Title: So Bad on Halloween
Author: Masumi
Email: masumi_marine@hotmail.com
Classification: Humour with the whole JAG crew plus shipper undercurrents
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: JAG belongs to DPB and CBS. No infringement intended.
Summary: The JAG crew's true characters shine through on a Halloween's night out.
Author's Note: Well, this started off as a Halloween fic, but my mind betrayed me and has ended up more a comedy piece than anything remotely scary. You've been warned, but read ahead and judge for yourself!
Set during season eight, although it doesn't really follow the timeline or much of the events that has occurred. Quite a few details have been rearranged or changed to suit the story
Another Darren Hayes B-side used: "So Bad."
All stories can be found at: http://www.geocities.com/masumi_marine/
Would love to hear from you on this one - any suggestions, comments, constructive criticism welcome
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
October
31st
18:20
EST
1
Crescent Dr,
Georgetown,
Washington, DC
"AJ what should we do on Halloween?"
"Meredith, I don't think I've gone trick-o-treating since I was six. And I am NOT about to go knocking on doors again," AJ stressed. He prayed vehemently this was not what she was about to suggest. Anything with this woman was possible.
"Oh no, of course I wouldn't get you to do something like that," she dismissed the idea gaily, as if such a ludicrous thought like that would have even passed her mind. "A friend of mine is holding a party for the night, it'll be great evening out don't you think?"
"I'm not sure I really want spend time socialising with a bunch of_"
"Oh come on AJ, live a little you big goof!" she interjected before he could refuse. AJ heaved a big sigh of resignation. But that hadn't been the end of it.
"Don't you think it'd be good to get to know your officers better on a personal level? It'll be fun. I'm sure Sarah would love to come."
AJ opened his mouth to object –
"She hasn't RVSPed yet, but I'm sure she'll be coming and bringing the others with her as well" she commented with all innocence. NO, he'd been roped from one bad situation to a disaster zone.
"Others?!" AJ asked in alarm.
"Well sure, the more the merrier. I told Sarah to pass the invitation along to the rest of your staff. You should let them have some fun too AJ." He frowned; perhaps it wouldn't be so bad he thought, warming up to the idea. The last two months since Lt. Roberts accident which had caused him to lose a leg, had transformed JAG itself into a minefield. He knew most of his people had worked past their optimum. And so the matter had been settled, there was no stopping this woman anyway, when she had her mind set on something.
It wasn't until a few hours later late into the night that the real bombshell had been dropped.
"It's a complete dress-up party."
If there had been any neighbours within ten metres of the vicinity, they would have heard the words "DRESSED AS WHAT?!" thundering out of AJ Chegwidden's house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Harm was currently standing outside the grand four-storey mansion estate, waiting for Mac to arrive. They'd agreed to come separately to maintain the surprise of their costumes till the last minute. Elegant cars lined the street on both sides and more continually arrived. Many were dropped off by chauffers reaffirming the hosts' own wealthy status. The rich moved around in circles of their own affluent societies. Harm could hear the loud music and chatter floating out from within the open double doors. Despite the stereotyped fighter ego that everyone believed was instilled in him, Harm was feeling slightly self-conscious. He'd already received a few catcalls, which he hoped were all from females underneath their costumes and face masks.
I wonder what Mac came up with? He had an endless stream of get ups that he wouldn't mind seeing Mac dressed in. The majority of these came close to an R rating. With this thought, he spotted her red corvette driving up and manoeuvring smoothly into a small parking space about 300 metres away. He was about to find out, and like a fantasy vision she appeared, stepping out to glide towards him. His guesses hadn't been too far off the mark, neither had the rating.
When
you move electricity pulses
And the crowd clears out of your way
When you dance it gets a little explosive
So look out I think I'm headed your way
Wo-WOW. This tomb raider heading his way surpassed the original infinitely. Who needs Angelina Jolie when there was Mac with an added-on, long braided hair extension that fell to mid-back. She wore a small white tight fitting tank top that showed off a good portion of her taunt stomach, belly and slim waist. It also accentuated assets that her marine uniform usually hid so well. Good thing too, Harm marvelled, otherwise there would've been a riot long ago at JAG Ops. No straight man would've been able to concentrate, let alone work with a Sarah MacKenzie walking around dressed like this. His eyes slowly descended after a too long pause on her upper body. To the pair of extremely short biker pants that hugged high on her thighs, complete with gun holster adorning her hips, to the brown ankle-high boots.
