All I Wanted
Chapter 4: Irina
DISCLAIMER: They don't belong to me, I don't claim that they do, don't sue. Thank you, and please review!
I don't understand what's going on. They're taking me away, that much is obvious. But where? And, more importantly, why? All I can figure is something must have gone wrong in Madagascar. But what? I've been wracking my brain since they first shackled me again. I can only come up with 3 options. I don't like any of them. But until I can talk to Sydney, or Agent Vaughn, or someone who knows, I can do nothing but dwell upon these ideas.
What if, somehow, Sark beat them to it? Of course, this would be quite difficult. He didn't have the map and, from what Sydney said, he didn't get a good enough look at it to memorize it in Moscow. It remains a possibility, however farfetched. He could have gotten there, grabbed the Bible, and ambushed my daughter and the team. Had he kil… injured them badly, it may have been assumed to be a set-up by me. Even if they weren't hurt- or worse- who's to say they wouldn't assume that anyway? I despise this option. Besides, truly believing this is quite a stretch of the imagination. I'm not sure I can really make that kind of stretch.
The second possibility that I've come up with is me. I somehow decoded the map wrong, leading them nowhere. They would naturally believe I did it on purpose. But would that alone be enough cause for them to take me away like this? I don't know. Either way, I created that code. I think if anyone would be able to decipher it, it's me. I spent enough time working out the specifics of Richter's map- with Sydney watching- to be fairly sure that I was correct on the location. I would not have done anything to intentionally hurt Sydney, or lead her astray. True, 'The Bible' is my last bit of leverage. But all I want now is to prove myself. I want the chance to explain everything to my daughter. I want to be there for my daughter's wedding, her child's first Christmas, Sydney's 30th birthday. Correctly decoding the map was supposed to be one small step on that path. Instead, the damn thing seems to have caused a huge setback. I don't know what happened. But I do know I decoded it correctly.
If Sark is a stretch of the imagination, that's just an impossible leap. The third option I've come up with is the most painful thought. Unfortunately, it also seems the most likely.
Jack.
I've tried to talk myself out of this, come up with reasons why it's not possible. But the more I think about it, the more it fits. Of course, his intent wouldn't have been to hurt Sydney or any of those CIA officers. He would have wanted to make it appear as though I were sending them into a setup. A death trap, an ambush maybe. Naturally, he would save them, somehow. This would prove to Sydney that he was right all along. It would show that he's the good guy, I'm the bad guy. But it's hard to believe that he would go to such extremes. I still don't know what he did- might have done, I suppose I should say- but it would have to be big in order to get me taken away. I know he doesn't trust me. He probably despises me. But would he really go so far? Would he actually endanger Sydney's life just to keep her from me? I don't know the answer to that question; I can only hope not. She already has one parent she can't trust… one parent who has damaged her irreversibly… she needs to be able to trust Jack, to know that he wouldn't hurt her. I can never be that for her. Even if she could actually forgive me, accept me back into her life as her mother, she would never be able to fully trust me. How could she? I've abandoned her, shot her, held a gun to her head… no, she could never fully believe in me. I just hope, no matter how much Jack may hate me, he would never betray Sydney's trust. But no matter how much I hope, I'm afraid it does no good. I'm afraid he took matters into his own hands, and I'm not sure I want Sydney to know. Oh, I want her to know that I didn't betray her, try to kill her, or give her wrong directions. However, I don't want her to feel that she cant trust her father.
But she cant. Perhaps I should tell her. Who's to say it wont happen again? Suppose I don't tell Sydney my suspicions, and Jack feels threatened by someone else? Can I take that chance?
She'd never believe me. My word versus Jack? She'd take his anyday, as would anyone in their right mind. I'm at a loss for options here. And still, my mind keeps going back to Jack.
Jephthah. Compelled sacrificer of a dearly beloved daughter. This is who Hamlet compares Polonius to in Act II, scene ii. Have I turned Jack into Jephthah? Could his hatred of me push him so far? Would he truly be willing to sacrifice Sydney in order to keep her away from me- and protect his secret?
I don't know. And not knowing could very well be worse than finding out the truth.
Thanks for reading! I considered doing one of these from Will's perspective, but it wouldn't really fit. So I guess this is it. I still like Jack's the best, but whatever. Either way, please review, either on FF.Net, or by e-mailing me at GabsHardyL4tM@hotmail.com, or both!