XXI
He hesitated before the Oval Office; Josh smiled encouragingly, and made a quick gesture laying his hand over his breast pocket. Leo gave him a brisk nod, and stepped forward.
"Charlie? Can you make sure we don't get disturbed?"
The young man gave him a slightly concerned look, but nodded. "Sure, Leo."
"Thanks." He walked in.
Jed was sitting in his chair, not reading but obviously locked in contemplation. He looked up at Leo's entry, and found a smile. "Ah, Leo!" he said, in a pleased tone that suggested he hadn't expected the Chief of Staff to come back.
"Mr. President." He crossed the room to sit opposite him on the couch, and found himself studying the carpet instead of his old friend's face.
"You wanted to talk to me?"
"Yes, sir." He stayed looking at the floor, and after a moment Jed reached out and snagged his sleeve. When Leo looked up, there was nothing but compassion in his eyes.
"Tell me, Leo," he urged.
He hesitated for a long beat. "I've been lying to you, Jed," he admitted, not allowing himself the distance that presidential titles supplied. "I've been... lying to a lot of people."
At another time, such words might have engendered a quip, but Jed had always been able to read him far too well. "The truth will set you free," he reminded him softly, and it was a mark of the power and presence of Jed Bartlet that the platitude rang neither unimaginative nor insincere.
Leo looked him in the eye, and spoke simply. "I'm drinking again."
"And I'm your friend." Jed held his gaze for an infinitely long time, and then let out a sigh that was no parts disappointment to all parts sympathy and crossed the floor to wrap his arms around his old friend. Although Leo had never been comfortable with tactile expression, for a moment he just clung to him.
Finally Jed pulled back, although he stayed sitting close and his hand rested on Leo's shoulder. "Oh, Leo... why didn't you tell me?" he sighed sadly.
"Sir, I..." He choked on trying to find emotion, and pulled back into more familiar and comfortable things. "I know this is inexcusable, and I'll have my resignation-"
"The hell you will!" Jed bellowed right next to his ear. His face was livid with the anger that had been missing at Leo's revelation.
Of course, he'd been prepared for this reaction. "Mr. President," he said forcefully, "You cannot-"
"I don't give a crap."
"You cannot-"
"I, Leo," he said coldly, "am the President of the United States of America, and I can do exactly as I please."
"Not keep a man with a drinking problem this close to the Oval Office," he refuted. "Congress won't stand for it. Hell, I won't stand for it. I can't stay here, Jed."
"You think I'm gonna let you go?"
"You're going to have to," he said firmly.
"You drank before, and you got on the wagon and you saved yourself," Jed reminded him.
"I drank before, and I destroyed my life," he said fiercely.
"And I'm not gonna stand by and let you do it again."
"It's a little late for that," he said caustically. Jed gripped him by the shoulders.
"It's never too late," he insisted forcefully.
"Jesus Christ, man, did you swallow a fortune-cookie factory?" he demanded, frustration unleashing the temper he always kept reigned within these oval walls. "This isn't a nineteen-fifties black-and-white sitcom! You can't make it all better with a couple of words of wisdom and a big smile!"
"Do I look like I'm smiling?" he demanded.
"Well, I don't know, 'cause it's a little hard to see you past that enormous pair of rose-tinted glasses you're wearing!"
"You're full of crap, Mr. McGarry," the president scowled. "You think I don't know what it's cost you to come in here? You think I don't know what it's gonna cost you to fix this? I'm not a simpleton, Leo, so don't treat me like one. I know what this means, and I'm telling you now, I don't care!"
"I screwed up, Jed," Leo said, looking him in the eye. "You can't fix it. I screwed up."
"Well, whoo-hoo for you, now welcome back to the real world! 'Cause I don't know how long you've been living in a world where everybody's perfect and no one ever falls, but it sure is news to the rest of us!"
