You know I just realized something. It's been far too long since I wrote some decent Kelly torture. Well we can't have that now can we? I mean doesn't he deserve it for using the Brotherhood and kicking them out of school? All together now…yes he does!

Crash Car Kelly

Principal Kelly sighed as he headed out to the parking lot. Life was not easy for the principal of Bayville High. Especially with all the mutants running wild in the town. For one thing, it made getting new teachers impossible. No one wanted to teach at a school that had mutants in it. Several teachers had already resigned. That meant the remaining teachers had to pull double duty and teach several classes. Kelly himself was forced to take over the Driver's Ed classes when the previous instructor ran off to Alaska to devote his life to carving wooden animals.

"Great," He sighed as he looked over the roster. "I get to teach another little lunatic how not to crash into people. Oh goody. And today's candidate is…Kitty Pryde! Wonderful! I get to teach one of the Institute Freaks!"

He took a deep breath. Although he didn't like the mutants in general, Kitty seemed to be the least psychotic of them. She didn't seem so violent. "Well at least she's not as nuts as the rest of them. This shouldn't be too bad."

There she sat in the driver's seat of the student car, looking annoyingly perky. "Hi there Principal Kelly."

"Miss Pryde," Kelly sat down in the car, not trying very hard to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

"I think you'll be really pleased. I mean I have been practicing a lot since I last did this with Mr. Onslow," Kitty told him.

"Okay," Just then Kelly decided to review the notes. "Let's just see what he had to write about…" He blinked and dropped his jaw.

"Is there something wrong Principal Kelly?" Kitty asked.

"Oh no," He gulped. "I just never seen a teacher's notes written in blood before."

"It was like a total freak accident we ran into that rosebush," Kitty explained. "And it was only a little baby cut."

"I see. Now how fast were you going when Mr. Onslow jumped out of the car?" Kelly asked.

"Only 65 miles per hour," She shrugged. "I mean I'd only gone a few feet and he went totally nuts."

"I see. Did you go over anything with him? Anything at all?"

"Well we covered the two ways of stopping," Kitty said.

"Two ways?"

"Well there's the regular way and the one I figured out on my own."

"And what is that?"

"Throwing it in reverse," Kitty said matter of factly.

"Yes that will do it," Kelly saw his chances of surviving the semester slipping even further. "Why don't we just start by pulling slowly out away from the curb and…DON'T GUN THE ENGINE LIKE THAT!"

"Sorry," Kitty gulped.

"What were you thinking?" Kelly snapped. "Don't you realize how dangerous that is! Slow down! Slow down!"

"Don't yell at me!" Kitty whined. "You're making me nervous!"

"I'm making you feel nervous?" Kelly yelped.

"Well it's not like I'm using my powers or anything," Kitty said.

"That is not really what I am afraid of at this moment," Kelly whimpered. "WATCH THE ROAD! WATCH IT YOU LITTLE MANIAC!"

"Don't yell at me!" Kitty snapped. "I'm trying very hard! This is scary!"

"You have that right," Kelly was turning whiter than usual. "SLOW DOWN! WATCH OUT FOR THE CAR! WATCH OUT FOR THE CYCLIST! WATCH OUT FOR THE FIRE HYDRANT! AAGGGGHHH!"

The car suddenly came to a screeching halt. Kelly was thrown violently forward. "What did you stop for?" He snapped.

"I didn't want to hit the squirrel," Kitty told him pointing to the little animal scampering to the side of the road.

Kelly grunted and began to grind his teeth. "Oh heaven forbid we harm as stupid squirrel! Next time run the damn thing over!"

"You shouldn't swear at me!" Kitty whimpered. "That's abuse!"

"Oh and nearly killing your principal isn't?" Kelly snapped. There was the sound of several honking horns. "Kitty you're blocking the road! Move the car!"

"Not until you apologize to me!" Kitty folded her arms.

"Apologize to you?" Kelly yelped. "Not a chance!"

"Hey!" A driver shouted. "What's the holdup pal?"

"Move it already!" Another driver snapped.

"Hey pal is there a problem?" Someone walked up to the car.

"Yeah the problem is that he's being mean to me for no reason!" Kitty snapped.

"No reason other than you're a stupid little girl who…" Kelly turned around and saw that the person who approached the vehicle was actually a female cop.

"Who what sir?" She asked in a very icy tone.

"Should be more careful when driving officer," Kelly gulped.

"He wanted me to run over a squirrel!" Kitty told her tears were forming in her eyes.

"No, don't cry! Don't cry!" Kelly held up his hands. "Officer there's been a misunderstanding!"

"He's being abusive to me!" Kitty cried. "No misunderstanding about that!"

"Is that true sir?" The female cop asked.

"No, no," Kelly told the cop.

"Oh yes he is," Kitty said.

"Will you shut up you little freak?" Kelly growled.

"You heard him!" Kitty pointed. "You're a witness!"

"Sir I'd like to see your drivers license please," The female cop asked.

"No she really is a freak officer," Kelly protested. "She's a mutant!"

"That's no excuse for abuse!" The cop snapped.

"Right on officer!" Kitty said.

"But…But…" Kelly started to protest.

"Your license please," She droned.

"Fine…I…" He fumbled in his wallet. "Oh…I must have left it back at the school."

"What?" Kitty was on the verge of tears. "I'm not supposed to be with a driver without a license! What kind of driving instructor are you?"

"I'm not a driving instructor!" Kelly snapped at her.
"Sir I think you'd better step out of the car," The officer opened the door.

"Officer you have to believe me," Kitty made wide eyes. "I thought he was supposed to teach me how to drive correctly. But how can he do that when he doesn't have a license?"

"I do so have a license I just don't have it on me!" Kelly shouted.

"Don't yell at me!" Kitty whined.

"All right buddy," The cop snapped. "Hands on the hood and assume the position!"

"Are you going to arrest me too officer?" Kitty sniffed.

"She should," Kelly snapped.

"Don't worry kid we'll give you a lift home," The cop said bringing out her handcuffs.

"If I could only expel her for this," Kelly moaned.

Several hours later Principal Kelly's secretary Dorothy was going through his files when a very haggard Kelly slammed the door open. "Where have you been?" Dorothy asked.

"SHUT UP AND GIVE ME A DRINK!" Kelly staggered in.

"You promised me that you'd never touch that stuff again!" Dorothy said. "Right after that party you threw when you expelled the Brotherhood."

"I lied!" Kelly snapped rummaging around for some scotch. "Deal with it! Any calls while I was out trying not to die?"

"Yes," She sighed. "Two more students have been pulled out of Bayville High by their parents."

"Oh wonderful!" Kelly gulped down a drink. "Three guesses why!"

"And Professor Xavier called."

"What the hell does he want?"

"He wanted to know how Kitty's driving lesson went," She said. At this Kelly let out a chilling laugh. "I take it that it did not go well."

"That is the understatement of the year!" Kelly snapped. "Why the hell did he convince the Superintendent that I should be spending some time with those maniacs from the Institute anyway?"

"Apparently he thinks that by spending time with his students it will convince you that not all mutants are bad," She told him.

"It's convinced me that mutants should never get driver's licenses!" Kelly screamed. "That can't be all the scotch I have left! There's got to be more around here! WHERE'S MY SCOTCH? DID THOSE MUTANTS TAKE MY SCOTCH! I'LL GET THEM FOR TAKING MY SCOTCH! THEY WILL SUFFER FOR THIS!"

Dorothy closed the door and went to her desk. She pulled out the missing scotch and took a stiff drink. "I have got to put in for a transfer or something," She muttered. "He's nuttier than the mutants!"