Chapter 6 ~ Change?

Lily sat in her bed with the curtains drawn around her. She lighted her wand and looked at the blank book Cecil had given her. Lily's handwriting could turn illegible if she didn't have lines on her paper. It was hard enough writing her homework on parchment; she wouldn't do her volunteered writing on blank paper. She'd think about that later.

It had been just about two weeks since classes had restarted. She had told each of her friends individually that her parents had died. She wanted them to know, but she didn't want wild rumors flying all over the place. It seemed as though Evelyn had found out also, she hadn't tried to insult Lily after the day she got back. She really hated not being friends with Evelyn, but how could it be fixed?

Cecil ran into the room, breathless, and pulled Lily's curtains apart. "James… Sirius… want… Hogsmeade… go… now…"

Lily appraised what she had said and repeated what she thought Cecil had been trying to say. "James and Sirius were wondering if we wanted to go to Hogsmeade with them now." Cecil nodded eagerly. Lily thought, It will be nice to get away from the castle, plus, there's nothing better to do on a Saturday. She repeated that to Cecil and grabbed her cloak; it was still just the third week of January and very cold.  Her thin frame shivered and she decided her first action in Hogsmeade should be a nice, warm, Butterbeer.

They exited the common room and Cecil repeated the directions she was given, "We're supposed to meet them by entrance to the Charms classroom. Let's go." Lily wasn't surprised the least bit that James and Sirius knew some secret ways out of the castle, they were certainly sneaky enough. They always seemed to have an endless supply of things from Zonko's, not that Lily had the faintest idea of what they were. They saw the boys waiting and rushed over to meet them.

"Well, ladies," Sirius said, pouring on the charm, and making Cecil giggle, and Lily scowl, "I hope you are ready to have a most fun-filled and adventurous day. Let's be on our way." He offered his arm to Cecil, who accepted, and they walked off down the corridor. James chuckled at that.

"That, Sirius, he never stops." James bowed and said to Lily, "After you fair Lady." Lily started to walk haltingly, following Sirius.  The term 'Lady' jarred her into remembering Evelyn, who had not been in the dorm room all day. 

"You're one to talk, James," she said, trying to be wry but ending up a little sour.  She looked ahead to distract herself, and noticed that Cecil hardly stopped laughing, and Sirius had a grin on his face. Lily pondered aloud, "Cecil doesn't seem to mind the charm though, does she?" James looked at them and smiled.

"Not a bit." They walked in silence for awhile, passing through one corridor after another.  Lily hardly even noticed when they approached the passageway to Hogsmeade.  But when James tapped some painting with his wand and muttered something, an angry-looking elf appeared to tell them off.  In the midst of the little screeches the elf emitted, James suddenly said, "Lily?"

Lily stepped through the portrait, hearing the noise from the painting die down.  She could, however, hear Cecil's laughs reverberating from far ahead.  She didn't feel quite so comfortable anymore, now that she was alone with James in the tunnel, and not quite the group of four that she had planned on.  "What is it?" she asked as they began to walk

"I've been wondering about something." He said this cautiously, he was suddenly kind of nervous. His nervousness sparked that same chord of apprehension that Dumbledore's quavering voice had just over a month ago.  She stuffed her hands into the pockets in her cloak, wondering what he could possibly have to say.  Realizing he was having trouble finding his words, she urged him on with a nod.  "Well," James said as if recalling something, "remember when I gave you my present?" Lily nodded again. How could she forget? James' present had made her feel so much better, he had known exactly what to say.

"Do you remember what you said to me about it?" Lily nodded again, she remembered that day so well.

She smiled awkwardly, as the little details of that day were relived in her head.  It had all been so surreal, and yet some things she remembered.  She remembered the food Remus and Sirius had brought her so quickly, how the simple sandwich had made her feel just right.  The days beforehand were all sort of fuzzy, and she wondered how she had passed all that time doing nothing.  But she did remember her conversation with James word for word. After all, she had written it down that way in her diary, expressed her wonder at how he had known just what to say. It was the card that she loved, not the present, really. Bernie Botts had a weird effect on her stomach, especially since she had the fate of always picking out the disgusting ones.  Why does mud have to be the same color as chocolate? "Of course, I remember exactly what I said. I said, 'Thanks James, you have no idea how much that meant to me.'"

