CHAPTER SIX: THE SORTING CEREMONY or THEY LOOK SO ICKY IN GREEN!
That evening, Joanna sat at the Teacher's Table, just between professor Snape and McGonagall. When she was having a pleasant talk with professor Snape, dressed in a violet robe with flowers on it, suddenly Hagrid came in, followed by the tiny first years.
"Oh, aren't the new first years adorable this year?", said professor Snape. "Hey look, that's my little cousin! Isn't he a cutie? I hope he comes in Slytherin, just like his uncle Sevvie!" Joanna rolled her eyes. OK, Snape was a swell fellow, but he was acting a bit too sensitive now. It was a relieve to have an excuse for not listening to Snape when Dumbledore stood up.
"Okay folks, I understand that it's now time for the SORTING CEREMONY! Put your hands together for THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS THE SORTING HAT!" Everyone applauded when professor Flitwick brought in an old hat. He put it on a luxurious chair. Suddenly, Neville, Dean and Seamus jumped on the podium, Neville grabbing a electric guitar, Dean standing at the keyboard and Seamus sitting at the drums. The Artist Formerly Known As The Sorting Hat began to sing:
"I am the Artist Known As the Sorting Hat,
I'm here to sort you, little brat!
If you're a geek, you are in Hufflepuff!
And you belong in Slytherin if you like pink fluff!
A smart arse should go to Ravenclaw!
And head to Potterdor if you feel to break the law!
So dork, just put me on your oversized head!
I'll dig in your brains till I find what house you get!"
The song ended with Neville smashing his guitar to pieces and lots of purple smoke filling the Great Hall. The Artist Formerly Known As The Sorting Hat got an overwhelming applause.
After the applause ended, McGonagall jumped on the table. "Okay dudes, after this piece of groovy rockin' music, it's time for us to sort the little shrimps over there! Prepare to be bullied by big sixth-years, weenies!"
She called the name of the first kid that was going to be sorted. He sat down on the luxurious chair, while "Minnie McGonagall" put the Artist Formerly Known As The Sorting Hat on his head. "SLYTHERIN!", shouted the. We'll just call him the Hat, okay?
"That's my boy!", said Snape in delight. "That's my cousin! Heinz Snape! I hope he'll make lots of little friends in Slytherin!" Joanna found the sweet talk of Snape rather scary, so she tried to make a conversation to Dumbledore.
After the Sorting Ceremony ended, Dumbledore made a few announcements for the start of the new year. "So dudes, welcome to Hogwarts School for Bitchcraft and Wackyness! Er. That's a bit wrong, isn't it? What was it again, Minnie? Oh yeah, it's Witchcraft and Wizardry of course! So, and now it's time for some NEWS! First of all, I would like to say that the colors of Slytherin have turned PINK. I mean, didn't they look SO fat in green? Ew! I thought that was SO icky. So I changed it into pink, and now everybody's happy. FLOWER POWER! And there's more, fellows! GRYFFINDOR has changed to POTTERDOR!" The Potterdors yelled triumphantly.
"Yeah, isn't that frickin' cool? I like the Potter dude, really, I do. But hey, Potter, DON'T YOU DARE TRYING TO PICK MY PLACE AS HEAD MASTER! Cause I don't like that. I'm still the best. Yeah man. No skinny geek with glasses is going to change that. And third of all, I would love to say that we have a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher! Applause for JOANNA SCOWLING!" Everybody applauded loudly.
"Yeah, isn't that cool? But hey Scowling, don't forget that there's a HORRIBLE CURSE on the job of DADA teacher. The Quirrel guy had gone dead, the Lockhart guy lost his memory thanks to mister Potter, the Lupin guy appeared to be a werewolf and got Howlers from angry parents for months, and Moody was kidnapped by some guy who wanted that Voldy became strong again. So prepare to be doomed! I bet you loose your hair at the end of the year. And now, let's stuff ourselves full with this lovely junk food!" And suddenly, several McJunk Special Burgers with Chicken Nuggets from the McDonald's appeared on the plates. It looked like the House-Elves hadn't cooked today.
