Visiting the Traitor
Author: Ron's Secret Admirer
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst / General
Summary: A depressing fanfic in which Remus pays a visit to Sirius in Azkaban.
Author's Note: I would like to apologize for the immense formatting errors found in the last version of this. I had no idea that they were even there until Airam pointed them out – thanks! This should hopefully be much better. I would also like to point out that this fic just went off in an entirely different direction than it did in the original version. However, I like it this way. One more thing: beginning with the time that Remus meets Sirius, each paragraph switches back and forth between Remus and Sirius's point of view.
Disclaimer: I do not claim nor imply ownership to the characters, places, or items mentioned in this story. As its name says, it is a fan fic, and I am nothing but an avid fan of the Harry Potter books. Everything but the plot belongs to J.K. Rowling, Warner Bros., and various publishers.
Ron's Secret Admirer
"Hmm…" mused the editor of the Daily Prophet as he scanned over Remus Lupin's resume. "We might just have an opening, Mr. Lup -" His eyes widened as he reached the bottom of the page, and Remus sighed; the man had seen the inevitable. "A werewolf, here?! Impossible! Preposterous! I wouldn't dream of endangering my staff by putting them in the company of a…a monster! Get out of my office immediately!"
The werewolf in question fled the office – and the fifth job he'd been turned away from that month – and began the slow walk back to his shabby apartment, several miles away. It wasn't the first time a manager or owner had screamed at him once they found out about his 'disability.'
Remus shivered as a gust of November wind howled around him, causing his spirits to plummet all the more. Far off in the distance, across the steel-gray ocean, a single island with a single building perched atop it could be seen above the crashing waves. Sirius is in there, he thought miserably, thinking of the best friend he once knew. Or thought I knew.
It had been a little over a year since Sirius had committed the unspeakable crime, turning against his best friends and handing their lives to Voldemort. Now Remus was out of a job, and he had no friends to turn to who would reassure him. James's sense of humor; gone. Lily's wit, Peter's smile, Sirius's charm, gone, gone, gone. Damn you, Sirius. Why did you do this? All of the people Remus had ever known were now either dead or locked away. Oh, Sirius! How could you? You changed all of our lives, even yours, for the worse. Harry will never know his parents, and you, locked away in Azkaban, slowly rotting away…Was it really worth it, Sirius? Tell me it wasn't…It couldn't have been…
"Sir! Boat ride, sir?"
The call broke through Remus's thoughts. He turned towards the docks and spotted a scraggly man looking at him expectantly. Still rather preoccupied, he paid the man the fifteen-sickle fee and climbed into the boat, pulling up his hood to protect his thin face from the sea's spray.
Twenty minutes later the boat bumped onto a rocky shore. Remus looked up, startled out of his reverie. Where had the boatman taken him? His eyes widened with recognition and horror as he noticed that the boat was nestled between the rocks of the only island around for miles, the island that housed –
Azkaban.
Remus shivered, turned to the boatman to request that he take him back to shore, then stopped. Perhaps…Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to visit Sirius. Maybe, since I used to know him, he might tell me more than he told those bumbling Ministry fools. Visits were allowed at Azkaban, albeit rarely. It wouldn't hurt to try, his conscience murmured in the back of his mind.
Stepping off the boat, Remus nodded to his rower. "Would you mind waiting here, please? I won't be there long." No, of course not – no one would stay in Azkaban long, not if they had the choice.
Without waiting for a response, he walked up the crude path and stopped at the entrance. Two cloaked guards, Dementors, were standing at either side of the door. Remus breathed deeply and quickly strode past them, trying to ignore the icy numbness lingering at the back of his mind.
Inside the building, it was hardly warmer than it had been outside; Remus's cloak stayed on his thin shoulders. There was nothing in the sparsely furnished room save a somber man, sitting behind a desk. "I need to see Sirius Black," said Remus importantly, trying not to let his fear show.
The clerk blinked in surprise. Sirius Black was one of the prisoners in a high-security cell; he was hated by nearly everyone in the wizarding world, even his fellow Death Eaters. Who would want to visit him? He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the visitor.
"I'm not on the Dark Side, I assure you." Remus added hastily, searching his mind for anything that might be useful to persuade the clerk. "I…I used to know Black, in his school days. I was just hoping for a short visit. Maybe get something more out of him about his Dark Lord's whereabouts."
The clerk kept staring at the stranger, then snapped his fingers in recognition. "Now I remember! Remus Lupin, right?" Remus nodded. "I knew I'd seen you somewhere; I was a fourth-year Gryffindor when you came to Hogwarts. You, Black, Potter, and Pettigrew used to be inseparable…I suppose I could grant you a short visit with Black. You four were practically brothers; it must tear you up to see him here."
