Title: Blast to the Past II
Chapter Seven: Pain
Author: Kitty Malfoy
Disclaimer: None of this HP Junk is mine, sadly. I even offered JK $1,000,000 and a leg wax, but she wouldn't give me 'em! So I egged her house and beat her car in with a crowbar. But, Ssh! Don't tell the coppa's. I'm hiding out in Czechoslovakia until she takes off the bounty on my head, and that's where I'm writing this chappy.
A/N: This chapter is done in fanfic format. This is the first songfic/chapter I've done yet, so please be nice. -Credits: Pain (Slayer Mix) by Kim Ferron; Four Star Mary
!*!*!*!*!*!*!
(These little scenes take place a week and a half after the 'bad news')
Everything seemed to move in slow motion.
Sirius watched as Riley's resistance was shattered in an instant. One hand passed over her lower torso and the other clenched the sheets. Large wet tears poured down her face in streams. Her body shook with anguish and her face was like white marble. Her back arched and her head snapped back as a scream was ripped forcefully from her throat.
Then time resumed its normal speed again as the door swung open with a bang, and the doctors burst into the room. Two sets of hands grabbed her arms and legs - pinning her to the bed. The third doctor pierced her upper arm with a needle, and injected her with sedatives.
Her face went slack and her limbs rested limply on the bed. Her eyes began to lose focus as the drugs moved through her body. Her eyelids began to get heavy though she fought to keep them open. One last crystalline tear slid down her cheek before she closed her eyes and welcomed sleep.
FEELING I'VE BEEN LOST FOR YEARS YOU CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND ME
Empty thoughts breezed over her mind, and swirled across her blackened eyes, like the fog of dawn. A loud knock on her apartment door, interrupted her thoughts, empty-though they may be, and her eyes rose slowly from the floor, where they had been fixed. She moved slowly, as if she had been locked in that position for several hours, and with a draining effort she walked to the door, and opened it.
Dark eyes locked with her own and she began to close the door. He stopped her weak attempt easily, and being too emotionally drained she did not resist, but simply stood in front of him, unmoving, one hand still on the door.
His eyes swept over her, taking in her appearance. She was covered in filth and grime; her face and hair streaked with dirt. Her hair, now back to it's original blonde from neglect, was dirty and unclean, and hung over her pale face in scraggly bunches. The large, wrinkled, white T-shirt that she wore hung limply off one bony shoulder. Her skinny, bare legs were scratched and purple with cold, and her feet were bare.
Sirius watched as her pupils widened, melting into her obsidian eyes as they became glassy and unfocused. Sirius watched her draw into herself gathering back her pitiful strength and her remaining emotional courage. He fought inside himself as Riley's dead eyes seemed to look through him, and yet at nothing, at the same time. A scream rose in his throat as images moved through those depthless eyes. Images he knew. Scenes of what he had been through. They were Iher/I memories. Memories that had been forgotten, lost in the loopholes of her mind.
Then her eyes snapped back into focus, though still covered with fog and shadow.
"What is it?" She spoke normally, though to her ears it seemed that her words were thick and heavy with her burden and the darkness that fed off her.
Sirius seemed out of sorts, and not entirely focused on what he was saying - his words jumbling together. "Memories. First time we met. Charms. Your eyes. You're lost. Can't you see them?"
"See what?" she snapped.
"The memories in your eyes, can't you see them?" he asked leaning forward.
In a moment of clearness, her eyes lightened, hinting at the blue buried beneath, and the clouding fog lifted, opening her eyes. His hand reached up to cup her cheek, and thunder cracked so loudly Riley jumped. Lightening soon followed filling the apartment with blinding, pulsing, white light. A wind swirled excitedly around their feet, swirling up to encircle them in a shroud of slicing wind. It seemed to Riley as if the storm was there, Iinside/I the room with them.
Then the brightest burst of lightening filled the room, and Riley couldn't even see Sirius standing in front of her. Suddenly, she staggered backward as an image ripped through her vision, leaving her seeing spots, and her head ringing. Brief though the image was it would remain burned in her memory forever.
In a sudden surge of strength, brought on by the shock of the image, Riley shoved Sirius away from her and he stumbled back and fell down backwards into the hallway. He looked up at her his shocked, chocolate eyes, mirroring her own.
UNLESS YOU'VE SEEN THESE TEARS
Tears poured down her face, mixing with the dirt, leaving muddy trails down her cheeks, she managed to shake her head through her silent tears, and whispered a response.
