Heal Me
Part 5
By Gem
They slipped upstairs quietly, careful not to arouse Dawn's attention or suspicions. Angel asked Buffy to take Connor somewhere out of his sight, but she refused point blank. She left the baby in her Slayer trunk, angling it so that Angel could see Connor from where he was chained to the bed, and she curled up on the floor beside the trunk.
"Buffy, I really think..."
She shook her head firmly. "No think; talk. Tell me...tell me about Connor."
Buffy wanted to crawl up beside her lover, shielding him with both arms and heart, but she accepted that there were some risks he was not willing to take. She bowed to his overpowering need to protect those he loved; how could she do otherwise, when the same need led her to fasten those chains in the first place? But she knew he needed to see what he was fighting for; he had to remember what was at stake for them as well as for himself.
"What do you want to know?" he asked softly. "I think we hit the high points."
She reached into the trunk and ran her finger down the back of one tiny hand. "I don't mean the mystical prophecy stuff; I want to know the 'boring-old-ladies-at-the-airport-with-your-six-pounds-of-photographs' kind of things."
So he told her. He told her about Connor's favorite lullaby, and the toys that were already loved beyond repair, and the way he always woke up with a smile on his face. Angel wasn't sure if he was telling Buffy to share this part of his life with her, or if he was preparing her for what lay ahead in her own life. He had a question in the back of his mind, but he couldn't pose it...not yet. She was still trying to hang on to the hope that he could somehow be saved, and even though they both knew his mind was unchanged, together they maintained the façade that all would still be well.
Buffy kept her eyes firmly fixed on Angel's face as he talked, though her hand periodically slipped into the trunk to reassure herself of the child's continued well-being, and of her only physical connection to his father. Finally it became too much to look upon her beloved without being able to touch him; she knew these were stolen moments at best, and each one spent apart was another minute added to the pile of wasted opportunities.
She stood up slowly, Angel watching her every move, and very gingerly she took a seat on the foot of the bed.
"Buffy, get back," Angel said quickly. He tried to sit up as the alarm bells went off in his mind, but the chains held him fast.
Buffy smiled a little at his struggle.
"See," she said breathlessly. "Snug as a bug in a tempered steel rug." She slid a little further towards Angel, casting a quick eye over her shoulder first to check on the sleeping baby. "Don't worry," she continued, as much to Connor as to Angel, "I'm gonna stay right here between you two until we know it's okay for the chains to come off. I won't let anything happen to either one of you."
"Promise me you'll keep him safe; that's enough."
"Well it's not enough for me. Or for him." She gave up her cautious approach and abruptly slid up to the head of the bed, stretching out beside her bound lover. One way or another she was going to get through to him how very much he mattered in her world. How could he leave when he understood that?
"Angel, did I ever tell you about Billy? The little boy with the nightmares?"
He was confused by the shift in topic but he tried to remember, sensing this was important to her. "I don't...I don't think so."
"It was a long time ago. He was in a coma...his Kiddy League coach beat him up for losing a game...and Billy's fear of the coach kind of spilled out into the rest of Sunnydale. We all started living our worst nightmares. Xander went to class in his underwear; Giles couldn't read; Willow had to sing in public...it was pretty bad." She frowned as a question occurred to her. "Actually...didn't you get hit too? It happened the first year I was in Sunnydale."
"If it happened during the day I probably slept through it." Angel tried to shrug beneath the chains. "When you've got the kind of memories I have, it's a little hard to tell the difference between supernatural mind games and plain auld lang syne."
"Oh. I guess I can relate...sort of." It's not as though she'd had many peaceful dreams since her return from the dead, especially the second time.
"It's not important now. So what was your nightmare?" Angel asked. He imagined a day filled with endless trigonometry tests, or perhaps time served with Cordelia's clique.
"My dad told me I was the one who broke up my parents' marriage, and I became a vampire."
"I'm sorry," he swiftly apologized, struggling yet again against the bonds that rendered him harmless and kept her safe. "To be like me...like this...it's got to be your worst nightmare."
"Yup. Number one on the fright parade." She could tell by the quick flash of hurt that darted across his eyes that he didn't understand. "I didn't mean that the way it came out...that's not what I was trying to say." Buffy shook her head impatiently, and reached out to gently stroke his upturned cheek with one soft finger. "I loved you then, Angel. Not as much as I do now, but I did love you. But even in my worst nightmare I couldn't imagine a world without you in it any more."
He smiled sadly, turning his head to press a fleeting kiss on her hand as it slipped down his cheek once more.
"I felt the same way about you. Then you died and I...learned to imagine."
"But I came back," she insisted. "And after all the times we've lost each other, I still can't imagine my life without you. That has to count for something."
"It does; you know it does. But I can't let myself be evil again, Buffy. Maybe it won't happen; maybe I'll be safe. But if I'm not, then no one else is either, especially Connor." He steeled himself to ask the question that had been haunting him since he became aware of the danger to his soul. "You have to protect him, for me and from me if necessary. I'm trusting the two people I love most to each other...will you please take care of him?"
"I'm not listening to this." She shook her head fiercely. "You are not bailing on me and sticking me with mommy duty; we are in this together."
In her rush to deny the need for the promises he asked of her, Buffy didn't realize the promises for the future she was making. Angel did, though, and a part of him rejoiced, hearing everything he had ever dreamed of being offered to him. Yet another part of him dreaded her words, waiting for their future to turn to dust yet again.
"I'm not trying to bail," he answered softly, "I'm being realistic. An adult. A parent." He spoke slowly and carefully, saying it as much for himself as for her. They both needed to hear this. "I'm sorry if this is bringing up memories of your mom, but I need to know that Connor will be taken care of."
"This has nothing to do with Mom," she flared.
"I think it does, at least a little. You're still angry that she left you. And that I left you. And Giles. And your dad."
"Some of you had choices." She glared at him. "Some of you still do."
"And I will make what I believe is the best one for Connor, and for you," he answered steadily.
"Don't try and weasel out on me with the nobility junk again," she countered. "You owe me, buddy. You owe me at least one future after all you've put me through the past hour." She abruptly stopped talking and turned to stare at him in open-mouthed wonder. "The past hour," she repeated breathlessly, waving her watch under his nose. "Angel, it's been an hour since we started arguing about this in the kitchen. Over an hour, really."
Angel struggled to roll on his side to catch a good look at Buffy's wristwatch. "Are you sure?"
"Look." She swung her wrist back and forth in front of his face. "Look," she repeated impatiently.
"Stop moving your wrist so I can," he said sharply.
Buffy immediately held her arm still in front of Angel's face, his dark eyes gazing intently at the small round disk that spelled out his fate.
"You said two hours, tops," she reminded him unnecessarily. "More than two hours would have been after dawn. It was a sunny day; I remember. You never would have made it away safely."
Angel's mind traveled back to that long ago night, trying to reconstruct a timetable. He remembered Buffy's short-lived party, and their good-bye at the docks. Then there was the trip back to the apartment for a change of clothes, and the hours of research in the school library. The trip to the warehouse, and fleeing from it after they escaped the Judge. Making love, slowly and sweetly, and then falling asleep in each other's arms.
Waking up as his soul was being torn from his body.
He gritted his teeth, forcing the pain of the last memory from his mind. The time; he had to focus on the time. It had been after dawn when he got to the warehouse that morning, but he'd spent hours wandering around the sewers, scoping out the terrain through new eyes before he'd made his grand entrance; he remembered it well. He remembered everything about those days, in excruciating detail. She was right; he was right. Two hours, no more.
He was safe.
"This...this is incredible. It really worked." Angel's gaze shifted upwards to capture Buffy's damp hazel eyes with his own. "She really did it."
"She sure did," Buffy choked out before she lay down next to Angel and wrapped her arms around him.
Angel returned her kiss with enthusiasm, but he was somewhat hampered in any further efforts to demonstrate his devotion by the chains that still bound him. After a few sweet moments losing himself in his beloved's soft lips, he managed to tear himself away long enough to mention his problem.
