Hello, my dear friends. This . . . is the last chapter of "JK Rowling and
the Freaked Out Wizards". *sob* But . . . I have some good news for you.
'Cause there's comin' a sequel baby! Maybe not soon, but there WILL come a
sequel! PROMISE! Okay, and now it's STORY TIME!
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: AN END . . . AND NEW BEGINNING
Joanne and her Army of House-Elves burst in. "Fear not, people! SUPER JO is in town! Among with her Army of House-Elves! House-Elves, attack all Evil Creatures!" "No problem, chick!", said the Head House Elf. "ATTACK!" The House Elves attacked.
It was unbelievably violent. The House Elves didn't have any sign of compassion. The Orcs were chopped into pieces. The Beef Eaters were smashed to the wall and kicked until they were half dead. Lord Potter stared in disbelief. "Shit!", he said. "WHY?! Why didn't I see it before? WHY did I forget to free the House Elves and let them fight in MY Evil Army! How can I be so STUPID!" He fell down and started crying. He looked pitiful. "I am a big fat loser! BOOHOOHOO! I can't even conquer a pathetic little school!"
Suddenly, before him, appeared a House Elf. "Dobby!", said Lord Potter. "Yes, sir", said the House Elf. "It is Dobby indeed. I think you and Dobby have met before!" Lord Potter grumbled. "Yes! In my second year, you dropped a pudding on me! My Evil Shirt had to be washed on the last moment and I missed the Hogwarts Express! I HATE you!" Dobby laughed evil. "Yes, it was indeed fun. But, sir, Dobby would like to make an arrangement. If you teach Dobby the art of being EVIL, Dobby shall help you fight my fellow House Elves. Well? Deal?" Lord Potter thought for a moment. "Okay", he said finally. "What are you going to do?" Evil Dobby grinned diabolical. "Dobby is going to throw his EVIL socks at his fellow Elves! MUAHAHAHA!" Crickets chirped. "You REALLY think that would work?", asked Lord Potter. "Of course", said Dobby. "I'll give you a demonstration!" He grabbed a sock out of his bag and threw it at a nearby House Elf. "AAARGH!", yelled the House Elf. "I am being ATTACKED by an EVIL sock! NOOOOOO!" He fell down and rolled over the floor, screaming: "DIE, EVIL SOCK GERMS! DIE! NOOOOO!!! They're POSSESSING me!" Lord Potter stared at the House Elf, and then laughed. "It worked! My evil friend, together, we will conquer the world! Who cares about Orcs when you have EVIL SOCKS! MUAHAHAHA!"
Super Jo, standing at the opposite side of the Great Hall, heard Lord Potter's evil laugh. She immediately grabbed her spy-glass and looked at Lord Potter's direction. When she saw the House Elf freaking out, she gasped. "GASP! What's this?" Soon, Dobby started throwing more socks, and more House Elves began freaking out. Super Jo tried to run away quietly, but soon, Lord Potter and his Evil Mates Dobby, Dr. Evil, Sauron and Voldy stopped her. "Well well", said Lord Potter. "Well well", said Dr. Evil. "Shut up", snapped Lord Potter. "It seems that you have been defeated, Scowling, or . . . Super Jo. How pitiful you are! Trying to save to day with your PATHETIC little House Elves! They even freak out at the SIGHT of a sock! Sheesh! But now, NOTHING can help you now. It has happened. LORD POTTER'S EVIL ARMY HAS CONQUERED HOGWARTS! MUAHAHAHA! MUAHAHAHA! MUAHAHAHA!"
"Excuse me, Lord Potter", said Knight Weasley, "But you haven't defeated MY army yet." "Who cares?", snapped Lord Potter. "Don't INTERRUPT me when I am LAUGHING EVIL, Weasley! It is ANNOYING! But, as I was saying: NOTHING can help you now, Super Jo! We will GRAB you and make you our slave! HA! That'll teach you! For adding some DRAMATIC effect, I shall count down before we GRAB you! Okay! 10 . . . 9 . . . 8 . . ."
