DISCLAIMER: I own NONE of the characters, ideas, or people used in this story. This is just something that was written out of a total lack of sanity.
If you have any suggestions, please feel free to email me! I love to get ideas for my stories from the people that actually read them!
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The Ultimate Crossover - Part 5 : Reality my Ass!
Setting: DARTH FLIRT's bedroom...
DARTH FLIRT: Not MORE threatening letters... Geeze... Who would have thunk that people would actually read that story...
DARTH FLIRT stares at her computer screen just clicking away.
DARTH FLIRT: If only they knew the writer's block I was going through!! ARRG!!
PHONE: BRING! BRING!
DARTH FLIRT answers the PHONE.
DARTH FLIRT: Hullo?
JEDI PIKACHU: HI!!!!
DARTH FLIRT: Umm... Hi?
JEDI PIKACHU: It's me!!
DARTH FLIRT: No... Really...
JEDI PIKACHU: I was just wondering when I can be in your story?! I have so many plans for it once that happens!!!!
DARTH FLIRT: Well.. You see... They are sort of stuck on an island right now...
JEDI PIKACHU: I DON'T CARE!! I WANT TO BE IN THE STORY!!!
DARTH FLIRT: Woah.. Chill...
JEDI PIKACHU: Sorry! I got to go! I think I just saw a hot guy!! Bye!
JEDI PIKACHU hangs up the PHONE.
DARTH FLIRT: What a ditz...
DARTH FLIRT hangs up the phone.
DARTH FLIRT: How am I supposed to write when I don't have any ideas?
DARTH FLIRT stares blankly at her computer screen (like she usally does).
The TV mysteriously turns on
TV: Next time, on Survivor...
DARTH FLIRT: THAT'S IT!!
DARTH FLIRT smiles deviously and starts to type away....
Setting: The Mysterious Island.....
LUKE: Where are we?
DARTH FLIRT: According to my handy TV Guide... It says you are on Nuku Hiva.
LUKE: Where is that?
DARTH FLIRT: In the middle of the pacific ocean.
SAM: How can you know where we are from that "TV Guide"?
DARTH FLIRT: Because I decided to throw you all on my Ultimate Survivor Island.
HEATH: Ooh! Survivor! I love that show!!!!!
DARTH FLIRT: You won't love it after I'm done....
DARTH FLIRT grins evily.
HEATH gets very scared and runs to hide behind LUKE.
FRODO: What, may I ask, is this Survivor?
DARTH FLIRT: It's a tacky game show where a bunch of idiots get stranded on an island and get filmed the whole time.
FRODO: Any why do they do this?
DARTH FLIRT: I'm not really sure... Supposedly for a million dollars... But you can never be to sure about some of those freaky people....
TK: A million dollars!! How can I play!?
DARTH FLIRT grins evily.
DARTH FLIRT: All you have to do is stick around. Just remember... The Cameras aren't actually here. Just act like nothing is different...
DARTH FLIRT snaps and disappears in a puff of smoke.
IKKI: How does she do that?
TAKATO: I don't know...
HEATH: Alright now! All we have to do is follow this map to get to our campsite.
TK: Where did that map come from?
HEATH: I don't know... It appeared in my hands just as Darth Flirt appeared.
IKKI: What is with her?
TK: Do we want to know?
IKKI: No.
HEATH: Anyways.. Lets be off!
ASH: How come you get the map?
HEATH: I don't know, but if the writer wants it to be this way... I wouldn't want to contradict her...
ASH: But I want to hold the map.
HEATH: No.
FRODO: I've been on a longer journey then any of you! I want to hold the map!
HEATH and ASH: No!
HEATH: You're two bloody feel tall! You won't be able to see above the blades of grass!
ASH: You probably couldn't even lift the map!
FRODO looks hurt and shocked. SAM's eye is starting to twitch...
SAM: No one insults Frodo....
SAM's eye twitches more as SAM draws his sword.
HEATH and ASH look very scared.
SAM slowly walks towards HEATH and ASH.
SAM jumps up and starts to go YODA on them. (Just like in Attack of the Clones.)
YODA: Learned well you have grasshopper.
FRODO: Where did you come from?
YODA: My home this is!
YODA runs off in the bushes while SAM finishes going YODA on HEATH and ASH.
