I don't own Dragonball z or it's characters
Dreams
Chapter 2
Hmm, the next date seems to be after Buu. It's a good time for a break I guess. Looking out her window she could just see the start of the new day. Every thing seemed to be tinted in that eerily tranquil grayish light. It was still quiet outside, that peaceful time of the morning when Videl usually went for an early jog before getting in some training. I guess I can skip it for one day, but I am going to need some more coffee. The bathroom first though. Laying the journal onto the table, she slowly uncurled her legs, stretching her arms back over her head, arching her back until it gave a satisfied pop. A contented sigh later, she went to commence on the tasks she had set for herself.
Videl returned to her spot on the couch a short time later. She had discarded the idea for a shower. Too much work, and she was quite comfortable in the shirt she had worn to bed last night. Her bare legs were a bit cool from the chill morning that was dawning outside, so she had stripped the comforter off her bed and tossed it on the couch on her way to the kitchen. Once again reclining into the arm of her couch she carefully tucked the comforter around her drawn up legs. Reaching down to the floor she retrieved her now full mug of coffee, taking a small sip, before placing it on the table and retrieving the journal.
"Well Gohan, let's see what else you have to say."
' Who knew? Who knew that my last entry could have very well been exactly that. My last entry. I had intended to post another the night before the tournament. But with everything that was going on, I figured I could put it off for a few days. Who knew? After my dad died and decided to stay that way. All our friends kept telling me not to blame myself, that it wasn't my fault. I knew it wasn't and I didn't blame myself. This was my fault, yet I seem to be the only one who realizes it. Kind of ironic I guess. If dad had wanted to come back he could have, it was his choice to stay dead. I thought he was foolish to think that it was his fault that all the people who kept attacking did so because of him and his strength. Guess I was wrong there too. After all Babidi chose this world to resurrect Buu, because of the power of the fighters here. If we hadn't been here, the power we possessed attracting the magician, then he would have chosen another planet. Earth would have been safe. No, it would have been safe for a while, until Babidi and Buu came for it along with the rest of the universe. Could anyone besides the fighters here have stopped him? I don't think so. So it was necessary that we be here to stop him, but because we do live here, this planet, these people bore the brunt of the destruction. No, they didn't endure it because of us, but because of me. So I guess in a way my dad was right, in that people with our kind of power do attract these villains, but the other side to that is that with out us they would keep on terrorizing innocent people. It could have been stopped. I've went over this a thousand times in my head. And it always comes back to the fact that I could have stopped it. "Unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required." It was my responsibility after Cell to keep training. It was my responsibility to protect those I cared about, and even this world. Had I been strong enough to prevent them from stealing my ki in the tournament, they would have been stopped. Had I attained my true power through training in the seven years after Cell, Dabura, Babidi, even Buu when he first emerged would have been as easy to defeat as swatting a fly. I didn't ask for this power, I don't even really think I want it. But it was my duty to be prepared to use it when the occasion arrived. In that I failed. And the entire world almost paid the price. And no one is here to tell me not to blame myself. Hmm, maybe they aren't telling me that because they know it could have been prevented too. Geeze, I just read over what I've been entering here. I didn't realize how depressed I was making myself until now. I wish I inherited dad's trait to not dwell on the bad things in life or to be un-concerned for what might happen. He just deals with every thing as it happens, or when mom makes him. I'm just not built that way I guess. I worry about my school work, and grades. I worry about not spending enough time with my brother and not doing enough to help my mom. I even worry about getting my next meal, well , truth be told, I think that is one thing that dad worries about more than me. I worry about those and a hundred other little things. Now I 'm going to add another. This one much more important then the rest. Being ready for the next confrontation, whenever that might come. My power is at it's fullest now, and thanks to the supreme Kai unlocking it like he did, I don't think it will get weaker just because I don't train. But I still have to be prepared, or my skills themselves will erode, even if my power doesn't. I need to work out some kind of schedule for training to make sure I stay at my peak. I won't fail again. Who Knew? I should have. Dende, I'm doing it again. Well I know one sure fire way to cure my depression. Ahh, there she is, Videl seems to be mad for some reason. I wonder why? It's funny how just imagining that scowl on her face seems to brighten me up. As long as I don't imagine it directed at me. Speaking of Miss Satan directing