CHAPTER THREE: CURIOUS. VERY CURIOUS.
When Lord Potter and Joanna Scowling were about to fly to Hogwarts, suddenly, a large brown owl came flying into the room. He had a Hogwarts letter! "Give it here, stupid owl", Lord Potter said angrily, as he grabbed the letter. The owl raised his paw, wanting cash, but fire shot from Lord Potter's eyes, scaring the owl that flew away. "That's one of my diabolical supernatural powers!", Lord Potter laughed evilly, when he saw the look on Joanna's face. "Now, let's read this stupid letter.
- "Hey, you loser, I'm just sending this letter to make sure you don't forget anything for the school year. In the following list, you can see which crap you must buy in Diagon Alley. Don't forget anything, or else I'll make sure you'll lead a miserable life!
Here's the list:
FIFTH YEAR BOOK SET The Transfiguration Book of Boredom 5 - by Betty Boringley
Some History Book You Don't Need Because Some Old Fool Is Only Going To Tell Some Crap About Goblin Wars That Happened Some Ages Ago And Is'nt Going To Let You Use This Book - by Gregory Goblinhater
The Book of Highly Dangerous Potions Which Snape Can Use To Scar You For Life - by Steven Scarhead
Foresee The Future You Don't Even Have Because You're Going To End Up All Alone and Depressed Anyway- by Patty Pessimist
Defend Yourself Against The Evil Powers Of The Almighty Unbeatable Terrible Horrible Diabolical Lord Potter Who Kills Off Everybody And Beats Up My Little Son Draco - by Lucius Malfoy
Greetings from the Assistant Head Master
Minnie "Groovy Cat" McGonagall" -
Lord Potter threw the letter away. "That stupid McGonagall! I just hate her! Always dressed as she is a hippie or something. she doesn't even care about my evil plans! She's making it way to easy for me! Then it isn't fun anymore! And Dumbledore. well, he's in McGonagall's Hippie Cult anyway, so he isn't a challenge either. at least that Voldy guy tries to stop me! Now I have someone who I could be proud of to beat! Anyway, we'll need to go to Diagon Alley. And then, you can take the job of Defense Against the Dark Arts. Mwahahaha!"
They then flew to London, while Lord Potter told his evil history. "I'm trying to conquer Hogwarts since my first year! I made a deal with the evil gamekeeper Hagrid and I convinced Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley and Neville Longbottom to go to my side. They're my most loyal followers. You wouldn't suspect it from Longbottom - he seems too macho to follow anybody. But I'm giving him the chances to get rich and famous, so he's glad to help me out. Anyway, in my first year, my evil plan to conquer Hogwarts almost worked. But then, that stupid Voldy Mort suspected something and he sent some Quirrel guy to steal the Useless Rock, hidden at the school in that year. In our final battle, he said he was going to use it against me. I laughed at him - he used a useless rock after all - but then he threw it to my head and I was knock-out for at least a week! In my second year, I planned to open the Chamber of Secrets, but then I found a diary in which I wrote my evil plans. how should I know that there was some Riddle guy in it who used my plans to open the Chamber himself and defeat me! In my third year, all went smooth. I used the Shrieking Shack as my headquarter to prepare for my evil plans. but then, a black dog and a werewolf suddenly came in and they destroyed my evil tools! Aargh! And in my fourth year, I planned to win the Triwizard Tournament, because I wanted to use the prize money to buy some new evil tools. but then, the Cup turned out to be a portkey that lead to Voldy Mort, who used my toenails as ingredient for a potion to rise again! But now, I must win. Now, it is my turn to make the other side look ridiculous! MWAHAHAHA! Oh, what do you know, there's the Leaky Cauldron! Let's land and go inside!"
Lord Potter and "Joanna Scowling" landed and went inside. All became quiet. "What do you know. It's the Evil Lord Potter!", Tom, the barkeeper, said. Suddenly, much people came closer to them. "Can I have your autograph, Evil Lord?" "Is that your new girlfriend or your new follower?" "Good luck with conquering Hogwarts, my Lord!" "Teach that Dumbledore guy a lesson!" Then, they managed to get out. "Why are you so popular when you are evil, Lord Potter?" Lord Potter said: "They think that Dumbledore is a pathetic Head Master. I mean, he does nothing but going to rock concerts and going to Mallorca Beach! Many people, like me, think that we need a new, strong, cool Head Master, like me!" He tapped his wand to a brick and then, the wall became a gate. Lord Potter and his follower Scowling stepped into Diagon Alley! "Now, Scowling, you can look around for evil stuff when I'm going to buy my books". He then went away. Joanna whispered: "But first, I need a wand. Let's go to Olivander's!" She looked for Olivander's wand shop.
