A/N I don't owny anything to do with Star Wars, etc. Reviews are welcome of course.

(The Lars and Anakin and Padme all have a funeral for Shmi)

Cliegg: You were the best wife a man could have for- ( checks wristwatch) Twenty minutes.

Anakin: I'm sorry I let you down mom. Next time I won't though.If you ever are going to die again, I won't let you!

( Padme just rolls her eyes; C-3PO comes walking over)

C-3PO: Excuse me Master Anakin, there is a message for you.

( Anakin and Padme return to ship)

Anakin: Play message!

( The image of a beatiful, scantily dressed woman comes out)

Anakin: ( panics at this) No! Other message!

( Padme gives him angry look while he grins sheepishly)

( Image of Obi-Wan appears)

Obi-Wan: Anakin, I would ask you not to come to Geneosis and to simply get this message to the Republic, but I know you're not listening so I'll make it brief.

Anakin: ( looks up suddenly) What did he say?

Padme: Uh, he said tie your shoelaces.

Anakin: ( notices shoes are untied) How does that guy do that?

( Padme groans, transfers message to Coruscant)

Obi-Wan: The Geneosians are preparing for war.

( Cut to the council and Jedi watching the message)

Palpatine: Ooh, I'm scared now.

Obi-Wan: Unfortuneatly they have a massive power on their hands.

( Lifts up a single laser gun)

Organa: A laser? Sheesh, and to think my planet only needed that to rule the galaxy?

Obi-Wan: This is the one laser. Forged by the dark lord of the Sith in the factories of Coruscant, created by Sidious himself.

( Palpatine starts to squirm at this; others look at him curiously)

Palpatine: Oh, I just don't like weapons.

Obi-Wan: You can see the writing: One laser to rule them all, one laser to fry them, one laser to destroy them all, and with electrical synthesis bind them.

( Cut to Audience; Peter Jackson gives Lucas an extremely dirty look)

( Message of Obi-Wan abruptly ends)

Organa: The Genesonians are preparing for war, there can be no doubt of that.

Yoda: Not sure, I am.

Organa: Why do you say that?

Yoda: ( gives Organa inquisitive look) If laser so powerful is, why word MATTEL written on side?

( They all seem to consider this comment; Meanwhile Anakin and Padme sneak into Geneosis)

( They enter the droid factory)

Padme: Oh my.

Anakin: It is an army built for a single purpose: To destroy the world of the Republic.

( They see Count Dooku talking to some advanced droids)

Dooku: Do you know what the droids are? They were originally machines, which were taken in by the Trade Federation, twisted, mechanized and now- perfected. ( Steps closer) Whom do you serve?

Droid: Lord Tyrannous.

( Peter Jackson growls at Lucas again)

Dooku: ( sees Anakin and Padme) Stop them!

Padme: Bring it on!

( She starts karate chopping all the droids, while Anakin slices them with his lightsaber)

Dooku: ( looks at his destroyed droids) You guys are good.

Anakin: Thanks.

Dooku: But not good enough.

( Releases a herd of rabid Jawas on them; they are defeated and tied up)

( Cut to Anakin and Padme sitting on a wagon, about to be carried out to the execution area)

Padme: ( sees Lucas in background motioning for her to talk) Anakin, I truly, deeply ( scrunches face) love you.

Anakin: All right! I knew you did!

( Padme looks really miserable now as they are dragged to the middle of the area where Obi-Wan is chained up as well)

Anakin: ( girns sheepishly) Hi master.

Obi-Wan: Oh great. Did you at least get my messge to Coruscant?

Padme: Yes, he did, but he almost sent that one with the bellydancer gir-

( Anakin quickly uses the Force to shut her mouth closed; Obi-Wan mouths question What bellydancer girl? but thinks better of it, settles for shaking his head in disgust)

( Dooku comes out in top box of arena)

Dooku: Release the creatures!

