Chapter 7 ~ The Midnight Visitor
Lily and Evelyn could have been surgically joined at the hip, and no one would have noticed the difference. For the last four days they had obviously been trying to make up for lost time. Besides all the time she spent with Evelyn, the amount of time Lily had to put into homework almost doubled. All the sixth years were feeling the strain, and no one was happy about it. Ever since school had gone back into session the work had been getting harder.
Lily was sitting in the common room with her friends on a Thursday night. She and James had decided that they should study with everyone tonight. They had also decided that they would only have tutoring sessions on Thursday from now on. Currently, Lily was trying to concentrate on her Transfiguration homework. "And I thought the O.W.L.'s were bad. They've already got us studying for the N.E.W.T.'s!" she complained softly, almost without realizing it. They all ignored her, of course. They were too absorbed in their own work. Some people were more easily affected by the workload, they didn't suspect that there was something else wrong too. Even Evelyn was too caught up with work to notice how bags formed under Lily's eyes, or how even Charms hadn't been able to keep her awake during the day; she normally loved that class.
All night Lily was fidgety. All night she complained. All night Lily got basically no work done, yet she stayed in the common room. She just couldn't accept her own failure, and she stayed until even James was leaving, and only she and Evelyn remained. "I think it's time for me to go to sleep," James declared with a yawn, gathering his things together.
"We should go too, Lily," suggested Evelyn as she finished what she was doing. Lily shook her head. She had dark bags under her eyes and her hands were quivering.
"No? Lily, we've been working for more than five hours! Even if we haven't completely finished, it's better to be awake for class and not have finished some crazy Charms reading then asleep with your work done. You can improvise in class," she said with a weary smile.
While Evelyn's persuasion might normally work, it didn't tonight. "Don't you understand? I want to sleep, I just… I can't." She had a defeated look to her, and a tear fell onto her Charms book. Professor Malchite had given more than 40 pages of reading and had a penchant for pop quizzes. She tried to annotate, but she couldn't even comprehend what she was reading she was concentrating so hard on not crying. Evelyn sat down next to Lily and gave her a hug.
"What's wrong?" she said softly. Lily had ceased to cry, but was now focusing her energy on drawing little lines in the margin of her book.
"I see them dying, every night worse than the last." Lily almost choked on the words, they were so hard for her to say. James was completely caught off guard. He had no clue what to say, and even as he was feeling awkward about the whole situation, he was kneeling down at her side.
"Do you want to talk about it Lily? It might help you, you know, not dream about them." Lily nodded, and sniffled in an attempt to stop crying. She heard James' voice from that first encounter in the hallway when she had stormed off to the Library, Some girls just cry about anything, you know? She didn't want James thinking she was some ditzy girl. His opinion had come to matter to her since the beginning of the year.
She recounted, vividly, her dreams from the last three nights. James noticed how her parents' deaths became more gruesome each night. He and Evelyn just looked at her. What could they say? They had no idea it was this bad. "It wouldn't be so bad, if only I could see their faces. But I know that it's them, I see my living room, my kitchen, I see my mother in her favorite dress. But I don't see them, and I can't find their picture anywhere. All I know is Lord Voldemort killed them, but I don't know anything about him really. I don't know what he looks like, I don't know how it happened. In my mind, it happens all these different ways, and it won't stop." She sighed and laughed a little, a short and baited laugh. "I don't know what to do." She hung her head down. Across her, Evelyn and James looked at each other. It was the first time since their breakup that they had acknowledged one another so personally, and they both smiled a little and turned back to Lily.
Her hair lingered on the edges of the book in front of her. Her cheeks were flushed; her eyes were glazed with her withheld tears. She looked pretty when she was sad, and not nearly so intimidating. Yet James wasn't paying as much attention to this as his hormones would normally dictate. He was caught in a quandary—would what he knew about Lord Voldemort ease her pain or worsen it?
"Lily," he started softly. Evelyn could sense the tension on his voice. It reminded her of how he started to tell her he wanted to end it. Evelyn…
"Lord Voldemort is a cruel, powerful man, but he has a modicum of stability, unless he is trying to prove a point. Your parents would have died by the Killing Curse—quickly, painlessly. What he did to your house was most likely the result of his frustration at not finding what he wanted." Lily knew the Killing Curse, she had learned about it in History of Magic for the first time in second year.
