CHAPTER FOUR: CAN I BE A TEACHER?
After a few minutes of walking, looking at shops and trying out her new wand, Joanna met Lord Potter again. "So, Scowling", he asked. "Did you have . . . fun?" "Oh yes", said Joanna, with a (fake) evil grin on her face. "I blew up a entire wand shop!" "You mean Olivander's?" "Yes, my Lord!" "Good", said Lord Potter, with a diabolical smile on his face. "That'll teach that old fool! Oh, besides, I had fun too, reading this". Lord Potter took the book 'Defend Yourself Against The Evil Powers Of The Almighty Unbeatable Terrible Horrible Diabolical Lord Potter Who Kills Off Everybody And Beats Up My Little Son Draco' out of his bag.
"This book is written by Lucius Malfoy. The wimp! Look at this chapter:
Lesson 1: How to act when you meet the Evil Lord Potter!
1: Avoid Lord Potter's evil curses
2: Turn your body 180 degrees to the left (or the right, it doesn't make any difference)
3: Place your left foot in front of your right foot
4: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
Isn't it pathetic?", Lord Potter asked. "Yes, pathetic", Joanna replied sheepishly. "Now, let's go to Hogwarts!", Lord Potter said. He stepped on his "Diablo Three Thousand" and flew away, followed by Joanna Scowling on her "Snaky Broom Four Hundred".
It was a pleasant flight. The only trouble was caused by some Muggle Airplanes and some birds flying to the south, but for the rest, nothing went wrong. After a long, LONG time of flying through the clouds of Great Britain, they came at a castle in Scotland: Hogwarts! "We're here", said Lord Potter, with a crazy look on his face. "Hogwarts. Soon, this is going to be the EVIL EMPIRE OF LORD POTTER! MWAHAHAHA! Cough cough . . . urgh. Sorry, but I'm getting too old for that evil laughing." They landed at the entrance. The doors were closed, but Lord Potter pulled out his wand and said: "BURNOMORA!" The doors went on fire and then destroyed themselves. "This is way more fun than "Alohomora", said Lord Potter, again with that crazy look. "HEY EVERYBODY, LORD POTTER IS BACK IN TOWN!", he yelled. They walked into the Great Hall. Suddenly, they saw Dumbledore coming out from under the table. "Uh? Wazzup?", he asked. "Were you sleeping again, you lazy old guy?", Lord Potter said. "You're damn right, Potter! 10 points to Gryffindor! Now, let me go back to sleep!", said Dumbledore, before he yawned. "I'm tired of that rock concert on yesterday. The Rolling Stones kept playing 'til midnight!" He fell asleep.
"You see?", Lord Potter said to Joanna. "He's a lazy old guy who does nothing to stop me from doing evil things and is only thinking of rock concerts . . . Pathetic! He didn't even notice that the doors were away!" This time, Joanna had to admit that Lord Potter was right for 100 percent.
Meanwhile, in the common room, Ron Weasley, a tall, red haired young man, and Hermione Granger, smart, hot and loved by everyone, were kissing passionately, while rolling over the floor (Yes, this IS a R/H fic. But also a H/H, a N/H, a D/H and a S/H, if you didn't notice before). Something they had been doing every day of the vacation.
"Oh Ron", said Hermione when they stopped kissing for a few seconds. "You're my only true love!" "Really?", asked Ron. "I bet you say that to everyone you snog with. I mean, you're Lord Potter's - and Neville's, and Draco's, and . . . yegh . . . Snape's - girlfriend!"
"I'm not Snape's girlfriend anymore", said Hermione quickly. "He's too old." "Oh, that's a relieve", said Ron. "I was getting mental images . . . yuck!" He shuddered. "But anyway . . . what were you saying again?" "That you are my true love", said Hermione. "And I mean it. It's different with the others. For them, I'm just some scarlet woman who's job it is to make other people happy by snogging them and pretending to like them. But only with you, I can be myself."
"Absolutely true", said Ron. "And Lord Harry thinks we're here to help Hagrid prepare his evil plans for the new year. HA! If only he knew what we were doing.", Ron said, before kissing her again.
After endless passionate kissing and rolling over the floor, they suddenly heard footsteps. "Is that Neville?", Ron asked. "No", Hermione said as she went white. "I know that footsteps . . . They sound so evil! It's THE DIABOLICAL LORD POTTER! I must get out, before he notices we're kissing while being only half-dressed . . ."
"But . . . Isn't that OK with him?", Ron asked. "I mean, he knows that we're together.
"Yes, he knows", Hermione said, "But he hates to actually SEE us being together. I'll be going to the girl's dormitory, you'll be staying here! Unless you want to feel the wrath of the EMPEROR OF EVIL!"