( Out comes a Tyrannosaurus Rex and a Cave Troll)

Anakin: Ah, I think I can take these guys.

( Out last comes Rambo)

Obi-Wan: ( mutters) I really hate my life.

Rambo: Time to die, Jedi! (thinks about that comment) Woah, I made a rhyme!

Obi-Wan: ( mutters) And just in time.

Rambo: ( looks at Obi-Wan) I love my rhyming, I really mean it!

Obi-Wan: ( swallows his pride) Anybody want a peanut?

( While Rambo continues to rhyme with Obi-Wan, Padme deals with the Tyrannosaurus Rex)

Anakin: ( whispers) Don't move! It's suspicion is based on movement!

T-Rex: Ah, I head that. ( pulls out new set of glasses) Just had laser surgury.

Padme: Oh $*#&)!

( T-Rex charges at Padme, who somehow flies into the air, still chained to the pillar)

Padme: ( looks at Anakin) Are you doing this?

Anakin: ( smiles with sappy look on his face) Of course my dear!

Padme: ( to herself as she climbs to top of pillar) You know, maybe this guy isn't so dumb after all.

( Cave Troll stabs Anakin, who laughs gallantly)

Anakin: Ha! Your pathetic weapon cannot hurt me!

Dooku: ( looks down at the arena) I think there's more to this Jedi than meets the eye.

( Anakin reveals special armor underneath his Jedi outfit ; Jackson starts to charge at Lucas in audience, holds himself back though)

( Meanwhile the T-Rex slashes off part of Padme's outfit)

Anakin: Oh yeah! Way to go! You the lizard! ( sees Padme scowling at him) Uh, I mean, Padme, run!

( Padme groans, pulls out cell phone)

Padme: Hello? I would like to make a direct call to Mr. Chan? ( motions for T-Rex to stand still, which he does) Hello? Jackie? Hey man, it's Natalie! Yeah, I was wondering if you could help me out? Thanks a ton man! ( hangs up)

( Out comes Jackie Chan, who sweetly defeats the T-Rex, as naturally he would)

Dooku:Hey! That's enough of that!

( Sends out thousands of Droids to blow Padme, Anakin and Obi-Wan to smithereens)

Rambo: Hey! You can't do that to a poet as great as Obi! ( pulls out weapon assortment, kicks the droid army to hell and back)

Dooku: ( sends out second wave of droids) Get them!

( Suddenly, out of nowhere, Yoda, Mace Windu and the rest of the Jedi show up in the area)

Windu: Give up now Dooku!

Dooku: Are you joking? ( signals to droids to start firing)

Windu: Fine. You make us take drastic actions!

( Windu and the rest of the Jedi, except for Obi-Wan and Anakin, begin doing the chicken dance, as the music turns on in the background)

Obi-Wan: Geeze, this is brutal! I've never known the Jedi to take such actions! Look how dumb they're dancing!

Anakin: No, Master Yoda really dances like that.

( Yoda begins break dancing on floor of arena)

Dooku: ( rolls his eyes) Will you droids just destroy them already?!

Windu: Not so fast , Dooky!

Dooku: ( glares angrilly at Windu) DONT CALL ME DOOKY!

Jedi: Dooky,Dooky he's such a wookie!

Dooku: GRRRRR! ( signals droids to start firiing again)

( Out of the sky come thousands of clone troopers and ships)

Dooku: Oh boy. ( takes off)

Obi-Wan: Get him!

( He, Anakin and Padme take off after Dooku)

Obi-Wan: ( points towards Dooku flying off) After him!

Anakin: ( notices clone troopers fighting droids) Tubular dude!

( Padme starts to roll her eyes, falls out of ship)

Anakin: Padme! ( starts to jump out)

Obi-Wan: Stop you idiot! (grabs Anakin's leg)

Anakin: I have to save Padme!

Obi-Wan: (mutters under his breath as he pulls an angry Anakin back onboard) I'm really starting to hate my master.