those intimidating eyes my way, Piccolo nor Dende were any help on why I can now sense what kind of mood she is in. Nor why that spark of my ki still seems to be thriving in her essence. They both suggested that it might be a Saiyan thing, to talk to Vegeta about it. I actually shuddered at the thought of doing that. Dad's back now, it's possible he might know, but I doubt it for some reason. I need to do something, I feel really guilty for not telling her and occasionally peeping in to see how she is doing. I know the longer I drag it out, the worse it will be on me when she does hear it. Piccolo did ask one thing that made me very nervous, and that was if Videl could sense my mood. I worried about that until I saw her again. If she does sense my disposition, she hides it really well. Also, if she could, I'm sure that she would have been only too willing to beat it out of me on why she could. Maybe I'm being too hard on her there. Since the end of this whole Buu thing, she has been very upbeat. She has been riding an almost continual happy high. Her temper still flares sometimes, but I've only been on the receiving end of it one time. So far. Judging by her mood right now, someone is catching it full force. Now why does that make me smile. I still can't get over how good she looks now with short hair. Who would have thought that she would actually take my advice. I was just grasping at straws when I suggested it in the first place, it was so hard to concentrate when we were practicing her flying. The way she looked, her shiny black hair, softly framing her face, made her look so, attractive. It was just plain distracting. I thought shorter hair wouldn't be as appealing to me. I thought I wouldn't zone out just looking at her again, and have to be snapped out of it by her blazing blue eyes and fiery words. Boy was I wrong. I knew she would still look good, but I never dreamed she would look so gorgeous like that. It's like she went from the girl next door to a supermodel overnight. At least it broke me out of my day dreams while I stared at her. I'm so afraid of my body's reaction, I can't look at her for more than a few seconds at a time. Since this whole thing ended a couple of days ago, and every one was reunited, we have been together quite a lot. She has made the trip out to my house each day, not to train, just to visit. And it's nice. We haven't talked about our feelings for one another, but I think she likes me as much as I do her. At least I hope so. This afternoon we just kind of wandered outside for a walk. We didn't talk much, just kind of let our feet carry us. She kept her hands clasped in front of her, leaving her shoulder to lightly brush against my arm as we walked out into the field where I taught her to fly.
"You were so naive, I did everything but tell you to put your arm around me, but you just didn't get the hint did you"
When we were about midway across she suggested we have a seat and relax for a while. She laid down on her side facing where I sat in the grass, her head resting in her hand. We still didn't speak much, but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. It was just such a nice day. Warm, with a slight breeze blowing through the top of the trees, lightly rustling the leaves there, but not even strong enough to stir a blade of grass where we sat. Eventually I laid back, resting my head on my folded hands, behind my head. I did it so I could look up at the light blue sky instead of staring at the deep blue eyes that seemed to lock onto me when I looked at her. I guess she couldn't find a comfortable spot, as I heard her shifting about quite a bit.
"Well, I had to come up with something, It was obvious you weren't going to make the first move."
Eventually I heard a soft curse, then her head hovered into view. Only to come to rest on my stomach. I still can't believe she did that. Luckily when she asked if it bothered me, I was smooth enough to play it off.
"Yeah, you were real composed Gohan, I think your voice went up a couple of octaves." A wide grin split her face.
Thank Dende she was now staring up towards the sky like I was, and didn't notice my flushed face. I'm sure I turned as red as a tomato, and a few beads of sweat broke out on my forehead. After a few minutes I began to relax again. A little while after that, I began to wonder if she would mind me stroking her hair. I guess I'm still unsure where I stand with her, but looking back on it now, I wish I had tried.
I wish you had too.
I don't know how long we stayed like that, just staring at the sky. I'd forgotten how peaceful that was. With her with me it was perfect. She eventually asked about what had happened after she left me with Kabito, and I did the same with her. My story was more of a summary of the events to what she knew. Videl's had much more detail, and listening to her share her story and the obvious fear and helplessness she never openly spoke of brought out emotions I've never felt before. As she spoke I felt her roll over and slide up a bit to my chest. One of her hands resting there now. Glancing down I saw tears form in her eye as she told me about arriving on the lookout with everyone. They never fell, but they were there none the less. Why going there would bring such obvious sadness to her is beyond me. I think she didn't tell me everything.
That's where they told me you were dead. I guess that part was a little more emotional for me.
