Mask of Innocence

Disclaimers: Standard disclaimers apply. Hunter X Hunter is a manga made by the great Yoshihiro Togashi, my eternal mentor. No money is made in the creation of this fanfic.
Notes: I'm falling in love with Illumi all over again *hearts popping out*. YAOI / shounen ai warnings again, but I think everyone knows that by now, ne? ^_^ Possible OOCness, my eternal nightmare. But I can't help it! . I mean, I'm writing a romance fanfic about two people who'd least likely have romance in their lives at all...ehe, er, forgive me now, okay? I try to make them as in character as possible anyway *teary eyes and bows down apologetically*.

Chapter 10 - Clarity

Illumi winced.

The cold hands that held him were exceptionally strong, holding him so dangerously tight that he could feel those sharp nails cutting through his skin like a painfully dull knife. Unlike the times that he would savor them, those hungry, lustful, needy touches, right now just didn't seem to be the right time to admire their possessiveness. They were too much. The feelings they summoned inside of him were strangely different.

Strangely...unpleasant.

Another kiss. Why did that kiss suddenly seem so bruising? How did those fond, though inevitably brutal, kisses turn into this violent frenzy of claims that threatened to mark him as theirs? As if he'd just disappear if they weren't so strong. The taste of blood was suddenly sickening, and his gut had started to churn in his own dizziness by the time he had swallowed the small drops of that crimson life stream, their metallic taste marring, probably masking, the supposedly sweet taste of the magician's kisses.

His fists came into tight balls of trembling fury. What was going on?

Illumi frowned. Summoning up all his strength, he pushed away the heavy weight that pinned him to his familiarly soft bed. The momentary look of surprise, and if only he could believe it, hurt, that stained those usually cold eyes made him regret doing just that. But that split second of guilt returned to anger yet again when those uncharacteristically soft eyes turned back to the orbs of ice that seemed to slash him with their glare.

"What?" came the snappy remark, white teeth baring in the moonlight as the magician hissed his protest.

The young assassin could only do as much as glare back. "What's wrong with you?" he asked irately, taking note of the dripping blood that flowed down one side of his lips. Cold, pale fingers came up to nurse his own wound, and the young man winced at the minor pain it caused him at the slightest touch. Seeing the blood on the heavenly whiteness of his fingers, anger seethed through him like a burning river under his skin. He glared at his partner yet again.

Hisoka narrowed one eye in an impatient expression. "What? It's not like I haven't made you bleed before," he said nonchalantly, turning to look away when--

Slap!

The sharp pain that coursed through his cheek was unbearable. Sure, the extraordinary strength that the young assassin had put in that blow had been strong, but he could've sworn he had worse. But why did his skin burn so much that he could feel himself tearing apart? Surely there was no blood, but why did the very act of Illumi hitting him strike a nerve in him?

"Are you awake now?" came the sudden question.

Hisoka turned to meet those wide, yet cold eyes again. His skin burned even more painfully when he found nothing in those eyes, only a black abyss that had been Illumi's trademark for so long. But deep in his mind, Hisoka knew that those eyes had started to change whenever he looks at them before. He knew those eyes were starting to open the assassin's doors to him.

But now...why did they suddenly close up again?

"What?" was all he could hiss out, searching for answers he still did not know where to find. It was a wonder how his voice could still sound so cold despite the turbulence that ran through him. Has he really been so used to coldness that even his own inner conflicts had been locked up from the world? Has he really lost the ability to respond to warmth?

"Get out."

Perhaps he had.

The look of pure venom in Illumi's face was enough to make him lose his confidence in looking straight into those eyes again. It's funny. He could threaten the most dangerous of Hunters but he couldn't even challenge this assassin in a staring game. He supposed that Illumi just had better eyes than him. Too bad for him then.

Or maybe it was just cowardice. But heaven forbid, he of all people must never even be associated with such a word.

"I said get out," came that cold voice again.

When he looked up, he saw Illumi sitting up, his robes carelessly yet beautifully spread across his arms and back in a lose hold, just enough to hide him. The body may be hidden though, but it wasn't enough to seal images off the magician's mind. If only he could still hold him, touch him, feel him against his own skin again. It was too bad that he just had to use up all his chances. Judging from Illumi's expression, he supposed this night was over.

But he's not leaving yet. Casually, he turned to one side and lied back on the soft bed. "Why?" he asked. He took care not to reveal anything, willing his voice to conceal his thoughts. He was successful. Though whether or not that's good or bad was beyond him.

He could hear Illumi take a sharp breath. "Because you're starting to irritate me," came the quick answer.

A bitter smile spread on his lips. Why were his grins suddenly replaced with bitterness anyway? "I see," he said, as if he just heard the most common thing in the world.