Super Jo was terrified. She was defeated! Nothing could help her now! But . . . she suddenly got an idea. Without any thinking, she grabbed her copy of "JK Rowling and the Freaked Out Wizards", that had fallen from the ceiling in chapter 11, and STABBED it with her FAVORITE PEN! (Like in Chamber of Secrets, when HARRY stabs Tom Riddle's diary with a basilisk fang!) Suddenly, all Evil Lords fell on the ground. "AAAARGH!", yelled Lord Potter. "I'M FEELING INCREDIBLE PAIN! MY EVIL POWERS ARE WEAKENING! NOOOO!!"
Meanwhile, in the Dark Pit of Evilness, aka The Author's Home
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!", yelled the Author. "BLAST YOU, SUPER JO! You have RUINED my story! Now, everything is going back to normal! But I'm warning you, I WILL be taking REVENGE!
Back in the Great Hall.
After a few seconds, some Evil Overlords began to fade. "Oh shit!", cried Dr. Evil. "We're fading! I'm looking like friggin' Casper the Friendly Ghost now!" Sauron said: "Oh great. We're only in this story for a few chapters, Darth is killed early and now WE are fading! If I still will EXIST after this, I will surely take revenge on the person responsible for this!" Dr. Evil wanted to say something back, but alas: it was too late. Dr. Evil and Sauron disappeared, among with the pieces of Aliens, Mutated Sharks, Orcs and other crappy things that don't belong in this story. Meanwhile, various characters were going through SERIOUS personality changes!
"NOOOO!!! I'm beginning to feel GOOD now! AARGH!", yelled Lord Potter.
"And I'm beginning to feel evil. VERY, VERY EVIL! MUAHAHAHA!", yelled Voldy.
"I'm beginning to feel snobbish and bookworm-like now!", said Hermione.
"And . . . I'm beginning to feel . . . well . . . I suddenly feel an urge to replace my bedroom wallpaper for Chudley Cannons posters!", said Knight Weasley.
"I am beginning to feel like a LOSER! Please feel PITY for me!", cried Neville.
"And Dobby is beginning to feel . . . VAGUE as ever", said Dobby in a VAGUE way.
"WE WANT TO SERVE HUMANS! WE WANT TO BE THEIR HUMBLE SLAVES!", yelled the other House Elves.
"Good", said Super Jo, and she smiled. "I knew this would happen! I suddenly understand what my father means with "The Force"! My power is to WRITE about another world! So, I thought, well, if I use my pen against this story, maybe all will change to normal! Does that make sense?"
"No", said Hermione. "Did you hear the snobbish tone in that 'No'? You know, this is actually funny!"
"Chudley Cannons to Power!", said Ron.
"MUAHAHAHA!", said Voldy.
"I am BRAVE and GOOD! And I am also HANDSOME and SPORTIVE!", said Harry.
"PUNISH US! WE ARE BAD ELVES!", yelled the House Elves.
At that very moment, Dumbledore burst in. "WHAT THE F**K HAS HAPPENED HERE?", he yelled, when he saw the mess that was once the Great Hall. "Been away for only a WEEK to see various ROLLING STONES concerts, come back and what do I see?! A FRIGGIN' DUMP!" McGonagall came in. "What's wrong, lollipop?", she asked Dumbledore, but when she saw the mess, she passed out. "YOU GO AWAY!", yelled Dumbledore. "OUT! OUT! Take a very long holiday or something! I need TIME to clean this friggin' mess up! OUT!" Quickly, everyone went away quietly.
"YES!", said Ron. "A LONG holiday! That's what I need! Now I can go home and paint my house in the colors of Chudley Cannons! Quidditch rules!"
"I'll go with you, Ron", said Hermione. "Then we can do other fun things in your room . . ." She winked at him.
"I shall use this long holiday to plot against Harry Potter's life!", said Voldy. "I will change my name to Voldemort again! See you later, fools! MUAHAHAHA!" And he vanished.