I'm
movin' in fast
Comin' on strong
Baby, you're becoming my number one
You're so bad (so bad)
Ooh the best I had
Dancin' like you wanna make your daddy mad
You're so bad (so bad)
Ooh the best I had
I'm comin' in fast
comin' on strong
You're dancin' like you wanna prove your mamma wrong
When you talk to me I'm not even listening
its your lips not in the things that you say
When you walk its not about your direction
its a chance to see the way your hips sway
Harm was so captivated on drinking in every last detail about her, it didn't even register in his mind that she had now arrived to stand in front if him. Mac too, was also returning the favour, checking out his outfit with silent overwhelming appraisal. The 6'4" aviator out of his dress whites and gold wing, into a red and blue skin-tight suit had an even more devastating effect on her hormones. Maybe it would've been better for her health if he'd put on the mask, so that she wouldn't have this sexy image of her partner imprinted in her memory forever. This added dimension to her dreams was going to wreck havoc on her sleepless nights.
Harm was now on his second sweep from her foot up when his eyes widened. On closer inspection, he realised with a start that the two hand guns in the holsters were her real weapons. "Relax flyboy, no need to save the day yet, they're unloaded." Mac stated rolling her eyes, her voice tinged with teasing sarcasm. Durrr Harm was about to retort, but wisely kept it quiet and instead managed to utter a greeting. It hadn't been the fact that the guns were real, but rather the complete reality of this marine dressed in such a way with real guns that had excited him…it was a male thing.
Mac suddenly gave him a slap across the butt, making him jump about a metre away. The unexpected feel of her palm on a rather exposed area that was inadequately covered by the thin, tight, stretchy material startled him out of his wits. Harm narrowed his eyes at her accusingly. "Not nice Lara Croft. I'll be paying you back for that". She grinned at him mischievously, her eyes twinkling.
"I'm always up to a challenge. Now stop drooling and come on Spiderman, we're gonna kick some butt."
Harm laughed in return and offered her his arm. "Shall we?" Mac linked her arm through his and they made their way up the steps and through the massive oak doors.
There was at the very least a hundred people in attendance. The first person - or rather creature, that they met headed straight in their direction, was a hairy monster covered all over in long fur.
"Sir, ma'am great to see you" came a muffled voice from beneath the head mask.
"Tiner, either Chewbacca's shrunk a good metre or so since I last saw him on screen, or I never knew there was a miniature version" Harm said down at the hilariously comical sight.
"I couldn't resist Sir. It's my favourite character from Star Wars" Tiner grinned, pulling off the gigantically ugly rubber face mask.
Just then Mac let out a low whistle. Catching sight of Gunny in Mac's directed gaze, Tiner moved on, replacing his head on his shoulders.
"Who would have thought…" Mac trailed off murmuring to herself thoughtfully. There was no doubt in her mind that they now had a roman god in their ranks. Gunny had obviously come as Julius Caesar. Barefoot, wearing nothing but a simple piece of white material draped across his body, held together by a thin belt at his lean waist. The whiteness of the cloth shone in contrast to his toned skin. On his head sat a crown of green sprigs
"Maccc, that's Gunny you're looking at!" Harm protested.
"So?" Trust Harm to be egotistic and conservative towards others, she thought. She gave her fellow marine one more appreciative look over, before moving off in the direction of the tables piled high with food.
18:37 EST
Those of the JAG group that had arrived were now all congregated at the bar, The Admiral himself included alongside Meredith. Discreetly, everyone had already staked out their Commanding Officer's attire, but to no recognition. He sported a matching white jacket and pants and with his usual occasional scowl on his face, appeared quite normal. Meredith on the other hand, looked plain weird. Her hair was jelled and pulled back in a tight bun. A single strand of hair curled at the end in the shape of a letter 'J' hand on her forehead. She wore a frilled shirt under a grey two-piece suit. On the right-hand side of her waist hung a small, black whip.