"We can't hope to take the pain away," Evelyn continued, "But we are here for you whenever you need us." Lily gazed at the two of them knowing that they were full of kindness, but it would never be the same. She tried to smile.
"At least they died loving me," she said, gathered up her books and walked up to her dorm room. Quickly she changed and went to bed. In the common room, James and Evelyn were distressing over Lily.
"I wish there was a way that we could make it better," Evelyn said sadly. "If there was anything I could do I would do it in a heartbeat, but I feel like I'm no help."
"I guess we just have to wait," James said.
"Waiting seems so useless," Evelyn said shortly, knowing she was being silly. She grabbed her notes from across the table, gathering her things together. James didn't reply for a minute or two. Evelyn finished organizing her things and stood up. "Goodnight, James."
"Goodnight, Evelyn," he said softly. She walked to the door to the dorms. "Evelyn," he said, and she turned. "Sometimes, a person will get hurt and no matter how badly you want to make that person feel better, you just can't." He had an apologetic look on his face, Evelyn could tell he wasn't talking about Lily anymore. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.
"Really, James, don't worry yourself about it." She smiled briefly and walked up the stairs. As she blinked, a tear rolled down her cheek.
* * *
Lily slept so softly that night that she had no dreams about her parents, no dreams at all, really. But after barely two hours of sleep, she was violently shaken awake. Quickly she opened her eyes, seeing Evelyn next to her.
"Evelyn?" Lily said groggily looking at the person next to her, "You almost shook me apart, and gave me a fright to go along with it. What's the matter?" Something was obviously wrong if Evelyn took the trouble to wake Lily up at four in the morning.
"Lily," Evelyn Whispered. "There's something banging outside our window!" Lily looked at Evelyn incredulously.
"It's nothing." She promptly replied, and pulled her covers over her head. Lily could tell Evelyn hadn't moved from her bedside. "Fine, I'll check," she said in defeat.
"Oh thank you, Lily, I couldn't get to sleep." Lily walked over to the window and tried to undo the latch. Her fingers tingled while the blood rushed to them quickly from the sudden movement.
She finally got the latch undone, and slowly opened the window.
"See, Evelyn? There is absolutely nothing outside out window," Lily said, more sarcastically than she had intended. She was thoroughly upset at having been woken from her peaceful sleep. Lily waved her hand outside as proof. Mid-swing, she hit something. Her face, which had been so calm, became blank with surprise as she shuffled yards away from the window.
"Ok, so maybe there is something out there." Lily couldn't quite hide the tremble in her voice, and Evelyn couldn't quite hide the smirk on her face. The feeling of satisfaction waned as Evelyn realized what Lily had said.
"What is it?" she asked quietly, for there wasn't any movement outside the window for the moment.
"I don't know… I hit something though."
Evelyn leaned from side to side, peering out into the cloudy sky. But the moon was bright, and its illumination proved that there was nothing directly outside their room, for now. "Is it gone?" Evelyn asked.
"Yeah, I think so," Lily said. But she really didn't think anything. Whatever she had touched had vanished. "I must have scared it off," she said, trying to be convincing.
She put her wand away, knowing that there was no way that she could sleep now. "Well, I'm going to go back to bed then, I suppose. It was probably just the boys playing a trick. You know them, always up to something or another," Evelyn said, stifling a large yawn.
But Lily wasn't so sure now, Evelyn might be able to sleep, but Lily knew that she had touched something out there. "You're probably right," she said.
"Sorry I woke you for nothing, but you know how I get sometimes," Evelyn apologized. Certainly Evelyn had the random overreactions, but Lily knew that Evelyn was just saying that. If anyone was sensible, it was Evelyn, and she was quietly tucked into her bed already.
Well, Lily considered, if Evelyn is so sensible then she is probably right about this whole thing. As she returned to her bed, she had the eerie feeling like she should close the window anyway, just in case.
She looked outside, feeling her pulse quicken and simultaneously feeling like an idiot for being so scared. She rolled her eyes at herself, but stopped quickly when she saw a quick flash of white. She took a few steps backwards, scanning the sky from what she considered a safer position. She watched the stars twinkle in the open gaps of the clouds. Am I seeing things? she wondered.