HEATH and ASH look mortially wounded.
SAM: That'll teach them...
DARTH FLIRT uses her knowledge of THE FORCE to heal HEATH and ASH from her private cloud.
SAM: What did you do that for?!
DARTH FLIRT: I still need them arond. Plus I'm the only one allowed to kill anyone off in the fic.
SAM looks disappointed.
DARTH FLIRT: Don't worry Sam, I'll let you kill some people later.
SAM cheers up.
HEATH and ASH look scared again.
FRODO: Can I have the map now?
FRODO does his goldfish eye thing.
HEATH looks disgusted.
HEATH: No.
FRODO pouts, but lets it go because the plot needs to advance sometime in the fic.
The FELLOWSHIP starts to walk off into the woods.
SCENERY GUYS quickly run out to change the scenery as the FELLOWSHIP walks away from the beach.
FRODO: Scenery Guys again?
SCENERY GUY FRED: Of course. Did you really think Survivor was filmed on a real island?
HEATH: What?! It was a real island!!
SCENERY GUY FRED: Of course not! No show that sad could be on a real island... Plus how do you think the Camera Guys went home to see their families?
CAMERA GUY JIMMY: Yea! Did you actually think they would get people to go on the island along with the morons? I mean.. Survivors?
DARTH FLIRT: STOP TALKING TO THE CHARACTERS!!
CAMERA GUY JIMMY, SCENERY GUY BOB, and SCENERY GUY BOB gulp nervously.
DARTH FLIRT: Now... Back to the story.
The FELLOWSHIP stares at DARTH FLIRT.
DARTH FLIRT: What are you looking at? Go back to finding that campsite! The tribal council is tonight and I need you to interact with the Survivors already placed on this island to allow for the entertainment of the readers.
The FELLOWSHIP starts off again.
After many hours of travelling, the FELLOWSHIP finds themself back where they started.
HEATH: It's just around this bend.. I swear!
TK: That's what you've been saying for the last five hours...
FRODO: I knew he should have given me the map...
SAM: Don't worry Mister Frodo, I'll get him back for that... Don't you worry...
SAM strokes his sword.
FRODO gives SAM a concerned look.
SAM continues to glare at HEATH and ASH.
HEATH: We're almost there... Almost there...
DARTH FLIRT: Stop kidding yourself Heath... You're back where you started!
HEATH: No we're not!
DARTH FLIRT: Don't argue with me... Or you'll end up looking like Luke.
HEATH shrieks like a girl.
LUKE: What's wrong with looking like me?
DARTH FLIRT: COUGH Nothing....
DARTH FLIRT does the shifty eye thing.
DARTH FLIRT: Anywho... This story won't advance if you keep walking around in circles you moron!
HEATH: Awww...
DARTH FLIRT: Now hand the map over to me...
HEATH reluctantly passes the map over to DARTH FLIRT.
DARTH FLIRT: What the... you morons are on the wrong side of the island! How could you get so lost?!
THE FELLOWSHIP blushes and looks shamefully at their feet.
DARTH FLIRT (To Self): Nothing but fools on this island... Sheesh...
DARTH FLIRT: Anyways, you morons are wasting too much of the stories plot. So I'll just put you where you need to be now.
DARTH FLIRT snaps and THE FELLOWSHIP appears in a small clearing.
DARTH FLIRT: Now children... Play nice.
DARTH FLIRT snaps again and she disappears.
THE FELLOWSHIP realizes that they are now surrounded by 8 past survivors...
HEATH: WOW!! IT'S THE PAST SURVIVORS!!! AHH!!
HEATH does a ditzy scream.
ALL stare at HEATH.
HEATH: What?
BRANDON: Oh my god!! It's Heath Ledger!
BRANDON acts like a fruit (basically normal). BRANDON does the gay hand thing.
BRANDON: I am like, such a fan of yours.
HEATH: Really? I thought you were the best Survivor in the third one.
BRANDON: Really? Wow. Thanks, your such a nice guy.
BRANDON does the gay hand thing again.
TK (to everyone but HEATH and the SURVIVORS): Is it just me... Or are they scarey?
IKKI: I thought they were being normal.
TK: ... Well, you're right there.
MIKE: Anyways, if you gays.. I mean guys, are done flirting... I mean talking, could we show our new guests to the camp?