After some walking, she found it. She went inside the old, dusty shop. Suddenly, an old man apparated in front of her. "I wondered when I would be seeing you, Mrs. er. what's your name?" "Scowling. Joanna Scowling". "Right. Seems only yesterday that your. er. I never had your parents in my shop, really. but what the heck? You came for a wand! Let's see." He grabbed a box, opened it, took a wand out and gave it to Joanna Scowling. "Well give it a wave!" Joanna waved with the wand, and then. "AARGH!" The ceiling came down. "LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!"
They jumped out of the collapsing shop. "No, no, definitely not that wand!", Olivander said, grabbing the wand out of Joanna's hand. "What is wrong with you? Now all my wands all broken! Except for this one!" He pulled out a long, shining wand. "It's my favourite wand! I found it too beautiful to sell! But, you can try it." He gave the wand to Joanna. She waved with the wand, causing a special effect of wind and colours. "Curious", Olivander said. "Very curious!" "What's curious?", Joanna asked. "The parrot, who's feather resides in your wand, gave another feather. Just one other. It's curious that you should be destined for this wand, while it's brother belongs to He-Who-Some-Of-Us-Don't-Like-To-Call-Him-By-Name!" "Oh, I get it. So the wand with the other parrot feather belongs to Lord Potter!" "I-said-that-some-of-us-don't-like-to-call-him-by-name!", Olivander whispered furiously. "Now, give my cash and get out! And oh yeah - you'll be hearing of my lawyer! How am I supposed to rebuild my collapsed shop?" "With magic, of course", Joanna said. She gave Olivander his money and went away happily. "That girl has some point", Olivander said, counting his money.
When Lord Potter and Joanna Scowling were about to fly to Hogwarts, suddenly, a large brown owl came flying into the room. He had a Hogwarts letter! "Give it here, stupid owl", Lord Potter said angrily, as he grabbed the letter. The owl raised his paw, wanting cash, but fire shot from Lord Potter's eyes, scaring the owl that flew away. "That's one of my diabolical supernatural powers!", Lord Potter laughed evilly, when he saw the look on Joanna's face. "Now, let's read this stupid letter.
- "Hey, you loser, I'm just sending this letter to make sure you don't forget anything for the school year. In the following list, you can see which crap you must buy in Diagon Alley. Don't forget anything, or else I'll make sure you'll lead a miserable life!
Here's the list:
FIFTH YEAR BOOK SET The Transfiguration Book of Boredom 5 - by Betty Boringley
Some History Book You Don't Need Because Some Old Fool Is Only Going To Tell Some Crap About Goblin Wars That Happened Some Ages Ago And Is'nt Going To Let You Use This Book - by Gregory Goblinhater
The Book of Highly Dangerous Potions Which Snape Can Use To Scar You For Life - by Steven Scarhead
Foresee The Future You Don't Even Have Because You're Going To End Up All Alone and Depressed Anyway- by Patty Pessimist
Defend Yourself Against The Evil Powers Of The Almighty Unbeatable Terrible Horrible Diabolical Lord Potter Who Kills Off Everybody And Beats Up My Little Son Draco - by Lucius Malfoy
Greetings from the Assistant Head Master
Minnie "Groovy Cat" McGonagall" -
Lord Potter threw the letter away. "That stupid McGonagall! I just hate her! Always dressed as she is a hippie or something. she doesn't even care about my evil plans! She's making it way to easy for me! Then it isn't fun anymore! And Dumbledore. well, he's in McGonagall's Hippie Cult anyway, so he isn't a challenge either. at least that Voldy guy tries to stop me! Now I have someone who I could be proud of to beat! Anyway, we'll need to go to Diagon Alley. And then, you can take the job of Defense Against the Dark Arts. Mwahahaha!"