"Buffy," he whispered as he nuzzled behind her ear, "this would be a lot more fun if my arms were free."
"What?" She pulled back and stared at him in confusion for a moment before his predicament really clicked in. "Oh god, Angel; I'm so sorry." She was silent before a moment before she softly repeated, "I'm so sorry."
Angel heard an odd note of desperation in her voice. He twisted his head with difficulty, trying to look into her eyes as she pressed her cheek against his chest. "Sorry about what?"
She burrowed her head into his shoulder without answering.
"Buffy," he prompted, "what are we talking about?"
"This," she whispered. "This was the way it should have been the last time."
He knew what she meant, but he wanted to make her smile so he teased, "You mean the chains?"
She refused to be placated. "I should've been happy for you. I just got so tied up in myself when I first came back...it never even occurred to me that the not changing was about you and not about me."
"Buffy, I was hurt that you didn't trust me, but I do understand. We make love once and I'm so happy I lose my soul, and then the second time," he closed his mind to the memories of the lost day, "the second time nothing literally earth-shattering happens." Angel touched his forehead to Buffy's, looking steadily into her eyes. "It's got to send mixed messages."
"Well, you are the king of mixed messages," she admitted, feeling the burden of guilt begin to lighten.
He raised a skeptical eyebrow at her. "I learned from the queen."
"I never," she retorted indignantly, raising herself on one elbow to scowl down at him.
"So I'm still hanging out in these chains for aesthetic reasons?"
She couldn't help her giggle as she reached over him to begin unfastening the locks that held the chains fast, any more than he could help the reaction of his body to having her stretched across him.
Wriggling.
"Hey," she purred, "is that cell phone still in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"
"Not funny," he grumbled. "I'm trying to behave myself...I mean I want to behave myself. For now...not, you know, forever."
"Glad to hear it." She stopped her efforts to unwind the chains long enough to press a warm kiss on his lips. For all his protests about trying to behave, he responded eagerly to her overtures. "Mmm," she mumbled against his mouth, "sweetie, I'm never going to get this off if you don't stop..."
"Oh, wow, I'm sorry," Dawn said breathlessly from the doorway.
Buffy tried to turn around to face the now open door, even as Angel fought to raise his body off of the bed to look for himself. The result was Buffy tumbling to the floor, while Angel watched helplessly from above.
"Dawn, we didn't, umm...we didn't think you were...umm, we didn't mean to..." Buffy struggled to find a suitable explanation while her sister's expression wavered between delight and abject embarrassment.
"I didn't know you guys were...last night I thought you told me you were going to go slow...or at least that was the impression I...umm, sorry." Dawn shrugged, turning up her palms to empty them, and her, of responsibility.
Buffy finally got to her feet. "We weren't," she said firmly. "I was trying to get these chains off of Angel and...and you probably want to know why they were on in the first place." Her voice trailed off as she considered the virtues of complete disclosure versus the blow to Dawn's pride when her big sister admitted neither she nor Angel had fully trusted her spell. "It wasn't what it looked like, really. I mean, we were kissing...and there were chains...and handcuffs...and chains...but it really wasn't..."
Dawn pressed one arm dramatically over her eyes. "There's such a thing as too much information." She peeked over her arm, smiling mischievously. "Unless you feel really strongly that I should know."
"Can we save the explanations for a time when I can add hand gestures?" Angel asked plaintively, wriggling on the bed the best he could given his restraints.
"Hey, watch the talk in front of the kid...s," Buffy scolded, her index finger waving at him in mock warning. Suddenly she grimaced. "Yikes. Channeling the Mom vibe for a second there."
"I think it's kind of nice," Dawn said soothingly. "As long as you don't start with the 'not on a school night you're not' thing."
Buffy grinned. "Or how about 'I don't care if you're not sleepy; just go to sleep."
"Oh yeah, or..."
"Ladies," Angel growled, "Really sorry to interrupt your bonding, but can we discuss my bondage?" He shifted uncomfortably, his movements still tightly constrained by the chains. "I hate to ruin another vampire stereotype, but personally I've always seen it more as a business tool than a social activity. Get these things off of me. Please."
Buffy looked at him oddly, a troubling memory surfacing at his words. There were so many things they hadn't talked about yet, and a lot of them she really wasn't looking forward to sharing.
"Angel, we need to...we need to get those things off of you," she finished hurriedly. Now, with Dawn there, was so not the time. Later, she promised herself; there was always later.
Angel hadn't missed the fleeting expression of pain in his beloved's eyes, but Dawn's presence inhibited him as well. The slam of the door downstairs, and the footsteps resounding on the staircase didn't help the situation either. He resolved to ask her later what was troubling her, and maybe then share a few of his own burdensome memories.
"Hey, whose car is in the driveway?" Willow called down the hall. Her voice got louder as she neared Buffy's bedroom, but it couldn't contend with Xander's.
"Yeah, it's pretty cool, except for the basic black thing. Almost makes me think of..." Xander stopped talking as they came in the room and spotted Angel still chained to the bed while Buffy was working with the locks. "Angel. You know I almost could have called it." He took another long look at his old rival. "Except for the chains. That's a new twist."
"And what exactly is with the, umm, chains?" Willow asked hesitantly. Her eyes were caught with another image before she received an answer however, and all thoughts of chains flew from her head. "Where did Dawn get a baby? I was only gone overnight."
Dawn casually shifted Connor to her hip, as though she had done it every day of her life. "This is Connor. He's Angel's."
"Gulp." Willow looked anxiously from the baby to Angel, to Buffy. "Did you say 'Angel's'? As in...Angel's?"
Buffy nodded absently, her attention largely consumed by her all-too professional expertise with binding her lover. He'd have already been free if she wasn't so darned good at her job.
"Excuse me?" Xander held his hand up the air. "Am I the only one confused by the sudden rewriting of the basic rules of biology?"
The Slayer cast him a sour glance as she began to unwind the chains from Angel's chest. "What would you remember about biology? You slept through more of it than I did."
"Not when Miss French was teaching." Willow grinned at her old friend, reveling in the red glow now suffusing his face.
"Can we leave my hormones out of this? This is about Angel's weird science, not mine."
"Hey!" Buffy snapped.
"Lay off, Xander," Angel said sharply. His hands free at last, he began helping Buffy to untangle the chains around his legs. "You can say what you want about me," he continued, "but not one word about my kid."
"Sorry. I just meant...this is weird. You gotta admit that much."
"Even for you two," Willow added.
"Speaking of two's," Xander continued, "why is there? Two of you, I mean. Complete with kinky accessories." He perched on the edge of the bed. "Tell us a story, Daddy."
Angel glanced apologetically at Dawn before he answered. "I thought my soul was in danger. Dawn cast a protection spell, but it was a long time ago. I didn't know if it was still holding, and then when I woke up this morning I..."
"Woke up?" Xander asked, looking suspiciously at Buffy. "You couldn't have gotten here from LA in the daylight."
"No, he slept here. With me." Buffy sat down next to Angel, taking his hand in hers as she glared defiantly at Xander. "Not that it's any of your business, but we didn't do anything...soul-stirring."
"Except for waking up and seeing Buffy and Connor in the bed with me." Angel smiled at her and squeezed her hand. "That was enough to make me perfectly happy."
"That is so sweet," Dawn and Willow chimed in unison.
"Adorable," Xander added wryly. "Have to hand it to you, man; you still know how to make the ladies swoon. I'd find it impressive if it wasn't so annoying."
"The point is that he didn't lose his soul, because Dawn's spell is still holding. But until we knew for sure, we didn't want to take any chances."
Xander bobbed his head at Buffy in acknowledgment. "And those of us who would have died a horrible death if his soul did split two for one thank you."
"You're welcome," she said dryly.
"Of course that still doesn't explain where the baby came from," Xander pointed out.
Angel glanced at Buffy, raising an eyebrow in wry amusement. "You're right; biology is not his strong suit."
"Maybe if you just gave us a hint," Willow suggested hesitantly. "A first initial or something."
