Miyuki Hamasaki: Another little short ficcie.. *sigh* Why do I always write fanfics when I should be doing homework?
Disclaimer: -_- Digimon ain't mine... I shouldn't have to say this all the time!
"....." Talk
'.....' Thoughts
~*~*~*~*~ Change Scene
*.....* Actions
~..... POV~ Someone's POV
~......~ Place
~~~~~~~~~~ After.. you know what I mean..
(A/N ........) Author's Note which means I'm talking
(......) Whoever's POV it is, the person is either fixing something or WHATEVER!!! I forget what it's called at this moment...
^On the last chapter^ I hope you know what THAT means
°On the next chapter° *~NEW~* You probably know what this means too..
-.....- Time (I don't use it much but it appears sometimes...)
................................... *~NEW~* It's just used to part the '^On the last chapter^' thing from the actual story...
Title: Heartaches
Author: Miyuki Hamasaki
My heart beats whenever I see him. Whenever he smiles at me, I melt like a snowman in the Sun. The effects he has on me is almost unbelievable - actually, everything is unbelievable. Who would have guessed that I would fall for him? Who would have thought that my mind was filled with him - and only him? I can't believe it myself - I fell for him. When there was a million others out there, many pleading for my love, I had to fall for him. It's almost a pity. But all these things I'm saying right now - they are just layers that hides my true feelings. I can't admit it. Not even to myself. I don't love him - that's what I tell myself every morning when I wake up. But then I'm reminded by the picture that stands by my desk - a picture of all us digidestines - and when I see him, with his incredible blue eyes of his, I realize why I love him. Sounds so.. so.. queer, doesn't it? I keep asking myself, 'Why do I love him?' but I can never quite get myself to answer the question. Why do I love him? The question rings in my mind all the time. Sometimes I'm annoyed by it, sometimes I think about it. A lot of the times, I ignore it. I ignore it because I don't want to admit such a thing. I tell myself, 'There isn't a answer to this question - because I don't.' But in the end, I'm left wondering, 'Why?' It weird - I argue with myself. One moment, I'm telling myself I don't love him - the next, I'm saying I do, but I don't know why.
Maybe it's his incredible blue eyes. That was one of the first things I noticed about him. His eyes. They stood out, looked at me, and in an instant, I felt as though I was lost in his eyes. I felt as if I was swimming in the blue, feeling the clearness. Or I felt as if his eyes were the sky. As if he was everything to me. If the sky wasn't there, I wouldn't live. I couldn't. For that, I wouldn't live if he wasn't there. I couldn't. Just like I wouldn't and couldn't live without the sky. If it wasn't for the sky, I probably would be filled with stress. When I look at the sky, which I do very often, it makes my worries and problems fly off into the sky. Maybe that's why I look into his eyes so often.
Or maybe it's his personality that attracts me to him. His quiet but charming personality. Another thing about him - mysterious. I don't know why he's so secretive. It almost makes me want to go up to him and ask him what's wrong with him. Sometimes, I think it's because of his parent's divorce - if my parents were divored, I'd be terrified and I would be so angry at them. But sometimes, I guess that it's because he keeps his feelings inside. He never tells anybody anything except maybe his best friend, of course, a boy. Sometimes, I wish I was his best friend. Then I would understand. But then it would be too resky - I would probably blurt out that I love him if I was his best friend - not good.
Sometimes it makes me wonder if I'm just attracted to him because of his good looks. Many of the girls in my school - che, who am I kidding? All the girls in my school - practically love him, most, probably because of his looks. There are girls at my school who yell, scream, or even faint at times whenever they see him walk by. It's so pathetic that it almost wants to make me puke.
Before, way, way before I began to have these feeling for him, I hated him so much that it almost made me want to love him. Which, now I that I think of it, may be one of the reasons that made me suddenly feel like this.
Why did I hate him so much before? I don't know - I just thought he wasn't all that. He acted like he was so cool, he was so.. so.. well not exactly mean but just very cold towards the others. It made my blood boil when he was so quiet and cold to the others at all times.
Sometimes, I wonder what made my feelings change so much about him.
I guess all these feelings started when he started seeing Sora. It was so weird. I never thought those two would ever be together. I never considered the possibilty. I always thought that Sora was perfect for Tai, Tai for Sora. But it really was a shock to everyone - everybody just thought that Sora and Tai just.. matched.
After that little problem, I was getting really.. attached to him.
During that little love triangle problem between him, Sora and Tai, I couldn't resist but get involved in it. I felt.. I felt so many things and I couldn't hold them back. But in the end, I never got my feelings out to him. It was a tense moment with everybody looking at me..
-Flashback-
"...like him." I blurted out, not able to hold all that feelings inside of me for it was about to explode any moment if I didn't yell it right now. Everybody stared at me, as if I had just announced that the world was going to end. The tense moment continued until Tai said something.
"Mimi? You..?"
"Yes.. me!" I bit my lower lip.
"But Mimi, you and.. it's just.." Sora shook her head. He just stood watching, as if he couldn't believe it either. Why was this so hard for everyone to believe?
"Look, why is it so hard for all of you to believe?" I was steamed. Why was it so difficult for them? It was just like Tai liking Sora.. Like Sora going out with him.. Like him going out with Sora..
"I don't know.. It's just.. Weird.." Sora spoke once more.
"You know what? I'll prove it to you that it's not anymore weirder than Tai liking you because I, Mimi Tachikawa like-"
-End Flashback-
Okay, so that was tense enough. In the end, everything was all messed and soon everybody forgot about the incident. Everything went back to normal after that. Sora and him broke up - they decided everything was too complicated and they couldn't deal with it - maybe once they were older. Tai continued to like Sora - but Sora didn't take much notice of it. She was sorta depressed - about him and her.
Everything was normal once again - I shall repeat it over and over again. I'm so happy. It's weird that I'm happy about Sora and his sadness - it makes me feel so guilty and evil.
But tomorrow, I Mimi Tachikawa, will go up to him and tell him how I feel. Because if I don't, I know that all this will end up queer and sad. I want to tell him. But I'm so afraid of rejection.... Maybe he'll remember that 'tense moment' when I tell him....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today, I will tell him. I'm walking to school right now.. My heart beats so fast as I reach the door to my homeroom.. He's in my homeroom.. Bad.. and good..
I look around the room for him.. His blue eyes catch mine the moment I spot them. I go upto him, go on my tippy-toes, whisper that I need to talk to him. He nods and follows me out the door. We walk into the school yard.
"What did you want to talk to me about?" His voice makes me even more nervous then how nervous I was before.. I'm not making sense, am I?
"I.." This is it. I'm going to tell him. I look at him straight in the eyes, making sure he knows I'm serious - and I let it out, let all my feelings pore, all those things I kept inside - and hopes he knows how I feel. Yes, it's definately the time to tell him this.. He looks at me with his loving eyes and I let it out, I tell him...
"Matt, I love you."
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Miyuki Hamasaki: o_o How was that? This was another short ficcie I wrote.. It's sorta weird.. Anywayz, I gotta get going really quick because I have like no homework done and I don't have a 'Jesse' by my side to help me! (^_-) Lol! Jesse is a guy in my class who I talk to very often on MSN and he helps me with homework all the time.. Whenever I need his help, he's there.. Except today, which is my fault because I was writing a ficcie when he was there, encouraging me to finish my homework. ^_^;; Anywayz, REVIEW.. I think I sense a possible sequel.. Just review.. ^_- And maybe I'll think about it..