"I. Don't. See. Anything." then she was forced to close the door, if only to block out his determinedly disbelieving eyes. Haunting, piercing eyes. She could feel them staring at her through the door. Her back burned as if his eyes could burn their way to her soul. Riley felt so violated, when he looked at her.
The door rattled against her back, as Sirius' fists pounded on it. "Serenity, let me in. Serenity? let me in, damnit!"
Tears streamed down her face, as she stared up at the ceiling - watching it grow fuzzy through her tears. She closed her eyes as the door shook harder, and drew her knees up to her chest; wrapping her arms around them. He banged the door again, and she lowered her head into her knees, and sobbed.
BUT YOU NEVER GET TO SLEEP WHEN I'M AWAY I DON'T MIND THE DEEPER THAT YOU LAY
The shaking door and her own racking sobs faded into the back of her mind as sleep snatched her into its jaws, and she drifted away. When she awoke Sirius was gone, and she was lying on the floor in front of the door. She tried to go back to sleep, but the shadow crept into her mind, seeping into her very essence, twisting her thoughts and actions, and sleep would not come.
She felt as if she had known such evil before, then it had disappeared. Now it was back. It spread throughout her, eating away at everything pure and good inside her. It found the dark, hidden spots in her soul and fed them negative energy. She could feel the darkness and shadow inside. She rolled onto her side, and retched, sickened at herself.
OUT OF TIME
PAIN. I CAN'T SLEEP PAIN. I CAN'T SLEEP
She pulled herself to her feet, leaning against the door. She could tell it was dawn by one look at the window. She dressed quickly in baggy khakis and a white three-quarter's length shirt, placing something in one of the oversized pant's pockets. Walking back to the door, she caught her own glance in the hall mirror. She felt sick again, and ripped the offending object off the wall bringing it down to the ground with a crash. The sound of breaking glass, brought her a little peace, which was soon gone as she saw her haunting image reflected in the millions of tiny pieces.
RUNNING, RUNNING FROM THOSE DAYS THERE'S ANOTHER ONE INSIDE ME GUESS I'VE GONE INSANE
She slammed open the door, and stumbled right over Sirius, who had fallen asleep in the hallway. He groggily raised his head, and his movements were sluggish with sleep. Glad for the slight advantage, she leapt over him and raced down the hallway and down the stairs. Insanity clung to her like a cloak billowing out around her, but clutching to her at the same time. She found herself leaping over 4 or 5 steps at a time, uncaring of whether she hurt herself.
BUT YOU ALWAYS RUN AWAY WHEN I COME AROUND I DON'T MIND THE DAY I'LL TRACK YOU DOWN
After a moment's hesitation Sirius was scrambling to his feet and stumbling after her.
There was something very wrong.
He bhad/b to find her.
PAIN. I CAN'T SLEEP PAIN. I CAN'T SLEEP
DON'T STOP. DON'T TALK. DO NOT FUCK WITH ME. DON'T STOP. DON'T TALK. DO NOT FUCK WITH ME.
Riley pushed open the door, and gulped in fresh air, hoping to dispel the shadow that continued to grow. The air brushed softly against her skin, as gentle as a lover's kiss, but did nothing to lift her soul.
"Serenity!" his voice echoed down the stars in booming spirals. Instantly, Riley was out the door racing down the street. His footsteps soon followed hers, the only sound in the early dawn. Though he was in better physical shape than her, she outdistanced him easily, shadow and insanity fueling her, driving her onward. More footsteps joined his, but Riley could no will herself to look back.
"The image was real! It's a memory of your past!" Sirius' voice reached out to her, willing her to stop, but she forced it to the back of her mind, and ran on. With a fierce need to outdistance the coaxing voice, she sprinted forward, and ran inside her office building.
In a moment she was standing on top of the building, hands in her pockets, looking down at Sirius as he ran towards her. She frowned down at him as her insides clenched under the shadows' strain.
It was time.
Her fingers wrapped around the cold metal in her pocket, and she drew out the gun that she had concealed in her pocket.
LOADED, LOADED UP THIS GUN
THERE'S A KILLER IN ME
She heard Sirius' sharp intake of breath; the shifting of gravel as he skid to a stop in front of the building. Then she closed her eyes and pressed the gold metal to her temple.
Yes it was time....
Time to end it....
Soon it would all be over....
