Okay, I changed this chapter a bit. It was lousy. I hope it's better now.
Enjoy the new and improved chapter nine! Chapter ten is coming soon!
CHAPTER NINE: LET THE HOGGY WARS BEGIN!
Joanne and Dudley were walking to Hogwarts. "I'm going to tell Lord Potter to go to hell", said Joanne. "I'm not pretending to work for him anymore. No, sir! Not one, single, bloody letter! Er . . . wrong line. I'll go to him and say: 'Forget it, Lordie, 'cos I have enough of your sick evil plans!" Dudley protested. "You are NOT going to hurt my cousin's feelings, Miss Rowling!" "Oh, and I suppose a great Muggle like yourselves is going to stop me! Er . . . wrong line again. Gee, I have been watching 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone' too much.
But listen, Dudley: you have 2 choices. Or you choose the side of Lord Potter and you'll end up being hated by everybody 'cause you're evil. OR you choose my side and you can be my good sidekick and loved by everybody!" Dudley thought for a moment. "Being loved by everybody . . . I always wanted to be loved by everybody . . . my father and mother never loved me like they loved Harry . . ." Joanne said: "So, are you going to be my sidekick?" "Nah, I think I'll stick with Harry." "You'll get a hotdog when you're with me!" "DEAL!", said Dudley. "I'll do anything for a nice hotdog!"
And so, from then, two heroes began to fight against evil: they were Super Jo and her faithful sidekick Fatboy Dudley! After they had bought two Superhero Costumes, they flew to Hogwarts to defeat Lord Potter and rescue Hogwarts from Doom!
MEANWHILE, IN THE EVIL COMMON ROOM OF POTTERDOR
Lord Potter lay on the couch, with Hermione massaging his back. And the others sitting in armchairs. "Ah, there's nothing more inspiring than a good massage! You know, gang, I think I was a bit too hopeless at the Evil Convention. I'm definitely not out of evil plans. A genius like me always has evil plans. I am miraculously smart. Hooray."
Ron said: "Well, Lord Harry, while you are thinking of terrible, horrible, diabolical, EVIL schemes, we can talk about something different. Perhaps Quidditch?" Crickets chirped. "Nah, that's soooo boring. I mean, it's not like a sport on broomsticks with 4 balls isn't THAT special. What about the Cruel Ball in honor of Lord Potter's 15th Christmas day?" "Yeah, that's a good subject to talk about!", said Ron. "Who are YOU going with, Neville?"
Neville said: "Well, I don't know. Somebody like Fleur Delacour seems good enough for me. Or maybe that seventh year Ravenclaw girl that is currently dating Roger Davies. Beats me."
Suddenly, Lord Potter jumped out of the couch. "EUREKA! The ALMIGHTY LORD OF EVIL HAS THOUGHT OF YET ANOTHER HORRIBLE PLAN! The Cruel Ball! Thanks for bringing that subject up, Longbottom! I have thought of another diabolical plan! Hermione, you will ask Albus Dumbledore to be your dancing partner. Of course, he will want to. Before the Ball, you will put up your POISONOUS lipstick, and at the Cruel Ball, while dancing with Dumbly, you will - urgh, no mental images, no mental images - kiss - yuck - him. He will be poisoned by your lipstick and die in 24 hours. Okay, anymore questions?"
Hermione had. "Yes, Lord Potter. I have indeed a question. Can you SKIP the plan? I am NOT going to dance with that FREAK!" Lord Potter said: "Now now, Herms, I know you are concerned about me having to find another dance partner, but I'll get me another Beautiful and Naïve Scarlet Woman to dance with. Maybe that Cho girl or something."
"I'm not concerned about YOU!", said Hermione, becoming angry. "I just mean I wanted to dance with . . . Ron." There was a painful silence. Only after some minutes, Lord Potter could speak. "Do you mean to say that the bloody redhead is better than ME?!" "Er . . . yes", said Hermione. Lord Potter was furious. "WEASLEY, do you know what this means?"
"Er . . . actually, I don't."
"This means WAR, you idiot! WAR!"
"Oh. That's not very good, now, isn't it", said Ron. Lord Potter started to get very angry.
"THE CHICK IS MINE, YOU HEAR! MINE!"