"You were right, I have absolutely no idea. I was wondering why."  Lily was surprised that he even thought about it.

Lily thought a minute on how to say it exactly right. Then she answered, "Over the holidays I felt like nobody cared about me anymore.  I wished that someone would tell me that I was a great friend, just to know that someone actually cared." She smiled at James, "You did that. Even though we were not speaking to each other, you still cared. I mean, I wasn't expecting anything from you, but you turned up with...well, exactly what I wanted." She blushed a little, but then realized she had nothing to blush about. Somehow it was just so easy to talk to him.

"I did all that?" James asked, astonished.  She saw a light ahead, and realized they had passed the whole trip to Hogsmeade already.  She laughed at his astonishment, "Well," she said. "You really did."

James smiled.  "You know what that means don't you?" Lily rolled her eyes as he grinned lopsidedly, "You have to get me one hell of a birthday present come October 23rd."

"Not if you're still as greedy as you are now, I don't," she retorted.  They laughed as they approached Cecil and Sirius who were waiting at the entrance to Hogsmeade.  They came up right behind Zonko's, which James and Sirius immediately entered.

Cecil decided to look in a new little artsy-looking store that had just opened. As soon as the group split Cecil asked Lily, "What in the world were you guys talking about?"

"Nothing in particular," Lily lied.

"Are you sure, because every time I looked back James seemed to be very interested in what you were saying. Or maybe," she said with a grin, "he was just very interested with you." She raised an eyebrow in suggestion but Lily ignored it.

"Geez, Cecil, just because you spent the whole time flirting doesn't mean I did.  End of story."

"So, you only spent part of the time flirting?" asked Cecil.

"If you really want to know—"

"Yes, I do."  Lily glared.

"He just wanted to know why I liked his Christmas present so much."  Lily had related the coincidence to Cecil earlier, to which Cecil replied that James was most likely her soul mate, and after all their star calendars were compatible.  Cecil was one of those obsessive Divination people.  Lily braced herself to hear how Polaris was a major influence on her love life, but instead Cecil replied, "Let's just go to the store."  Lily had no qualms with that.

When the group met later at the Three Broomsticks for some Butterbeer the boys were each carrying a large bag.

"I expect that the things in those bags won't be aimed at us." Cecil said.

"Wouldn't dream of it," replied Sirius with a false air of sincerity.

"Come on, let's just get a table," suggested James.  "I'm in the mood for a Butterbeer."

Lily watched as Sirius and James placed their purchases next to their table. Her eyes widened, "And guys say girls buy a lot." Lily had only bought some weird pens, and colored pencils. She had been an avid artist before Hogwarts, Lily's parents had even considered having her go to a school for the arts. She didn't draw that much anymore but had gotten them to use in the book Cecil had given her. Drawing, it seemed, was the only thing it really seemed useful for. She was happy about it though, it gave her an excuse to draw again. Drawing soothed her almost as much as writing.

They were all considerably warmer after the Butterbeer and decided it was time to go back to the castle. Sirius and Cecil flirted the whole time, as they had on the way there. Conversation between James and Lily was strained because they really didn't have anything to talk about.

"So what'd you get?" Lily asked in a desperate attempt to start a conversation.

"Well, a couple of Stiff-Arms, some Wowzoo's, and an Avalanche." The only familiar thing he had just said was 'avalanche', but Lily knew he couldn't buy snow. She had no idea what he was talking about and felt silly about asking.

"Oh," she said softly. A few moments passed. It didn't help the dialogue to hear Cecil laughing wildly down the hall.

"Well, how about you?" James was as desperate to save the conversation as Lily had been to start one.

"Some pens," she said simply, then regretted it. James probably thought pens were just about the stupidest thing to waste you money on. But why would she care what James thought anyway?

"Um, cool." James had replied with the amount of enthusiasm Lily had expected—none.

After that, they walked in silence, Lily staring off at the wall.  Her thoughts wandered off into distant remembrances and the walk was, in itself, quite peaceful.  There was some light chitchat along the way, but now that she didn't feel the need to talk she enjoyed herself.  When they reached the common room Sirius and Cecil had already said goodbye.  Sirius was on his way up to his dorm, and Cecil had stopped to talk to Laura, who was sitting and doing homework next to the fireplace.  Laura watched Lily with a sad look in her eye, and then turned back to Cecil.