"Or maybe we'll just talk about it later." Buffy gave her friends a quelling glance. "It's a long story I really don't want to rehash right now." She leaned back against Angel's shoulder, relishing the feel of his arm automatically coming up to encircle her. "I want to enjoy the now for a few minutes before we go back down that road again."
Xander cleared his throat, strangely unwilling to inject cold reality into the situation. "And, uh, what about the 'then' after the 'now'?"
Buffy shared a questioning glance with Angel, each one trying to measure the other's willingness to let her friends into their love life again. Angel gave a tiny nod at last, signaling his agreement to the silent question in Buffy's eyes.
"Now," she said slowly, "and after the now, we start over. Hopefully with your support, but it's not a deal-breaker."
Xander's forehead automatically drew down into a frown. "Hey, easy Buff. I know I used to be a little...cautious..."
"Protective," Dawn said stoutly.
"Hostile," Buffy corrected, her voice still wary from bitter past experience.
"Jealous," Willow finished with a grin. "It's okay, Xander; we understand. You're a guy. Angel was on your turf."
"I am not turf," the Slayer protested. "Stop making it sound liked they took turns peeing on me."
Xander threw his hands up in the air, casting an imploring glance at Angel as the only other man in the room. "Boy, you make a few 'I'd like to dust that creep' comments and suddenly you're the bad guy." He looked over at Buffy, all traces of levity vanished from both face and voice. "What I was trying to say was that I used to be...whatever...about Angel, but I've grown up a lot since then. I don't know if this is what's best for you, Buffy...and I'm having issues with the whole Mother Buffy image..."
"She's not becoming a nun, Xander," Willow protested.
"Not if I can help it," Buffy murmured under her breath. From the grin on Angel's face, she knew he, at least, had heard her.
"But if it's what you want," Xander continued over their protests, "it's your life. As long as the curse is happy-proofed, I'm cool."
"And as long as you're happy," Willow chimed in. "Which any idiot can see you are." She nudged Xander with the toe of her shoe. "Even this one."
"I always liked Angel," Dawn said, tossing her hair over her shoulder both for emphasis and to protect it from Connor's little fingers.
Buffy smiled in relief. She wasn't going to lose Angel again for anyone, but it certainly made for quieter evenings if her friends were behind them.
"Okay, so we've got half the votes in and they're a semi-solid 'yay.' How about your crew?"
Angel couldn't hold back a small chuckle at her question, and his laughter only grew when he saw the patent surprise on Xander and Willow's faces at the sound.
"I wouldn't worry about them, Buffy," he finally managed to say. "I think they were almost as anxious to get the old me back as I was."
* * * * *
It was a magical week, and not in the sense that Buffy had come to associate with the word. There were no spells, no curses, no mystical powders or potions; not a single one. Of course, with a baby sharing their room, and a teenager in the next room, there was also nothing happening that once might have called for spells or potions, but somehow she didn't mind. Much. There would be time enough for that later; finally, there would be time.
Overall, Angel fit strangely well into the domestic life of Revello Drive. Buffy had the uneasy feeling that his life in LA was equally familial, but she tried not to let it bother her. He was happy, she was happy, Dawn and Connor were happy; why worry about the life that existed beyond the four walls of their sanctuary?
Buffy wanted to spend every available moment with Angel and Connor, but he insisted that she shouldn't rearrange her life for them. So she looked for a new job, and did the usual shopping and took the car to get an oil change. But every day ended with Angel, and Connor, and Dawn, by her side, and they made all the difference.
* * * * *
"Hi honey, I'm home," she caroled, slipping in the door late one sunny afternoon. "I've got good news too." She glanced into the curtained living room, but there was no sign of Angel. Further peeks into the kitchen and dining room also yielded no fruit; he was obviously upstairs. She ran quickly up the steps, eager to be reunited with the men in her life.
"Angel," she called as she walked into her bedroom, "didn't you hear...what are you doing?"
It was a stupid question; she could see perfectly well that he was packing Connor's things. Packing, as in preparing to leave.
"Cordelia had a vision," he said, tossing the baby powder into the bag. "A Fantori demon, Wesley thinks. They're strong and they fight dirty." He looked her in the eyes for the first time as he added, "They need me in LA."
"And we don't?" she snapped. A second later she sighed and ran her hand through her hair as she tried to collect herself. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I promised myself I wouldn't do that. I know you have to go back; it's just...it's so soon."
He abruptly abandoned his packing and sat down on the edge of the bed, patting the spot beside him.
"I know," he agreed, heaving a sigh. "It feels like everything was finally settling down and now this. I wish I could stay, but I feel like there's still things I need to do there." He shook his head resolutely; there was no point in wishing for things to be different when they were already so much better than he deserved. "If nothing else, I still have a few old enemies to take care of for Connor's sake. That demon hunter, Holtz...the one I told you about...I need to settle things with him once and for all so we don't have to be watching out for him all of the time."
She sat down beside him, leaning her head against his shoulder as she twined her fingers with his.
"You know, speaking of settling things, we never did settle the whole settling down thing," she reminded him. "We've been tiptoeing around the subject all week so that we don't spoil anything. But if you have to go, we need to talk about it."
"Yeah, we do." He paused for a moment, watching Connor stretched out in Buffy's trunk sucking on Mr. Gordo's ear. "I know you're tied to the hellmouth, even though it's supposed to be closed."
"It's not the hellmouth I'm tied to; it's Dawn," she said unhappily. "I can't make her move, not now. Maybe when she's in college...but that's two years away."
A trace of mischief sparkled in his dark eyes. "Buffy, I'm going to live forever, you're barely 21 and Connor can't even sit up yet. Two years is not that long."
She pursed her lips as she lightly punched his arm. "It seems like forever to me. I want to be with you...both of you. But right now..."
"Right now is not the time," he finished for her. "I know. I have things I have to do too." The smile left his eyes as he said, "Haven't quite caught the tail of that redemption balloon yet."
"Hey, no talk like that," she scolded. "You are the most redeemed person I know. But you have responsibilities, and while I don't like the idea that they'll take you away from me, I do understand. Sort of."
He pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. "My responsibilities aren't forever, though. I mean Connor is, but we don't have to stay in LA. Wes runs the business now; there's no reason he can't take over completely. Maybe I can open up a new office in Sunnydale eventually."
Her eye brightened at the thought of Angel back in Sunnydale permanently. "Hey, since I have this whole, you know, sacred anti-forces of evil duty anyway, maybe I can do it working for you," she suggested quickly. "With you," she corrected herself a minute later.
"With me," he agreed, grinning at the image as well as the amended expression of it. "For now I guess we'll have to do the weekend route. Actually I will, because it's probably easier for me to get away than you."
She grinned up at him. "Still think I'm going to take a whack at Cordy, don't you?"
"Let's just I'd prefer to try an ounce of prevention than have you pound out a cure."
"Spoilsport." Her smile dissolved an instant later, the frown that replaced it drawing creases across her smooth brow. "Speaking of pounding...Angel, you said you wanted to 'settle' things with Holtz. All that you've said about him makes me really nervous to have you do that alone. You can't leave until sunset anyway; maybe I could..."
The quick, decisive shake of his head put an end to her idea before she finished giving it air.
"Buffy, no. I need to do this alone."
"We're a team now; we're supposed to fight the bad guys together," she argued. "Except for, you know, when we aren't actually in the same town. But I can be in the same town." She could tell she wasn't convincing him but she couldn't stop trying. "I just need to ask Willow to keep an eye on Dawn. And, well, there's this job that..."
"Job? You found something?"
"Maybe. Probably. But that doesn't matter now. You do."
"I love you when you're overprotective." He smiled gently to remove any sting from his words. "But I need to do this alone. Holtz is part of my past, my old sins. I need to deal with him on my own, for my sake as well as yours."
Buffy drew a deep breath; it's not like she'd expected him to say yes. She wanted him to, she wished he had, but she hadn't really expected it."