Silence reigned in that dimly lit room for minutes that seemed like hours. Why was he there anyway? Just a while ago, he found himself snooping around his lover's personal life by listening to probably one of Illumi's most intimate moments. And now, as an answer to that burning need to have that girl away from his lover, regardless of the relationship, he is now in Illumi's arms again. Or at least, was in Illumi's arms anyway.

After all those hours from when he had waited for Illumi's sister to leave, he just had to blow it now, didn't he? He would've laughed if not for the risk of further infuriating the younger man. What the hell was happening to him anyway?

The room was quiet yet again. Whether or not it was comforting or disturbing, Hisoka couldn't decide. It seemed to have stayed there between them for about a couple of minutes more until he finally heard Illumi's voice through the thickening silence.

"You'll be leaving in a week," he said, not meeting the magician's eyes.

Dark eyes narrowed down into what seemed like mere slits, as he looked past the curtains, past the walls and windows, past the dark, starless sky. He could've sworn that for that split second, he couldn't see anything. Not that it was unpleasant. Sometimes, he would think that he'd be better off blind. Maybe he'd see less things fascinating. After all, his taste for strange and fascinating things was the very reason why he's in such a mess now anyway.

But he didn't voice out his thoughts. He stayed still, one arm dangling from the edge of the bed as he continued staring out the window. The smirk that he wore was thankfully permanent in his features. He was thankful he still had his mask to hide in despite his twisted turn of thoughts. And heaven forbid, feelings, if he's even capable of possessing such monstrosities.

"Is that so?" was all he mumbled out. His voice seemed cold and distant even to his own ears. He wondered what Illumi thought of it. Did the young man believe his act of playing things cool? Maybe, if they're both lucky, he would ride in. Maybe, this accursed affair would once and for all end. For heaven's sakes, he knew fully well that this wasn't supposed to happen. One night with the assassin was all he had planned, not...this!

"My father said that he'll be expecting your departure on or before the week ends," Illumi replied, his voice just as hushed. Though he wasn't looking, Hisoka could feel those sharp, cat-like eyes bore through him. If only looks could kill, he'd be six feet under already from its intensity.

Damn that insensitive bastard. Did he think that he's the only one capable of playing games here?

"Fine. I'll leave tomorrow," he said, making sure he had his expression cold and emotionless before he turned to face Illumi finally. One eyebrow rose in a look of challenge. "There. Happy?"

Was that surprise he saw in those eyes? Well, whatever they were, they were long gone before he could check again. No words escaped Illumi, for the young man only clutched his robe even tighter as he angrily looked away.

So there. Maybe that was Illumi's answer to the thousands and thousands of questions that had been bugging his mind for the past few days lately. His questions about what Illumi planned to do, what he was to him, what he felt for him. Hisoka should've laughed now. Yeah right. As if the word can be associated with that cold bastard. It was as strange as associating it with he himself. They made such a good pair because of that, he supposed. A pair ruled by mere sexual urges, no strings attached.

Heaving a gruff sigh, the magician finally pulled himself up, pulling out his own robe that had fallen on the floor. Carelessly fixing the tie that bound the two sides together, he half-consciously raked away the hair that had somehow grown to be disheveled because of his and Illumi's previous activity, carelessly ruined by himself by letting his frustrations get the better of him. Who could fucking blame him anyway? He kills when he's angry, was it his fault that violence was tainted in his veins?

But for the record, he regretted hurting him. For whatever strange reason his crazy mind would fathom, at least he knew it was true. But he didn't think Illumi would believe him if he tried to explain himself.

He didn't even give the younger man even the smallest glance. He stood up, summoning the will to walk out of that room without his head bowed. He wasn't, in any way, granting Illumi the satisfaction of seeing him in his own state of remorse. He'd much rather leave with his head high, despite being obviously rejected by somebody who had, by some miracle, moved something inside him enough to make him almost want to stay.

His steps were quiet as he made his way through the carpeted floors of Illumi's room, intending to be out the door as quickly as his feet would let him. He was convinced that fate just wasn't on his side this time. Oh well, you can't get them all anyway, he told himself. But unlike his other egocentric self-speeches, this one for some absurd reason, was more on self-assurance than self-satisfaction.

Because he would be a fool to say it didn't hurt.

The room seemed deathly cold for some reason. He almost stopped when he felt his legs start to betray him, but his pride just wouldn't let him do so, he supposed. Bah. Maybe he just needed to kill somebody. The idea seemed tempting at the moment. He needed something to burst his anger on somehow. Illumi just didn't seem to be the right person though. But it wasn't only because he was in a place where only a fool would even dare point a knife on a member of the infamous family, he knew it in himself that though he may be a bit careless in handling the beautiful boy, he wouldn't be able to find it in himself to do anything fatal.