"Whoa, great costume Bud!" Harm called out. Everyone turned to face the incoming duo of Captain Hook with a real wooden leg and Marilyn Monroe.
"Commander Rabb? Spiderman Sir?! Wow I love all your costumes!" Bud enthused.
"Aren't you glad you came honey?" Harriet whispered in her husband's ear. Bud gave her a loving smile in gratitude.
19:10 EST
Mac was enjoying herself immensely. She'd never really been to a dress-up party before as an adult. Having been whisked away straight off by a broad shouldered vampire for a dance, she was now taking a breather.
"Looking good ma'am."
"Hey Gunny, I'd have to say, you too" his face broke out in a rare, pleased smile and offered her his hand.
"Dance ma'am?"
"Sure" Mac smiled in return and let him lead her onto the dance floor once again, where many couples were now boogieing away to the heavy beats.
You
know, I'm comin' in fast
Comin' on strong
Baby, you're becoming my number one
You're so bad (so bad)
Ooh, the best I had
Dancin' like you wanna make you're daddy mad
You're so bad (so bad)
Ooh the best I had
I'm comin in fast
Comin' on strong
You're dancin' like you wanna prove your mamma wrong
Harm meanwhile was truthfully in a bit of a sulk. He had yet to dance with_his_partner.
Harriet sensing this was quick to use to her advantage. "Wow, don't they look good together Commander?" she beamed.
"Hmmm" was all Harm said, as his eyes continued to follow the couple's path around the dance floor.
19:30 EST
By now everyone had taken off any masks and all bothersome heavy accessories. The JAG gang were all gathered around outside, taking a break in the refreshing coolness of the night.
"Admiral, Sir you have us truly stumped. Who are you meant to be?"
"Oh dears" Meredith answered for him. "Let me introduce myself," she gave a small bow, "Frau Farbissina, his henchwoman at your service." Seeing the blank looks, she let loose the punch line with a flourish "annndd Dr Evil himself!" As comprehension dawned, loud suppressed coughs and giggles could be heard from the group all round.
"Admiral you've seen 'The Spy Who Shagged Me'? Tiner exclaimed incredulously. AJ simply glared back. Seeing the dangerous glint that suddenly darkened their CO's eyes, the laughing ceased abruptly. If he'd issued the command, all six of his officers would have snapped to attention and saluted in unison, right where they stood in their assorted costumes. Another lesson learnt: never laugh at your CO's expense, no matter how humorous the circumstances.
"If you want to know the truth, I certainly do not want to shag a SEAL." Everyone turned around at this statement and at the sight that met their eyes, they all burst out in a renewed round of laughter.
"Webb?! Who invited you?" AJ groaned questioningly.
"Ahh…that would be me Sir," Harm confessed guiltily.
"Sherlock Holmes? Webb, how original!" Mac gasped, still unable to contain her laughter. He had gone the whole nine yards, from the deerstalker hat to the double-breasted buttoned suit with a calabash pipe clenched between his teeth.
The corners of Webb's mouth upturned slightly in an almost bashful manner. "Elementary my dear MacKenzie,'' he quipped in a long drawl.
"Uh-oh incoming. Now would you look at that scary scene and tell me what you see" Mac said in low tones. The members of JAG all turned once again in the direction of the open doors. It was a scary sight indeed. Lt. Singer was slowly approaching. True to her ambitious self, she had the most elaborate get up of all. Her entire face was covered in dead white paint, a shocking contrast to the crimson red lips with a split right at the middle on the lower lip. Two symmetrical red dots were plastered on each her cheeks. On her head sat a large dominating head piece whilst she'd donned an overflowing red gown.
"I think she's supposed to be Queen Amidala Ma'am," Bud whispered. There was no time for Mac to add her own two cents worth, the Queen had arrived.
"Good evening Loren" Harm greeted politely.
"It's Halloween Sir. It shouldn't be a good evening" she replied flippantly. All assembled fought the urge to roll their eyes. Singer's eyes took a swift glance at all their attires barely in acknowledgment, clearly thinking it was nothing compared to her own.
