CHAPTER FIVE: MACHO'S AND HOUSE-ELVES
Lord Potter was walking in the corridors of Hogwarts, searching for his servant Joanna Scowling, when he suddenly met Neville Longbottom, wearing his black leather jacket and his sunglasses. "Hey Potter Guy!", yelled Neville. "Hello, Longbottom", Lord Potter said, with a small threatening tone in his voice. Neville didn't get the message.
"So, dude, how's it hangin'? I am doing just DAMN fine! Listen up, Lordie: I got some o' them pink wabbits from Hagrid and now I have created the perfect plan to torture little Snapey-Wapey. It's called: "Operation Hoppin' Bunny. You wanna hear it ?"
"No thanks, Longbottom", Lord Potter said. "I'm off to see my new follower Joanna Scowling. She is asking old Dumblydore if she can." Neville didn't let Lord Potter finish his sentence. "Oh, so does the great LORD POTTER now have a second girlfriend?", Neville smirked. Lord Potter said: "Honestly, Longbottom, I really DON'T understand why I see you as one of my most loyal followers!"
"Me neither, Potty, me neither".
"DON'T CALL ME POTTY!", Lord Potter yelled.
"I'm so sorry, Potter-Wotter. BWAHAHA! See you later, dude!", Neville grinned as he went flirting with a seventh year Hufflepuf girl.
Meanwhile, Joanna was searching for Lord Potter. However, Hogwarts was very big, and she didn't know which corridor to take: the left or the right one. But suddenly, two ghosts came flying by. Are they planes? Are they birds? No, they are FRED AND GEORGE WEASLEY!! Joanna shrieked when she saw it. "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU TWO?", she shrieked. "Honestly woman, what are you talking about?", said Fred. Or was it George? "We've been like this for the past 4 years since Lord Potter killed us with his deadly Alohomora curse, so don't nag! And if you excuse is, we can go to the toilets. Nobody will disturb us there, not even that sick girl Merry Myrtle. Always horribly happy. Disgusting! As if she doesn't respect dead people who want to philosophize about what is death!" And then the two unhappy ghost flew away. Joanna shook her head and took the left corridor, and that was the right one. (author's note: get the joke? Reader's note: yeah yeah, can you let me read in peace now? Author's note: okay, okay, don't nag!)
"So, Scowling, do you have the position of teacher?", Lord Potter asked. "Yes, my Lord", Joanna said. "And I'm also declared Head of Gryffindor!" "Very good, Scowling", Lord Potter said. "But the name Gryffindor is changing into Potterdor. Hermione requested that to Dumbledore, and you know, she always gets what she wants. MWAHAHA! I'll be the Greatest Wizard of All Time in no-time!"
Joanna and Lord Potter went to the Gryff. I mean Potterdor Common Room and talked about interesting things, like for instance the depression of Fred and George. "Those stupid ghosts are always being annoying", Lord Potter said. "First they're depressed, then they strike for the rights of the ghost. yeesh!" Lord Potter went to the Boy's Dormitories and Joanna to the Teacher's Dormitories, where she had pleasant dreams.
The next day, it was the 1st of September, the first day at school. Joanna woke up early to help the other teachers prepare the Sorting Ceremony. When she was having a conversation with Professor Snape, who was wearing a pink T-shirt and a boxer short, Hagrid winked Joanna. She got the message, ended the conversation with Snape and followed Rubeus Hagrid to his hut.
"So, do ya like Hogwarts so far?", he asked.
"Yes, yes, it's a really nice place".
Hagrid said: "Yes, Hogwarts is going ter be the best Evil Headquarter of Lord Potter yeh can imagine. Mwahaha! Now, my fellow Follower of Lord Potter, let me show ya something." He went back to Hogwarts Castle, Joanna following him. They took a secret passage, and suddenly, they were at the Hogwarts kitchen!
The House-Elves were sitting on their chairs in the dirty kitchen, with a bottle of "X-tra Strong Butterbeer with 40 % More Alcohol!" in their hands. It was clear that these creatures were very lazy. When they noticed Hagrid and Joanna, one of the House-Elves jumped up and said: "What the hell's tha matter with ya! We don't want to be your slaves, stupid humans! We only have six days of vacation a week, and not even a sauna or a bubble bath! So shoo it, man!" All the House-Elves yelled: "Yeah, shoo it, man!" Hagrid said: "Now now, Elves, we don't want yeh ter work! We came ter free yeh! If yeh join us, yeh can fight for His Evilness of Evil, the one and only Lord Potter! An' fightin' is a lot better than workin', isn't it, fellows?"
The leader House-Elve thought. "Mmm. well, human, that's not a bad deal. but what the heck? Ya got ya self a deal, buster! We'll fight for ya!" All the House-Elves yelled: "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" "Okay, that's enough already", said Hagrid. "See yeh soon, when we come to free yeh!" And then, Hagrid and Joanna left.
"Phew, I finally did it", said Hagrid. "Those House-Elves are very difficult creatures. but I visited them often, so they know me a bit, and I guess they like me. Not that House-Elves really like people, they only like cash, vacation an' chicks, but that doesn't matter!" And then, Hagrid left, and Joanna went to prepare for the Sorting Ceremony. So the House-Elves were now on Lord Potter's side? Maybe she had to write a letter to her friend, Voldy Mort.