"Okay, if you won't let me come with you, then leave Connor here." She saw the look of surprise on his face and hurried to explain. "I know it sounds crazy, and I know you probably don't want to leave him with someone who, until about a week ago, thought formula was something you blanked out on in a math test. I just have this weird feeling that he'd be safer here."
The surprise in his eyes turned sharply to something darker. "Did you have a dream?"
She frightened him; damn, that wasn't what she'd intended. "Angel, no; it's nothing like that. It's just...a feeling. Maybe because you're going up against a guy who let himself be quick frozen for two hundred plus years just so he could have one more shot at kicking your ass." She traced the line of his jaw with a gentle fingertip. "I don't think he likes you."
Buffy could see the tension ease infinitesimally, though she wasn't sure if it was because of her explanation or simply her touch.
"No, I don't suppose he does. And maybe Connor would be safer out of the range of fire, but...are you sure?" Angel raised one skeptical eyebrow as he added, "He's an awful lot of work, especially if you're starting a new job. Which, by the way, you still haven't told me anything about."
"I'll tell you more about it if...when...there's anything to tell about it. As for the lots of work part," she shrugged and turned her palms upwards, trying to look casual as she placed her faith in luck, "if we're going to make us work, I'm going to need to try out my balancing act on the high wire eventually."
"That's true," he conceded. He frowned, thinking the idea through carefully. "He should be safe here with you; Wolfram and Hart have no control here, and any normal demon who comes into town knows better than to mess with you by now." He couldn't help the pleasure sweeping over him, even as he quailed at the thought of leaving his son behind. "It shouldn't take me too long to take care of Cordy's vision and see to Holtz and then I can come back for a few days again."
She knew she should be happy, and she was...in a way. She was glad Connor would be staying, and that Angel trusted him with her, and that Angel would have to come back for him and then he could stay for another few days. But even so...
"You'll be careful, right?"
He didn't answer her with words, but he left her with no doubt that he had too much to survive for now to take any unnecessary chances.
* * * * *
Angel kept his eyes firmly fixed on the road before him, but beyond his position between the lane markers, he had no idea where he was. The mile markers flashed past, caught in the glow of his headlights, but they did not register. His mind was filled with images of Connor, and Buffy, as he had last seen them. They were together, and Buffy would keep his son safe; he knew this as well as he knew the sun would rise in the morning. But he would not see them at that sunrise, or for several to come. He would be in Los Angeles and they would be in Sunnydale and as much as he hated the idea he would have to live with it.
He should be grateful that Buffy felt such an instant connection with Connor...he was grateful...but he missed them. He missed them with every fiber of his being, and for the first time in a very long time he doubted the value of a mission that would take him away from the two people he was sure he was meant to spend his days with. Yes, he needed to make amends for the evil he had done, but how could neglecting those he loved make amends for anything?
It was with mingled gratitude and regret that he greeted the sign for his exit. The sooner he was back at the Hyperion, the sooner he could deal with the demon and leave...but oh, how he wished he was already headed the other way on that highway.
* * * * *
The office was in its usual state of chaos when he wandered in that evening. Fred and Gunn were playfully fighting over a book while Wesley recited the book's pedigree in an attempt to make them be careful with it. Cordelia casually flipped through a fashion magazine as Lorne watched, the two of them trading acerbic comments on the fashion violations contained within its glossy pages.
Business as usual at Angel Investigations.
"Excuse me," Angel said from the doorway. "I thought we had a demon to catch, but maybe I misunderstood."
"Angel," Wesley said, a faint smile fighting with the dull red glow suffusing his thin face. "You're back."
Cordelia glanced sharply at him. "And back without an escort. Where's Connor?"
Angel perched on the arm of the chair next to the door. Despite their talk he still felt a little awkward around Cordelia; he had a feeling he would for some time to come. For the moment he tried to address his comments to the groups as a whole, avoiding direct contact with her sharp brown eyes.
"I'm back because you said there was a Fantori demon running around town." He glanced around the room. "I guess I'm the only one who's worried about it, though."
Wesley's face turned still redder. "Yes, well, it appears we were mistaken. It, uh, wasn't exactly a Fantori."
"Angel," Fred said hesitantly, "you didn't answer Cordelia's question. Where's Connor?"
"He's with Buffy. If it wasn't a Fantori, then..."
"Buffy? You left him in Sunnydale?" Cordelia snapped. "Home of the happy hellmouth?"
Angel ground his teeth together, but he kept his tone calm and even. This time, however, he had no trouble looking her square in the face. "He's fine. Now do we know what the demon actually was?"
"It was a Sendezak." Wesley smiled weakly. "She was, umm, protecting her young when she attacked those boys. They were coming too close to her nest."
"A Sendezak?" Angel sighed. They were among the more peaceful demons, aroused only to anger in self-defense. If anything, he would need to protect the Sendezak, not the other way around.
"I can't believe you left him behind." Cordelia shook her head in amazement. "You'd barely let any of us touch a dirty diaper for the first month...not that we were exactly fighting over the honor, mind you...but still. And after a week, you leave him with Buffy...alone with Buffy."
"I'm sorry, Angel," Wesley said, ignoring Cordelia's diatribe completely. "The Sendezak and the Fantori really do look very much alike." He waved his hand at the back of his head. "It's really only the color of the crest that tells you which is which...and that alley was rather poorly lit."
"I know, Wes. I just...I wanted to...never mind." He sighed again. "I have things to do in LA anyway. Then I'm going back to Sunnydale. For just a few days," he added quickly. "I'll be bringing Connor back and...well...we'll see where we go from there."
"Does Buffy know anything about kids at all?" Cordelia pressed. "Normally I'd say she could ask Willow for advice, but it's not like our wacky Wicca would have been putting a whole lot of thought into the subject after she decided to be gay."
Angel felt a flash of exasperated affection, followed by the warm realization that there was nothing more, or less, to it than that anymore. Simple brotherly affection, mixed with the equally simple brotherly urge to strangle his annoying little sister. He'd been so busy the past few months trying to convince his heart that Cordelia was its rightful owner that he'd forgotten how much he enjoyed her friendship.
"Can we get off the subject of my son's sleeping arrangements, please? He's fine...better than fine. I came back to settle things with Holtz, among other things, and Connor is safer out of the line of fire right now."
Wesley's brow wrinkled. "Holtz? He's been very quiet actually. We haven't seen a sign of him or any of his compatriots in quite some time."
"Not since you left town, that's for sure," Gunn added.
Fred smiled brightly. "Maybe he left too."
* * * * *
"Dawn, could you get the door?" Buffy called from upstairs. "I'm giving Connor a bath."
"But I was going to do my homework," Dawn called back, snatching her hand away from the TV remote to cross her fingers behind her back.
"The door, Dawn, and count yourself lucky I'm not asking you to spot me this time."
Dawn shuddered at the memory of her last attempt to help with bath time. Warm water and baby boys do not mix. Still, her escape from the waterworks came with a price.
"Dawn, get the door. Dawn, get the phone. Dawn, go to your room," the teenager in question grumbled as she headed for the front door. "If those stupid monks had given me a longer name, I could have been out of the house before she finished telling me what to do."
She was still muttering under her breath as she yanked open the door and glared at the man standing on the doorstep.
"If you're looking for directions, I'm not old enough to drive yet," she snapped. "We don't have much money, so we prefer to be on the receiving end of donations. And if you're a vampire," she shook her head, "you sure have picked the wrong house."
"Vampire? Far from it." Holtz laughed softly at the private joke. "No, my dear child, I have a vampire problem myself, and I need help. Badly. I was told I could find it here."
Dawn looked at him suspiciously for a moment, and then reached around behind the door to grab for insurance.
Holtz smiled at the proffered cross and gently removed it from Dawn's hand. Slowly, making sure her eyes followed every move, he raised the crucifix to his lips and kissed it.
Dawn stepped back from the door, opening it wider as she gestured to Holtz. "You pass. Help is upstairs being all June Cleaver, but I'll call her."