Lily resumed her walk towards the window, but she saw another flash of white. Were those wings? she thought, sensing it might be an owl. She was confused why an owl would be banging against the window, presumable trying to deliver, when they only ever delivered in the morning. But then why would a wild owl be so near the school? Lily was only a few steps from the window when she saw the bird fly by once more. It altered its horizontal course, pivoted, and flew through the window—and right into Lily's face.
* * *
Lily's frantic screams immediately woke all her roommates. Understandably, Evelyn was the first up.
"Lily, what is it?" Evelyn said, regarding Lily with a wary eye. Lily was unable to answer. Evelyn had seen Lily a messy drunk only once (one too many shots of Ogden's Firewhiskey) and that still didn't seem to compare with Lily's behavior now, though this incident, Evelyn thought, might become as memorable as the former. As Evelyn decided what to do, Cecil and Laura pulled themselves out of bed.
Cecil turned on the lights, grumbled nastily. Laura sat on the edge of her bed, running her fingers through her hair and squinting. "Lily," she said in a hoarse voice, "Get a hold of yourself! It's barely 4:30," she said. "My body wasn't made to be awake this early." She sighed and looked at Cecil. "What's wrong?"
"I don't know, but I am not very happy," Cecil said, hands on her hips. "So if she doesn't stop herself I will." Evelyn laughed. "Lily, what's the story?" she said, laughing at the cross look in Cecil's eye. Lily, beginning to hyperventilate, pointed out the window. When she tried to talk, she merely made loud gasping noises. Cecil and Laura were not pleased; Evelyn was amused.
Lily continued with her broken speech. Finally Cecil just got tired of it and clamped her hands over Lily's mouth.
"Ahh…thethall.. lll..kithh…gooo!!" Cecil had no idea Lily was sending her a death threat and blocked Lily's air until her chest settled down, and she started inhaling and exhaling at a normal rate. When Cecil finally removed her hand Lily was calm and a little out of breath, but at least she had stopped her screeching.
"Cecil, I really think there must have been a better way to do that," she said grudgingly.
"No Lily, I really think there wasn't," Laura said from her bed. "You were acting crazy."
"Well, you would have thrown an absolute hissy fit if an owl flew into your face," Lily replied scathingly. Patience wears thin quickly early in the morning. Laura looked like she would stick out her tongue if she didn't find the action so juvenile. "Evelyn, you were right. There was an owl outside, and I really did hit it when I checked. After you went to bed I was going to close the window, so it wouldn't fly in. Then it flew in and hit me in the face."
"Are you sure it was an owl Lily?" Laura asked this warily, for some reason. And that bothered Lily. She looked at Cecil and Evelyn, both of whom didn't quite meet her eyes.
"You know," Lily said sarcastically, "Maybe it wasn't an owl." She raised her eyebrows and smirked. "It was kind of hard to see, considering it was Right In Front of my face." Lily knew she was losing her temper, she knew she was being awful to her friends as well. Screw my temper and screw them, she thought. They're hiding something.
"Well, it could have been something else," suggested Cecil who smiled halfheartedly.
"What? What else could it have been?" Lily said, running her hands through her tangled hair. She found something stuck to her head and grabbed it.
"You could have been… hallucinating," said Cecil in what Lily considered a blatant and horrible attempt at a lie. Really, Lily thought. I'm not stupid.
"Hallucinating!" she cried in indignation. "You think I was hallucinating! Then tell me, do hallucinations knock into you? Did they leave feathers? Huh, do they?" She showed the feather that she had just pulled from her hair. "Because this one did." She set her jaw stubbornly and waited for someone to contradict her. The three exchanged looks and Evelyn was silently nominated to talk some sense into her.
"Lily, I really think we should just go to bed. It's been a long night and all. With the homework, and your… umm…"
"Don't even say it Evelyn. I was not having hallucinations. And you!—you of everyone—you should know what's going on. You're the one who woke me up in the first place. I know you all are hiding something and lying to me." She crossed her arms stubbornly, glaring at Laura, Evelyn, and Cecil. They all looked worried.
"Ok… there really was an owl," said a defeated Evelyn. Cecil sighed deeply, obviously upset at their lack of resolve.
"Yeah, we were lying about that," admitted Laura quickly, eying Cecil from the corner of her eye.