Lord Potter was walking in the corridors of Hogwarts, searching for his servant Joanna Scowling, when he suddenly met Neville Longbottom, wearing his black leather jacket and his sunglasses. "Hey Potter Guy!", yelled Neville. "Hello, Longbottom", Lord Potter said, with a small threatening tone in his voice. Neville didn't get the message.
"So, dude, how's it hangin'? I am doing just DAMN fine! Listen up, Lordie: I got some o' them pink wabbits from Hagrid and now I have created the perfect plan to torture little Snapey-Wapey. It's called: "Operation Hoppin' Bunny. You wanna hear it ?"
"No thanks, Longbottom", Lord Potter said. "I'm off to see my new follower Joanna Scowling. She is asking old Dumblydore if she can." Neville didn't let Lord Potter finish his sentence. "Oh, so does the great LORD POTTER now have a second girlfriend?", Neville smirked. Lord Potter said: "Honestly, Longbottom, I really DON'T understand why I see you as one of my most loyal followers!"
"Me neither, Potty, me neither".
"DON'T CALL ME POTTY!", Lord Potter yelled.
"I'm so sorry, Potter-Wotter. BWAHAHA! See you later, dude!", Neville grinned as he went flirting with a seventh year Hufflepuf girl.
Meanwhile, Joanna was searching for Lord Potter. However, Hogwarts was very big, and she didn't know which corridor to take: the left or the right one. But suddenly, two ghosts came flying by. Are they planes? Are they birds? No, they are FRED AND GEORGE WEASLEY!! Joanna shrieked when she saw it. "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU TWO?", she shrieked. "Honestly woman, what are you talking about?", said Fred. Or was it George? "We've been like this for the past 4 years since Lord Potter killed us with his deadly Alohomora curse, so don't nag! And if you excuse is, we can go to the toilets. Nobody will disturb us there, not even that sick girl Merry Myrtle. Always horribly happy. Disgusting! As if she doesn't respect dead people who want to philosophize about what is death!" And then the two unhappy ghost flew away. Joanna shook her head and took the left corridor, and that was the right one. (author's note: get the joke? Reader's note: yeah yeah, can you let me read in peace now? Author's note: okay, okay, don't nag!)
"So, Scowling, do you have the position of teacher?", Lord Potter asked. "Yes, my Lord", Joanna said. "And I'm also declared Head of Gryffindor!" "Very good, Scowling", Lord Potter said. "But the name Gryffindor is changing into Potterdor. Hermione requested that to Dumbledore, and you know, she always gets what she wants. MWAHAHA! I'll be the Greatest Wizard of All Time in no-time!"
Joanna and Lord Potter went to the Gryff. I mean Potterdor Common Room and talked about interesting things, like for instance the depression of Fred and George. "Those stupid ghosts are always being annoying", Lord Potter said. "First they're depressed, then they strike for the rights of the ghost. yeesh!" Lord Potter went to the Boy's Dormitories and Joanna to the Teacher's Dormitories, where she had pleasant dreams.
The next day, it was the 1st of September, the first day at school. Joanna woke up early to help the other teachers prepare the Sorting Ceremony. When she was having a conversation with Professor Snape, who was wearing a pink T-shirt and a boxer short, Hagrid winked Joanna. She got the message, ended the conversation with Snape and followed Rubeus Hagrid to his hut.
"So, do ya like Hogwarts so far?", he asked.
"Yes, yes, it's a really nice place".
Hagrid said: "Yes, Hogwarts is going ter be the best Evil Headquarter of Lord Potter yeh can imagine. Mwahaha! Now, my fellow Follower of Lord Potter, let me show ya something." He went back to Hogwarts Castle, Joanna following him. They took a secret passage, and suddenly, they were at the Hogwarts kitchen!
The House-Elves were sitting on their chairs in the dirty kitchen, with a bottle of "X-tra Strong Butterbeer with 40 % More Alcohol!" in their hands. It was clear that these creatures were very lazy. When they noticed Hagrid and Joanna, one of the House-Elves jumped up and said: "What the hell's tha matter with ya! We don't want to be your slaves, stupid humans! We only have six days of vacation a week, and not even a sauna or a bubble bath! So shoo it, man!" All the House-Elves yelled: "Yeah, shoo it, man!" Hagrid said: "Now now, Elves, we don't want yeh ter work! We came ter free yeh! If yeh join us, yeh can fight for His Evilness of Evil, the one and only Lord Potter! An' fightin' is a lot better than workin', isn't it, fellows?"
The leader House-Elve thought. "Mmm. well, human, that's not a bad deal. but what the heck? Ya got ya self a deal, buster! We'll fight for ya!" All the House-Elves yelled: "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" "Okay, that's enough already", said Hagrid. "See yeh soon, when we come to free yeh!" And then, Hagrid and Joanna left.
"Phew, I finally did it", said Hagrid. "Those House-Elves are very difficult creatures. but I visited them often, so they know me a bit, and I guess they like me. Not that House-Elves really like people, they only like cash, vacation an' chicks, but that doesn't matter!" And then, Hagrid left, and Joanna went to prepare for the Sorting Ceremony. So the House-Elves were now on Lord Potter's side? Maybe she had to write a letter to her friend, Voldy Mort.