I don't usually use songs but Dido's "Honestly Okay" has the perfect feel for this part
Carina 15
(to see him again)
I just want to feel safe in my own skin,
I just want to be happy again
I just want to feel deep in my own world
Carina dialed the number and waited for the beep. It was Zack; he wasn't really into voice mail greetings.
"Zack," she wheezed out. "It's Carina. Max is in trouble," she paused to catch her breath. "She went to Manticore.
I'm safe, but you have to help her." Carina brought the phone down and went to turn it off when the buttons
suddenly started to blur.
But I'm so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore
"God damn you, Manticore," she cried with frustrating. Her sight, her motor functions, every thing was tied in
through the chips, and now she was losing control of it all. She tried to push the end button, but her hands were
trembling and not quite responding. The frustration overwhelmed her, and she started to cry. Her world was
shutting down blink by blink and soon she would be in darkness. Would that be the end? Could she just let herself
curl up in a ball and let the world dissapear. "Suck it up soldier," she whispered to herself.
On a different day,
if I was safe in my own skin,
then I wouldn't feel lost and
so frightened
But this is today and I'm lost in my own skin
"Suck it up," she repeated louder. What had Jake said…something about finding a goal? She concentrated
intensely on the first thing that came to mind…Jake. She wanted to see him again, to touch him again. She could
feel his phantom touch wrapped around her. She lay there for a minute focusing on that feeling and running through
their dialogs in her head. Her body started to respond and the darkness she didn't realize she had let in started to
melt away.
And I'm so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore
Her tears stopped and she almost controlled when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned her head to find Jake
beside her. His big brown eyes were full of sorrow, compassion, and warmth. She felt regret that she could die and
never get a chance to know him, to be with him… A strange pain started to grow in her heart. She couldn't give it
words until she looked in his eyes again.
"Jake, I'm so scared," she said before breaking into tears again. He sat next to her and pulled her close, letting her
cry into his chest.
And I'm so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore
"It's alright, Carina. Max will find what you need. She'll be back," he said it with certainty he didn't feel. What if
she didn't make it back? What if Max was caught? He looked down at her trembling body and he had to shove those
thoughts out of his head. She can't die, because he's only just found her.
She lifted her head and looked at him. He gently brushed the tears away from her eyes. It was then that he realized
that although she straight ahead she didn't seem to see him.
And I'm so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore
I just want to feel safe in my own skin,
I just want to be happy again
"Jake," she whispered. "Please kiss me again." She knew this was it. This was the last time she would get to be in
his arms if they didn't find a cure. "Please," she begged. From the look in her eyes, Jake could read what she was
thinking. He slowly leaned in and kissed her as tenderly as he knew how. Carina wanted to lift her hand and touch
his face, his hair, anything but her hand wouldn't move, wouldn't do what she wanted. Jake pulled away and looked
into her eyes. For a moment they focused and she could see his tears forming. "Why are you crying?" she asked.
"I...Carina you can't go. I can't lose you like this," he said quickly, before his courage left him.
"The old me would give you percentages, rationally tell you the likely hood of surviving this," she forced out. She
needed to finish, needed to tell him. "But none of that matters." Her vision got blurry again and she struggled to stay
focused on him. "Jake I can't imagine not loving you and being here with you, so this can't be the end," she rushed
out. It was an irrational thought, not basis in logic but to her it was indisputable. "And I'm so scared because I love
you and this just can't be the end." She struggled to keep her eyes locked on him but everything was fading. She felt
his lips on hers and then she barely heard him as he said that he loved her too.
Carina went lose in his arms, and he carefully laid her down on the bed. Medics suddenly appeared and flew around,
plugging her into all sorts of machines with bells and whistles, but he barely noticed them. The world
had stopped, the mute button was pressed, and all he could see was her. He was blindly pushed into a chair by her
bedside, and his vigil continued.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Miles away a pay phone receiver dropped to the end of it's cord and swung wildly. In the distance was the sound
running footsteps and then a motorcycle revving up. Coming from the dangling phone was a weak voice finishing
it's plea. "I'm safe, but you have to help her."
