Mask of Innocence

Disclaimers: Standard disclaimers apply. Hunter X Hunter is a manga made by the great Yoshihiro Togashi, my eternal mentor. No money is made in the creation of this fanfic.
Notes: Er...no notes right now. I'm still in love with Leorio-sama! *gets hit with a flying chair* Ehehe! Am I being too persistent with it? ^_^'

Chapter 9 - Nightly Rounds

Soft dark hair moved silkily through the fine brush, the smoothness of the handle easing his shaking fingers as he dully worked his way through his fine mane. But the beauty that he would always find in easing the non-existent tangles of his hair strangely wasn't with him that night, as he remained unmoved by the very ritual that he does before he went to bed. Blank eyes of pure ebony stared listlessly at the other things he had on his night table, but he didn't find it in himself to recognize them as things he owned.

He sighed, finally setting the brush down. But he remained seated on his bed, his eyes still staring into space, as if he didn't see anything. Only the stern face of his father and his authoritative voice existed in his head. And the expression on Killua's face; he knew that if only he was a bit more expressive, his and the younger boy's expressions would've been like mirrors for each other's own.

"Oniisama?"

A small voice. Unlike everything else, that small thing miraculously found itself inside his dazed mind. Illumi found himself moving to look up to where the voice had come from. Settling his gaze on the narrow crack by his door, he found himself looking into big, dark eyes, their blankness reflecting the child-like innocence as they looked up at him as if in fear.

If it was only possible for his emotionless face, his expression would've softened. "Karuto," he found himself saying.

The young girl nodded her head, daring to push the door more openly. She waited for her brother's consent, and was awarded soon as Illumi nodded his head. She approached him, giving him and herself a few feet of space as she looked up at him. But no words left her, and the young girl looked down at her hands as her fingers laced around each other, fidgeting in the hem of her sleeves.

Seeing that his younger sister wasn't able to speak, Illumi took the initiative. "What is it?" he asked her, his form still straight and poised as he sat in place.

Though Karuto has always been a girl of a much similar poise if not more, it was obvious that her shoulder shook beneath the dimness of the room. Confused, Illumi bent down to at least try and meet the girl's gaze when he received no response. It wasn't everyday that he would speak with his sister, so he didn't know how to approach her. In fact, they hardly speak at all. He would always be out working and she will always be with their mother, staying with her or studying with her. His only connection with Karuto was that they were of the same family, but everything just stops there. Every once in a while, they'll interact, even help each other, but they're all very formal.

"Anou...oniisama?" came the small voice finally, her pale face looking up to him now as she stood her ground. The blank expression that had been the trademark of most members of their family didn't seem to grace the girl that night, for a look of uncertainty tainted the pale prettiness of her child's face. Was that fear? Or maybe it was something else...

Was that worry?

"Are you all right?" Maybe most people won't expect him to ask that. Maybe most people would expect him to raise a cold brow towards his sister, and shun her until she miserably walks out of his room for disturbing him. Maybe most people would expect him not to care.

But who ever said that the majority is always right?

Karuto didn't seem to expect that question though. If possible, she grew more nervous after she saw the look of concern painted on her brother's face. Maybe it was because she never saw him show much emotion, he didn't know. It's not like Karuto ever showed any expression at all herself, this was actually the first time he saw her like this. Only now did he remember that Karuto was just a small girl, a few years younger than Killua. Her innocence was visible in all its glory to him now.

"About...Hisoka-san," she started hesitantly. Her voice dropped in volume when she spoke that last name, as if she'll receive a blow from her brother just by saying it. And sure enough, her gaze dropped to the floor once again.

If one would be keen enough to see it, a thin brow rose from cat-like eyes in a sign of query. Just as hesitantly, he spoke. "What about him?" he asked her, keeping his voice leveled despite the growing fear in him. Did Karuto suspect anything?

Maybe he was wrong to use such a cold tone. He regretted using it at all when he saw the young girl shake beneath his gaze, hiding herself from his piercing eyes, like a snail hiding in its shell.

But Karuto was determined, whatever her purpose was. She remained in her place. Even if her responses were slow and hesitant, she still found a way to speak them out. "What is he to you?" she asked, finally daring to look up and meet his gaze again. Illumi's eyes still scared her, but she knew that people wouldn't take her seriously if she wouldn't look them in the eye. These words were the very words she had learned from Illumi himself, at the time she had accidentally heard him scolding her other brother, Killua. And ever since then, every time she could catch them, she would make it a point to listen, risking being caught just to hear her eldest brother's words. She may not be close to him, but she respected him as much as she respected her father and grandfathers, and she knew from the very day she was born that she had a great brother to look up to.