Than, Ron immediately jumped up, as if he woke up from a daydream. "What? Thy are calling my fair lady a chick? Thy disrespectful dog! Prepare to fall in my sword, thy brute!" And then, both Ron and Lord Potter grabbed their wands and started a comical swordfight. Neville yelled "STOP! Gee, you two ARE idiots. I mean, look at you two! Fighting like some loonatics. Don't ya see the babe is mine, dudes? She's going to the Ball with ME!" Hermione was about to something, but Lord Potter was first. "HA! You have a BIG imagination, Longbottom! I didn't remember her even LIKING you! Do you think girls LIKE stupid, dumb macho's like you? No, she's interested in SMART people, like me!" Then started a huge fight. I am NOT going into details, because I want to stay at PG-13 level. These are way too horrible to describe.
MEANWHILE, AT THE HOGWARTS ENTRANCE
In the Great Hall stood two dark figures. They stepped into the light. And there were SUPER JO and FATBOY DUDLEY!
"Okay, here's the mission, Fatboy", said Super Jo. "Our goal is to arrest Lord Potter and take him to Azkaban. Do you know how to achieve this?" Fatboy Dudley said: "I don't know, Super Jo. How DO we achieve this?" Super Jo said: "We're going to GRAB him from behind!" Crickets chirped again. And suddenly, in mid-air, appeared a ghostly figure with the color of green! Yes, that's right, Joanne's father decided to help her once again!
"Joanne . . . I am your father . . ."
"Oh no, not that crap again", said Super Jo.
"Don't be so brutal, young girl! Being a super heroine doesn't mean that you can ignore your father!"
"Okay, okay, dad, got the message. What are you going to do to help me now?"
"Well, after a lot of thinking, I decided that you should use the Force."
"DAD!", yelled Super Jo, beginning to start getting angry.
"I don't mean the Star Wars crap", said Joanne's father. "It's a lousy movie. The Force I am talking about, is deep inside you. Do the thing you are good at. And I am NOT going to say what that is, 'cause it spoils the fun. I'm leaving you now forever, Joanne. Don't count on help from me anymore. You know what to do. Or you don't. Beats me." And then, Joanne's ghostly father disappeared forever.
"Boy, your father is indeed a very wise man, Joanne", said Fatboy Dudley.
"If being a nitwit is classified as 'wise'. Come on, Fatboy. We have work to do."
CHAPTER NINE: LET THE HOGGY WARS BEGIN!
Joanne and Dudley were walking to Hogwarts. "I'm going to tell Lord Potter to go to hell", said Joanne. "I'm not pretending to work for him anymore. No, sir! Not one, single, bloody letter! Er . . . wrong line. I'll go to him and say: 'Forget it, Lordie, 'cos I have enough of your sick evil plans!" Dudley protested. "You are NOT going to hurt my cousin's feelings, Miss Rowling!" "Oh, and I suppose a great Muggle like yourselves is going to stop me! Er . . . wrong line again. Gee, I have been watching 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone' too much.
But listen, Dudley: you have 2 choices. Or you choose the side of Lord Potter and you'll end up being hated by everybody 'cause you're evil. OR you choose my side and you can be my good sidekick and loved by everybody!" Dudley thought for a moment. "Being loved by everybody . . . I always wanted to be loved by everybody . . . my father and mother never loved me like they loved Harry . . ." Joanne said: "So, are you going to be my sidekick?" "Nah, I think I'll stick with Harry." "You'll get a hotdog when you're with me!" "DEAL!", said Dudley. "I'll do anything for a nice hotdog!"
And so, from then, two heroes began to fight against evil: they were Super Jo and her faithful sidekick Fatboy Dudley! After they had bought two Superhero Costumes, they flew to Hogwarts to defeat Lord Potter and rescue Hogwarts from Doom!
MEANWHILE, IN THE EVIL COMMON ROOM OF POTTERDOR
Lord Potter lay on the couch, with Hermione massaging his back. And the others sitting in armchairs. "Ah, there's nothing more inspiring than a good massage! You know, gang, I think I was a bit too hopeless at the Evil Convention. I'm definitely not out of evil plans. A genius like me always has evil plans. I am miraculously smart. Hooray."
Ron said: "Well, Lord Harry, while you are thinking of terrible, horrible, diabolical, EVIL schemes, we can talk about something different. Perhaps Quidditch?" Crickets chirped. "Nah, that's soooo boring. I mean, it's not like a sport on broomsticks with 4 balls isn't THAT special. What about the Cruel Ball in honor of Lord Potter's 15th Christmas day?" "Yeah, that's a good subject to talk about!", said Ron. "Who are YOU going with, Neville?"