"I shall use my vacation being clumsy and breaking vases in my grandma's house!", said Neville.
"And we will use our vacation with cleaning up Hogwarts and working 'till we are nearly dead!", said the House Elves.
"Er . . . I think I will return to the Dursleys. Hopefully, they haven't changed too much", Harry said.
"And meanwhile, I will use my vacation to write Book 5", said Joanne smiling. "I have plenty of ideas now . . .
EPILOGUE
On the train ride to King's Cross, Harry will meet Cho Chang and fall in love with her. He will be drooling over her picture for the rest of the vacation. The Dursleys will still be afraid of Harry, since he still has something EVIL around him.
Ron and Hermione will be . . . ahem . . . VERY busy during the vacation. They will eventually marry, even though they're only 15. Ron will be obsessing over Chudley Cannons even more and Hermione will get a sudden interest in a certain book named "Hogwarts: A History".
On a certain day, Ginny, who hasn't been in this story at all, will appear at the Burrow, claiming that she is a long-lost family member who has lived in Italy for years, and that she suddenly found out her real roots for some odd reason and returned to England. When Harry visits the Burrow, Ginny will see him and hopelessly fall in love with him. Harry will still be obsessed with Cho, though.''
Fred and George, the ghosts from chapter 5, will discover that they weren't REAL ghosts, but that they just forgot to take off their Halloween Costumes. They will be VERY glad that they weren't actually dead, and will play pranks on random people to celebrate this.
Dumbledore and McGonagall, for some odd reason, will still be very much like hippies. They will let the House Elves clean up Hogwarts, while they, like Ron and Hermione, will be . . . ahem . . . VERY busy.
Voldemort will meet Wormtail on a vacation to Albania and will think of an EVIL plot to KILL Harry. Will he succeed in this? Probably not, considering that the hero always wins, but let's pretend we DON'T know that.
Joanne will finish Book 5. It will be SMASHING. It will be FANTASTIC.
And the Evil Author? Well . . . I'm not going to tell you. But remember: I will be back. Muahahaha! MUAHAHAHA! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
!!THE END!!
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: AN END . . . AND NEW BEGINNING
Joanne and her Army of House-Elves burst in. "Fear not, people! SUPER JO is in town! Among with her Army of House-Elves! House-Elves, attack all Evil Creatures!" "No problem, chick!", said the Head House Elf. "ATTACK!" The House Elves attacked.
It was unbelievably violent. The House Elves didn't have any sign of compassion. The Orcs were chopped into pieces. The Beef Eaters were smashed to the wall and kicked until they were half dead. Lord Potter stared in disbelief. "Shit!", he said. "WHY?! Why didn't I see it before? WHY did I forget to free the House Elves and let them fight in MY Evil Army! How can I be so STUPID!" He fell down and started crying. He looked pitiful. "I am a big fat loser! BOOHOOHOO! I can't even conquer a pathetic little school!"
Suddenly, before him, appeared a House Elf. "Dobby!", said Lord Potter. "Yes, sir", said the House Elf. "It is Dobby indeed. I think you and Dobby have met before!" Lord Potter grumbled. "Yes! In my second year, you dropped a pudding on me! My Evil Shirt had to be washed on the last moment and I missed the Hogwarts Express! I HATE you!" Dobby laughed evil. "Yes, it was indeed fun. But, sir, Dobby would like to make an arrangement. If you teach Dobby the art of being EVIL, Dobby shall help you fight my fellow House Elves. Well? Deal?" Lord Potter thought for a moment. "Okay", he said finally. "What are you going to do?" Evil Dobby grinned diabolical. "Dobby is going to throw his EVIL socks at his fellow Elves! MUAHAHAHA!" Crickets chirped. "You REALLY think that would work?", asked Lord Potter. "Of course", said Dobby. "I'll give you a demonstration!" He grabbed a sock out of his bag and threw it at a nearby House Elf. "AAARGH!", yelled the House Elf. "I am being ATTACKED by an EVIL sock! NOOOOOO!" He fell down and rolled over the floor, screaming: "DIE, EVIL SOCK GERMS! DIE! NOOOOO!!! They're POSSESSING me!" Lord Potter stared at the House Elf, and then laughed. "It worked! My evil friend, together, we will conquer the world! Who cares about Orcs when you have EVIL SOCKS! MUAHAHAHA!"