After an hour, the Sorting Ceremony was done. Joanna was glad it ended; she had had enough of conversations with Snape or Dumbledore. She went to see Lord Potter - at least, you could have a good conversation with him - besides the "MWAHAHAHA" all the time, of course.
"So, Scowling", said Lord Potter, "Did you find out anything useful while talking to the teachers?"
"Not really, Lord", said Joanna. "Dumbledore only told that the Slytherins look icky in green, but not much more, besides some crap about rock concerts and stuff."
"And he is totally right", said Lord Potter. "I mean, how horribly fat can you appear in green? I'm almost glad for Malfoy and his little friends that Dumbledore turned it into pink. But I'm especially glad for myself. Now I can bully some little Slyths because they wear girly colored robes. But was there more, Scowling?"
Joanna suddenly remembered something. She said it before she realized that she wasn't supposed to give information to Lord Potter, because she was a spy for the good side. "I remember something, Lord: Snape told me that he has a cousin in the first year of Slytherin: Heinz Snape."
"Has he?", said Lord Potter. "Well well, that could be useful! Maybe I'll ask Longbottom what his theory of torturing Snape includes. We can maybe use it on his little cousin! MWAHAHAHA! Er, Scowling, you can leave. Tomorrow, I will show you my new evil weapon - I hope you'll like it. MWAHA. Er. Okay, it's true, it's true, I AM OBSESSED WITH EVIL LAUGHING!
Phew, that was bothering me for a long time - thank you for listening to my problem, Scowling, I feel so enlightened! Here, you can have some lunch money", said Lord Potter, when he gave Scowling a 10 penny coin and some buttons from a old jacket. "I'll go sleeping. Good luck with spying for me, Scowling!"
"Thank you, master!", she called. Lord Potter climbed through the portrait hole of the Potterdor Common Room. When he was away, Joanna Scowling said: "I have much information for Voldy Mort now. MWAHAHAHA! Oops, now I'm acting like Lord Potter. Anyway, that's not important, I'll have to write an owl to Voldy!" She then went away, looking for an owl.
That evening, Joanna sat at the Teacher's Table, just between professor Snape and McGonagall. When she was having a pleasant talk with professor Snape, dressed in a violet robe with flowers on it, suddenly Hagrid came in, followed by the tiny first years.
"Oh, aren't the new first years adorable this year?", said professor Snape. "Hey look, that's my little cousin! Isn't he a cutie? I hope he comes in Slytherin, just like his uncle Sevvie!" Joanna rolled her eyes. OK, Snape was a swell fellow, but he was acting a bit too sensitive now. It was a relieve to have an excuse for not listening to Snape when Dumbledore stood up.
"Okay folks, I understand that it's now time for the SORTING CEREMONY! Put your hands together for THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS THE SORTING HAT!" Everyone applauded when professor Flitwick brought in an old hat. He put it on a luxurious chair. Suddenly, Neville, Dean and Seamus jumped on the podium, Neville grabbing a electric guitar, Dean standing at the keyboard and Seamus sitting at the drums. The Artist Formerly Known As The Sorting Hat began to sing:
"I am the Artist Known As the Sorting Hat,
I'm here to sort you, little brat!
If you're a geek, you are in Hufflepuff!
And you belong in Slytherin if you like pink fluff!
A smart arse should go to Ravenclaw!
And head to Potterdor if you feel to break the law!
So dork, just put me on your oversized head!
I'll dig in your brains till I find what house you get!"
The song ended with Neville smashing his guitar to pieces and lots of purple smoke filling the Great Hall. The Artist Formerly Known As The Sorting Hat got an overwhelming applause.
After the applause ended, McGonagall jumped on the table. "Okay dudes, after this piece of groovy rockin' music, it's time for us to sort the little shrimps over there! Prepare to be bullied by big sixth-years, weenies!"
She called the name of the first kid that was going to be sorted. He sat down on the luxurious chair, while "Minnie McGonagall" put the Artist Formerly Known As The Sorting Hat on his head. "SLYTHERIN!", shouted the. We'll just call him the Hat, okay?