Neville said: "Well, I don't know. Somebody like Fleur Delacour seems good enough for me. Or maybe that seventh year Ravenclaw girl that is currently dating Roger Davies. Beats me."
Suddenly, Lord Potter jumped out of the couch. "EUREKA! The ALMIGHTY LORD OF EVIL HAS THOUGHT OF YET ANOTHER HORRIBLE PLAN! The Cruel Ball! Thanks for bringing that subject up, Longbottom! I have thought of another diabolical plan! Hermione, you will ask Albus Dumbledore to be your dancing partner. Of course, he will want to. Before the Ball, you will put up your POISONOUS lipstick, and at the Cruel Ball, while dancing with Dumbly, you will - urgh, no mental images, no mental images - kiss - yuck - him. He will be poisoned by your lipstick and die in 24 hours. Okay, anymore questions?"
Hermione had. "Yes, Lord Potter. I have indeed a question. Can you SKIP the plan? I am NOT going to dance with that FREAK!" Lord Potter said: "Now now, Herms, I know you are concerned about me having to find another dance partner, but I'll get me another Beautiful and Naïve Scarlet Woman to dance with. Maybe that Cho girl or something."
"I'm not concerned about YOU!", said Hermione, becoming angry. "I just mean I wanted to dance with . . . Ron." There was a painful silence. Only after some minutes, Lord Potter could speak. "Do you mean to say that the bloody redhead is better than ME?!" "Er . . . yes", said Hermione. Lord Potter was furious. "WEASLEY, do you know what this means?"
"Er . . . actually, I don't."
"This means WAR, you idiot! WAR!"
"Oh. That's not very good, now, isn't it", said Ron. Lord Potter started to get very angry.
"THE CHICK IS MINE, YOU HEAR! MINE!"
Than, Ron immediately jumped up, as if he woke up from a daydream. "What? Thy are calling my fair lady a chick? Thy disrespectful dog! Prepare to fall in my sword, thy brute!" And then, both Ron and Lord Potter grabbed their wands and started a comical swordfight. Neville yelled "STOP! Gee, you two ARE idiots. I mean, look at you two! Fighting like some loonatics. Don't ya see the babe is mine, dudes? She's going to the Ball with ME!" Hermione was about to something, but Lord Potter was first. "HA! You have a BIG imagination, Longbottom! I didn't remember her even LIKING you! Do you think girls LIKE stupid, dumb macho's like you? No, she's interested in SMART people, like me!" Then started a huge fight. I am NOT going into details, because I want to stay at PG-13 level. These are way too horrible to describe.
MEANWHILE, AT THE HOGWARTS ENTRANCE
In the Great Hall stood two dark figures. They stepped into the light. And there were SUPER JO and FATBOY DUDLEY!
"Okay, here's the mission, Fatboy", said Super Jo. "Our goal is to arrest Lord Potter and take him to Azkaban. Do you know how to achieve this?" Fatboy Dudley said: "I don't know, Super Jo. How DO we achieve this?" Super Jo said: "We're going to GRAB him from behind!" Crickets chirped again. And suddenly, in mid-air, appeared a ghostly figure with the color of green! Yes, that's right, Joanne's father decided to help her once again!
"Joanne . . . I am your father . . ."
"Oh no, not that crap again", said Super Jo.
"Don't be so brutal, young girl! Being a super heroine doesn't mean that you can ignore your father!"
"Okay, okay, dad, got the message. What are you going to do to help me now?"
"Well, after a lot of thinking, I decided that you should use the Force."
"DAD!", yelled Super Jo, beginning to start getting angry.
"I don't mean the Star Wars crap", said Joanne's father. "It's a lousy movie. The Force I am talking about, is deep inside you. Do the thing you are good at. And I am NOT going to say what that is, 'cause it spoils the fun. I'm leaving you now forever, Joanne. Don't count on help from me anymore. You know what to do. Or you don't. Beats me." And then, Joanne's ghostly father disappeared forever.
"Boy, your father is indeed a very wise man, Joanne", said Fatboy Dudley.
"If being a nitwit is classified as 'wise'. Come on, Fatboy. We have work to do."