( They chase Dooku to a cave, where he is about to take off)

Anakin: I'm going to get you Dooku! ( runs into wall )

( Dooku and Obi-Wan exchange perturbed looks)

Obi-Wan: You will not escape from here Dooku! ( pulls out lightsaber)

Dooku: Really master Kenobi? ( ignites his lightsaber)

( Obi-Wan charges at Dooku; Dooku fakes a punch at Obi-Wan's face; Obi-Wan falls down)

Obi-Wan: Ugh, I am slain! ( collapses)

Dooku:Master Kenobi, you disappoint me! ( laughs) Master Yoda speaks so highly of you!

Obi-Wan: I am gone! ( Lucas comes out, slips Obi-Wan some cash while Dooku's back is turned)

Anakin: I'll show you Dooku!

( Starts to kick Dooku's butt, knocks his lightsaber away, about to cut off Dooku's head)

Anakin: Ha! You are defea- ( notices Lucas motioning to him in corner of his eye) Oh yeah. .

( Quickly throws Dooku back his lightsaber)

Anakin: ( sees Lucas still glaring at him) Huh? Oh yeah! ( chops his right forearm off)

Dooku: ( looks around room) What the hell is going on here?!

( Out comes Master Yoda)

Yoda: Hmm, powerful you have become Dooku. ( winks at Anakin and Obi-Wan)

Dooku: Master Yoda. You have interfered with our plans for the last time.

( Shoots lightning out, sends objects flying at Yoda, makes parts of roof collapse on him)

Yoda: (blocks lightning, flying objects, room parts, makes loser sign at Dooku)

Dooku: All right! Enough is enough!

( Disappears into a dressing room, comes back out as Saruman the White)

( Cut to Audience)

Peter Jackson: All right, that does it!

( Charges at Lucas, beats him up, stands up triumphantly in audience)

Jackson: All right! Lucas is dead! Star Wars: Episode Three is mine!

( Audience is mostly confused and annoyed)

Lucas: (comes back from the dead) NEVER! STAR WARS IS MINE FOREVER!

Audience: That's nice. Put the movie back on please.

( Movie begins again)

Yoda: (giggles at Saruman) Hmmm, girlish you have become Dooku. Nice long hair I see you have grown.

Saruman: Shut up! ( swings staff at Yoda)

Yoda: ( shakes face) Hmmm, breeze did I feel in here?

Saruman: GRRR!

( Out comes Dooku)

Yoda: ( gives Dooku strange look) Confused,now I am.

Dooku: This is my alter ego, Saruman the Wise. Where is your assistant, master Yoda ( snickers evilly)

Yoda: Coming he is.

( Out comes Rambo)

Rambo: Don't you talk to Master Yoda that way! ( pulls out weapon, aims at Saruman)

Saruman: Oh @#$#*()(*!

( Runs off, Rambo chases him)

Yoda: Now duel we must, Master Dooku. ( makes loser sign at Dooku again)

( Yoda kicks Dooku's butt, about to finish him off)

Lucas: Stop! Dooku must escape! The script says so!

Yoda: How stop his defeat, will you?

Lucas: ( grins evily) I hold the ultimate weapon!

( Pulls out camera filming movie, presses )

Yoda: (finds he cannot move, looks annoyed) Hosed, I have been.

Dooku: HA HA! ( makes loser sign at Yoda, takes off)

( Cut to Jedi Council later)

Yoda: Where your young apprentice is, Master Obi-Wan?

Obi-Wan: ( shrugs) He wanted to go to Kamino for some vacation or something.

Windu: ( cracks up at this) And you believed him?

Obi-Wan: You know Anakin, he probably did go.

( Cut to Anakin and Padme getting married)

C-3PO: ( turns to R2-D2) I don't want to be pessimistic or anything, but this marriage just doesn't feel like it's going to work out to me. Does it to you?

R2-D2: Beep boop beep! ( Amen brother!)

( End)