"HURRY UP, Hermione, Lord Potter's coming!", Ron said. Hermione went into the girl's dormitory. At the same moment she closed the door, Lord Potter came in to the Gryffindor Common Room. "Hey, Harry", Ron said with a unusual high voice. He, Hermione and Neville were allowed to call him "Harry". "Hey, Ron", Harry said. "Say, why do you only wear a boxer short?"
"Er . . . Because it's hot, isn't it? Yeah, that's it, it's too hot!", said Ron quickly. "Er . . . I understand you're having it hot", said Harry. "Weather's been very weird this summer. So, how's it hanging with Hermione and Longbottom?" "Oh, just fine", Ron said. "Hermione is thinking of important losers she could snog so that they come to our side, and Neville's thinking of new ways to torture Snape. So, how are YOU doing, mate?" Harry turned again to his evil self.
"Fine, just fine. I have found me a diabolical servant that can take the job of Defense Against the Dark Arts. MWAHAHA! And I'm also working on a top secret weapon that I can use to blast Voldy-Woldy and his followers away! And don't ask with me what that secret weapon is", Harry said, when Ron opened his mouth. "It's TOP SECRET, so you're NOT supposed to know what it is. Now, if you excuse me, I'll be going to see my new servant: Joanna Scowling".
Joanna Scowling tried to wake up Dumbledore. "Mister Dumbledore . . . PROFESSOR! WAKE UP, YOU LAZY GOOD-FOR-NOTHING!" Dumbledore woke up. "Er . . . 10 points to Gryffindor! What is it?" Joanna said with a sweet voice: "I am Joanna Scowling, sir, and I want to take the job of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. Can I please, can I can I can I?"
"Er . . . OK, you can be a bloody teacher, whatever! And oh yeah, you can also be the Head of Gryffindor, McGonagall is going to spend a little more time with me. did I say that? I mean, she is going to spend more time to the Hippie Cult! Yeah, that's it." Joanna Scowling asked: "Can I REALLY be the Head of Gryffindor? That's fantastic! Thank you, professor!" "Yeah, whatever", said Dumbledore. "Now, leave me, while I can GET SOME SLEEP ALREADY! I'M TIRED! T-I-R-E-D! LET ME SLEEP! S-L-E-B-E! Er . . . S-L-I-P-E. S-R-L-B-E . . . Oh, bloody!" And he immediately fell to sleep.
After a few minutes of walking, looking at shops and trying out her new wand, Joanna met Lord Potter again. "So, Scowling", he asked. "Did you have . . . fun?" "Oh yes", said Joanna, with a (fake) evil grin on her face. "I blew up a entire wand shop!" "You mean Olivander's?" "Yes, my Lord!" "Good", said Lord Potter, with a diabolical smile on his face. "That'll teach that old fool! Oh, besides, I had fun too, reading this". Lord Potter took the book 'Defend Yourself Against The Evil Powers Of The Almighty Unbeatable Terrible Horrible Diabolical Lord Potter Who Kills Off Everybody And Beats Up My Little Son Draco' out of his bag.
"This book is written by Lucius Malfoy. The wimp! Look at this chapter:
Lesson 1: How to act when you meet the Evil Lord Potter!
1: Avoid Lord Potter's evil curses
2: Turn your body 180 degrees to the left (or the right, it doesn't make any difference)
3: Place your left foot in front of your right foot
4: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
Isn't it pathetic?", Lord Potter asked. "Yes, pathetic", Joanna replied sheepishly. "Now, let's go to Hogwarts!", Lord Potter said. He stepped on his "Diablo Three Thousand" and flew away, followed by Joanna Scowling on her "Snaky Broom Four Hundred".
It was a pleasant flight. The only trouble was caused by some Muggle Airplanes and some birds flying to the south, but for the rest, nothing went wrong. After a long, LONG time of flying through the clouds of Great Britain, they came at a castle in Scotland: Hogwarts! "We're here", said Lord Potter, with a crazy look on his face. "Hogwarts. Soon, this is going to be the EVIL EMPIRE OF LORD POTTER! MWAHAHAHA! Cough cough . . . urgh. Sorry, but I'm getting too old for that evil laughing." They landed at the entrance. The doors were closed, but Lord Potter pulled out his wand and said: "BURNOMORA!" The doors went on fire and then destroyed themselves. "This is way more fun than "Alohomora", said Lord Potter, again with that crazy look. "HEY EVERYBODY, LORD POTTER IS BACK IN TOWN!", he yelled. They walked into the Great Hall. Suddenly, they saw Dumbledore coming out from under the table. "Uh? Wazzup?", he asked. "Were you sleeping again, you lazy old guy?", Lord Potter said. "You're damn right, Potter! 10 points to Gryffindor! Now, let me go back to sleep!", said Dumbledore, before he yawned. "I'm tired of that rock concert on yesterday. The Rolling Stones kept playing 'til midnight!" He fell asleep.