"I knew that already," Lily said stonily.
"Ok Lily fine." Cecil was finally willing to cooperate, thank goodness. "That, owl you were talking about, remember?"
"Of course I remember. You guys were the ones who were pretending not to remember." Lily was being difficult, and she knew it. Cecil looked like she was at the edge of a cliff, waiting to fall.
"Well, it has been here before." Lily's sharp intake of breath was the only sound in the room. "Three days ago it left a letter in this room and flew away."
"It wasn't addressed," continued Evelyn quietly, "So we opened it."
"Who was it for?" Lily asked, whispering. She knew from her friends' actions that she wasn't going to like the answer. More bad news? she wondered. Has someone else died?
"It was for you Lily," Laura answered, though it wasn't quite necessary. Lily nodded. "Who was it from?" Lily asked, sitting quietly on the edge of her bed. Immediately they all tensed. Lily repeated more forcefully, "Who was it from?" They still didn't answer. "WHO WAS IT FROM?" she bellowed.
Evelyn took a small step forwards and swallowed and reservations she had about revealing this information. "It was…It was a letter from your parents Lily."
* * *
She took a deep breath. "Where's that letter?" she demanded. Her friends all cringed.
"Here," Evelyn said as she produced a tattered letter from her end table drawer. Before she had even reached out to proffer the envelope to Lily it was snatched from her grasp. Laura and Cecil exchanged a look of surprise, each one's mouth formed into a little O.
Despite her anticipation and latent anger, Lily recognized the look that passed between them. If this is a joke, she thought grimly, they all die. She looked at the address, decidedly yet faintly scrawled in her mother's impressive and loopy writing. As a child, she had received letter from her mother and taken days sometimes to decipher what was written. She had optimistically decided that it made the letter last longer. However, Lily had grown to comprehend the even twists and wriggles of her mother's writing, and she could pass through a letter quickly and with ease. She could still recount some of the letters that she had received in first year, and yet her most recent letters were blurry and vague. What have I lost? she wondered, and her eyes became teary. Carefully she removed the letter from the envelope, noticing how the ink had run from being exposed to the rain. Two months that owl has been trying to deliver this letter, what could possibly have caused it to take to long? All her thoughts emptied from her head once she slid the letter from the weary envelope.
Dearest Lily,
How are you honey? Your father and I are so excited about you coming home; we sent this letter in advance. Think of this owl is an early Christmas present, we ordered it from a wizarding catalog that you left at home. There is something else we wanted you to have before coming home, its small, and its still in the envelope. We can't wait to see you
Love,
Your Parents
Tears flowed more readily down Lily's face as she read the letter. Without completely looking up, but feeling the eyes of her friends upon her, she handed them the letter, and they passed it around reading it. Laura had just passed it to Cecil when Lily let out a loud and staggered gasp. "Evelyn," she said, and a hand was instantly rubbing at her shoulder as she lightly sobbed.
"Lily, the envelope, it had so many holes in it. You realize that owl has been trying to find you for more than two months. Whatever was in the envelope could be anywhere." Cecil was right. Lily tried to hide that this upset her terribly and shook her head briskly.
"Where would that owl be? He is mine after all." Lily returned to her secondary emotion: that of wariness about the owl. First of all, it ambushes her, delivering the letter at the complete wrong time of day. Owls are smart birds, it shouldn't have taken it two months to go somewhere as simple as Hogwarts, she knew. School owls had found her house before, was it much different?
As if on cue, the owl swooped down from out of the shadows. He slowed a little when he got to Lily, and then he continued out the window. The girls just stared in shock.
Lily was not in the mood to discuss a rampant owl, even if it was hers, and she said as much, "It's been a really long night. I'm going to go to sleep." As an afterthought she added, "and lets not tell anyone about this, okay?" That owl could come back if it wanted to, she decided, even if it was supposed to be her Christmas present. Lily climbed into bed and slept.
Her dreams, so terrible the night before, were softened. She dreamt of her parents. She dreamt of her mother writing the letter, her father dangling over her shoulder. With all the water stains from the rain, Lily would never know that some of the words had blurred even earlier than she expected. As her mother had reread the letter before sending it out with the newly purchased owl, a few tears had blotted out some of her more festive curlicues.