LEX: That sounds like a good idea.
LEX looks around suspiciously, then leads THE FELLOWSHIP and the other SURVIVORS into the woods.
THE FELLOWSHIP soon arrives in a new clearing, this time it looks like a campsite.
FRODO: My, what a fine camp site you have here.
COLBY: Why thanks.
JERRI: Oh Colby... You are so hot... Like chocolate... And sex...
FRODO looks scared. SAM glares at JERRI for scaring FRODO.
MIKE: Stop talking over there! We have duties to do!
COLBY: Sorry.
GABRIEL (From Survivor 4) starts trying to rap. JOHN (Survivor 4) starts cooking and acting like a male nurse. BRANDON (Survivor 3) starts trying on dresses. LEX (Survivor 3) tries to find who voted for him. KIMMI (Survivor 2) tries to protect the fish from being caught. JERRI (Survivor 2) attaches herself to COLBY (Survivor 2) who is trying to get away from her. MIKE (Survivor 2) is currently attenting to the fire.
THE FELLOWSHIP looks at them shocked.
MIKE: You guys! Get to work!
TAKATO: How come he is bossing us around?
LUKE: I don't wanna be bossed around....
TK: I dare someone to push him in the fire.
MEDABOT: Your On.
MEDABOT sneaks behind MIKE and pushes him into the fire.
MIKE: AHH!! The paper fire is burning me!! Ahh! Ahh!
DARTH FLIRT: Didn't I tell you children to play nice?
THE FELLOWSHIP looks shamefull.
DARTH FLIRT: Oh well... Not like I could afford a real fire anyways.. I'll just have to get rid of Mike.
DARTH FLIRT snaps and MIKE disappears from on top of the paper fire.
DARTH FLIRT: Now, find something to occupy yourselves while I try to develop the plot line.
THE FELLOWSHIP sits on logs around the campfire and stare at eachother.
DARTH FLIRT: You people (and hobbits, medabots, digimon, and pokemon) are sad.
FELLOWSHIP: We know.
Several hours pass. Nothing happened in this time, other then the fact that BRANDON hit on every guy in THE FELLOWSHIP, but what else is new?
BRANDON'S GAY FRIEND: Don't make fun of my Brandy-poo!!
DARTH FLIRT: Ewww...
DARTH FLIRT sticks a burning splint up BRANDON'S GAY FRIEND.
BRANDON'S GAY FRIEND pops then explodes.
DARTH FLIRT: Hmm... I guess he's full of hydrogen...
DARTH FLIRT suddenly remembers that she is in the middle of writing a story and decides to continue the plot...
Setting: 2 hours later...
HEATH has mysteriously grown a full beard already. FRODO and SAM look dead from hunger. EVERYONE is starving.
HEATH: FooooooOOOOoooooood!!
LEX (to self): Maybe his hunger made him vote for me...
Suddenly, some rustling is heard from the bushes.
IKKI: What was that!
MEDABEE: Medabee's not afraid of anything!
IKKI: That's nice Medabee...
Then, a VOICE is heard from the same bushes.
VOICE: No! Don't make me go out there! They look hungry!
DARTH FLIRT: Get out there! No one has been killed in the chapter but Mike and Brandon's gay friend!
VOICE: Don't make me please!
SAM: I know that voice... It's Mel Gibson!!!
FRODO: But didn't he get eaten by a dragon?
TK: Stranger things have happened...
TK motions to BRANDON holding tightly onto COLBY's leg and JERRI trying to get BRANDON off to hold onto COLBY's leg herself.
FRODO: Point taken.
Suddenly, a CHICKEN appears out of the bush.
VOICE (AKA the CHICKEN): Eeep.
TAKATO: That's not Mel Gibson!
CHICKEN: Mel who? My name's Rocky!
EVERYONE starts to drool at tasty looking ROCKY (except KIMMI who is still busy protecting fish).
ROCKY: Eeep.
EVERYONE jumps on top of ROCKY.
Setting: 20 minutes later...
EVERYONE is sitting around a fire eating a finely roasted chicken.
KIMMI: What are you eating that poor chicken!!
HEATH: Because it's good...
KIMMI: That's cruelty to animals! Don't eat the chicken!