Again, Remus nodded. Now that he thought about it, he vaguely remembered the clerk – his name was Jonathan something-or-other.
"You can visit Black for a short time. You'll have to be accompanied by a guard, of course." A pale, quiet man stepped out of the shadows. Remus followed him up a series of spiraling staircases. In his rare glance out of a small window, he could see that he was very high above the choppy sea. After banishing the Dementors and passing several heavily charmed cells containing screaming occupants, the guard halted in front of a barred door. "Sirius Black. Prisoner number 390012, high-security cell number 13."
He nodded, and the guard stepped back. Remus slowly stepped into view of the barred cell.
-----
"James, James help me!" Sirius cried out desperately, reaching towards the phantom-figure standing at the foot of his concrete slab they called a 'cot.' Suddenly, the phantom – as well as the cloud of guilt and depression that had been hanging over Sirius's mind for months – vanished, and he found himself able to think rational thoughts for the first time since he'd been interviewed about the murder of Lily and James. They must have banished the Dementors. But why? He thought, curiosity getting the best of him. The only reason they would do that would be if a 'sane' person came. Like the Minister of Magic. Surely they don't still think I know where HE is hiding out? Sirius growled. As if I, of all people, would know where he is. Two pairs of footsteps approached his cell. One was nervous and light, the other heavy and purposeful.
The gaunt man sat in the corner of his cell, looking as if he'd stepped straight out of a Muggle horror movie. He did not scream like the other prisoners, but instead looked towards the cell door as if he were merely expecting a guest to have tea with him. However, his robes were tattered and faded, and his eyes bore a weary, haunted expression. Could this truly be the happy, witty Sirius Black that Remus had once known?
Slowly, Sirius's visitor came into view. He did not stand up and rush to the bars, preferring to lean casually against the far wall. Slowly a robed, arm, then a leg were visible. Keep up the calm appearance, it's sure to unnerve him. If the Minister expected to cope with a babbling, incoherent person, he's got another thing comi – "Remus!" he cried out, forgetting his earlier mental notes and rushing forward, wrapping his hands round the bars. Why would Remus be here? Could he possibly be here to save me? Maybe they know I'm innocent! "I'm glad you're here, though this is a mighty awful meeting place, don't you think?" Sirius's mouth twitched; what might have been the beginnings of a smile appeared and vanished in an instant.
Sirius's voice and posture were completely unnerving Remus. Wasn't Azkaban supposed to drive its prisoners insane from their guilt? Sirius never liked being normal, Remus reminded himself. He always had to be different. To stand out. Cheeky Sirius Black stood amidst the screams of his fellow prisoners, seemingly unaffected. Normally, that would be unheard of in Azkaban. "Sirius," Remus breathed, staring at his former best friend through the heavily-reinforced steel bars.
"But anyway, what are you doing here? Do they know that I'm innocent. You at least must know! I swear I'm innocent, Remus. I would never betray Lily and James, never." Sirius said darkly. "Never. Never. Never…" he trailed off, staring at the concrete wall across the cell.
Okay, scratch that; Sirius has most definitely been affected by the Dementors, after all. He sounds like he almost believes that he didn't betray Lily and James. Remus was shocked. If anything, he had half-expected Sirius to rant and rave about how powerful the Dark Lord was and boast about his betrayal of the Potters. Whatever I was expecting, it certainly wasn't this. Remus sighed. It would have been quite easy to forget that Dark-Lord-supporting-Sirius wasn't the same as schoolboy-Sirius. The man before him, however, made Remus recall the Sirius days after his parents' death. Both Siriuses were quiet and melancholy. Damn you, Sirius!
Sirius stared through the bars into Remus's eyes, but after a moment Remus looked away. Not long enough to tell if he believes me…But then, why should he? There was plenty of 'evidence', as well as the eyewitnesses who 'saw' me blow up that street. Damn Peter. Damn Azkaban. Damn the bloody world for not believing me. "Remus…" it was supposed to come out as a strong plea, one to make Remus believe him. Instead, it was a whimper, barely audible above the screams.
I can't stand this. I don't know why I came, but I can't bloody stand this. With a heavy heart, Remus turned his back on Sirius and quietly strode out of Azkaban, the infamous wizarding fortress.
Sirius was unsure if his mind had been playing tricks on him. Just before Remus descended into the stairwell and the Dementors resumed their places, Sirius thought he heard a soft "Good-bye, Sirius." For the first time since that night at Godric's Hollow, the long-held-back tears of immense grief and hopelessness traced their way down Sirius Black's cheeks.