Disclaimer: You see, well... although I hate to admit it, I don't own Stargate: SG-1.

Till the end of the time

Chapter 9

Major Carter's POV

'I try to open my eyes, although I am not sure whether I really want to. I know I have a choice, because it has always been there. Either I stay in this darkness and wait for the 'memories' to come back... They always do. Or I open my eyes and face the reality, face Jack.

It is a hard choice. And I know I will hurt whatever I choose. And there is always not knowing.

I don't know what those memories mean, I don't know what part I played in all those... killings. But there is a feeling that I somehow don't want to know... maybe because knowing the truth would hurt more than the darkness surrounding me.

I don't know what is going on with Colonel. I was sure he attacked me, but now... now that... I have seen the look in his eyes. It lasted a mere second, not longer, to know that he didn't do it. He couldn't have.

I remember the cut I gave my attacker, Jack didn't have it. Daniel did.

But Daniel couldn't do it. He simply couldn't.

And yet, the man who tried to take my life away had Jack's face.

I know that much.

I have been through much, way too much to believe that either of them did... even thought...

There is something... Something about me, that even I don't understand. Something so dark... from my past.

I always felt it... but only rarely came any closer to understanding what, than simply feeling something is wrong with me. Not wrong. Strange.

And ever since the mission... since my capture, since the moment I woke up in Colonel's arms, I feel it more strongly then ever. More closely than I thought possible.

Then I woke up, and Janet tells me I have been screaming words in Tamarian language.

I don't speak Tamarian. I've never heard it. I don't even know where it is spoken, if it is nowadays spoken at all. Daniel might know.

I don't know what it means, just thinking about it leaves me even more confused. I only feel. It has something to do with the memory that came to me just after the mission. Just after Colonel said... after he said...

I can't bring myself to even think about it. I, Major Samantha Carter, military officer, person who saw all kinds of horrible things, can't force her to think about... something Jack said.

Jack. I seem to take it as a custom to call him by the name. In my thoughts, of course. I can't call him that when we are on duty. Or when we are not. Because always... always, we are just Colonel and Major. Not Jack and Sam. Never. Colonel and Major.

I must wake up. I must find out what is happening.

My eyelids feel like lead... Oh, great. More darkness.

OK, there is some light... uh, it is getting quite bright... Janet, would you mind turning the light off? I'll be blind at this rate.

Oh, yes. My throat is as stiff as a concrete block, and I'm pretty sure all the water I can get will be intravenously. God, I should talk to Janet about her needles. No wonder Jack hates coming here...

Here I go again. Jack. Everything comes down to him, doesn't it?

OK, Sam. Forget about Jack for a second, and see who else is around...

Teal'c?

I see the top of his head... is he sitting on the floor? Of course, meditation. I should try it one day. I doubt it would help. I doubt anything would ease this headache...

Mark is right. Sometimes I think too much.

Well, I can't help it, all right?'

"Teal'c?" Voice was weak and shaky.

Jaffa snapped out of his meditation and got up. He leaned a bit over the bed and looked at Sam, who was smiling, well... trying to, at least.

"Major Carter. How do you feel?"

Instead of answer, her eyes went in the direction of the small table at the bedside. Luckily, there was some water there.

Teal'c seemed to understand what Major wanted and helped her drink some.

'He is getting good in guessing what Tau'ri think...' Sam thought.

Her head fell back on the pillows, and she closed her eyes, trying to relax. Suddenly Sam felt light breeze on her face, and assumed, correctly, that Jaffa was leaving. Without opening her eyes, she asked, "Teal'c where are you going?"

"I am going to inform Colonel O'Neill that you regained consciousness."

"Why?"

"He asked me to. O'Neill wished to stay here with you, but Dr. Fraiser ordered him to rest. I volunteered to stay with you, and he asked me to notify him immediately if there is any change. There was change."

Although she did not want to see Colonel right now, she knew that Teal'c would ask questions, as he usually did every time he didn't understand something, so she decided to drop it. Anyways, she could always pretend that she was sleeping when he comes. No matter how hard it might be.

It seemed not more then a minute after Teal'c went away, when she heard steps. Very familiar ones. How many times did she sit in her lab, listening to that sound, occasionally passing by, but rarely stopping...

"Carter?"

Sam kept silent and didn't answer. She heard the sound of a chair being pulled over the floor... closer and closer, until it stopped.

"Carter, are you awake?"

Silence again. She could swear she could hear him breathe. And it was driving her crazy. 'Man, does he ever give up?'

Of course, she already knew the answer to that. Never.

Deciding she could no longer endure this, and realizing she would have to face Colonel, sooner or later, she opened her eyes, and squeaked.

Jack's face was a mere few centimeters away from hers. No wonder she could hear him breathe. Now she was staring into his eyes, which were frightingly close.

She drew a slow breath in, and said, "Sir."

He smiled and pulled away, slumping into the chair.

"Sorry if I scared you, Major. Teal'c told me you were ready to have visitors, but I am sure he'll have problems if Dr. Fraiser finds out..." his face stretched into big grin.

"As you will too, Sir, if Janet finds you here," Sam was surprised at how hoarse her voice sounded, but Colonel seemed not to notice this.

He simply squirmed in his chair and settling more comfortably, asked, "How are you feeling?"

"I've been better, Sir," she tried to make it sound at ease, but it came out just the opposite.

He smiled, but the smile soon vanished away.

"How about you telling me why do you think I attacked you? I found you, half-dead, Carter, for God sake, and I brought you in..."

His voice trailed off, and Sam didn't miss the note of... was it fear? Sadness?