Super Jo, standing at the opposite side of the Great Hall, heard Lord Potter's evil laugh. She immediately grabbed her spy-glass and looked at Lord Potter's direction. When she saw the House Elf freaking out, she gasped. "GASP! What's this?" Soon, Dobby started throwing more socks, and more House Elves began freaking out. Super Jo tried to run away quietly, but soon, Lord Potter and his Evil Mates Dobby, Dr. Evil, Sauron and Voldy stopped her. "Well well", said Lord Potter. "Well well", said Dr. Evil. "Shut up", snapped Lord Potter. "It seems that you have been defeated, Scowling, or . . . Super Jo. How pitiful you are! Trying to save to day with your PATHETIC little House Elves! They even freak out at the SIGHT of a sock! Sheesh! But now, NOTHING can help you now. It has happened. LORD POTTER'S EVIL ARMY HAS CONQUERED HOGWARTS! MUAHAHAHA! MUAHAHAHA! MUAHAHAHA!"
"Excuse me, Lord Potter", said Knight Weasley, "But you haven't defeated MY army yet." "Who cares?", snapped Lord Potter. "Don't INTERRUPT me when I am LAUGHING EVIL, Weasley! It is ANNOYING! But, as I was saying: NOTHING can help you now, Super Jo! We will GRAB you and make you our slave! HA! That'll teach you! For adding some DRAMATIC effect, I shall count down before we GRAB you! Okay! 10 . . . 9 . . . 8 . . ."
Super Jo was terrified. She was defeated! Nothing could help her now! But . . . she suddenly got an idea. Without any thinking, she grabbed her copy of "JK Rowling and the Freaked Out Wizards", that had fallen from the ceiling in chapter 11, and STABBED it with her FAVORITE PEN! (Like in Chamber of Secrets, when HARRY stabs Tom Riddle's diary with a basilisk fang!) Suddenly, all Evil Lords fell on the ground. "AAAARGH!", yelled Lord Potter. "I'M FEELING INCREDIBLE PAIN! MY EVIL POWERS ARE WEAKENING! NOOOO!!"
Meanwhile, in the Dark Pit of Evilness, aka The Author's Home
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!", yelled the Author. "BLAST YOU, SUPER JO! You have RUINED my story! Now, everything is going back to normal! But I'm warning you, I WILL be taking REVENGE!
Back in the Great Hall.
After a few seconds, some Evil Overlords began to fade. "Oh shit!", cried Dr. Evil. "We're fading! I'm looking like friggin' Casper the Friendly Ghost now!" Sauron said: "Oh great. We're only in this story for a few chapters, Darth is killed early and now WE are fading! If I still will EXIST after this, I will surely take revenge on the person responsible for this!" Dr. Evil wanted to say something back, but alas: it was too late. Dr. Evil and Sauron disappeared, among with the pieces of Aliens, Mutated Sharks, Orcs and other crappy things that don't belong in this story. Meanwhile, various characters were going through SERIOUS personality changes!
"NOOOO!!! I'm beginning to feel GOOD now! AARGH!", yelled Lord Potter.
"And I'm beginning to feel evil. VERY, VERY EVIL! MUAHAHAHA!", yelled Voldy.
"I'm beginning to feel snobbish and bookworm-like now!", said Hermione.
"And . . . I'm beginning to feel . . . well . . . I suddenly feel an urge to replace my bedroom wallpaper for Chudley Cannons posters!", said Knight Weasley.
"I am beginning to feel like a LOSER! Please feel PITY for me!", cried Neville.