* * * * *
To Be Continued
Part 5
By Gem
They slipped upstairs quietly, careful not to arouse Dawn's attention or suspicions. Angel asked Buffy to take Connor somewhere out of his sight, but she refused point blank. She left the baby in her Slayer trunk, angling it so that Angel could see Connor from where he was chained to the bed, and she curled up on the floor beside the trunk.
"Buffy, I really think..."
She shook her head firmly. "No think; talk. Tell me...tell me about Connor."
Buffy wanted to crawl up beside her lover, shielding him with both arms and heart, but she accepted that there were some risks he was not willing to take. She bowed to his overpowering need to protect those he loved; how could she do otherwise, when the same need led her to fasten those chains in the first place? But she knew he needed to see what he was fighting for; he had to remember what was at stake for them as well as for himself.
"What do you want to know?" he asked softly. "I think we hit the high points."
She reached into the trunk and ran her finger down the back of one tiny hand. "I don't mean the mystical prophecy stuff; I want to know the 'boring-old-ladies-at-the-airport-with-your-six-pounds-of-photographs' kind of things."
So he told her. He told her about Connor's favorite lullaby, and the toys that were already loved beyond repair, and the way he always woke up with a smile on his face. Angel wasn't sure if he was telling Buffy to share this part of his life with her, or if he was preparing her for what lay ahead in her own life. He had a question in the back of his mind, but he couldn't pose it...not yet. She was still trying to hang on to the hope that he could somehow be saved, and even though they both knew his mind was unchanged, together they maintained the façade that all would still be well.
Buffy kept her eyes firmly fixed on Angel's face as he talked, though her hand periodically slipped into the trunk to reassure herself of the child's continued well-being, and of her only physical connection to his father. Finally it became too much to look upon her beloved without being able to touch him; she knew these were stolen moments at best, and each one spent apart was another minute added to the pile of wasted opportunities.
She stood up slowly, Angel watching her every move, and very gingerly she took a seat on the foot of the bed.
"Buffy, get back," Angel said quickly. He tried to sit up as the alarm bells went off in his mind, but the chains held him fast.
Buffy smiled a little at his struggle.
"See," she said breathlessly. "Snug as a bug in a tempered steel rug." She slid a little further towards Angel, casting a quick eye over her shoulder first to check on the sleeping baby. "Don't worry," she continued, as much to Connor as to Angel, "I'm gonna stay right here between you two until we know it's okay for the chains to come off. I won't let anything happen to either one of you."
"Promise me you'll keep him safe; that's enough."
"Well it's not enough for me. Or for him." She gave up her cautious approach and abruptly slid up to the head of the bed, stretching out beside her bound lover. One way or another she was going to get through to him how very much he mattered in her world. How could he leave when he understood that?
"Angel, did I ever tell you about Billy? The little boy with the nightmares?"
He was confused by the shift in topic but he tried to remember, sensing this was important to her. "I don't...I don't think so."
"It was a long time ago. He was in a coma...his Kiddy League coach beat him up for losing a game...and Billy's fear of the coach kind of spilled out into the rest of Sunnydale. We all started living our worst nightmares. Xander went to class in his underwear; Giles couldn't read; Willow had to sing in public...it was pretty bad." She frowned as a question occurred to her. "Actually...didn't you get hit too? It happened the first year I was in Sunnydale."
"If it happened during the day I probably slept through it." Angel tried to shrug beneath the chains. "When you've got the kind of memories I have, it's a little hard to tell the difference between supernatural mind games and plain auld lang syne."
"Oh. I guess I can relate...sort of." It's not as though she'd had many peaceful dreams since her return from the dead, especially the second time.
"It's not important now. So what was your nightmare?" Angel asked. He imagined a day filled with endless trigonometry tests, or perhaps time served with Cordelia's clique.
"My dad told me I was the one who broke up my parents' marriage, and I became a vampire."
"I'm sorry," he swiftly apologized, struggling yet again against the bonds that rendered him harmless and kept her safe. "To be like me...like this...it's got to be your worst nightmare."
"Yup. Number one on the fright parade." She could tell by the quick flash of hurt that darted across his eyes that he didn't understand. "I didn't mean that the way it came out...that's not what I was trying to say." Buffy shook her head impatiently, and reached out to gently stroke his upturned cheek with one soft finger. "I loved you then, Angel. Not as much as I do now, but I did love you. But even in my worst nightmare I couldn't imagine a world without you in it any more."
He smiled sadly, turning his head to press a fleeting kiss on her hand as it slipped down his cheek once more.
"I felt the same way about you. Then you died and I...learned to imagine."
"But I came back," she insisted. "And after all the times we've lost each other, I still can't imagine my life without you. That has to count for something."
"It does; you know it does. But I can't let myself be evil again, Buffy. Maybe it won't happen; maybe I'll be safe. But if I'm not, then no one else is either, especially Connor." He steeled himself to ask the question that had been haunting him since he became aware of the danger to his soul. "You have to protect him, for me and from me if necessary. I'm trusting the two people I love most to each other...will you please take care of him?"
"I'm not listening to this." She shook her head fiercely. "You are not bailing on me and sticking me with mommy duty; we are in this together."
In her rush to deny the need for the promises he asked of her, Buffy didn't realize the promises for the future she was making. Angel did, though, and a part of him rejoiced, hearing everything he had ever dreamed of being offered to him. Yet another part of him dreaded her words, waiting for their future to turn to dust yet again.
"I'm not trying to bail," he answered softly, "I'm being realistic. An adult. A parent." He spoke slowly and carefully, saying it as much for himself as for her. They both needed to hear this. "I'm sorry if this is bringing up memories of your mom, but I need to know that Connor will be taken care of."
"This has nothing to do with Mom," she flared.
"I think it does, at least a little. You're still angry that she left you. And that I left you. And Giles. And your dad."
"Some of you had choices." She glared at him. "Some of you still do."
"And I will make what I believe is the best one for Connor, and for you," he answered steadily.
"Don't try and weasel out on me with the nobility junk again," she countered. "You owe me, buddy. You owe me at least one future after all you've put me through the past hour." She abruptly stopped talking and turned to stare at him in open-mouthed wonder. "The past hour," she repeated breathlessly, waving her watch under his nose. "Angel, it's been an hour since we started arguing about this in the kitchen. Over an hour, really."
Angel struggled to roll on his side to catch a good look at Buffy's wristwatch. "Are you sure?"
"Look." She swung her wrist back and forth in front of his face. "Look," she repeated impatiently.
"Stop moving your wrist so I can," he said sharply.
Buffy immediately held her arm still in front of Angel's face, his dark eyes gazing intently at the small round disk that spelled out his fate.
"You said two hours, tops," she reminded him unnecessarily. "More than two hours would have been after dawn. It was a sunny day; I remember. You never would have made it away safely."
Angel's mind traveled back to that long ago night, trying to reconstruct a timetable. He remembered Buffy's short-lived party, and their good-bye at the docks. Then there was the trip back to the apartment for a change of clothes, and the hours of research in the school library. The trip to the warehouse, and fleeing from it after they escaped the Judge. Making love, slowly and sweetly, and then falling asleep in each other's arms.
Waking up as his soul was being torn from his body.
He gritted his teeth, forcing the pain of the last memory from his mind. The time; he had to focus on the time. It had been after dawn when he got to the warehouse that morning, but he'd spent hours wandering around the sewers, scoping out the terrain through new eyes before he'd made his grand entrance; he remembered it well. He remembered everything about those days, in excruciating detail. She was right; he was right. Two hours, no more.
He was safe.
"This...this is incredible. It really worked." Angel's gaze shifted upwards to capture Buffy's damp hazel eyes with his own. "She really did it."
"She sure did," Buffy choked out before she lay down next to Angel and wrapped her arms around him.
Angel returned her kiss with enthusiasm, but he was somewhat hampered in any further efforts to demonstrate his devotion by the chains that still bound him. After a few sweet moments losing himself in his beloved's soft lips, he managed to tear himself away long enough to mention his problem.