She decided she was simply too tired to ponder on that now, and that she had to do something... anything... just to make him go away and leave her alone. But the look on Colonel's face told her that her fears came true. He won't go away until he knows everything there is to know about everything.

She sighed.

"After the mission, after you told me..." Sam stopped, and quickly looked away from him. 'I shouldn't mention that... not now. Not ever.'

"After the argument we had... I went home. In the morning I heard knocking. It was you, Sir, well... I don't know who it was, but it looked just like you, Sir. I let you... him in. I assumed it was about what happened the previous night... It was, but somehow... it didn't make sense. I can't explain what exactly happened, next thing I know was that you went mad and started thrashing things around..."

"For the hundredth time, Carter, it wasn't me!" Jack looked bewildered.

"I am sorry, Sir... I..."

It was not until now that he noticed tears forming in the corners of her eyes. He fought to stay calm, but inside he was screaming at himself for letting this happened. First, he wasn't there to protect her, and now, she is inch away from tears, and it was all his fault...

"No, Major... Sam... I am sorry."

She smiled weakly, but continued, "Attack was sudden, and it caught me off guard... I guess everything caught me off guard. I don't remember much after that. Just waking up here. What happened when you found me, Sir?"

Jack gave her a short version of the story, missing on how he felt holding her in his arms, for the second time in the last two days, with her blood all over him.

She looked him straight into eyes.

"I know it wasn't you, Sir. You would never..."

He didn't finish her sentence in his mind, because he knew that the logical conclusion wouldn't be true. He did hurt her. Not intentionally, but it was the reason why she went home and got hurt, again.

"Janet told me Daniel translated what I said, but she didn't tell me what did I say. What did I say, Sir?"

Her voice brought him back to reality from the depths of his not-so-pleasant thoughts.

"Are you sure you want to know Carter?" His smile was back.

Sam started to breathe more easily. Anything... to turn their thoughts away from that night.

"Yup. If I learnt a new language I want to know what my first words were," she smiled too.

Again, Jack tried to repeat what she said... but when failed miserably, promised to fetch Daniel and gave her just a translation.

Her eyes wandered off to the glass of a cupboard. Something started forming in her mind... it was like part of her tried to dig out some important information, of which existence the other half knew nothing about. It was a struggle.

Jack noticed her breathing got louder and quicker. Her eyes were focused on a small vial, but her hand was gripping the sheets.

"Carter, are you OK?"

She turned her head back to him, her forehead being covered in sweat.

"Sir, you said... you said Daniel couldn't translate one word. What was it?"

Now it was Jack's turn to focus.

"Darsome. Something like that. Darsoon. Yeah, I think... Carter, I am getting Dr. Fraiser." Jack rose from his seat, when something stopped him.

She was holding his hand.

"Was it 'Dar Soon'?" she asked.

"Yes... how..."

"Tell Daniel... tell him it means... 'Soldier of fate'."

She let go of him. Her head fell back on the pillows, and her breathing seemed to slow down, but Jack was already half way down to Dr. Fraiser's office.

Thirty minutes latter, Carter was carefully examined, but nothing, except the injury, seemed to be wrong with her. Claiming Sam needed to rest, and promising Jack huge needle next time he needed blood work, Janet emptied the infirmary, leaving only one nurse to guard over sleeping Major.

Daniel was pacing in the debriefing room, obviously trying to put the pieces together.

"Soldier of fate... soldier of fate..."

"For crying out loud, we know, Daniel. Soldier of fate. Stop repeating it!" Jack seemed distressed as he rubbed his temples.

"I heard it before... somewhere..." Dr. Jackson proceeded in a quiet, murmuring tone, completely unaware of the annoyance he was causing to Jack. Or he was simply ignoring him. It wouldn't be the first time.

"Of course!" Daniel exclaimed, startling the rest of the group and causing them to jump out of their seats.

"What? What?"

Young man made a complete turn around the table, arriving at the same spot he started from, and leaning his palms onto the brown surface, plunged himself into lecture.

"Soldiers of fate, mythical creatures responsible for prevention of the old soul returning from the realm of the dead into the world of living by reincarnation. They separate the two worlds. If a soul that died manages to find its way back into the world of living, they search for it in order to return it where it belongs. Reincarnated souls have no memories of their previous lives... only the will to live. Incredible and strong will to live, which allowed them access back in the first place. These souls enter bodies of the newly born children, displacing and destroying the original inhabitant, the original soul. Soldiers bring the soul back by simply killing the body that it occupies."

Everybody was staring at him.

"What are you trying to say, Daniel?" Jack understood it well, but refused to believe.

Dr. Jackson didn't answer; he simply pulled out a chair, and slumped into it. After few seconds, he looked at his friend and in a grave voice added; "Myth says that Soldiers can take form of any living creature in order to complete the task."

Jack looked at him, then waved his head.

"Oh, no. No, no, no... No. Nope. Can't be. You say Soldiers are myths, they don't exist, right? No. No way Carter is some reincarnated soul. Can't be. No. No, no, no..."

Younger man quietly added, "Sam is not just some reincarnated soul. She is The Protected One. Reincarnated soul of Ractah."

Janet looked close to fainting, but she managed to murmur, "It explains Sam's claims that you tried to kill her, Jack."

General looked at each of them in turn, then spoke to Janet, "Dr. Fraiser, get Major Carter here. Immediately."

A/N: How do you like this, huh? :) I know I am cruel... But I love it. There is much left to be discovered. Stay tuned, folks!

Oh, yes, reviews are most welcome. Constructive criticism as well.