* Catching Up on the Past *
Han Solo stood in the hanger bay as he waited for his now eighteen-year-old not so little girl to depart from her X-wing. Even from a distance, he could tell his daughter was growing up into something gorgeous. Her hair was still short, but it had grown down to her shoulders giving her a sophisticated yet independent look.
He slowly walked up to her as he surveyed her one more time. "Why do you have to do that?" he retorted.
"Do what?" Jaina asked, unsure by what her father meant. Did he know what had happened at Sernpidal system? Of all timing, she prayed he didn't.
Grabbing the one bag she had in her hands, Han wrapped a fatherly arm around her giving her a welcome squeeze. "You just keep growing into a more lovelier young woman every time I see you. Soon you're going to pass your mother."
Smiling warmly, and thankful that it hadn't been even close to what she had been thinking, Jaina giggled like she used to as a child. "Dad." The laughter somewhat stung deep in her, knowing that if the event in Sernpidal hadn't even taken place, if she had just probed Kyp harder, maybe those innocent—
But her father interrupted her thoughts. "You know it's true. So how was your trip?"
Thinking quick about what good thing had happened, she answered swiftly. "Interesting. I found out a lot about some people, perhaps more than I ever wanted to. And also a few things about me. Wedge is still getting around." She added.
"Wedge? Wedge Antilles? It's been awhile since I've seen that kid up and about."
"Well he does have arthritis and he is retired. Hardly qualifies as a kid you know." A thought suddenly triggered in Jaina's mind, the remembrance of her aunt and pain. "Dad, when I was flying, I felt Mara in pain through the Force. What happened? Is everything alright?" Her questions began to blend together; afraid of what might have happened to her aunt, and the only person in the world she counted on as a good friend and nearly a sister.
"She's fine. Everyone else is sleeping or in a 'fresher' somewhere. You look like you need to do both of those, but I'll take you to her first. Come on."
As they strolled down the hall, Jaina's mind filled with more questions but her father was already answering them, before she could open her mouth.
"Just to get you updated on what's been going on here, Mara and her son, which they named Ben, are both fine and healthy as can be." Jaina frowned at her father, not quiet understanding. Maybe he meant that the baby was well, but she let him continue without cutting him off.
He continued to talk on and on about how he was still in shock to have a nephew. It was surprising to think she had a cousin. Finally they were there.
As they neared the room where Mara, Luke, and the new baby Ben stayed, Jaina could feel their three specters burn intensely through the Force.
Han pressed the panel to open the door. With an airlock hiss the door slid open slowly. Jaina waited for her dad to go in first, but saw that he was waiting for her instead.
"Go on," he said quietly. "You haven't seen your cousin. I have all night."
Gradually, the Rogue Squadron pilot strolled into the quarters. She saw her uncle sleeping on a cot to the right side of the room, snoring loudly. She did her best to stifle a laugh. It was nice knowing the Jedi Master was still human at heart like the rest of them.
Her russet eyes fell upon the infant having another meal. Mara held him close to her breast as he ate contently.
Jaina stared in astonishment at her tiny cousin, like she had never witnessed one before. Silently she pulled up a chair on the left side of Mara's bed. For the first time since she entered her aunt spoke, though not taking her eyes of her son. "Han, do you mind…" her voice trailed off as he got the message.
"Sure." With that the door slid closed leaving the others to privacy.
Glancing over at her niece, the new mother's faced glowed with love and a new sort of life.
Searching in her aunt's deep green eyes, Jaina felt her entire presence in the Force stronger and clearer than she ever had. Then she realized. "It's gone," she breathed in disbelief. Her aunt no longer was taunted or being dragged down into death's grasp by the strange illness that had been killing her slowly each day. The illness was nowhere to be found in her body. The surprise was the first positive wave of shock she had in a long time.
A grin surpassed Mara's glowing face. "Yes, and look whose here."
Handing Jaina her son, now sleeping and lightly snoring like his father, Mara watched peacefully as the young woman cradled Ben in her tender arms. She saw Ben nuzzle into Jaina's chest to hear her heart beat in his ears. At that moment, Mara knew Jaina would be an amazing mother.
The warm buddle of life felt so amazing as her baby cousin slept soundly in her arms. Jaina knew if she had just been more observant, more cautious to what Kyp had been doing with her, all of those blameless infants and children would still be around.