HOPING, HOPE THAT YOU'RE THE ONE
BUT YOU ALWAYS RUN AWAY WHEN I COME AROUND I DON'T MIND THE DAY I'LL TRACK YOU DOWN
TERRIFY
PAIN. I CAN'T SLEEP PAIN. I CAN'T SLEEP PAIN. I CAN'T SLEEP
Disclaimer: None of this HP Junk is mine, sadly. I even offered JK $1,000,000 and a leg wax, but she wouldn't give me 'em! So I egged her house and beat her car in with a crowbar. But, Ssh! Don't tell the coppa's. I'm hiding out in Czechoslovakia until she takes off the bounty on my head, and that's where I'm writing this chappy.
A/N: This chapter is done in fanfic format. This is the first songfic/chapter I've done yet, so please be nice. -Credits: Pain (Slayer Mix) by Kim Ferron; Four Star Mary
!*!*!*!*!*!*!
(These little scenes take place a week and a half after the 'bad news')
Everything seemed to move in slow motion.
Sirius watched as Riley's resistance was shattered in an instant. One hand passed over her lower torso and the other clenched the sheets. Large wet tears poured down her face in streams. Her body shook with anguish and her face was like white marble. Her back arched and her head snapped back as a scream was ripped forcefully from her throat.
Then time resumed its normal speed again as the door swung open with a bang, and the doctors burst into the room. Two sets of hands grabbed her arms and legs - pinning her to the bed. The third doctor pierced her upper arm with a needle, and injected her with sedatives.
Her face went slack and her limbs rested limply on the bed. Her eyes began to lose focus as the drugs moved through her body. Her eyelids began to get heavy though she fought to keep them open. One last crystalline tear slid down her cheek before she closed her eyes and welcomed sleep.
FEELING I'VE BEEN LOST FOR YEARS YOU CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND ME
Empty thoughts breezed over her mind, and swirled across her blackened eyes, like the fog of dawn. A loud knock on her apartment door, interrupted her thoughts, empty-though they may be, and her eyes rose slowly from the floor, where they had been fixed. She moved slowly, as if she had been locked in that position for several hours, and with a draining effort she walked to the door, and opened it.
Dark eyes locked with her own and she began to close the door. He stopped her weak attempt easily, and being too emotionally drained she did not resist, but simply stood in front of him, unmoving, one hand still on the door.
His eyes swept over her, taking in her appearance. She was covered in filth and grime; her face and hair streaked with dirt. Her hair, now back to it's original blonde from neglect, was dirty and unclean, and hung over her pale face in scraggly bunches. The large, wrinkled, white T-shirt that she wore hung limply off one bony shoulder. Her skinny, bare legs were scratched and purple with cold, and her feet were bare.
Sirius watched as her pupils widened, melting into her obsidian eyes as they became glassy and unfocused. Sirius watched her draw into herself gathering back her pitiful strength and her remaining emotional courage. He fought inside himself as Riley's dead eyes seemed to look through him, and yet at nothing, at the same time. A scream rose in his throat as images moved through those depthless eyes. Images he knew. Scenes of what he had been through. They were Iher/I memories. Memories that had been forgotten, lost in the loopholes of her mind.
Then her eyes snapped back into focus, though still covered with fog and shadow.
"What is it?" She spoke normally, though to her ears it seemed that her words were thick and heavy with her burden and the darkness that fed off her.
Sirius seemed out of sorts, and not entirely focused on what he was saying - his words jumbling together. "Memories. First time we met. Charms. Your eyes. You're lost. Can't you see them?"
"See what?" she snapped.
"The memories in your eyes, can't you see them?" he asked leaning forward.
In a moment of clearness, her eyes lightened, hinting at the blue buried beneath, and the clouding fog lifted, opening her eyes. His hand reached up to cup her cheek, and thunder cracked so loudly Riley jumped. Lightening soon followed filling the apartment with blinding, pulsing, white light. A wind swirled excitedly around their feet, swirling up to encircle them in a shroud of slicing wind. It seemed to Riley as if the storm was there, Iinside/I the room with them.
Then the brightest burst of lightening filled the room, and Riley couldn't even see Sirius standing in front of her. Suddenly, she staggered backward as an image ripped through her vision, leaving her seeing spots, and her head ringing. Brief though the image was it would remain burned in her memory forever.
In a sudden surge of strength, brought on by the shock of the image, Riley shoved Sirius away from her and he stumbled back and fell down backwards into the hallway. He looked up at her his shocked, chocolate eyes, mirroring her own.
UNLESS YOU'VE SEEN THESE TEARS
Tears poured down her face, mixing with the dirt, leaving muddy trails down her cheeks, she managed to shake her head through her silent tears, and whispered a response.