"Buffy," he whispered as he nuzzled behind her ear, "this would be a lot more fun if my arms were free."
"What?" She pulled back and stared at him in confusion for a moment before his predicament really clicked in. "Oh god, Angel; I'm so sorry." She was silent before a moment before she softly repeated, "I'm so sorry."
Angel heard an odd note of desperation in her voice. He twisted his head with difficulty, trying to look into her eyes as she pressed her cheek against his chest. "Sorry about what?"
She burrowed her head into his shoulder without answering.
"Buffy," he prompted, "what are we talking about?"
"This," she whispered. "This was the way it should have been the last time."
He knew what she meant, but he wanted to make her smile so he teased, "You mean the chains?"
She refused to be placated. "I should've been happy for you. I just got so tied up in myself when I first came back...it never even occurred to me that the not changing was about you and not about me."
"Buffy, I was hurt that you didn't trust me, but I do understand. We make love once and I'm so happy I lose my soul, and then the second time," he closed his mind to the memories of the lost day, "the second time nothing literally earth-shattering happens." Angel touched his forehead to Buffy's, looking steadily into her eyes. "It's got to send mixed messages."
"Well, you are the king of mixed messages," she admitted, feeling the burden of guilt begin to lighten.
He raised a skeptical eyebrow at her. "I learned from the queen."
"I never," she retorted indignantly, raising herself on one elbow to scowl down at him.
"So I'm still hanging out in these chains for aesthetic reasons?"
She couldn't help her giggle as she reached over him to begin unfastening the locks that held the chains fast, any more than he could help the reaction of his body to having her stretched across him.
Wriggling.
"Hey," she purred, "is that cell phone still in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"
"Not funny," he grumbled. "I'm trying to behave myself...I mean I want to behave myself. For now...not, you know, forever."
"Glad to hear it." She stopped her efforts to unwind the chains long enough to press a warm kiss on his lips. For all his protests about trying to behave, he responded eagerly to her overtures. "Mmm," she mumbled against his mouth, "sweetie, I'm never going to get this off if you don't stop..."
"Oh, wow, I'm sorry," Dawn said breathlessly from the doorway.
Buffy tried to turn around to face the now open door, even as Angel fought to raise his body off of the bed to look for himself. The result was Buffy tumbling to the floor, while Angel watched helplessly from above.
"Dawn, we didn't, umm...we didn't think you were...umm, we didn't mean to..." Buffy struggled to find a suitable explanation while her sister's expression wavered between delight and abject embarrassment.
"I didn't know you guys were...last night I thought you told me you were going to go slow...or at least that was the impression I...umm, sorry." Dawn shrugged, turning up her palms to empty them, and her, of responsibility.
Buffy finally got to her feet. "We weren't," she said firmly. "I was trying to get these chains off of Angel and...and you probably want to know why they were on in the first place." Her voice trailed off as she considered the virtues of complete disclosure versus the blow to Dawn's pride when her big sister admitted neither she nor Angel had fully trusted her spell. "It wasn't what it looked like, really. I mean, we were kissing...and there were chains...and handcuffs...and chains...but it really wasn't..."
Dawn pressed one arm dramatically over her eyes. "There's such a thing as too much information." She peeked over her arm, smiling mischievously. "Unless you feel really strongly that I should know."
"Can we save the explanations for a time when I can add hand gestures?" Angel asked plaintively, wriggling on the bed the best he could given his restraints.
"Hey, watch the talk in front of the kid...s," Buffy scolded, her index finger waving at him in mock warning. Suddenly she grimaced. "Yikes. Channeling the Mom vibe for a second there."
"I think it's kind of nice," Dawn said soothingly. "As long as you don't start with the 'not on a school night you're not' thing."
Buffy grinned. "Or how about 'I don't care if you're not sleepy; just go to sleep."
"Oh yeah, or..."
"Ladies," Angel growled, "Really sorry to interrupt your bonding, but can we discuss my bondage?" He shifted uncomfortably, his movements still tightly constrained by the chains. "I hate to ruin another vampire stereotype, but personally I've always seen it more as a business tool than a social activity. Get these things off of me. Please."
Buffy looked at him oddly, a troubling memory surfacing at his words. There were so many things they hadn't talked about yet, and a lot of them she really wasn't looking forward to sharing.
"Angel, we need to...we need to get those things off of you," she finished hurriedly. Now, with Dawn there, was so not the time. Later, she promised herself; there was always later.
Angel hadn't missed the fleeting expression of pain in his beloved's eyes, but Dawn's presence inhibited him as well. The slam of the door downstairs, and the footsteps resounding on the staircase didn't help the situation either. He resolved to ask her later what was troubling her, and maybe then share a few of his own burdensome memories.
"Hey, whose car is in the driveway?" Willow called down the hall. Her voice got louder as she neared Buffy's bedroom, but it couldn't contend with Xander's.
"Yeah, it's pretty cool, except for the basic black thing. Almost makes me think of..." Xander stopped talking as they came in the room and spotted Angel still chained to the bed while Buffy was working with the locks. "Angel. You know I almost could have called it." He took another long look at his old rival. "Except for the chains. That's a new twist."
"And what exactly is with the, umm, chains?" Willow asked hesitantly. Her eyes were caught with another image before she received an answer however, and all thoughts of chains flew from her head. "Where did Dawn get a baby? I was only gone overnight."
Dawn casually shifted Connor to her hip, as though she had done it every day of her life. "This is Connor. He's Angel's."
"Gulp." Willow looked anxiously from the baby to Angel, to Buffy. "Did you say 'Angel's'? As in...Angel's?"
Buffy nodded absently, her attention largely consumed by her all-too professional expertise with binding her lover. He'd have already been free if she wasn't so darned good at her job.
"Excuse me?" Xander held his hand up the air. "Am I the only one confused by the sudden rewriting of the basic rules of biology?"
The Slayer cast him a sour glance as she began to unwind the chains from Angel's chest. "What would you remember about biology? You slept through more of it than I did."
"Not when Miss French was teaching." Willow grinned at her old friend, reveling in the red glow now suffusing his face.
"Can we leave my hormones out of this? This is about Angel's weird science, not mine."
"Hey!" Buffy snapped.
"Lay off, Xander," Angel said sharply. His hands free at last, he began helping Buffy to untangle the chains around his legs. "You can say what you want about me," he continued, "but not one word about my kid."
"Sorry. I just meant...this is weird. You gotta admit that much."
"Even for you two," Willow added.
"Speaking of two's," Xander continued, "why is there? Two of you, I mean. Complete with kinky accessories." He perched on the edge of the bed. "Tell us a story, Daddy."
Angel glanced apologetically at Dawn before he answered. "I thought my soul was in danger. Dawn cast a protection spell, but it was a long time ago. I didn't know if it was still holding, and then when I woke up this morning I..."
"Woke up?" Xander asked, looking suspiciously at Buffy. "You couldn't have gotten here from LA in the daylight."
"No, he slept here. With me." Buffy sat down next to Angel, taking his hand in hers as she glared defiantly at Xander. "Not that it's any of your business, but we didn't do anything...soul-stirring."
"Except for waking up and seeing Buffy and Connor in the bed with me." Angel smiled at her and squeezed her hand. "That was enough to make me perfectly happy."
"That is so sweet," Dawn and Willow chimed in unison.
"Adorable," Xander added wryly. "Have to hand it to you, man; you still know how to make the ladies swoon. I'd find it impressive if it wasn't so annoying."
"The point is that he didn't lose his soul, because Dawn's spell is still holding. But until we knew for sure, we didn't want to take any chances."
Xander bobbed his head at Buffy in acknowledgment. "And those of us who would have died a horrible death if his soul did split two for one thank you."
"You're welcome," she said dryly.
"Of course that still doesn't explain where the baby came from," Xander pointed out.
Angel glanced at Buffy, raising an eyebrow in wry amusement. "You're right; biology is not his strong suit."
"Maybe if you just gave us a hint," Willow suggested hesitantly. "A first initial or something."