Carina 15
(to see him again)
I just want to feel safe in my own skin,
I just want to be happy again
I just want to feel deep in my own world
Carina dialed the number and waited for the beep. It was Zack; he wasn't really into voice mail greetings.
"Zack," she wheezed out. "It's Carina. Max is in trouble," she paused to catch her breath. "She went to Manticore.
I'm safe, but you have to help her." Carina brought the phone down and went to turn it off when the buttons
suddenly started to blur.
But I'm so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore
"God damn you, Manticore," she cried with frustrating. Her sight, her motor functions, every thing was tied in
through the chips, and now she was losing control of it all. She tried to push the end button, but her hands were
trembling and not quite responding. The frustration overwhelmed her, and she started to cry. Her world was
shutting down blink by blink and soon she would be in darkness. Would that be the end? Could she just let herself
curl up in a ball and let the world dissapear. "Suck it up soldier," she whispered to herself.
On a different day,
if I was safe in my own skin,
then I wouldn't feel lost and
so frightened
But this is today and I'm lost in my own skin
"Suck it up," she repeated louder. What had Jake said…something about finding a goal? She concentrated
intensely on the first thing that came to mind…Jake. She wanted to see him again, to touch him again. She could
feel his phantom touch wrapped around her. She lay there for a minute focusing on that feeling and running through
their dialogs in her head. Her body started to respond and the darkness she didn't realize she had let in started to
melt away.
And I'm so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore
Her tears stopped and she almost controlled when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned her head to find Jake
beside her. His big brown eyes were full of sorrow, compassion, and warmth. She felt regret that she could die and
never get a chance to know him, to be with him… A strange pain started to grow in her heart. She couldn't give it
words until she looked in his eyes again.
"Jake, I'm so scared," she said before breaking into tears again. He sat next to her and pulled her close, letting her
cry into his chest.
And I'm so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore
"It's alright, Carina. Max will find what you need. She'll be back," he said it with certainty he didn't feel. What if
she didn't make it back? What if Max was caught? He looked down at her trembling body and he had to shove those
thoughts out of his head. She can't die, because he's only just found her.
She lifted her head and looked at him. He gently brushed the tears away from her eyes. It was then that he realized
that although she straight ahead she didn't seem to see him.
And I'm so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore
I just want to feel safe in my own skin,
I just want to be happy again
"Jake," she whispered. "Please kiss me again." She knew this was it. This was the last time she would get to be in
his arms if they didn't find a cure. "Please," she begged. From the look in her eyes, Jake could read what she was
thinking. He slowly leaned in and kissed her as tenderly as he knew how. Carina wanted to lift her hand and touch
his face, his hair, anything but her hand wouldn't move, wouldn't do what she wanted. Jake pulled away and looked
into her eyes. For a moment they focused and she could see his tears forming. "Why are you crying?" she asked.
"I...Carina you can't go. I can't lose you like this," he said quickly, before his courage left him.
"The old me would give you percentages, rationally tell you the likely hood of surviving this," she forced out. She
needed to finish, needed to tell him. "But none of that matters." Her vision got blurry again and she struggled to stay
focused on him. "Jake I can't imagine not loving you and being here with you, so this can't be the end," she rushed
out. It was an irrational thought, not basis in logic but to her it was indisputable. "And I'm so scared because I love
you and this just can't be the end." She struggled to keep her eyes locked on him but everything was fading. She felt
his lips on hers and then she barely heard him as he said that he loved her too.
Carina went lose in his arms, and he carefully laid her down on the bed. Medics suddenly appeared and flew around,
plugging her into all sorts of machines with bells and whistles, but he barely noticed them. The world
had stopped, the mute button was pressed, and all he could see was her. He was blindly pushed into a chair by her
bedside, and his vigil continued.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Miles away a pay phone receiver dropped to the end of it's cord and swung wildly. In the distance was the sound
running footsteps and then a motorcycle revving up. Coming from the dangling phone was a weak voice finishing
it's plea. "I'm safe, but you have to help her."