It was so, I guess the closest word I can come up with to describe it is intimate. But the fact is it was so much more. I wanted to offer her some comfort. I guess I was afraid I'd push her away if I was too familiar. I wanted to pull her up in a hug, and tell her it was o.k. All I managed was to lightly lay one hand on the arm she now had draped on my chest and continue to listen as she finished her story. I've never felt so close to anyone before, and I briefly debated telling her my fears about how I could have prevented what happened. I'm glad I didn't, that's my cross to bare. No need in burdening anyone else with it, especially her. After she finished, her eyes closed and I thought she might just want a few minutes to herself. So I leaned back on my remaining hand, again watching the light blue sky. A few minutes later she asked me something that really threw me for a loop. Apparently she over heard Bulma say that I had defeated Cell while they were at the look out. Now she wanted to know if it was true. I told her it was, and I could feel her gaze on me wanting more details. If she had asked for more, I would have told her. I just didn't know where to begin. Or how she would take it. How do you tell someone that you had to reach an uncontrollable rage to find the power to win. That it was still a part of me. When I saw Spopovitch beating her into a bloody mess, that the control I had was almost lost. That I wanted to let it take over. How do you tell some one who has trained her entire life to get as strong as she could, that you would be just as happy to be no stronger than Sharpner. Provided that I was sure that power wouldn't be needed. No, that's something I'll only get into if she asks. I'm glad she didn't but I also wish she had. It wasn't long before I felt her once again relax, glancing down I could see her eyes again closed. I guess we must have both fallen asleep, when I woke up it was just getting dark. I was still a bit groggy I suppose, as I tried to recapture the dream that I was having. I never did but I think I know what it was about, as I was highly aroused, With Videl resting not a few inches from it.
So that's what happened, I never did get a straight answer out of him, just a bunch of hurried apologies. I gave him a woody. Wish I had known. I could have really tortured him then. Who am I kidding, I would have probably been more embarrassed then him back then.
Realization and action were simultaneous as I must have jumped onto my feet. Unfortunately she was still using me as a pillow at the time and ended up waking with a nice bump to the head as she impacted the ground a few feet away. That's how I got my first glare since Buu, as well as a few choice words and phrases. For such an innocent looking woman, she has the foulest mouth I've ever heard.
"I'm not that bad!"
Thank goodness it was too dark for her to see my current condition. I think I would have died right there if she had, and figured out why I jumped the way I did. She cursed me under her breath the whole way back to my house. When we got there, Dinner and three very upset people were waiting, two near starving saiyans, and one irate mother who promptly scolded me for about 10 minutes on letting her dinner get cold. That was apparently all Videl needed to quit cursing me, now she just laughed. Until mom turned the lecture on her. I was very careful not to let the smile appear on my face, watching Videl twist this way and that with the guilt trip mom was putting on her was quite entertaining.
It was all your fault anyway. She shouldn't have gotten on my case about it.
I don't think either of us will be late again to dinner. Videl flew home not long after that, she just kind of smirked at me when I offered to escort her. Hmm. She doesn't seem as angry as she was a few minutes ago. But, she is in a little pain. Maybe I should go and check on her. No. She doesn't seem to be worried or anything. Maybe the police called her in for something and she just got a little banged up helping them out. I need to have a talk with her about that. She should have called me. I don't like the idea of her doing that by herself. I don't like that at all. She seems to be settling down a bit, maybe going to sleep. I guess I need to also, after all it's back to school tomorrow. Strange how things are getting back to normal so quickly. There are so many more things I feel I need to put in here. Talking them out seems to straighten things out in my head. But that's all I feel ready for tonight. I guess I can put the rest in here another time. Maybe. Who knows if we will actually have "another time". Who knows. I think she's asleep now, I guess I should be too. Goodnight Videl.
You idiot. How could anyone know that was going to happen. To blame yourself was just stupid. You don't know that things would have even turned out better had you trained like you think you should have. They could have gone somewhere else had you already been as powerful as you are now. They may have only stopped off here long enough to blow up the planet and be on their way after they had resurrected Buu some where else. Or he might have grown stronger before coming here, maybe even stronger then you. Who knows how things might have gone. It's not your fault baka. You should have told me you were feeling that way. But I can understand why you didn't, I wasn't completely open about Buu was I. But you seemed to know anyway. I, on the other hand, didn't have a clue you were holding back something so important to yourself. Kind of funny now that I think about it. You were always so bad about covering up the littlest thing, but it looks like you do pretty well on the larger ones.
"I need more coffee. Ughh." The black haired woman again stretched, kicking the blanket to the end of the couch, before grabbing up her mug and heading off for the kitchen. She had a slight change of plans once there and settled on some tea. The sun was now out, but softly muted by some rather dark clouds which periodically blocked out it's light as they blew quickly toward the horizon. It was still hard to tell what the day would bring, sunshine or rain.