"That's my boy!", said Snape in delight. "That's my cousin! Heinz Snape! I hope he'll make lots of little friends in Slytherin!" Joanna found the sweet talk of Snape rather scary, so she tried to make a conversation to Dumbledore.
After the Sorting Ceremony ended, Dumbledore made a few announcements for the start of the new year. "So dudes, welcome to Hogwarts School for Bitchcraft and Wackyness! Er. That's a bit wrong, isn't it? What was it again, Minnie? Oh yeah, it's Witchcraft and Wizardry of course! So, and now it's time for some NEWS! First of all, I would like to say that the colors of Slytherin have turned PINK. I mean, didn't they look SO fat in green? Ew! I thought that was SO icky. So I changed it into pink, and now everybody's happy. FLOWER POWER! And there's more, fellows! GRYFFINDOR has changed to POTTERDOR!" The Potterdors yelled triumphantly.
"Yeah, isn't that frickin' cool? I like the Potter dude, really, I do. But hey, Potter, DON'T YOU DARE TRYING TO PICK MY PLACE AS HEAD MASTER! Cause I don't like that. I'm still the best. Yeah man. No skinny geek with glasses is going to change that. And third of all, I would love to say that we have a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher! Applause for JOANNA SCOWLING!" Everybody applauded loudly.
"Yeah, isn't that cool? But hey Scowling, don't forget that there's a HORRIBLE CURSE on the job of DADA teacher. The Quirrel guy had gone dead, the Lockhart guy lost his memory thanks to mister Potter, the Lupin guy appeared to be a werewolf and got Howlers from angry parents for months, and Moody was kidnapped by some guy who wanted that Voldy became strong again. So prepare to be doomed! I bet you loose your hair at the end of the year. And now, let's stuff ourselves full with this lovely junk food!" And suddenly, several McJunk Special Burgers with Chicken Nuggets from the McDonald's appeared on the plates. It looked like the House-Elves hadn't cooked today.
After an hour, the Sorting Ceremony was done. Joanna was glad it ended; she had had enough of conversations with Snape or Dumbledore. She went to see Lord Potter - at least, you could have a good conversation with him - besides the "MWAHAHAHA" all the time, of course.
"So, Scowling", said Lord Potter, "Did you find out anything useful while talking to the teachers?"
"Not really, Lord", said Joanna. "Dumbledore only told that the Slytherins look icky in green, but not much more, besides some crap about rock concerts and stuff."
"And he is totally right", said Lord Potter. "I mean, how horribly fat can you appear in green? I'm almost glad for Malfoy and his little friends that Dumbledore turned it into pink. But I'm especially glad for myself. Now I can bully some little Slyths because they wear girly colored robes. But was there more, Scowling?"
Joanna suddenly remembered something. She said it before she realized that she wasn't supposed to give information to Lord Potter, because she was a spy for the good side. "I remember something, Lord: Snape told me that he has a cousin in the first year of Slytherin: Heinz Snape."
"Has he?", said Lord Potter. "Well well, that could be useful! Maybe I'll ask Longbottom what his theory of torturing Snape includes. We can maybe use it on his little cousin! MWAHAHAHA! Er, Scowling, you can leave. Tomorrow, I will show you my new evil weapon - I hope you'll like it. MWAHA. Er. Okay, it's true, it's true, I AM OBSESSED WITH EVIL LAUGHING!
Phew, that was bothering me for a long time - thank you for listening to my problem, Scowling, I feel so enlightened! Here, you can have some lunch money", said Lord Potter, when he gave Scowling a 10 penny coin and some buttons from a old jacket. "I'll go sleeping. Good luck with spying for me, Scowling!"
"Thank you, master!", she called. Lord Potter climbed through the portrait hole of the Potterdor Common Room. When he was away, Joanna Scowling said: "I have much information for Voldy Mort now. MWAHAHAHA! Oops, now I'm acting like Lord Potter. Anyway, that's not important, I'll have to write an owl to Voldy!" She then went away, looking for an owl.