"I didn't trip over and hit my head, Jed, I went out, I bought the damn bottle, I took it home and I drank it!" he spat out.
"And I ran for this job even though I know I have MS," the president said quietly. He raised an eyebrow challengingly. "Guess they should crucify us both."
Leo shook his head. "It's not the same thing-"
"Oh, it's not the same thing, because you have a disease and I have a disease, and when it strikes then we can't do our jobs." He scowled. "So if you're not telling me that I can't do my job, then stop telling me that you can't do your job, because you can't have it both ways!"
"It's not the same," he repeated firmly.
The president sighed heavily, and rubbed his forehead. "Leo... I'm not letting you leave over this. I'm not letting you abandon me, right when I need you most."
"You don't need me," Leo said confidently, shaking his head.
The president laughed softly, and started Leo by wrapping his arms closely around his neck. "Oh, Leo," he murmured. "What are we going to do with you?"
The president didn't pull back, and Leo found himself somewhat at a loss as to what to do with his arms. "I can't stay," he repeated softly. Jed drew away and looked him in the eye.
"You can. You will. Whatever it takes, we're gonna make it. We've come this far together, and I'm not letting you jump ship now." He smiled softly. "You call me at four a.m., I'll talk to you. You need to take some time, you need to get some help, then you take it. You do whatever you need for as long as you need, and your job is going nowhere while you do it. You want me to walk you home after work every night and sleep on your bedroom floor to keep you company? I'll do it."
"I don't think the Secret Service would let you do that, Mr. President," he said dryly.
"You seriously think they could stop me?" Jed demanded.
"Sir... I can't let you do this for me," he pleaded.
"Okay, Leo, note the position of the word 'sir' in that sentence, and ask yourself who here is the boss of us." Jed shook his head. "Leo, do you seriously think that a single person in this whole damn building is gonna walk away from you? Do you think we're gonna let you walk away from us? If you leave, we're coming after you. And if you try to quit, I'm just gonna sit on you until you change your mind."
"Well, that'd be a fate worse than death," he said sardonically.
"Hey! I'll have you know that I've lost a lot of weight these past few months." The president pretended to be offended.
Leo shook his head one last futile time. "Sir... Jed... you're making a big mistake."
"Shoot me," he shrugged. "I make fifteen huge mistakes before breakfast, and none of them have killed me yet. Now, I can't tell you whether it's a mistake for me to keep you on; I only know it would be a far, far worse one to let you go." He stood up. "No, I don't think it's gonna be easy. But I don't care about that." He shrugged. "Yeah, you're gonna take some crap. There's gonna be a lot of pain, a lot of struggle... possibly some revenge for that 'fortune-cookie factory' remark..."
And Leo couldn't help but smile. "Oh please, have you listened to yourself lately? Dye yourself green and you could be Yoda."
"You know Star Wars?"
"Shut up."
"You know Star Wars?"
"I have a daughter!"
"You're telling me you know Yoda, but you don't know Charlie Brown?"
"He's the one with the dog, right?"
Jed clapped him on the shoulder. "Okay, Leo, all that stuff I just said? I take it back. There is such a thing as a hopeless case, and you, my friend, are it." His smirk faded into a more mellow smile. "You're among friends here, Leo. We're not gonna let you down, and you could never let us down. Now come on." He slipped an arm around Leo's shoulder, and led him out of the Oval Office.
They were all waiting for him outside. Margaret clutched Donna's arm, and gave him a look as only she could, equal parts exasperation, hope, concern and affection. Donna gave him a gentle smile, and beside them Charlie folded his arms and nodded.
The senior staff stood before him in a line. Sam smiled warmly, and Toby gave him a single, firm nod. CJ stepped forward to give him a gentle kiss on the cheek, and then Josh embraced him.
"It's okay, Leo," he said, hand resting over the breast pocket where he'd placed the badge of courage his father had given him. "It's all gonna be okay."
And for the first time in months, Leo believed it.
END