Disclaimer: Once again, I do not own The Legend of Zelda, Nintendo has copyrights.
Demonic, Shall He Become
Chapter 3 - Anatomy of Love
All through my years: Those ten I lived in naivety; young mind sugared with the finite idea that what I lived was a game and love was so easy to give out, because what I think of as love now was so very different from what I felt as a child, back then, I believe love was living without the years, without time. Back then I could believe in forever. For ten years. And then, the seven years were stolen. I think everyone is taught to believe time is the only definite thing, in this universe. Nothing else might be real, but time was. And that it is precious. It is crucial. And, I believe that with all my mind. I suppose I've always had a resentment to the royal family, to my own fate, for stealing seven years from me! To take it away, as though what I even wanted to feel and to learn through that time... really did mean nothing. And now, I am merely 21, and during those four years, after the encasement of Ganondorf the first time, I learned quickly what I had missed for seven years. This was supposed to be peace. I wasn't supposed to be raging inside my own head, becoming a different person! A different being all together! I knew what death was, I knew the death of a body, of a spirit, of a belief! I knew that it would originate with lies; both beautiful and filthy.
I would spend my free days, without the princess or petty towns' problems, out in the fields, sometimes in the water at Hylia. There would be so much life. Insects in the grass, the sun reflecting off their shell-like backs, and I watching, so very carefully, as they made their ways: eating, walking or flying to places, being killed, killing, and dying... But it was never for certain, could I sustain that they thought. They cannot think! They have no self-awareness! No pain! These are the true ignorant, the falseness of life... This would upset me so much, I'd cry and realize that I truly was alone, there was no one else... And the solitude of thought would drive me insanely angry, pitiful... I'd beg these insects, these creatures that knew nothing of what happened around them; these machines, to please listen, to please think! Just let me know that loneliness isn't forever. To let my forever moment come to an end. But I think I always truly knew, that when their stone-like exoskeletons broke open, to reveal the venomously beautiful, yet pathetically delicate, wings that lifted their tiny bodies to other destinations they did not know, I felt a piece of me leave with them...
* * * *
Now here was the only peace I ever felt. Drifting through deep silence and the dream-tinted world of what being underwater was like. I wouldn't have to see clearly, I wouldn't have to hear distinctly, and I don't even have to breathe. But alas, I was lying to myself sweetly. Even water couldn't stop my heart and mind from thinking.
Blood. And the biggest sensation. It's like a spider web, I'm caught in my own body's fluid - sticky and reeking of dead cells... of metal. Red red brown. Deep crimson. And the burning of anything else I could see: my home, my town, a giant mass of flames and hate that floated in the air; its wicked mouth consuming and constricting the air, devouring what you are trying to breathe. As soon as I had set foot in the town, I was knocked off my feet, and in my weak state of rage, I struggled; a fish on a hook. Jumping back up, forgetting my dropped sword, and charging, just craving a target. Anything would do. And then the splash of blood pelting my face. War paint I was opposing, but I wore it still.
"Link," His voice... My heart stopping... "It's about time the fucking hero arrived on the scene!" Laughter that resembles the darkest parts of the human, this is pure cruelty. A hand grabs my chin, forceful gestures that suggest his rightful dominance and a desire in me to succumb and carry his will on every part of me. I want to give in. I want him to kill me.
"What's this? The hero is pussing out on me," Ganondorf growls, the heat of his body is melting me. No more holding my chin, he's just lifting me up by the neck, a horrible strain, but I can't concentrate on the pain or the lack of air, all I know is him. I can hear Zelda's muffled sobs... He must have her... I hope he kills her, I hope he kills this whole damn world. Oh God, kill me.
"You're being a disappointment," his voice is lowered. I can spare the efforts of opening my eyes and see his face, confused... His hard features chiseled and clueless. I can't keep my eyes opened any longer. And the feeling of his tongue against my cheek... My eyes are forcing themselves open. And again, a cruel face suggesting the hints of knowing what he did all too well. A grin that tells me more than one thing. I'm dropped and the world is spinning, and I don't know where I am or what just happened. Then darkness is my welcomed companion...
All of this memory flashed at me in only a short time. I felt as though I was bruised inside, he must have carved into the interior of my body, written deeply in my blood that he would see me again. And I was afraid. Terribly afraid.
I swam upwards to the outside of my cage, outside of the lake. I needed air, whether I liked it or not. But... once I saw the surface of the breaking point of water and sky, I felt the stagnant pit of my internal wound begin to gape. I didn't want to break the surface of the water. It would suddenly break me, I would be outside again.
I'm going insane. That is ridiculous! I just swim up, feel the dry coolness of air whirl against wet skin and swim to the isle in the center of the lake. I feel like a ghost as I clamber out of the water, drifting without an edge to reality, as though my mind's haze is the net I depend on. I cannot recall how long I was like that, before Sheik appeared.
"Is this your way of dealing with terror, Hero of Time?" this voice is cold water on my face. Reality becomes the sharp knife at my throat.
"What the hell do you want?" this is my first instinctive outburst. Foolish me.
"...." Though I can only see one eye of his, his eyebrow draws hard, showing a look of hurt almost. "Such words, and tone of voice..." I wince at the frailty of his voice.
"I'm sorry," at the release of those words that seep from my tired mouth, I realize how tense I had been. It felt so nice to drop my shoulders, to let my legs collapse at the knees and just sit and look up at a pretty boy. I heard a sigh pout out from behind his mask, he too sat down, crossed legs, and stared ahead at me. I laid back and stared at the sky. The sun felt like it burned holes at the other side of my skull and I turned away from the sky, looking out across the lake, watching Epona on the opposite bank grazing; the gentle swish of her tail against her shivering flank. Her head tossed and faint whinny graced my ears, a sound I loved more than anything, if love is a word I'm allowed to use. Even though that sound brought a small hint of happiness upon me, I couldn't bring myself to smile.
"Do you know why Ganondorf is back?" Sheik broke my moment of happiness. My attention caught onto him and the swaying memories pinched in my head. I sighed.
"No, why would I?" all I could reply. Sheik coughed and crawled over by me and laid against me, he was uncomfortably close to me, his face almost touching mine. Before I could think of decency, I rolled away and jumped up, confusion staining my face evidently, for Sheik laughed and shrugged and waved to me to sit back down.
"I'm very sorry," he began to apologize. "I didn't realize you felt discomfort in the closeness of people. I wouldn't have guessed judging from your dreams..." Now what he had just said set an alarm off in me. This was a reaction I couldn't define, I felt betrayed somehow, ashamed, and afraid of his personal judgment.
"My God... how do you... how you do know??!!" What if this was the saint from my dream? My demi-self? The angel... I was being foolish. Silence painted the distance between us. The shimmering surface of the lake, caught reflections off of our still bodies. When Sheik didn't reply, my mind wandered to the tranquility of prismatic colored fish, gliding within the water and an urge of dire need to dive into Lake Hylia, just forget this Sheikah's intrusion. But he stepped forward, movements gentle like a doe, and managed to hold my hand without me really realizing it until it happened. And I swear I remembered him, just the feeling that had been stirred.
Now yes, Sheik was from my dreams.
And along with the answer, came the greatest feeling of love and dread.
To be continued.