Unexpectedly, Jaina glanced at her like she had heard what she had thought. Her face was etched with a pain, a wound deep inside of her. Mara thought she saw water form in her eyes.
Never in Mara's life had she seen such hurt in her niece. "What's wrong?"
The young woman held her baby cousin close, caressing the fine blond/red fuzz on his head. All she wanted to do was dismiss the subject, not even go near the thought, the anguish. "I really don't want to talk about it." Jaina advised.
"Jaina whatever is hurting you so deeply has to be talked about," she replied worriedly. "Lay Ben with Luke on the cot. The two are out and both of us need to have a little discussion about this. You're holding too much in that heart of yours. Even I can't hold it in forever."
Nodding, Jaina did as she was told. Turning around she saw Aunt Mara had scooted over to one side of the bed to make room for her to sit down. "It's alright I'll just sit on the—"
Interrupting her, her aunt patted on the vacant part of the bed. "You sit up here with me. You don't look in any better than I do. Plus you look like you need a hug."
Without reluctance, Jaina sat down on the fluffy bed. Her aunt handed her a pillow to prop up against her back, but she used it instead as one might with a stuffed animal when they were little. Hugging it closely to her chest, Jaina leaned forward against her knees turning her head towards her aunt so she could see her.
"Now tell me what's got you so down."
Taking a deep breath, Jaina allowed all of the fresh pain from the recent past hit her like a tidal wave. The blow hit her so violently it caused a tear to crawl down her already salted face. As she spoke her voice was full of anger and hurt. "It's not what, it's who and what he did." Jaina let out everything. Explaining from the first day she found Kyp in space, to the last moment she had yelled at him for what he did, slapping him hard against his face for lying. She also made clear he had asked her to become his apprentice, and how she had said she'd think about it. "If I were able to talk to him right now, I would give him his answer. One that wouldn't be false." Jaina finished with tears falling down her cheeks. Her eyes were red and puffy from the tears. They stung from all the crying she had been doing, almost like they were raw.
Mara held her shattered niece close. She hadn't the faintest clue what to tell her. But words finally came to mind. "Jaina, I know what Kyp did to you was wrong. In fact, what he did was absolutely immoral, not in the fact of morality itself, but in the fact that he crossed the boundaries as a man, using you for his own selfish advantage." She swallowed trying to take in what Jaina had told her. "I believe you."
The teen wiped her eyes. "About what?"
"About what he did. And I also believe that what he did use you and the Squadron for was disgusting and wicked. Killing warriors I can see as a slight possibility of help, but murdering millions perhaps trillions of helpless innocent children, Yuuzhan Vong or not, is cruel and heartless."
"I know." She whispered, her voice barely audible. "He's killed so many," she cried softly. "I can't see how anyone could do such a thing and beam with joy about what they let happen, then proclaim what they did 'needed to be?' I just—" her words were cut off by the pain.
"Shhh, it's ok. Cry it out. You were holding in a lot more than I assumed." Mara tightly held Jaina in her arms. She probably could've handled that her niece and Kyp had been going out, dating maybe, but this? Revenge filled her heart, but she let it pass. There was no point in getting back at him for what he did. It would only show that she had stooped to his level. No, revenge wasn't the key. But hurting Jaina the way he did made her want to show him how much pain those Yuuzhan Vong infants and children.
A soft knock came on the door and slid open slowly. Jaina jumped off the bed, but she saw who it was. "Wedge? W—what are you doing here?" she ordered. Jaina had already been slapping away the water from her face, composing herself.
His face was solemn and emotionless. "Mara, could I take Jaina with me for a moment?"
Before confirming anything, she turned to Jaina. "You ok?" She could tell the teen's eyes hurt terribly, and her strength was getting weaker by the minute.
"I'll be fine. It'll help." With that she left with the older man.
He led her to a small conference room. Gesturing to a chair, both of them took a seat. "Jaina, I need to tell you t—"
She cut him off. "I'm sorry Wedge," she apologized. "It isn't enough for what I dragged you and the Rogue Squadron into, but it's all I have. And if it will help, tell Gavin I resign from the Squadron."
"What?"
"I led you guys to believe that thing was a super weapon when it really held children, Yuuzhan Vong children, but still children never the same. If I hadn't been so gullible and more throe all those innocent lives…" she stopped. "I wish I could only do more."