"Well, I had fun," James said.  "Bye Lily."

"Bye James," she said, a little melancholy, still observing Laura. He turned around to walk to his dorm. "James?" she said on impulse, making him face her again. "Thanks for today. And thanks again for well, everything."

James grinned, and put back on the charm he had used earlier, "Anything for you, fair Lady." Again, that name made her feel like he somehow knew too much about her, and she forced a smile.  "Goodnight," he said, and followed Sirius up the stairs.

* * *

It had been a whole week after her trip to Hogsmeade and Lily had just brought out her new pens and pencils. She was sitting exactly like she had been last week, in her bed with the curtains pulled shut. Well, not completely shut. Lily had pulled on them and one of the rings that attached the curtain to the bed broke. Through the opening she could see Evelyn in her bead reading. She was sitting completely still. Lily began to draw, and in twenty minutes had drawn the outline of Evelyn's face and the book she was holding, almost without even considering what she was doing.

Lily looked at her drawing and began picking out faults with it. In about ten minutes she decided she had done enough. She was lucky to have drawn the outline, because at that moment Evelyn put down her book and walked out of the room. Lily spent the next half an hour coloring it. When she finished she appraised it. She had gotten a really good likeness.

Lily spent the rest of the morning drawing pictures. She didn't really know why, but it still felt good to draw again. She was still surprisingly good for how little practice she had gotten over the last six years. Drawing was comforting, but she couldn't draw Evelyn and not think about her. She got her diary and a pen and began to write but her hand cramped.  She scowled, was this some sort of sign that she should get going on her homework?

Oh well, she thought, I'll get some lunch and then I'll write.

However, Lily didn't write after lunch, she didn't even write after dinner. Things just kept popping up. Around ten, she tore herself away from the game or chess she was playing with Remus. She walked to her room, and collapsed on her bed.

"Owwww!" She had landed right on top of her diary. Then she remembered that she had wanted to write in it. No time like the present. She searched for her pen and began to write about Evelyn. After she finished she looked at her entry. She felt so relieved after writing, but suddenly she frowned in concentration. She proceeded to rip the entry straight out of her diary. She flipped all the back to the beginning and quickly tore out twenty or thirty pages from seemingly random places.

She got all her pens and pencils, and the book she had been drawing in a placed them in a pile on her bed. She opened her trunk, which emitted a loud squeak. She hunted through her trunk for the last thing she needed. At the very bottom she found it, an old shoebox that held lots of pieces of paper. "Yes," she said in delight, a little too loudly, for Evelyn retorted, "If you want to make so much noise why don't you go down to the common room?"

It didn't make a difference to Lily. She gathered her things and walked downstairs.

She found a large table in the middle of the room a laid her thing out on it. She furiously began to attach one thing to another and trimmed others. Around midnight very sensitive ears could hear Lily saying, "This is perfect, it'll fix everything." In the common room Lily tucked her creation under her arm, gathered all of her supplies and walked back to her room.

* * *

The next morning Lily woke up very excited, feeling as though her luck might finally change.  She got out of bed and noticed all her roommates had already left. Lily got ready, brought out the thing that she had spent so long on last night and went to the common room. She spotted Evelyn sitting on a couch reading. Lily walked up to her and realized she didn't know what to say. 'Speak the truth' her father had always said. Evelyn pretended not to notice she was there.

"Evelyn, these past few weeks would have been hard for me, but they were harder without support from my best friend. I realized how much you meant to me. I think we both forgot how much we usually rely on each other for support." She gave a little pause for Evelyn to agree, but she didn't. Of course she wouldn't, thought Lily, that would be making it easier for me.

She kept going. "So to remind us, I made this." Lily thrust the book into her hands. Then, after a few seconds of debate sat down next to her.

Evelyn just stared at it, "What is this, Lily?" she asked, her voice weak as she turned the first page.

"It's a scrapbook. It's full of pictures, drawings I did of you, and—"

"Lily, did you put entries from your diary in this?!" Evelyn's hard face melted immediately, knowing that she was being entrusted with the most private thing in Lily's life.

"Yeah, every single one that was about you." Evelyn was scanning through the book. She came to the last thing in the book. It was about three-quarters of the way through it. Lily had left space as a reminder to Evelyn's subconscious that there was still room for their friendship to grow.

