Chapter 4 - The All-Knowing Master - In which Raziel meets with the Master
and everyone realises just how pointless the bits where I say what this
chapter is about is because it's already in the title or at the very least
they could actually just read the fic and work it out anyway. By the way, I
still don't own LOK and I don't own the special guest who appears in this
chapter. I don't even own myself.
The Master... many inhabitants of Blood Omen Street claimed it was he who built the street. Quite how one man could build an entire street was unclear and not really thought about. He was now mostly nothing more than a myth, an old story told for no real reason other than to make inane conversation. But one thing was for sure, it wasn't just a self indulgent excuse for the author to appear in the story.
"I AM GREAT!" Kain shouted at Umah, who had married Kain and now lived with him. She had wanted to refuse, but got the impression that he would kill her if she had. "UMAH!"
"Yes, Kain?" said Umah.
"TELL ME HOW GREAT I AM!"
Umah sighed and began telling him AGAIN.
Meanwhile poor Raziel was making the long trek to the labyrinth, making note of random locations he couldn't access so that he could come back to them later for no apparent reason. The trek wouldn't be taking half as long if he didn't keep getting stopped by homeless giant walking talking blocks.
"Spare change, mister?"
"For the last time NO, now leave me alone!"
Finally I arrived at the labyrinth and as I arrived I looked to my left and saw a bus stopping just outside. I swore as I realised I could have just taken that instead. Now though I ventured inside, unsure of exactly what awaited me.
"Where have all my good powers gone?" Kain asked Umah. "Why can't I turn into a wolf or a bat or cast all the spells I could before?"
"Er... but now you have better gifts Kain."
"What, the Whisper? All I can do with that is talk to vampires, which means stupid Vorador... and er, you, of course, dear..."
"Welcome to the labyrinth, enjoy your stay," said a rather depressed sounding woman as Raziel entered.
"Excuse me, where can I find the Master?" asked Raziel.
"You think I can just tell you? You have to make your own way. Enjoy your stay."
I walked past the woman and into a series of maze-like corridors. Suddenly a strange bald man leapt out at me.
"A physical challenge, eh Raziel? Well come this way, this way." The bald man lead me to a room, threw me in and bolted the door. I was unsure of what was going on. "Do you see a block in front of you?"
"Yes." I replied, still insure of what the meaning of this was. The question was quite stupid. There was a ruddy great block right in the centre of the room, of course I could see it.
"Move it into position Raziel, hurry, hurry, two minutes, two minutes left!"
I moved the block around the room while the man outside played a harmonica. As the block went into place a crystal fell out of somewhere.
"Get the crystal!" yelled the bald man. "30 seconds!"
I took the crystal and ran outside.
"Well done, well done," said the bald man.
Leaving Umah, Kain went on the hunt for the Sarafan Lord. No-one killed Kain and got away with it. So he killed anyone in his way until Ariel appeared in front of him.
"Kain... you refused the sacrifice."
"Oh piss off Ariel, what the hell are you upset for anyway? 'The choice is yours Kain' and all that crap, and then when I choose to condemn one teeny tiny world..."
"Eh... you refused the sacrifice!" said Ariel before disappearing rather quickly.
"And next time I'll be calling the Ghostbusters!" shouted Kain.
After several more challenges like this the bald man said I had enough crystals to meet the Master and he took me to a door before running away while playing his harmonica. I looked at the door and prepared to enter. I was excited at meeting someone with the knowledge of the Master. This man could tell me many things, the significance of us being on this street, why everyone wanted me to kill Kain, and why 'Farscape' had been cancelled.
As I entered I was disappointed to learn that the all-knowing Master was in fact, just 'Jazzmaster'. The room looked like some kind of dungeon and I noticed several people had been chained to the wall and were being forced to read and review his story.
"Hello Raziel," said the Master.
"So, you are the writer of this story?" asked Raziel.
"Yes, I'm writing this right now."
I wondered just how few ideas this 'writer' had when he was resorting to this.
"So tell me, what is Mobius' big scheme, why are we all on this street, why do both Kain and I have voice-overs, why does everyone want me to kill Kain and why was Farscape cancelled?"
"I can't tell you all that, it's a big surprise. Except for the Farscape thing, I mean, it's not really relevant. I don't even like Farscape that much. I don't know why it's been brought up."
"So you refuse to give me any answers then?"
"No, it would spoil the story. I mean, look at how many people are enjoying it."
I looked at the rather ill-looking people Jazzmaster had chained up.. They began moaning "please no more" over and over.
"You don't know, do you? You're making things up as you go along."
Jazzmaster began sweating now and looked very uncomfortable.
"I eh, um, of course not... but now you're out of here."