"And Dobby is beginning to feel . . . VAGUE as ever", said Dobby in a VAGUE way.
"WE WANT TO SERVE HUMANS! WE WANT TO BE THEIR HUMBLE SLAVES!", yelled the other House Elves.
"Good", said Super Jo, and she smiled. "I knew this would happen! I suddenly understand what my father means with "The Force"! My power is to WRITE about another world! So, I thought, well, if I use my pen against this story, maybe all will change to normal! Does that make sense?"
"No", said Hermione. "Did you hear the snobbish tone in that 'No'? You know, this is actually funny!"
"Chudley Cannons to Power!", said Ron.
"MUAHAHAHA!", said Voldy.
"I am BRAVE and GOOD! And I am also HANDSOME and SPORTIVE!", said Harry.
"PUNISH US! WE ARE BAD ELVES!", yelled the House Elves.
At that very moment, Dumbledore burst in. "WHAT THE F**K HAS HAPPENED HERE?", he yelled, when he saw the mess that was once the Great Hall. "Been away for only a WEEK to see various ROLLING STONES concerts, come back and what do I see?! A FRIGGIN' DUMP!" McGonagall came in. "What's wrong, lollipop?", she asked Dumbledore, but when she saw the mess, she passed out. "YOU GO AWAY!", yelled Dumbledore. "OUT! OUT! Take a very long holiday or something! I need TIME to clean this friggin' mess up! OUT!" Quickly, everyone went away quietly.
"YES!", said Ron. "A LONG holiday! That's what I need! Now I can go home and paint my house in the colors of Chudley Cannons! Quidditch rules!"
"I'll go with you, Ron", said Hermione. "Then we can do other fun things in your room . . ." She winked at him.
"I shall use this long holiday to plot against Harry Potter's life!", said Voldy. "I will change my name to Voldemort again! See you later, fools! MUAHAHAHA!" And he vanished.
"I shall use my vacation being clumsy and breaking vases in my grandma's house!", said Neville.
"And we will use our vacation with cleaning up Hogwarts and working 'till we are nearly dead!", said the House Elves.
"Er . . . I think I will return to the Dursleys. Hopefully, they haven't changed too much", Harry said.
"And meanwhile, I will use my vacation to write Book 5", said Joanne smiling. "I have plenty of ideas now . . .
EPILOGUE
On the train ride to King's Cross, Harry will meet Cho Chang and fall in love with her. He will be drooling over her picture for the rest of the vacation. The Dursleys will still be afraid of Harry, since he still has something EVIL around him.
Ron and Hermione will be . . . ahem . . . VERY busy during the vacation. They will eventually marry, even though they're only 15. Ron will be obsessing over Chudley Cannons even more and Hermione will get a sudden interest in a certain book named "Hogwarts: A History".
On a certain day, Ginny, who hasn't been in this story at all, will appear at the Burrow, claiming that she is a long-lost family member who has lived in Italy for years, and that she suddenly found out her real roots for some odd reason and returned to England. When Harry visits the Burrow, Ginny will see him and hopelessly fall in love with him. Harry will still be obsessed with Cho, though.''
Fred and George, the ghosts from chapter 5, will discover that they weren't REAL ghosts, but that they just forgot to take off their Halloween Costumes. They will be VERY glad that they weren't actually dead, and will play pranks on random people to celebrate this.
Dumbledore and McGonagall, for some odd reason, will still be very much like hippies. They will let the House Elves clean up Hogwarts, while they, like Ron and Hermione, will be . . . ahem . . . VERY busy.
Voldemort will meet Wormtail on a vacation to Albania and will think of an EVIL plot to KILL Harry. Will he succeed in this? Probably not, considering that the hero always wins, but let's pretend we DON'T know that.
Joanne will finish Book 5. It will be SMASHING. It will be FANTASTIC.
And the Evil Author? Well . . . I'm not going to tell you. But remember: I will be back. Muahahaha! MUAHAHAHA! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
!!THE END!!