She supposed that that was the reason why she came here in the first place. To see if she can still find the great brother she knew she has. "I've seen you with him..." she continued quietly. "Is he...is he your friend, like Gon is Killua's friend?" she asked him, her voice trembling.

Illumi didn't know how to answer these questions. But why was Karuto asking him these in the first place? "Why are you interested?" he asked back, still not knowing if he should answer at all. Much as he cared for his sister, he suppose that it was just natural to act this coldly. He was known for it anyway.

Karuto frowned. "It's just that...Gon once took Killua away from us," she answered. "What if...what if your friend would take you away as well?"

A sob.

"Miruki told me that you didn't want to come home. He said that you didn't care about the family anymore, like Killua never cared. He said that I should stay away from you because you will leave us. I never listened to Miruki, but--"

Yes. Karuto was definitely crying now.

"Who told you to believe him?" answered Illumi. He only watched her cry, but deep inside he was near panic. He couldn't stand seeing her like that. Where was the cold child that he knew? Where was the Karuto that he knew?

"I've seen you with him! You were never close to anybody, that's why outosama and ojiisama trusted you. And you always did everything right. But if you would act like Killua--"

She broke off right there. She sobbed again. "You will leave us like he will."

Illumi was dumb-founded. Just a few minutes ago, he had known Karuto to be this young girl who barely knew him, least of all cared for him. It was a wonder how a few tears could change his view of her that lasted for all these years.

Confused and not knowing what he should do, Illumi settled in resting a hand on the young girl's head. "Karuto," he called her. Can she feel that he wanted to comfort her?

He didn't know who made the move, whether or not he was the one who pulled her or if it was she who walked up to him. But nevertheless, the next thing he knew was that Karuto now leaned on his chest, letting him settle his arms around her lithe frame as she buried her face on his shoulder.

"Why?"

What he meant with that question, he didn't know for sure. But he knew he meant to know what exactly Karuto meant with her strange words. Why was this young girl so disturbed, just because she saw him with Hisoka? Surely, she hadn't seen them in their intimate moments, Illumi had taken great care that they wouldn't be seen.

But one thing bothered him especially though. It was the notion that he would leave his family. Could it be possible? Those years of loyalty and hard work, those years of seeking his elders' respect, will they be wasted after all? Just a few days ago, Illumi had feared that he actually might do just so, that whatever the feelings he bore for Hisoka were strong enough to actually blind him to doing such a horrendous act of betrayal. But now that he faced his younger sister, with the new revelation at how much she had looked up to him, his state of denial wasn't getting any better.

But maybe "denial" wasn't the right word. Maybe he just refused to do such an act. And now, he knew the reason why.

Much as Hisoka had grown to be important to him, so was his family. And if he was to choose, he didn't know which side to take.

But surely, he knew what to tell Karuto. "It's okay," he whispered, caressing the girl's dark hair as she lay still on him. "I'm not leaving. Neither is Killua. Stop listening to what Miruki says, all right?"

A few moments passed, and he felt the tension in Karuto somehow subside. But her next words startled him gravely.

"Is he your lover, oniisama?"

Usually blank eyes were undeniably caught by surprise by then. His face betrayed his reputation as he tensed, shock flooding his pale features. He pulled Karuto away, holding her by her shoulders. She winced. Had he done it a bit too violently? He didn't mean to, he just couldn't help it.

"It's okay, oniisama," Karuto said, shaking her head. "I'm not telling anybody."

"H-How...?" was all Illumi could say. But a few seconds after that, he realize that by saying that very simple word, he had taken his chances of denying Karuto's words out. He had just admitted it merely in his state of shock. He winced, cursing his own carelessness.

"I told you, I've seen you with him," she explained, her voice patient. "I'm not trained as a spy for nothing."

True, he suppose that could explain it. Karuto was well trained for spying, she had done a number of such for the family before. He had underestimated just how good she was though by actually thinking he could keep such a secret from her with Hisoka's vulgarity. If he had wished to hide something, he shouldn't have been with the magician all in all.

"Aa," he mumbled, nodding as if he understood.

Karuto nodded as well. "But it's up to you if you want to keep it. I certainly will. I owe you that much," she said.

