remember him standing over her, concern and tears in his eyes. He had looked down at her with such-caring. It had been overwhelming. She had never felt that way before. And he had held her while she cried and babbled. He hadn't cared that she was naked and soaked and broken. He had just been there, so soft and reassuring. And he had doted on her, even while she had leaned over the toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach. And he had held her so gently.

Her extreme attention to detail kicked in as she looked at him. He spoke with such enthusiasm, such life. He was so animated. Her gaze focused on his nose. It was long and straight, not as big and blocky as Hunter's. His cheekbones were high and she realized they would look higher when his hair was pulled back.

Luckily, his hair was not pulled back at this particular moment as he had chosen yet again to wear it loose, a wild nest of curls about his handsome tanned face. She found she liked his hair better loose, as it seemed more fitting to his personality. She bit her lip as she wondered what it would be like to run her fingers through those tresses. She could almost feel the strands between her fingers, imagining them silky and smooth. He had taken off his shades earlier, clipping them to the tight white shirt he wore. He had on a pair of faded Levi's and old cowboy boots, his image recalling something from a Marlboro add, the perfect cowboy.

"...and that's why, Green Day, while not a country band, is still acceptable music," Shawn concluded when he noticed the glazed look on Stephanie's face, "Oh lord, I've entranced you into a coma. This happens a lot when I talk to people. Stephanie! Stephanie! Can you hear me! Just think of an episode of 'Friends' and you'll snap out of it. Works for most people when I bore them to death."

Stephanie blinked, "I wasn't bored. I heard every word. I just started to drift off there towards the end because..." she trailed off. How could she begin to explain? 'I'm sorry, Shawn, I was too busy looking at you to listen, sorry?' That wasn't going to look too good. But then considering his reported ego, it just might.

She shook her head, "I'm sorry. I get so distracted these days. That's why I called you. When you're around I don't feel so...lost. You wanted to know why I wanted you to come and I guess the best answer is, I wanted-needed to see you. Things have been so hard and I just...I don't know. I needed you."

"Needed me for what?"

"To be here. To be with me. You don't even have to do anything but...this. Shane acts so weird around me. It's not really his fault. He just doesn't know what to do. And since no one else knows what happened they don't understand why I act so strange so they avoid me and...I don't know. I just needed you because you're the one person who-who makes me feel okay. It's like...when you found me, from that moment on, we became connected. Formed some sort of...I don't know-a bond, I guess. Do I sound completely crazy?"

Shawn swallowed. He couldn't even begin to tell her. After she and Shane had left he had thought the whole thing would pass him by. He imagined Stephanie eventually caving in to help, therapy, filing a report, and eventually coming out on top, not another word between them. But he had never felt that way. Instead he had floated in and out of each day wondering how she was. What she was up to. He had picked up the phone more times then he could count. Fingering the buttons. Wondering if he should call then inevitably deciding against it.

The worry had been eating away at him. Her face haunted his dreams and his days, It was like everywhere he looked, there she was and just when he thought he couldn't take it anymore her call had come in. He didn't know who had been more relieved, her or him. He let out a breath and tried to look nonchalant, "No, it doesn't sound crazy. I-I feel it to."

She seemed revived at this revelation. They sat in silence, looking across at each other from where they sat. Stephanie's focus had inevitably fallen on his lips. Soft, smooth skin, the top lip was thin but the bottom lip was full and pouty, perfect for forming a smirk or a scowl, and even more perfect for kissing. She felt another rush of heat. Since the assault, she hadn't had even a stir of sexual desire in her. In fact even thinking of sex made her cringe, a dirtiness creeping along her skin that compelled her to go shower. She kept thinking of the gutter, the faceless man on top of her, driving inside, tearing away.

But as she looked at Shawn she forced those thoughts away. She could be normal again. She could feel lust. She felt it for this man right now. Just like how she had been in the old days, back when things in her life were simple and normal. When they were all right. She used to love sex. Used to love desire. That was why, even when she had been with Hunter, she had flirted with Angle. Love, lust, sex-they had been her favorite emotions. And as she looked at Shawn now, all those old feelings bubbling to the surface she felt such an ache inside that it hurt.

She used to be a queen at seducing people. What was to stop her now? When she wanted something she got it, right? If she could do it in the past, why couldn't she do it now? She had to do it now. Had to, in order to prove that everything was fine. That it was okay. She could recapture her old life. Could be normal again.

With these thoughts in mind she rose from her seat and crossed over to Shawn. Shawn could see the look in her eyes, feel the change and frowned, edging back in his seat. She tried to give him a catty smile but her lips refused to work. Instead she gave him something of an amused, questioning look. She stood above him at first, merely looking down. She kept her eyes locked with his as she reached a hand up to the collar of her hoodie. She took a firm hold of the top of the zipper and slowly began to edge it down, unzipping her top.

Shawn swallowed thickly, his eyes following the motion. As the zipper zoomed downwards, it revealed an enticing trail of smooth creamy skin. She hadn't worn anything underneath, not even a bra. She kept her eyes on his the whole time until she reached the end of the zipper, the jacket coming apart. She let out a shaky breath and rested one knee on either side of him, bringing their bodies unbearably close.

Shawn was positive he'd stopped breathing long ago. All the blood in his brain had stopped. The circulation accumulating in the center between his legs, making his whole body uncomfortably tight. He tried to ignore it. His voice cracking as he spoke softly, "Stephanie..."