"Admiral, nice suit may I take a guess as to whom you're dressed as?"
"Thank you Lieutenant, no you may not." She smiled sweetly at the rebuttal and then snapped,
"Tiner! Follow me."
"Excuse-me ma'am?" Tiner replied in puzzlement.
"You are Chewbacca are you not?" she stated slowly as if Tiner was as dumb as the creature he was portraying.
"Yes ma'am" he confirmed.
"Well then follow your Queen's orders, snap to fast and follow me!" Lips pursed, she flipped her head and in true Singer style she strutted off head held high, imitating the walk of all walks. Tiner cast the rest of the group an alarmed plea of help before lumbering off after his new-found majesty.
"May the force be with you" Mac muttered under her breath, none too softly.
"She can go back to the distant planet of Taboo, far far FAR away for all I care" Harriet added sarcastically. The rest of the crew waited until a good 2 meters from hearing distance before breaking out in chortled laughs of amusement. The serene mood was broken and each drifted off in search of more food and drinks.
"Hey Lara, care to dance with a humble human being?" Harm offered with a low bow. Mac smiled widely, the fun was only just beginning.
I
bet you never hear no
Bet you get what you want
There's no one who'd dare deny you
And if you feel insecure
If in doubt, if unsure
A mirror will surely remind you
You're so bad (so bad)
So
Bad
You know, your comin' in fast
Comin' on strong baby, you're becoming my number one
20:33
EST
The music slowly dwindled off and faded off to mingle with the sounds of the crowds. When no more music started, the reverberation of cutlery clinking on a champagne class caught everyone's attention.
"Ghouls, ghosts, witches and the rest of you mere mortals in our midst's, it is time to announce this years' Halloween best dressed. First off, Award for Best Looking Male goes to…Dylan Jones!" Everyone hooted at full volume, including Mac and Harriet as they saw a tall gorgeous looking Gladiator leap up to accept his award.
"Next, the award for Best Looking Female goes to…" he paused, referring to the note in his hand. "Sarah MacKenzie as Lara Croft!"
Mac stared in astonishment before Harm gave her a nudge, grinning broadly. Mac bowed her head low in embarrassment to the raucous cheering and cat calls as she made her way through the crowds up to the stage.
"The perfect couple," came the sniggering comment from Queen Amidala, off to Harm's side.
He merely smiled grimly, keeping his thoughts to himself. He watched as the so-called Gladiator sweep Mac up of her feet in an un-necessary lavish hug and kiss. In Harm's own humble opinion, he should be the one up there with Mac receiving the award.
"Now according to all your votes, the most original costume goes to…hmmm…interesting! This one comes as a pair. Would a Admiral Chegwidden as Dr Evil and his lovely henchwoman Meredith please step up! Thunderous applause and laughter erupted, especially from the JAG gang. AJ choked on his punch mid-sip whilst Meredith jumped up off her chair in delight. Giving AJ a resounding clap on the back, supposedably to help his spluttering, she pulled him to his feet and dragged him after her. AJ was fuming in silent embarrassment. He swore, come Monday morning his staff was going to feel the aftermath of his humiliation. He had a strong suspicion that conspiracy theory was involved in this award he was now the recipient of.
Upon arrival on the make-shift stage, Meredith grasped her award in the form of a small carved glowing pumpkin with an evil smile. Raising her arms in the air, she shook her behind in a wild wiggle and let out a loud gleeful yell of "SHAG-A-DELIC BABYYYYYY!!!"
Because
you're so bad (so bad)
Ooh, the best I had
Dancin' like you wanna make your daddy mad
You're so bad (so bad)
Ooh, the best I had
You're comin' in fast
Comin' on strong
You're so bad (so bad)
Ooh, the best I had
Dancin like you wanna make your daddy mad
So Bad (so bad)
Ooh, I bet you're glad
You're comin' in fast
Comin on strong
You're dancin' like you wanna prove your mamma wrong
So bad
So bad
You're so bad
You're so Bad
So bad
So bad so
You're so bad
So Bad
You're So bad
So bad
So bad