The older man frowned at her. "Jaina, listen to me. This wasn't your fault. You were apart of it, but not intentionally. I came here to thank you."
"Thank me? For what? Helping Kyp kill more of the innocent?"
"No, thank you for doing what you did back at the Ralroost. Durron needed that slap, and I couldn't be the one to give it to him, nor could it be Gavin. It had to be you."
She held up her hand as if to ask him to stop. Closing her eyes for a moment she blinked. "Whoa, hold on a sec... you're saying what I did helped? I hit him. I did it out of anger and rage. There's nothing right in what I did."
"You're right, and wrong. The wrong… only the person Kyp loves deeply could hurt him the worst. If you had never stood up to him, I don't think he would be were he is now."
Confused on what he was saying Jaina tried to make sense on what Wedge was saying. "You saying Kyp has feelings for—he's… I did what?"
Dropping his head Wedge took a breath. "Ok, let me try to rephrase this." He folded his hands together then looked up. "He loves you, why else would he be in doubt, in meditation over this."
Blinking back in shock, Jaina took in what he was saying. "He listened to me?"
"As much as I would like to deny Durron of this, the truth is he is the only one who will. And yes he did."
Leaning forward, she dropped her head into her hands. "I can't love him."
"I'm not asking you to, or anyone for that matter."
"What are you asking then?" she questioned curiously. "I mean, why else would you be telling me any of this."
"I felt that I had to. You left in such hast, everyone thought something happened to you. You didn't even have breakfast before leaving."
"I had a carbon freeze bar."
"You need more than that… anyway I would like for you to think about staying on the Squadron. They really could use you. Especially now."
"I won't leave unless someone wants me off."
He got up placing a hand on her shoulder. "If anyone wants the best pilot in the galaxy off the Rogue Squadron they're going to have to answer to me. I'm going to go see if you're uncle is awake yet."
Before he left Jaina shot out of her seat. "Wedge?" She waited till he turned around. "Thank you."
He nodded, then walked off.
Jaina. A voice called her through her head sending vibrations down her spine. Jaina, please talk to me. The voice pleaded.
Fury filled her. Not bothering to answer she built herself up a wall to block his voice. Of all the nerve… rushing out of the room she went to go find something else to do, to take her mind off the Sith spawn.
Han Solo stood in the hanger bay as he waited for his now eighteen-year-old not so little girl to depart from her X-wing. Even from a distance, he could tell his daughter was growing up into something gorgeous. Her hair was still short, but it had grown down to her shoulders giving her a sophisticated yet independent look.
He slowly walked up to her as he surveyed her one more time. "Why do you have to do that?" he retorted.
"Do what?" Jaina asked, unsure by what her father meant. Did he know what had happened at Sernpidal system? Of all timing, she prayed he didn't.
Grabbing the one bag she had in her hands, Han wrapped a fatherly arm around her giving her a welcome squeeze. "You just keep growing into a more lovelier young woman every time I see you. Soon you're going to pass your mother."
Smiling warmly, and thankful that it hadn't been even close to what she had been thinking, Jaina giggled like she used to as a child. "Dad." The laughter somewhat stung deep in her, knowing that if the event in Sernpidal hadn't even taken place, if she had just probed Kyp harder, maybe those innocent—
But her father interrupted her thoughts. "You know it's true. So how was your trip?"
Thinking quick about what good thing had happened, she answered swiftly. "Interesting. I found out a lot about some people, perhaps more than I ever wanted to. And also a few things about me. Wedge is still getting around." She added.
"Wedge? Wedge Antilles? It's been awhile since I've seen that kid up and about."
"Well he does have arthritis and he is retired. Hardly qualifies as a kid you know." A thought suddenly triggered in Jaina's mind, the remembrance of her aunt and pain. "Dad, when I was flying, I felt Mara in pain through the Force. What happened? Is everything alright?" Her questions began to blend together; afraid of what might have happened to her aunt, and the only person in the world she counted on as a good friend and nearly a sister.
"She's fine. Everyone else is sleeping or in a 'fresher' somewhere. You look like you need to do both of those, but I'll take you to her first. Come on."
As they strolled down the hall, Jaina's mind filled with more questions but her father was already answering them, before she could open her mouth.
"Just to get you updated on what's been going on here, Mara and her son, which they named Ben, are both fine and healthy as can be." Jaina frowned at her father, not quiet understanding. Maybe he meant that the baby was well, but she let him continue without cutting him off.
