A/N I do not own anything relating to Star Wars, etc. Reviews are always lovely things.



(We cut to Anakin and Obi-Wan, entering Padme's quarters; Jar-Jar comes out to meet them)
Jar-Jar: Hello, boyos!

( Obi-Wan cuts off his head, chops his body in half, pulls out blaster and burns his remains to a crisp)

(Audience roars with delight)

( Jar-Jar comes bounding out again)

Obi-Wan: I thought I got rid of you.

Jar-Jar: Nice kamonos make me once again!

Obi-Wan: I'm going to have to have a serious talk with these kamonos.

( Notices Anakin mimicking his words; cuffs him on the head)

Anakin:(whining) Masterrrrrr! That really hurt! ( grins in an innocent, brainless manner) Isn't Senator Padme cute? She's like Minnie Mouse, only better.

( Obi-Wan groans with disgust)

Anakin: (pretends to be Obi-Wan) Anakin, how many times have I told you not to talk about a politician like that?(does Chipmunk voice) Master, I am so sorry for misbehaving.

Obi-Wan: ( smacks Anakin up the head again) Why do I bother training you for? I didn't like my master enough for this torture.

Anakin: Because I am the Chosen One! ( a ray of light shines over his head as he stares up into the heaven with a look of a grand hero)

( Jar-Jar has to hide so Anakin does not notice him fake vomiting)

Obi-Wan: (raises an eyebrow) What makes you think you really are the chosen one?

Anakin: Are you kidding? Have you ever seen anyone else with pecs like this?( flashes chest out at camera)

( Female Audience cheers with delight)

( Into the room come Padme and her guards)

Obi-Wan: ( rather loudly) IT'S WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU AGAIN MY LADY!

( Anakin pulls his shirt back on)

Padme: ( gives Obi-Wan an annoyed eye) What's with the beard? You look so much hot-(notice Anakin) Ani? That stupid little boy on Tatooine.

Anakin: (grins happily) Yes, it's me , I am glad to see you are ho-,er. . . more beautiful than ever for , uh, a Naboo,uh, person. . . thinger. . uh

( Obi-Wan rolls his eyes, intervenes quickly)

Obi-Wan: Do not fear your Senator, we will be sure to keep you safe.

(All of Padme's guards scatter at this)

Padme: So, think I am just a wimp senator, do you? I can't watch out for myself can I?( starts to approach Obi-Wan in a dangerous manner)

Obi-Wan: ( starts backing away) Er. . . Anakin! The Senator wants to say hello again!

Anakin: Oh, uh. . . hello again uh . . . Lady Portman-I mean Padme.

Padme: (shakes her head, disgusted) Oh Ani, you will always be that stupid boy I remember on Tatooine.

Anakin: Hey! I am almost the most powerful Jedi ever and I can kick your butt! (glares at Padme and pulls out his lightsaber, swinging it around in a manly manner)

( Padme simply kicks the lightsaber out of his hand, knocks him over, beats him up, walks out again)

Obi-Wan: ( looks down at crying Anakin) You know, maybe she doesn't need us here after all.

( We cut to that night, with Anakin and Obi-Wan standing outside of Padme's room)

Anakin: ( smugly) Everyone knows I'm the sex symbol in this movie!

Obi-Wan: No Way! I'm the cool one!

Anakin: ( rolls his eyes) Master, are you mental? Everyone wants to see some bearded middle aged guy, sure they do.

(Obi-Wan cuffs him on the head, Anakin slaps him back. The two start cat-fighting each other)

( Meanwhile, R2-D2, inside of Padme's quarters, starts sounding off an alarm)

R2-D2: Beep, boop, boop! ( There are two deadly creatures that are about to kill Senator Padme that were sent by an assassin hired by a bounty hunter who is the model for the unknown clone army!)

(Obi-Wan and Anakin cease from their cat-fight)

Anakin: ( to Obi-Wan) What does R2 mean The sky looks like fire tonight?

( Suddenly the two stop and look at each other)

Obi-Wan: (to Anakin) I sense it too.

( Obi-Wan leaps into Padme's room and kills two little worm creatures; Anakin jumps out window)

Obi-Wan: (looks around) Where did Anakin go?

Anakin: (comes back through window) I knew it! Check it out master! Advanced tickets to The Matrix Reloaded!

( Obi- Wan shakes his head with disgust)

(Obi-Wan suddenly jumps out of the window)

Anakin: (to Padme) I think he's always wanted to do that.

( Runs out, find a Porsche in the local Coruscant parking lot: jumps in and takes off with it)

Anakin: Now THIS is racing through Coruscant!

( Owner of Porsche, Arnold Schwarzenegger, comes sees Anakin taking off)

Arnold: Hey! That's mine!( Pulls out machine gun and starts shooting at him)

Anakin: ( does Arnold impersonation) Oh you little brat! IHasta La Vista you baby!

( Flies off and sees Obi-Wan falling to his death; he races up and starts flying downward beside him)

Anakin: ( shouts to Obi-Wan) Now do you think I am ready for the trials?!

Obi-Wan: Up yours! Let me in!

Anakin: (sing-song voice) Not until you say yes.

Obi-Wan: Yes!

(Anakin lets him in)

Obi-Wan: Yes, I will slap you. ( cuffs him on the head)

Anakin: (starts crying as they continue to chase the assasin through Coruscant) Why are you always picking on me, Master? What about the time you pantsed YOUR master?

Obi-Wan: YOU did that to ME! In front of the Chancellor!

Anakin: ( grins evilly) Yeah! Boy was Master Yoda embarressed when that happened!

Obi-Wan: ( to himself) I hate my life.

( They catch up with the assasin in a bar; Obi-Wan runs in and chops off her arm)

Assasin: Hey!

Obi-Wan: Oh,sorry, wrong arm. ( cuts off her other arm)

Assasin: I'm just getting a drink,take it easy man.

( A few pretty women walk by, Anakin give them a cocky grin)

Anakin: Don't worry ladies, just some Jedi business.

( Ducks as Obi-Wan swings at his head again)

Obi-Wan: ( to assasin) Who hired you?

( Anakin starts mocking Obi-Wan to the crowd; while Obi-Wan cuffs him again, a BOUNTY HUNTER runs in, shoots the assasin, then runs out)

Obi-Wan: ( at now dead assasin) Dang it! She was just about to tell me who hired her!

Anakin: I notice that happens a lot.

( We cut later to Padme and Anakin; Anakin to hang out with her)

Padme: I do not like this idea of hidinig.

Anakin: That's right. You don't have to hide your feelings for me.

( Padme smacks him up the head)

Padme: Anakin, are you ever going to take a hint? I DONT LIKE YOU!

( Anakin starts crying again; the ghost of Qui-Gon comes running out)

Qui-Gon: You have upset the Chosen one! ( raises his transluscent lightsaber)

( Padmes throws him out window)

Anakin: I miss Qui-Gon! I miss Mommy! I miss Jar Jar! ( rethinks that) I mean, I miss Master! ( rethinks that too) Er. . . I miss , uh, C-3PO!

( Cut to Audience)

Audience: What a great guy! I wonder how he EVER became Darth Vader.