"You see?", Lord Potter said to Joanna. "He's a lazy old guy who does nothing to stop me from doing evil things and is only thinking of rock concerts . . . Pathetic! He didn't even notice that the doors were away!" This time, Joanna had to admit that Lord Potter was right for 100 percent.
Meanwhile, in the common room, Ron Weasley, a tall, red haired young man, and Hermione Granger, smart, hot and loved by everyone, were kissing passionately, while rolling over the floor (Yes, this IS a R/H fic. But also a H/H, a N/H, a D/H and a S/H, if you didn't notice before). Something they had been doing every day of the vacation.
"Oh Ron", said Hermione when they stopped kissing for a few seconds. "You're my only true love!" "Really?", asked Ron. "I bet you say that to everyone you snog with. I mean, you're Lord Potter's - and Neville's, and Draco's, and . . . yegh . . . Snape's - girlfriend!"
"I'm not Snape's girlfriend anymore", said Hermione quickly. "He's too old." "Oh, that's a relieve", said Ron. "I was getting mental images . . . yuck!" He shuddered. "But anyway . . . what were you saying again?" "That you are my true love", said Hermione. "And I mean it. It's different with the others. For them, I'm just some scarlet woman who's job it is to make other people happy by snogging them and pretending to like them. But only with you, I can be myself."
"Absolutely true", said Ron. "And Lord Harry thinks we're here to help Hagrid prepare his evil plans for the new year. HA! If only he knew what we were doing.", Ron said, before kissing her again.
After endless passionate kissing and rolling over the floor, they suddenly heard footsteps. "Is that Neville?", Ron asked. "No", Hermione said as she went white. "I know that footsteps . . . They sound so evil! It's THE DIABOLICAL LORD POTTER! I must get out, before he notices we're kissing while being only half-dressed . . ."
"But . . . Isn't that OK with him?", Ron asked. "I mean, he knows that we're together.
"Yes, he knows", Hermione said, "But he hates to actually SEE us being together. I'll be going to the girl's dormitory, you'll be staying here! Unless you want to feel the wrath of the EMPEROR OF EVIL!"
"HURRY UP, Hermione, Lord Potter's coming!", Ron said. Hermione went into the girl's dormitory. At the same moment she closed the door, Lord Potter came in to the Gryffindor Common Room. "Hey, Harry", Ron said with a unusual high voice. He, Hermione and Neville were allowed to call him "Harry". "Hey, Ron", Harry said. "Say, why do you only wear a boxer short?"
"Er . . . Because it's hot, isn't it? Yeah, that's it, it's too hot!", said Ron quickly. "Er . . . I understand you're having it hot", said Harry. "Weather's been very weird this summer. So, how's it hanging with Hermione and Longbottom?" "Oh, just fine", Ron said. "Hermione is thinking of important losers she could snog so that they come to our side, and Neville's thinking of new ways to torture Snape. So, how are YOU doing, mate?" Harry turned again to his evil self.
"Fine, just fine. I have found me a diabolical servant that can take the job of Defense Against the Dark Arts. MWAHAHA! And I'm also working on a top secret weapon that I can use to blast Voldy-Woldy and his followers away! And don't ask with me what that secret weapon is", Harry said, when Ron opened his mouth. "It's TOP SECRET, so you're NOT supposed to know what it is. Now, if you excuse me, I'll be going to see my new servant: Joanna Scowling".
Joanna Scowling tried to wake up Dumbledore. "Mister Dumbledore . . . PROFESSOR! WAKE UP, YOU LAZY GOOD-FOR-NOTHING!" Dumbledore woke up. "Er . . . 10 points to Gryffindor! What is it?" Joanna said with a sweet voice: "I am Joanna Scowling, sir, and I want to take the job of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. Can I please, can I can I can I?"
"Er . . . OK, you can be a bloody teacher, whatever! And oh yeah, you can also be the Head of Gryffindor, McGonagall is going to spend a little more time with me. did I say that? I mean, she is going to spend more time to the Hippie Cult! Yeah, that's it." Joanna Scowling asked: "Can I REALLY be the Head of Gryffindor? That's fantastic! Thank you, professor!" "Yeah, whatever", said Dumbledore. "Now, leave me, while I can GET SOME SLEEP ALREADY! I'M TIRED! T-I-R-E-D! LET ME SLEEP! S-L-E-B-E! Er . . . S-L-I-P-E. S-R-L-B-E . . . Oh, bloody!" And he immediately fell to sleep.