"I. Don't. See. Anything." then she was forced to close the door, if only to block out his determinedly disbelieving eyes. Haunting, piercing eyes. She could feel them staring at her through the door. Her back burned as if his eyes could burn their way to her soul. Riley felt so violated, when he looked at her.
The door rattled against her back, as Sirius' fists pounded on it. "Serenity, let me in. Serenity? let me in, damnit!"
Tears streamed down her face, as she stared up at the ceiling - watching it grow fuzzy through her tears. She closed her eyes as the door shook harder, and drew her knees up to her chest; wrapping her arms around them. He banged the door again, and she lowered her head into her knees, and sobbed.
BUT YOU NEVER GET TO SLEEP WHEN I'M AWAY I DON'T MIND THE DEEPER THAT YOU LAY
The shaking door and her own racking sobs faded into the back of her mind as sleep snatched her into its jaws, and she drifted away. When she awoke Sirius was gone, and she was lying on the floor in front of the door. She tried to go back to sleep, but the shadow crept into her mind, seeping into her very essence, twisting her thoughts and actions, and sleep would not come.
She felt as if she had known such evil before, then it had disappeared. Now it was back. It spread throughout her, eating away at everything pure and good inside her. It found the dark, hidden spots in her soul and fed them negative energy. She could feel the darkness and shadow inside. She rolled onto her side, and retched, sickened at herself.
OUT OF TIME
PAIN. I CAN'T SLEEP PAIN. I CAN'T SLEEP
She pulled herself to her feet, leaning against the door. She could tell it was dawn by one look at the window. She dressed quickly in baggy khakis and a white three-quarter's length shirt, placing something in one of the oversized pant's pockets. Walking back to the door, she caught her own glance in the hall mirror. She felt sick again, and ripped the offending object off the wall bringing it down to the ground with a crash. The sound of breaking glass, brought her a little peace, which was soon gone as she saw her haunting image reflected in the millions of tiny pieces.
RUNNING, RUNNING FROM THOSE DAYS THERE'S ANOTHER ONE INSIDE ME GUESS I'VE GONE INSANE
She slammed open the door, and stumbled right over Sirius, who had fallen asleep in the hallway. He groggily raised his head, and his movements were sluggish with sleep. Glad for the slight advantage, she leapt over him and raced down the hallway and down the stairs. Insanity clung to her like a cloak billowing out around her, but clutching to her at the same time. She found herself leaping over 4 or 5 steps at a time, uncaring of whether she hurt herself.
BUT YOU ALWAYS RUN AWAY WHEN I COME AROUND I DON'T MIND THE DAY I'LL TRACK YOU DOWN
After a moment's hesitation Sirius was scrambling to his feet and stumbling after her.
There was something very wrong.
He bhad/b to find her.
PAIN. I CAN'T SLEEP PAIN. I CAN'T SLEEP
DON'T STOP. DON'T TALK. DO NOT FUCK WITH ME. DON'T STOP. DON'T TALK. DO NOT FUCK WITH ME.
Riley pushed open the door, and gulped in fresh air, hoping to dispel the shadow that continued to grow. The air brushed softly against her skin, as gentle as a lover's kiss, but did nothing to lift her soul.
"Serenity!" his voice echoed down the stars in booming spirals. Instantly, Riley was out the door racing down the street. His footsteps soon followed hers, the only sound in the early dawn. Though he was in better physical shape than her, she outdistanced him easily, shadow and insanity fueling her, driving her onward. More footsteps joined his, but Riley could no will herself to look back.
"The image was real! It's a memory of your past!" Sirius' voice reached out to her, willing her to stop, but she forced it to the back of her mind, and ran on. With a fierce need to outdistance the coaxing voice, she sprinted forward, and ran inside her office building.
In a moment she was standing on top of the building, hands in her pockets, looking down at Sirius as he ran towards her. She frowned down at him as her insides clenched under the shadows' strain.
It was time.
Her fingers wrapped around the cold metal in her pocket, and she drew out the gun that she had concealed in her pocket.
LOADED, LOADED UP THIS GUN
THERE'S A KILLER IN ME
She heard Sirius' sharp intake of breath; the shifting of gravel as he skid to a stop in front of the building. Then she closed her eyes and pressed the gold metal to her temple.
Yes it was time....
Time to end it....
Soon it would all be over....
HOPING, HOPE THAT YOU'RE THE ONE
BUT YOU ALWAYS RUN AWAY WHEN I COME AROUND I DON'T MIND THE DAY I'LL TRACK YOU DOWN
TERRIFY
PAIN. I CAN'T SLEEP PAIN. I CAN'T SLEEP PAIN. I CAN'T SLEEP