"Shh." She whispered, pressing her fingers to his lips, lingering there a moment or two to memorize the feeling of his flesh against her own. She edged in even closer, their bodies touching. He couldn't stifle a groan, her lower body caressing parts of him that were strained at best.

He raised up a hand to push her away but ended up having his fingers brush the underside of her naked breast. His breathing quickened at that. Her flesh was softer than anything he'd ever touched in his life. It was like she was made of velvet. His fingers brushed her nipple and she let out a weak moan as her fingers tangled in his hair. She brought their faces close, her eyes meeting with his.

"Please Shawn, just go with it." She whispered, her nose brushing along his, her breath cascading along his cheek. She turned her head to the side and he found his own involuntarily matching the action. Their lips brushed briefly and the heat of the action shot a bolt through him. He shrank back, "No."

He managed to get his hands up to her shoulders and gently push her back away from him, "No, Stephanie. This is wrong. I've let it gone on too far. I-I should have stopped you sooner in fact, except..."

His words died in his throat but it didn't matter. Stephanie looked mortified. She leapt off of him as if he was on fire, her fingers fumbling with her zipper. Her entire body trembled, as she kept mumbling over and over, "I knew it. I knew it."

Shawn rose to his feet, ignoring the knot in his belly and the tight fist in his jeans, as he walked over to her, trying to calm her down, "You knew what, Stephanie?"

Stephanie continued to struggle with the zipper, sobs beginning to escape, "I knew no one would want me after this. I'm damaged goods!"

"Oh Stephanie, that's not it..."

"THEN WHAT IS!" she snapped, forgetting about the zipper. Her face was scarlet red and tears had begun to squeeze out of her eyes, "What's wrong with me! Why don't you want me! It was because I was raped! Wasn't it! WASN'T IT!" she found a few glass items decorating the room and grabbed a few, tossing them against a wall, screaming and cursing. She shoved over a dresser, knocking it to the ground with a loud thud then collapsed to her knees, sobbing. Shawn rushed over to her and despite her feeble protests and gestures, he drew her into his arms.

She cried, hysterical sounds escaping her until she was a slack creature in his embrace. He ran a hand along her hair, loosening his grip as he had been squeezing her tightly. His own eyes were red from having avoided tears. When she could manage to speak she began, each word shaking with tears, "I thought...I just thought that if we had sex...it would all go back to normal. I thought I wouldn't be scared of sex anymore, that you would wipe...wipe the memory of him away. And that I could...I mean what if, after this, I never-never have a relationship with a man again? What if-if no one wants me because of what he did to me?"

"That's not true, honey. People will want you, Stephanie. He hasn't ruined you. You're going to come back from this. You're going to be fine." He reassured her.

She whimpered, "I wanted it to be normal again. So badly...I wanted...I wanted that more than you. More than sex. But it never will be, will it?"

Shawn sighed, "Stephanie, I know I'm not supposed to give you advice but...maybe it's time..."

"You think I should file a report. Go to the police, the-the groups. Talk about it with other people." She whispered, he nodded, she sniffled, "I know I should. Part of me always wanted to but...but doing those things. It means admitting it. Admitting...admitting I was raped. And I always thought...if I don't admit it then-then maybe it never happened and maybe it's not-it's not real. But it was...," she began to cry again, her voice breaking, "He raped me."

He held her close to him, "I know, baby. I'm so, so sorry. I wish it had never happened too. But you have to move on. You have to be strong and brave, like I know you are, and face it. And I'll be with you. The whole way. No matter what."

She sighed, "Thank you. For being with me. I'm sorry I...I tried to seduce you. It was pretty stupid of me."

He felt a half-assed smile take him, "No. It wasn't. You were just confused."

Her voice was timid as she asked, "If...if you didn't turn me down because I was...assaulted. Then why did you..."

"I knew you weren't ready." He answered simply and she sighed, nodding. He held her a long time before they slowly parted and began to clean up her mess. He cast a few looks at her now and then. She had begun to open up, talking about her future plans. She was going to tell her father first. Then the police. She would give them the clothes and even get a sexual assault victim advocate to help her like Dr. Russell had suggested. Then would come the therapy and hopefully afterwards, a full healing. As she spoke, Shawn realized she looked more alive to him then she had since he'd found her. She looked like she had before the incident. All that was missing was a smile.

Once everything was cleaned up, he looked at the clock, and suggested that he had better excuse himself. Stephanie agreed, "You helped me more than you know," she told him, "I knew I needed to see you. Somehow I knew I couldn't move on to the next step without you. I guess it's in that bond we share."

"Probably." He agreed, affixing his shades back in place, "Now remember, my offer still stands, you ever need me again. Like you did today. You just call."

"I will." She promised.

She led him to the door, her eyes casting over her shoulder to look outside the sliding glass doors. It had started raining. She shivered. Shawn looked at the weather and frowned. He took hold of her chin gently and drew her close. He pressed a quick kiss to her lips, then winked, "Don't be afraid, sweetheart. It's only rain."

Stephanie was too stunned by the brief kiss to give a more elaborate answer than, "Okay."

With that Shawn turned and left, rushing out, promising as he left not to be sighted if he could help it. She watched him rush out, then shut the door behind him. She leaned back against her door and pressed a hand to her lips. Then, for the first time in what felt like forever, she smiled.

~Fin~

------------------------------

That's all for now folks. I have an idea for a sequel in mind but I probably won't do one unless I get feedback. Feed my feedback monster and I promise you more story! Maybe even some guest appearances, such as, *gasp * dare I say it - fan favorite Chris Jericho, himself! Just send up the word and I'll see what I can do.