Before he could write me out of the story I activated the Soul Reaver and forced it right through the man, killing him instantly. Exactly how the story would continue now I had murdered the author was unclear, but I suspected there was more to come...
The Master... many inhabitants of Blood Omen Street claimed it was he who built the street. Quite how one man could build an entire street was unclear and not really thought about. He was now mostly nothing more than a myth, an old story told for no real reason other than to make inane conversation. But one thing was for sure, it wasn't just a self indulgent excuse for the author to appear in the story.
"I AM GREAT!" Kain shouted at Umah, who had married Kain and now lived with him. She had wanted to refuse, but got the impression that he would kill her if she had. "UMAH!"
"Yes, Kain?" said Umah.
"TELL ME HOW GREAT I AM!"
Umah sighed and began telling him AGAIN.
Meanwhile poor Raziel was making the long trek to the labyrinth, making note of random locations he couldn't access so that he could come back to them later for no apparent reason. The trek wouldn't be taking half as long if he didn't keep getting stopped by homeless giant walking talking blocks.
"Spare change, mister?"
"For the last time NO, now leave me alone!"
Finally I arrived at the labyrinth and as I arrived I looked to my left and saw a bus stopping just outside. I swore as I realised I could have just taken that instead. Now though I ventured inside, unsure of exactly what awaited me.
"Where have all my good powers gone?" Kain asked Umah. "Why can't I turn into a wolf or a bat or cast all the spells I could before?"
"Er... but now you have better gifts Kain."
"What, the Whisper? All I can do with that is talk to vampires, which means stupid Vorador... and er, you, of course, dear..."
"Welcome to the labyrinth, enjoy your stay," said a rather depressed sounding woman as Raziel entered.
"Excuse me, where can I find the Master?" asked Raziel.
"You think I can just tell you? You have to make your own way. Enjoy your stay."
I walked past the woman and into a series of maze-like corridors. Suddenly a strange bald man leapt out at me.
"A physical challenge, eh Raziel? Well come this way, this way." The bald man lead me to a room, threw me in and bolted the door. I was unsure of what was going on. "Do you see a block in front of you?"
"Yes." I replied, still insure of what the meaning of this was. The question was quite stupid. There was a ruddy great block right in the centre of the room, of course I could see it.
"Move it into position Raziel, hurry, hurry, two minutes, two minutes left!"
I moved the block around the room while the man outside played a harmonica. As the block went into place a crystal fell out of somewhere.
"Get the crystal!" yelled the bald man. "30 seconds!"
I took the crystal and ran outside.
"Well done, well done," said the bald man.
Leaving Umah, Kain went on the hunt for the Sarafan Lord. No-one killed Kain and got away with it. So he killed anyone in his way until Ariel appeared in front of him.
"Kain... you refused the sacrifice."
"Oh piss off Ariel, what the hell are you upset for anyway? 'The choice is yours Kain' and all that crap, and then when I choose to condemn one teeny tiny world..."
"Eh... you refused the sacrifice!" said Ariel before disappearing rather quickly.
"And next time I'll be calling the Ghostbusters!" shouted Kain.
After several more challenges like this the bald man said I had enough crystals to meet the Master and he took me to a door before running away while playing his harmonica. I looked at the door and prepared to enter. I was excited at meeting someone with the knowledge of the Master. This man could tell me many things, the significance of us being on this street, why everyone wanted me to kill Kain, and why 'Farscape' had been cancelled.
As I entered I was disappointed to learn that the all-knowing Master was in fact, just 'Jazzmaster'. The room looked like some kind of dungeon and I noticed several people had been chained to the wall and were being forced to read and review his story.
"Hello Raziel," said the Master.
"So, you are the writer of this story?" asked Raziel.
"Yes, I'm writing this right now."
I wondered just how few ideas this 'writer' had when he was resorting to this.
"So tell me, what is Mobius' big scheme, why are we all on this street, why do both Kain and I have voice-overs, why does everyone want me to kill Kain and why was Farscape cancelled?"
"I can't tell you all that, it's a big surprise. Except for the Farscape thing, I mean, it's not really relevant. I don't even like Farscape that much. I don't know why it's been brought up."
"So you refuse to give me any answers then?"
"No, it would spoil the story. I mean, look at how many people are enjoying it."
I looked at the rather ill-looking people Jazzmaster had chained up.. They began moaning "please no more" over and over.
"You don't know, do you? You're making things up as you go along."
Jazzmaster began sweating now and looked very uncomfortable.
"I eh, um, of course not... but now you're out of here."
Before he could write me out of the story I activated the Soul Reaver and forced it right through the man, killing him instantly. Exactly how the story would continue now I had murdered the author was unclear, but I suspected there was more to come...