Illumi frowned. "I didn't do anything for you. You owe me nothing," he told her.

But Karuto shook her head. "You're my brother, and you had made me respect you. I hate Miruki, and Killua is almost as young as I am. You're the only one whom I can look up to, and that's enough to last me a thousand favors from you," she said, almost shyly. She had kept her gaze from him again. She leaned more bravely now as she wrapped her arms around Illumi's neck, hiding her face beneath her brother's jaw. "That's why I'm afraid to lose you."

Illumi could feel the small pain in his chest when he listened to those words. Never had he imagined that this day would come wherein he'd finally be able to speak with Karuto this way, and hear her say such words that made her look like a child to him. But that was what Karuto was, a child. But her mind is more mature than anybody else he knew, and he was thankful. And he wanted her to know it.

Stealing a glance of the young girl on his chest, he sighed. The arms that wrapped around her small body tightened. No more words were exchanged between them both, but Illumi knew Karuto could hear his unspoken words.

Thank you.

* * * * *

Unknown to the two inside the room, a pair of narrow eyes watched them from behind the darkness of the hallway. A small grin played on those expressive lips, moving in tune with his own thoughts.

"Well, that was cute," he said mockingly, careful not to be heard. But though he seem to take the scene as a joke, he knew inside that he was, at the very least, moved by the whole matter.

So he was right. The little girl did hate him as he had suspected. Ch, maybe she just opted for the truth from Illumi because she failed in coughing up answers from him. Such a pity, that small girl. Her love for her brother sometimes clouds her supposedly intellectual mind. She was naive enough to threaten him before, telling him that she'll kill him if he would continue playing with Illumi. Yet, despite the searing anger in those child's eyes, he merely dismissed her coldly and went on his way.

But one thing was for sure. He may not take a lot of things seriously, but Illumi was certainly not one of them. He didn't see the necessity in sharing Karuto that small piece of information though, he had a reputation to uphold after all. But nevertheless, that certain thought served as a reassurance. To him, that is.

But though he had himself figured out, he didn't know anything about Illumi. One of the young man's words to his sister had bothered him even until now.

I'm not leaving.

Those were Illumi's exact words. A bitter smile graced the magician's cold features. Idiot. Didn't he know that by saying so, he just made his choice?

A cold wind came to him suddenly, making him hold the silken robes to himself more tightly. But the coldness that tingled in his skin was no match to the chill that he felt inside of himself. His eyes drifted closed as he leaned on a nearby wall, listening to the silent breathing of Illumi from inside his room as he held his younger sister to him. A place that he knew he should be in instead.

He winced. He sounded jealous. And not just that. He was jealous. The very fact angered him. Just a few days ago, he had admitted to himself the feeling he wouldn't even dare utter even when he was alone. He admitted that Illumi did mean something to him. And now, he was like a child, seeking the warmth of a mother who was caring for another child. Or better yet, a lover seeking his partner while he tended to things that were as important as he was.

Or things that were more important than he was. If he was important at all.

Hisoka cursed himself inwardly, wincing at his own thoughts, angry with his own lack of control. When had he started being so unguarded when it comes to emotions anyway?

But that wasn't the main thing that bothered him at that moment. Warily, his gaze moved to the slightly opened doors of Illumi's room. The angle from which he leaned on the wall forbade him to see what was happening inside. But he was actually thankful he couldn't see, lest he himself would barge in there and pull Karuto away from Illumi's arms. He didn't especially hate Karuto, he could care less about a child who hates his guts or a child who accuses him of "stealing her brother from her". It was Illumi who disturbed him.

Like a prayer, the whispered words escaped his lips.

Prove me wrong, Illumi...

End of Chapter 9

A/N:
Two chapters in one night, an accomplishment for the idiot that I am! ^_^ I like this chapter, though I doubt that anybody's out of character, I have a feeling that some people might disagree. I don't know what the relationship is between Illumi and Karuto, so like Kurapika and his earring, I decided to play with them for a while. I'm a sucker for sibling relationships, sweetness between them makes me swoon. For those who know what's up with them, keep it to yourselves so I can still enjoy my little fantasy, ne? ^_^'

As for Hisoka-sama, much as I want to lock him up with Gon in the same room to snap him out of his state, I just can't find the right situation for him =P So I just went for just keeping him as that. I just hope that the choice of words for him weren't TOO much out of character .

- Cherrie (http://www.geocities.com/kurapikasama)