"Or maybe we'll just talk about it later." Buffy gave her friends a quelling glance. "It's a long story I really don't want to rehash right now." She leaned back against Angel's shoulder, relishing the feel of his arm automatically coming up to encircle her. "I want to enjoy the now for a few minutes before we go back down that road again."
Xander cleared his throat, strangely unwilling to inject cold reality into the situation. "And, uh, what about the 'then' after the 'now'?"
Buffy shared a questioning glance with Angel, each one trying to measure the other's willingness to let her friends into their love life again. Angel gave a tiny nod at last, signaling his agreement to the silent question in Buffy's eyes.
"Now," she said slowly, "and after the now, we start over. Hopefully with your support, but it's not a deal-breaker."
Xander's forehead automatically drew down into a frown. "Hey, easy Buff. I know I used to be a little...cautious..."
"Protective," Dawn said stoutly.
"Hostile," Buffy corrected, her voice still wary from bitter past experience.
"Jealous," Willow finished with a grin. "It's okay, Xander; we understand. You're a guy. Angel was on your turf."
"I am not turf," the Slayer protested. "Stop making it sound liked they took turns peeing on me."
Xander threw his hands up in the air, casting an imploring glance at Angel as the only other man in the room. "Boy, you make a few 'I'd like to dust that creep' comments and suddenly you're the bad guy." He looked over at Buffy, all traces of levity vanished from both face and voice. "What I was trying to say was that I used to be...whatever...about Angel, but I've grown up a lot since then. I don't know if this is what's best for you, Buffy...and I'm having issues with the whole Mother Buffy image..."
"She's not becoming a nun, Xander," Willow protested.
"Not if I can help it," Buffy murmured under her breath. From the grin on Angel's face, she knew he, at least, had heard her.
"But if it's what you want," Xander continued over their protests, "it's your life. As long as the curse is happy-proofed, I'm cool."
"And as long as you're happy," Willow chimed in. "Which any idiot can see you are." She nudged Xander with the toe of her shoe. "Even this one."
"I always liked Angel," Dawn said, tossing her hair over her shoulder both for emphasis and to protect it from Connor's little fingers.
Buffy smiled in relief. She wasn't going to lose Angel again for anyone, but it certainly made for quieter evenings if her friends were behind them.
"Okay, so we've got half the votes in and they're a semi-solid 'yay.' How about your crew?"
Angel couldn't hold back a small chuckle at her question, and his laughter only grew when he saw the patent surprise on Xander and Willow's faces at the sound.
"I wouldn't worry about them, Buffy," he finally managed to say. "I think they were almost as anxious to get the old me back as I was."
* * * * *
It was a magical week, and not in the sense that Buffy had come to associate with the word. There were no spells, no curses, no mystical powders or potions; not a single one. Of course, with a baby sharing their room, and a teenager in the next room, there was also nothing happening that once might have called for spells or potions, but somehow she didn't mind. Much. There would be time enough for that later; finally, there would be time.
Overall, Angel fit strangely well into the domestic life of Revello Drive. Buffy had the uneasy feeling that his life in LA was equally familial, but she tried not to let it bother her. He was happy, she was happy, Dawn and Connor were happy; why worry about the life that existed beyond the four walls of their sanctuary?
Buffy wanted to spend every available moment with Angel and Connor, but he insisted that she shouldn't rearrange her life for them. So she looked for a new job, and did the usual shopping and took the car to get an oil change. But every day ended with Angel, and Connor, and Dawn, by her side, and they made all the difference.
* * * * *
"Hi honey, I'm home," she caroled, slipping in the door late one sunny afternoon. "I've got good news too." She glanced into the curtained living room, but there was no sign of Angel. Further peeks into the kitchen and dining room also yielded no fruit; he was obviously upstairs. She ran quickly up the steps, eager to be reunited with the men in her life.
"Angel," she called as she walked into her bedroom, "didn't you hear...what are you doing?"
It was a stupid question; she could see perfectly well that he was packing Connor's things. Packing, as in preparing to leave.
"Cordelia had a vision," he said, tossing the baby powder into the bag. "A Fantori demon, Wesley thinks. They're strong and they fight dirty." He looked her in the eyes for the first time as he added, "They need me in LA."
"And we don't?" she snapped. A second later she sighed and ran her hand through her hair as she tried to collect herself. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I promised myself I wouldn't do that. I know you have to go back; it's just...it's so soon."
He abruptly abandoned his packing and sat down on the edge of the bed, patting the spot beside him.
"I know," he agreed, heaving a sigh. "It feels like everything was finally settling down and now this. I wish I could stay, but I feel like there's still things I need to do there." He shook his head resolutely; there was no point in wishing for things to be different when they were already so much better than he deserved. "If nothing else, I still have a few old enemies to take care of for Connor's sake. That demon hunter, Holtz...the one I told you about...I need to settle things with him once and for all so we don't have to be watching out for him all of the time."
She sat down beside him, leaning her head against his shoulder as she twined her fingers with his.
"You know, speaking of settling things, we never did settle the whole settling down thing," she reminded him. "We've been tiptoeing around the subject all week so that we don't spoil anything. But if you have to go, we need to talk about it."
"Yeah, we do." He paused for a moment, watching Connor stretched out in Buffy's trunk sucking on Mr. Gordo's ear. "I know you're tied to the hellmouth, even though it's supposed to be closed."
"It's not the hellmouth I'm tied to; it's Dawn," she said unhappily. "I can't make her move, not now. Maybe when she's in college...but that's two years away."
A trace of mischief sparkled in his dark eyes. "Buffy, I'm going to live forever, you're barely 21 and Connor can't even sit up yet. Two years is not that long."
She pursed her lips as she lightly punched his arm. "It seems like forever to me. I want to be with you...both of you. But right now..."
"Right now is not the time," he finished for her. "I know. I have things I have to do too." The smile left his eyes as he said, "Haven't quite caught the tail of that redemption balloon yet."
"Hey, no talk like that," she scolded. "You are the most redeemed person I know. But you have responsibilities, and while I don't like the idea that they'll take you away from me, I do understand. Sort of."
He pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. "My responsibilities aren't forever, though. I mean Connor is, but we don't have to stay in LA. Wes runs the business now; there's no reason he can't take over completely. Maybe I can open up a new office in Sunnydale eventually."
Her eye brightened at the thought of Angel back in Sunnydale permanently. "Hey, since I have this whole, you know, sacred anti-forces of evil duty anyway, maybe I can do it working for you," she suggested quickly. "With you," she corrected herself a minute later.
"With me," he agreed, grinning at the image as well as the amended expression of it. "For now I guess we'll have to do the weekend route. Actually I will, because it's probably easier for me to get away than you."
She grinned up at him. "Still think I'm going to take a whack at Cordy, don't you?"
"Let's just I'd prefer to try an ounce of prevention than have you pound out a cure."
"Spoilsport." Her smile dissolved an instant later, the frown that replaced it drawing creases across her smooth brow. "Speaking of pounding...Angel, you said you wanted to 'settle' things with Holtz. All that you've said about him makes me really nervous to have you do that alone. You can't leave until sunset anyway; maybe I could..."
The quick, decisive shake of his head put an end to her idea before she finished giving it air.
"Buffy, no. I need to do this alone."
"We're a team now; we're supposed to fight the bad guys together," she argued. "Except for, you know, when we aren't actually in the same town. But I can be in the same town." She could tell she wasn't convincing him but she couldn't stop trying. "I just need to ask Willow to keep an eye on Dawn. And, well, there's this job that..."
"Job? You found something?"
"Maybe. Probably. But that doesn't matter now. You do."
"I love you when you're overprotective." He smiled gently to remove any sting from his words. "But I need to do this alone. Holtz is part of my past, my old sins. I need to deal with him on my own, for my sake as well as yours."
Buffy drew a deep breath; it's not like she'd expected him to say yes. She wanted him to, she wished he had, but she hadn't really expected it."