"Wow, Lily, you never let anyone read you diary before."

"Yeah. I hope you like it Evelyn. Consider it a late Christmas present." Lily began to stand up. Evelyn could apologize if she wanted to now. Lily really hoped she did. One could take only so much of Cecil's jumpy personality.

"Lily," Evelyn said voice quavering. Lily sat back down.

"Yeah?" Evelyn looked up, tears in her eyes. She threw her arms around Lily.

"I'm so sorry, Lily."

"Me too, Ev." Though Lily was happy that Evelyn had so readily accepted her offer to be friends again, but she couldn't help but wonder why. Then she saw tear stains on that last entry she had written. It was the Diary entry that Lily had written last night. She didn't need to look at the page, she had memorized what was written. After all, it was her inspiration.

Saturday, January 29th

I'm not sure if I ever realized how much Evelyn meant to me. That day we first fought, it really did feel like part of me died. I remember seeing all the happy memories of us together, I never want to lose those. I have known Evelyn for more than six years, she knows more about me than any other person I know. I had forgotten how much fun we had together when I was so wrapped up with my family. Now I realize how Evelyn really is as important as family. I shouldn't have let our miscommunication get worse and worse by putting it off. I took me until now for it to hit me that she means just as much as my parents did. If I lost her as a friend forever, I don't think I could take it. I think that she might have forgotten how much I meant to her. If only I could think of the perfect way to remind her, then she'd realize what were both missing.

It was sappy, but it had worked, and it was true.

Last night their picture selves had been turned with their backs towards each other. Now they were hugging in every picture. Lily and Evelyn looked through page by page, laughed at the funny stories Lily had written about themselves in her Diary, and cried when they realized how stupid they had both been.

James, Sirius, Cecil, and Laura all watched from the other end of the common room.

"Thank goodness," exclaimed Laura. "Finally our room will be back to normal." 

"I'm glad too, but trust girls to get all emotional about it," huffed Sirius.  "How can they spend so long on something like a scrapbook? I'll never understand."

"Excuse me Sirius," said Cecil, "I thought I just heard you make a derogatory remark about girls. My ears must have been deceiving me, correct?" She glared at Sirius.

"Of course you're right." Sirius said, nervously.

James was just staring at Lily. "Why'd she do it though?" he muttered under his breath.  He would have to join Sirius in the 'never understanding' category. 

Laura surprised him by actually answering. He'd overestimated the distance between them. "Because, James, Lily is just nice like that. You would think that Evelyn should be the one apologizing, after she realized what was wrong.  They're both very proud, but Lily knew Evelyn wouldn't do that, so she apologized instead."

"What would she apologize for?"

"For joking about going out with you in the first place," Laura answered.  James gulped and managed a small, "Oh."

"Laura!" Cecil hissed, "He didn't know, you idiot!"

"Oops. He does now." She tried to laugh about it but Cecil was obviously upset. Sirius walked over next to James as Cecil and Laura bickered.

"So James, how does it feel that Lily and Evelyn fought over you?" James glared at him.

"It wasn't like that, Sirius, and you know it." James said, with an edge to his voice.

"Oh, touchy, touchy." After a moment of speculation he added, "Maybe James is just upset because it wasn't."

"Sirius, if you don't shut up right this instant I'll—"

"James?" Cecil said as she walked towards him, "It's not what you'd think. We were harmlessly joking, or we thought so at least, and Evelyn overheard. They weren't actually fighting over you." She directed the last comment more at Sirius than at James.  Sirius laughed.  "Sirius! You only wish that something like that could happen to you."

Laura was a really distraught over the commotion she had caused, and she went upstairs.  She had been so left out for the last two months.  Evelyn had been reclusive to her as well, and Cecil and Lily had bonded over the whole ordeal.  Just when she thought things were better, she has to go and mess it up.  Cecil and Sirius left the room as well, walking together out the portrait hole. Over the din in the common room James barely heard Sirius say, "Why'd you ruin the fun Cecil, all James needs is a little boost of confidence before he really asks her out. If you'd just played along…" Their voices were too far away for him to hear any more.

James sat upright in his chair and rolled his eyes. He was going to have a little talk with Sirius when he got back.