To hell. He loved the guy. At least, that was what he thought it was. He never really knew what that word really meant. But that doesn't make much difference now, does it?

He was now facing the huge doors that led out of the room. He wondered though, if he could only tell Illumi what he felt sooner, would the boy understand him enough to let him stay as long as he just did? Maybe, deep in his mind, he hoped that just maybe, Illumi might not even be the cold man that he made everybody believe. That scene with his sister seemed to be proof enough after all. He sighed, careful so that Illumi wouldn't hear. What's the point of thinking about things now, after all? Wasn't it a little bit too late?

He held the knob in one hand and turned, but that was when he felt something both warm and cold take a hold of his wrist, twisting it almost too painfully. But Hisoka could hardly care. Blood started to pump more violently inside him now, shaking him, his chest threatening to burst. Well...perhaps he was mistaken for thinking so negatively.

The door knob was then let go when that same mixture of coolness and warmth pulled him away. The movement was fast and almost impatient, and he almost missed the part where he collided with a warm body, only to be pushed against the hard wooden door, both body and mind trapped. The last thing he saw was a pair of furious, cat-like eyes he had both grown to hate and love before all of his kept up sanity slipped away from him as warm, aggressive lips captured his in a frenzied kiss.

The kiss started out as almost violent, biting and pulling, tongues fighting for dominance as if their own life depended on it. Body pressed against body, skin meeting against skin in as much places as possible. Both pairs of strong and well-trained hands moved around, as if finding no satisfaction in the areas from which they have held and caressed, bruised and marked.

But all haste and hunger ended as he started to taste the small amount of blood that seemed to drip from the fresh wound from Illumi's lips. That small hint of liquid moved him enough to make him lick the wound gently, willing the blood to stop rushing, the movements of his tongue slow and gentle, as if he were apologizing. Pulling the soft, slightly swollen lips between his own, he gently sucked in the saltiness of blood and the sweetness that was just natural from the younger boy, losing himself completely. They never kissed like this before. Never had their kisses been so gentle, sweet enough that he could almost feel what most people call "butterflies" inside of him. He didn't even realize it when his hands held Illumi's face soothingly, uncharacteristically careful this time, as if he held the most fragile and precious thing he had ever come to hold in his life.

Well, perhaps he was.

But all good things have to come to an end, and Illumi just had to pick out that time to put that stupid saying in check. He pulled away.

Too abrupt, that ending was too abrupt. But fortunately, before the magician could protest and think that he was yet again rejected for the second time that night, the young assassin granted him one last kiss, with all the summed up gentleness that he had in him. Similar to what Hisoka just gave him, whose words and thoughts reflected what the other man just shared to him but a few moments ago.

It lasted a few moments more, enough to make the magician feel at ease. It was a kiss that satisfied him enough that when the younger man pulled away again, he made no sign of protest, for when he opened his eyes, he met up with those deep, black eyes again, now void of the earlier anger and resentment. They weren't soulless anymore, and he was relieved to know that he had been wrong in thinking that he had seen the last of those eyes. They were filled with things both known and unknown to him, things that he himself wasn't able to comprehend.

But it didn't matter, because the promise that Illumi held in those usually cold eyes were proof enough that he wasn't going anywhere. And his voice, low, gentle, and somewhat heavenly, had given him all the reasons to finally believe in the hopes he once doubted could come true.

"Don't go."

End of chapter 10

A/N:
Aagh!!! Hisoka sounded like some sadistic lover or something! *scratches head frustratingly* Fortunately, nobody has accused me of doing the characters in a way where they are out of character...yet. So again, I'm hoping that this chapter may be all right with everyone who reads it. Any types of constructive protests or violent reactions are always welcomed in my mailbox, don't forget that ^_^ But of course, a few good comments here and there would be nice too *sheepish grin and holds up a peace sign*.

This chapter was shorter than the last, but that's because it'll then be too long if I add one more scene. But I apologize anyway ^_^ And I kind of like this chapter as it is despite my lack of inspiration. No wait a second, I -do- have inspiration. *grins* Minna, look at this pic:

http://rienne_c.tripod.com/illumi2.html

It's been my constant companion since chapter 1 aside from Nuriko-sama's "Perfect World" (anybody heard that song? It's pretty!) ^_^ It's my favorite picture of Illumi-sama, and it's the original inspiration for this fanfic. Judging from the fact that this fanfic's chapter 1 was a lime *cough*, er, you people -do- realize exactly what -kind- of thoughts I've been having when I first saw that, ne? Aiya! *bows down apologetically* I'm just a child, don't kill me! .

- Cherrie [http://www.geocities.com/kurapikasama (will be updated soon, I promise ^_^')]