"Okay, if you won't let me come with you, then leave Connor here." She saw the look of surprise on his face and hurried to explain. "I know it sounds crazy, and I know you probably don't want to leave him with someone who, until about a week ago, thought formula was something you blanked out on in a math test. I just have this weird feeling that he'd be safer here."
The surprise in his eyes turned sharply to something darker. "Did you have a dream?"
She frightened him; damn, that wasn't what she'd intended. "Angel, no; it's nothing like that. It's just...a feeling. Maybe because you're going up against a guy who let himself be quick frozen for two hundred plus years just so he could have one more shot at kicking your ass." She traced the line of his jaw with a gentle fingertip. "I don't think he likes you."
Buffy could see the tension ease infinitesimally, though she wasn't sure if it was because of her explanation or simply her touch.
"No, I don't suppose he does. And maybe Connor would be safer out of the range of fire, but...are you sure?" Angel raised one skeptical eyebrow as he added, "He's an awful lot of work, especially if you're starting a new job. Which, by the way, you still haven't told me anything about."
"I'll tell you more about it if...when...there's anything to tell about it. As for the lots of work part," she shrugged and turned her palms upwards, trying to look casual as she placed her faith in luck, "if we're going to make us work, I'm going to need to try out my balancing act on the high wire eventually."
"That's true," he conceded. He frowned, thinking the idea through carefully. "He should be safe here with you; Wolfram and Hart have no control here, and any normal demon who comes into town knows better than to mess with you by now." He couldn't help the pleasure sweeping over him, even as he quailed at the thought of leaving his son behind. "It shouldn't take me too long to take care of Cordy's vision and see to Holtz and then I can come back for a few days again."
She knew she should be happy, and she was...in a way. She was glad Connor would be staying, and that Angel trusted him with her, and that Angel would have to come back for him and then he could stay for another few days. But even so...
"You'll be careful, right?"
He didn't answer her with words, but he left her with no doubt that he had too much to survive for now to take any unnecessary chances.
* * * * *
Angel kept his eyes firmly fixed on the road before him, but beyond his position between the lane markers, he had no idea where he was. The mile markers flashed past, caught in the glow of his headlights, but they did not register. His mind was filled with images of Connor, and Buffy, as he had last seen them. They were together, and Buffy would keep his son safe; he knew this as well as he knew the sun would rise in the morning. But he would not see them at that sunrise, or for several to come. He would be in Los Angeles and they would be in Sunnydale and as much as he hated the idea he would have to live with it.
He should be grateful that Buffy felt such an instant connection with Connor...he was grateful...but he missed them. He missed them with every fiber of his being, and for the first time in a very long time he doubted the value of a mission that would take him away from the two people he was sure he was meant to spend his days with. Yes, he needed to make amends for the evil he had done, but how could neglecting those he loved make amends for anything?
It was with mingled gratitude and regret that he greeted the sign for his exit. The sooner he was back at the Hyperion, the sooner he could deal with the demon and leave...but oh, how he wished he was already headed the other way on that highway.
* * * * *
The office was in its usual state of chaos when he wandered in that evening. Fred and Gunn were playfully fighting over a book while Wesley recited the book's pedigree in an attempt to make them be careful with it. Cordelia casually flipped through a fashion magazine as Lorne watched, the two of them trading acerbic comments on the fashion violations contained within its glossy pages.
Business as usual at Angel Investigations.
"Excuse me," Angel said from the doorway. "I thought we had a demon to catch, but maybe I misunderstood."
"Angel," Wesley said, a faint smile fighting with the dull red glow suffusing his thin face. "You're back."
Cordelia glanced sharply at him. "And back without an escort. Where's Connor?"
Angel perched on the arm of the chair next to the door. Despite their talk he still felt a little awkward around Cordelia; he had a feeling he would for some time to come. For the moment he tried to address his comments to the groups as a whole, avoiding direct contact with her sharp brown eyes.
"I'm back because you said there was a Fantori demon running around town." He glanced around the room. "I guess I'm the only one who's worried about it, though."
Wesley's face turned still redder. "Yes, well, it appears we were mistaken. It, uh, wasn't exactly a Fantori."
"Angel," Fred said hesitantly, "you didn't answer Cordelia's question. Where's Connor?"
"He's with Buffy. If it wasn't a Fantori, then..."
"Buffy? You left him in Sunnydale?" Cordelia snapped. "Home of the happy hellmouth?"
Angel ground his teeth together, but he kept his tone calm and even. This time, however, he had no trouble looking her square in the face. "He's fine. Now do we know what the demon actually was?"
"It was a Sendezak." Wesley smiled weakly. "She was, umm, protecting her young when she attacked those boys. They were coming too close to her nest."
"A Sendezak?" Angel sighed. They were among the more peaceful demons, aroused only to anger in self-defense. If anything, he would need to protect the Sendezak, not the other way around.
"I can't believe you left him behind." Cordelia shook her head in amazement. "You'd barely let any of us touch a dirty diaper for the first month...not that we were exactly fighting over the honor, mind you...but still. And after a week, you leave him with Buffy...alone with Buffy."
"I'm sorry, Angel," Wesley said, ignoring Cordelia's diatribe completely. "The Sendezak and the Fantori really do look very much alike." He waved his hand at the back of his head. "It's really only the color of the crest that tells you which is which...and that alley was rather poorly lit."
"I know, Wes. I just...I wanted to...never mind." He sighed again. "I have things to do in LA anyway. Then I'm going back to Sunnydale. For just a few days," he added quickly. "I'll be bringing Connor back and...well...we'll see where we go from there."
"Does Buffy know anything about kids at all?" Cordelia pressed. "Normally I'd say she could ask Willow for advice, but it's not like our wacky Wicca would have been putting a whole lot of thought into the subject after she decided to be gay."
Angel felt a flash of exasperated affection, followed by the warm realization that there was nothing more, or less, to it than that anymore. Simple brotherly affection, mixed with the equally simple brotherly urge to strangle his annoying little sister. He'd been so busy the past few months trying to convince his heart that Cordelia was its rightful owner that he'd forgotten how much he enjoyed her friendship.
"Can we get off the subject of my son's sleeping arrangements, please? He's fine...better than fine. I came back to settle things with Holtz, among other things, and Connor is safer out of the line of fire right now."
Wesley's brow wrinkled. "Holtz? He's been very quiet actually. We haven't seen a sign of him or any of his compatriots in quite some time."
"Not since you left town, that's for sure," Gunn added.
Fred smiled brightly. "Maybe he left too."
* * * * *
"Dawn, could you get the door?" Buffy called from upstairs. "I'm giving Connor a bath."
"But I was going to do my homework," Dawn called back, snatching her hand away from the TV remote to cross her fingers behind her back.
"The door, Dawn, and count yourself lucky I'm not asking you to spot me this time."
Dawn shuddered at the memory of her last attempt to help with bath time. Warm water and baby boys do not mix. Still, her escape from the waterworks came with a price.
"Dawn, get the door. Dawn, get the phone. Dawn, go to your room," the teenager in question grumbled as she headed for the front door. "If those stupid monks had given me a longer name, I could have been out of the house before she finished telling me what to do."
She was still muttering under her breath as she yanked open the door and glared at the man standing on the doorstep.
"If you're looking for directions, I'm not old enough to drive yet," she snapped. "We don't have much money, so we prefer to be on the receiving end of donations. And if you're a vampire," she shook her head, "you sure have picked the wrong house."
"Vampire? Far from it." Holtz laughed softly at the private joke. "No, my dear child, I have a vampire problem myself, and I need help. Badly. I was told I could find it here."
Dawn looked at him suspiciously for a moment, and then reached around behind the door to grab for insurance.
Holtz smiled at the proffered cross and gently removed it from Dawn's hand. Slowly, making sure her eyes followed every move, he raised the crucifix to his lips and kissed it.
Dawn stepped back from the door, opening it wider as she gestured to Holtz. "You pass. Help is upstairs being all June Cleaver, but I'll call her."
* * * * *
To Be Continued