They then flew to London, while Lord Potter told his evil history. "I'm trying to conquer Hogwarts since my first year! I made a deal with the evil gamekeeper Hagrid and I convinced Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley and Neville Longbottom to go to my side. They're my most loyal followers. You wouldn't suspect it from Longbottom - he seems too macho to follow anybody. But I'm giving him the chances to get rich and famous, so he's glad to help me out. Anyway, in my first year, my evil plan to conquer Hogwarts almost worked. But then, that stupid Voldy Mort suspected something and he sent some Quirrel guy to steal the Useless Rock, hidden at the school in that year. In our final battle, he said he was going to use it against me. I laughed at him - he used a useless rock after all - but then he threw it to my head and I was knock-out for at least a week! In my second year, I planned to open the Chamber of Secrets, but then I found a diary in which I wrote my evil plans. how should I know that there was some Riddle guy in it who used my plans to open the Chamber himself and defeat me! In my third year, all went smooth. I used the Shrieking Shack as my headquarter to prepare for my evil plans. but then, a black dog and a werewolf suddenly came in and they destroyed my evil tools! Aargh! And in my fourth year, I planned to win the Triwizard Tournament, because I wanted to use the prize money to buy some new evil tools. but then, the Cup turned out to be a portkey that lead to Voldy Mort, who used my toenails as ingredient for a potion to rise again! But now, I must win. Now, it is my turn to make the other side look ridiculous! MWAHAHAHA! Oh, what do you know, there's the Leaky Cauldron! Let's land and go inside!"
Lord Potter and "Joanna Scowling" landed and went inside. All became quiet. "What do you know. It's the Evil Lord Potter!", Tom, the barkeeper, said. Suddenly, much people came closer to them. "Can I have your autograph, Evil Lord?" "Is that your new girlfriend or your new follower?" "Good luck with conquering Hogwarts, my Lord!" "Teach that Dumbledore guy a lesson!" Then, they managed to get out. "Why are you so popular when you are evil, Lord Potter?" Lord Potter said: "They think that Dumbledore is a pathetic Head Master. I mean, he does nothing but going to rock concerts and going to Mallorca Beach! Many people, like me, think that we need a new, strong, cool Head Master, like me!" He tapped his wand to a brick and then, the wall became a gate. Lord Potter and his follower Scowling stepped into Diagon Alley! "Now, Scowling, you can look around for evil stuff when I'm going to buy my books". He then went away. Joanna whispered: "But first, I need a wand. Let's go to Olivander's!" She looked for Olivander's wand shop.
After some walking, she found it. She went inside the old, dusty shop. Suddenly, an old man apparated in front of her. "I wondered when I would be seeing you, Mrs. er. what's your name?" "Scowling. Joanna Scowling". "Right. Seems only yesterday that your. er. I never had your parents in my shop, really. but what the heck? You came for a wand! Let's see." He grabbed a box, opened it, took a wand out and gave it to Joanna Scowling. "Well give it a wave!" Joanna waved with the wand, and then. "AARGH!" The ceiling came down. "LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!"
They jumped out of the collapsing shop. "No, no, definitely not that wand!", Olivander said, grabbing the wand out of Joanna's hand. "What is wrong with you? Now all my wands all broken! Except for this one!" He pulled out a long, shining wand. "It's my favourite wand! I found it too beautiful to sell! But, you can try it." He gave the wand to Joanna. She waved with the wand, causing a special effect of wind and colours. "Curious", Olivander said. "Very curious!" "What's curious?", Joanna asked. "The parrot, who's feather resides in your wand, gave another feather. Just one other. It's curious that you should be destined for this wand, while it's brother belongs to He-Who-Some-Of-Us-Don't-Like-To-Call-Him-By-Name!" "Oh, I get it. So the wand with the other parrot feather belongs to Lord Potter!" "I-said-that-some-of-us-don't-like-to-call-him-by-name!", Olivander whispered furiously. "Now, give my cash and get out! And oh yeah - you'll be hearing of my lawyer! How am I supposed to rebuild my collapsed shop?" "With magic, of course", Joanna said. She gave Olivander his money and went away happily. "That girl has some point", Olivander said, counting his money.