He continued to talk on and on about how he was still in shock to have a nephew. It was surprising to think she had a cousin. Finally they were there.
As they neared the room where Mara, Luke, and the new baby Ben stayed, Jaina could feel their three specters burn intensely through the Force.
Han pressed the panel to open the door. With an airlock hiss the door slid open slowly. Jaina waited for her dad to go in first, but saw that he was waiting for her instead.
"Go on," he said quietly. "You haven't seen your cousin. I have all night."
Gradually, the Rogue Squadron pilot strolled into the quarters. She saw her uncle sleeping on a cot to the right side of the room, snoring loudly. She did her best to stifle a laugh. It was nice knowing the Jedi Master was still human at heart like the rest of them.
Her russet eyes fell upon the infant having another meal. Mara held him close to her breast as he ate contently.
Jaina stared in astonishment at her tiny cousin, like she had never witnessed one before. Silently she pulled up a chair on the left side of Mara's bed. For the first time since she entered her aunt spoke, though not taking her eyes of her son. "Han, do you mind…" her voice trailed off as he got the message.
"Sure." With that the door slid closed leaving the others to privacy.
Glancing over at her niece, the new mother's faced glowed with love and a new sort of life.
Searching in her aunt's deep green eyes, Jaina felt her entire presence in the Force stronger and clearer than she ever had. Then she realized. "It's gone," she breathed in disbelief. Her aunt no longer was taunted or being dragged down into death's grasp by the strange illness that had been killing her slowly each day. The illness was nowhere to be found in her body. The surprise was the first positive wave of shock she had in a long time.
A grin surpassed Mara's glowing face. "Yes, and look whose here."
Handing Jaina her son, now sleeping and lightly snoring like his father, Mara watched peacefully as the young woman cradled Ben in her tender arms. She saw Ben nuzzle into Jaina's chest to hear her heart beat in his ears. At that moment, Mara knew Jaina would be an amazing mother.
The warm buddle of life felt so amazing as her baby cousin slept soundly in her arms. Jaina knew if she had just been more observant, more cautious to what Kyp had been doing with her, all of those blameless infants and children would still be around.
Unexpectedly, Jaina glanced at her like she had heard what she had thought. Her face was etched with a pain, a wound deep inside of her. Mara thought she saw water form in her eyes.
Never in Mara's life had she seen such hurt in her niece. "What's wrong?"
The young woman held her baby cousin close, caressing the fine blond/red fuzz on his head. All she wanted to do was dismiss the subject, not even go near the thought, the anguish. "I really don't want to talk about it." Jaina advised.
"Jaina whatever is hurting you so deeply has to be talked about," she replied worriedly. "Lay Ben with Luke on the cot. The two are out and both of us need to have a little discussion about this. You're holding too much in that heart of yours. Even I can't hold it in forever."
Nodding, Jaina did as she was told. Turning around she saw Aunt Mara had scooted over to one side of the bed to make room for her to sit down. "It's alright I'll just sit on the—"
Interrupting her, her aunt patted on the vacant part of the bed. "You sit up here with me. You don't look in any better than I do. Plus you look like you need a hug."
Without reluctance, Jaina sat down on the fluffy bed. Her aunt handed her a pillow to prop up against her back, but she used it instead as one might with a stuffed animal when they were little. Hugging it closely to her chest, Jaina leaned forward against her knees turning her head towards her aunt so she could see her.
"Now tell me what's got you so down."
Taking a deep breath, Jaina allowed all of the fresh pain from the recent past hit her like a tidal wave. The blow hit her so violently it caused a tear to crawl down her already salted face. As she spoke her voice was full of anger and hurt. "It's not what, it's who and what he did." Jaina let out everything. Explaining from the first day she found Kyp in space, to the last moment she had yelled at him for what he did, slapping him hard against his face for lying. She also made clear he had asked her to become his apprentice, and how she had said she'd think about it. "If I were able to talk to him right now, I would give him his answer. One that wouldn't be false." Jaina finished with tears falling down her cheeks. Her eyes were red and puffy from the tears. They stung from all the crying she had been doing, almost like they were raw.
Mara held her shattered niece close. She hadn't the faintest clue what to tell her. But words finally came to mind. "Jaina, I know what Kyp did to you was wrong. In fact, what he did was absolutely immoral, not in the fact of morality itself, but in the fact that he crossed the boundaries as a man, using you for his own selfish advantage." She swallowed trying to take in what Jaina had told her. "I believe you."
The teen wiped her eyes. "About what?"
"About what he did. And I also believe that what he did use you and the Squadron for was disgusting and wicked. Killing warriors I can see as a slight possibility of help, but murdering millions perhaps trillions of helpless innocent children, Yuuzhan Vong or not, is cruel and heartless."
"I know." She whispered, her voice barely audible. "He's killed so many," she cried softly. "I can't see how anyone could do such a thing and beam with joy about what they let happen, then proclaim what they did 'needed to be?' I just—" her words were cut off by the pain.
"Shhh, it's ok. Cry it out. You were holding in a lot more than I assumed." Mara tightly held Jaina in her arms. She probably could've handled that her niece and Kyp had been going out, dating maybe, but this? Revenge filled her heart, but she let it pass. There was no point in getting back at him for what he did. It would only show that she had stooped to his level. No, revenge wasn't the key. But hurting Jaina the way he did made her want to show him how much pain those Yuuzhan Vong infants and children.
A soft knock came on the door and slid open slowly. Jaina jumped off the bed, but she saw who it was. "Wedge? W—what are you doing here?" she ordered. Jaina had already been slapping away the water from her face, composing herself.
His face was solemn and emotionless. "Mara, could I take Jaina with me for a moment?"
Before confirming anything, she turned to Jaina. "You ok?" She could tell the teen's eyes hurt terribly, and her strength was getting weaker by the minute.
"I'll be fine. It'll help." With that she left with the older man.
He led her to a small conference room. Gesturing to a chair, both of them took a seat. "Jaina, I need to tell you t—"
She cut him off. "I'm sorry Wedge," she apologized. "It isn't enough for what I dragged you and the Rogue Squadron into, but it's all I have. And if it will help, tell Gavin I resign from the Squadron."
"What?"
"I led you guys to believe that thing was a super weapon when it really held children, Yuuzhan Vong children, but still children never the same. If I hadn't been so gullible and more throe all those innocent lives…" she stopped. "I wish I could only do more."
The older man frowned at her. "Jaina, listen to me. This wasn't your fault. You were apart of it, but not intentionally. I came here to thank you."
"Thank me? For what? Helping Kyp kill more of the innocent?"
"No, thank you for doing what you did back at the Ralroost. Durron needed that slap, and I couldn't be the one to give it to him, nor could it be Gavin. It had to be you."
She held up her hand as if to ask him to stop. Closing her eyes for a moment she blinked. "Whoa, hold on a sec... you're saying what I did helped? I hit him. I did it out of anger and rage. There's nothing right in what I did."
"You're right, and wrong. The wrong… only the person Kyp loves deeply could hurt him the worst. If you had never stood up to him, I don't think he would be were he is now."
Confused on what he was saying Jaina tried to make sense on what Wedge was saying. "You saying Kyp has feelings for—he's… I did what?"
Dropping his head Wedge took a breath. "Ok, let me try to rephrase this." He folded his hands together then looked up. "He loves you, why else would he be in doubt, in meditation over this."
Blinking back in shock, Jaina took in what he was saying. "He listened to me?"
"As much as I would like to deny Durron of this, the truth is he is the only one who will. And yes he did."
Leaning forward, she dropped her head into her hands. "I can't love him."
"I'm not asking you to, or anyone for that matter."
"What are you asking then?" she questioned curiously. "I mean, why else would you be telling me any of this."
"I felt that I had to. You left in such hast, everyone thought something happened to you. You didn't even have breakfast before leaving."
"I had a carbon freeze bar."
"You need more than that… anyway I would like for you to think about staying on the Squadron. They really could use you. Especially now."
"I won't leave unless someone wants me off."
He got up placing a hand on her shoulder. "If anyone wants the best pilot in the galaxy off the Rogue Squadron they're going to have to answer to me. I'm going to go see if you're uncle is awake yet."
Before he left Jaina shot out of her seat. "Wedge?" She waited till he turned around. "Thank you."
He nodded, then walked off.
Jaina. A voice called her through her head sending vibrations down her spine. Jaina, please talk to me. The voice pleaded.
Fury filled her. Not bothering to answer she built herself up a wall to block his voice. Of all the nerve… rushing out of the room she went to go find something else to do, to take her mind off the Sith spawn.