SAM: Why would you not want to eat a chicken as fine tasting as this?! It's almost as good as the chicken they served in the Prancing Pony.
KIMMI: That is so cruel!
DARTH FLIRT tips a tup of acid over KIMMI.
DARTH FLIRT then sits down and starts to eat with EVERYONE.
DARTH FLIRT: Mmm... this is some mighty fine chicken.
ALL stare at DARTH FLIRT.
DARTH FLIRT: What? She was annoying the readers!
ALL nod in understandment and go back to eating ROCKY... I mean... the chicken.
LEX jumps up.
DARTH FLIRT: Where are you going?
LEX: I don't know... I had a sudden urge to jump up and run into the bushes...
DARTH FLIRT checks what she is typing.
DARTH FLIRT: Ah yes... That makes sence.... Go on then...
LEX runs off into the bushes.
VOICES: Who you?
LEX: I'm Lex... Who are you?
VOICES: We Cannibals.
LEX: That's cool...
Silence.
LEX: So you say you're cannibals...
CANNIBALS: Grunt.
VARIOUS SCREAMS are heard from the bushes.
DARTH FLIRT: Heh heh heh....
DARTH FLIRT looks at her watch.
DARTH FLIRT: Egads! This story has been draging on for a long time... Maybe I should finish this chapter...
DARTH FLIRT snaps and the sky turns from day to night.
DARTH FLIRT: Alright Survivors... Get to the tribal council so I can continue the plot!
DARTH FLIRT snaps and disappears.
TK: I hate it when she does that...
PIKACHU: Pi-Pika...
ASH (to TK): What is Pikchu saying?
TK rolls eyes.
THE FELLOWSHIP and THE SURVIVORS set off to tribal council.
SCENERY GUY BOB, SCENERY GUY FRED and CAMERA GUY JIMMY follow them.
SCENERY GUY FRED: Slow down! I can't move the scenery that fast!
ALL stop. (Except ASH)
ASH walked in to camera CAMERA GUY JIMMY is holding.
CAMERA GUY JIMMY: Watch where you're walking!
ASH: I didn't think the camera was supposed to get in our way...
CAMERA GUY JIMMY: You're supposed to IGNORE us...
DARTH FLIRT: Scenery Guy Bob, Scenery Guy Fred and Camera Guy Jimmy! Stop talking to the cast!
CAMERA GUY JIMMY, SCENERY GUY BOB and SCENERY GUY FRED: Sorry...
DARTH FLIRT: Now, all of you get moving again!
ALL start moving again.
Setting: 5 minutes later...
FRODO: Are we there yet?
GABRIEL: No.
SAM: Are we there yet?
JOHN: No.
FRODO and SAM: Are we there yet?
GABRIEL and JOHN: NO!
FRODO and SAM: Oh...
FRODO: Are we there yet?
Setting: 2 hours later...
FRODO and SAM: Are we there yet?
GABRIEL and JOHN: YES!
FRODO: Are we ther - We are?
FELLOWSHIP and SURVIVORS walk into hastily put together tribal council area.
JEFF: Welcome back to tribal council survivors.... Wait a second... Why are there more of you?
DARTH FLIRT: I can answer that one.
JEFF jumps.
JEFF: AHH!! Where did you come from?
DARTH FLIRT shrugs.
DARTH FLIRT: Does that really matter? Anyways, I threw some more people on the island just for the hell of it.
JEFF: Ah, that makes sence. Wait... Who are you?
TK: She's Darth Flirt, the writer of this story.
JEFF: Since when is this a story?
ASH: Since ever.
JEFF: ... Really? How come I wasn't informed on her writing this?
DARTH FLIRT: Because I hate you... And your the worst host ever!!
JEFF runs away crying.
DARTH FLIRT: Gawd he's annoying... Anyways... I guess I'll be the host of this show now...
DARTH FLIRT grins evily.
EVERYONE cowers.
DARTH FLIRT: Anyways, I'm too lazy to ask questions so.... On with the voting!!
SURVIVORS and FELLOWSHIP run over to voting booth and try to cram in.
DARTH FLIRT: STOP IT FOOLS!! ONE AT A TIME PLEASE!!!
SURVIVORS and FELLOWSHIP: Oh.... Right....
SURVIVORS and FELLOWSHIP take their seats.
Setting: The Voting Booth...
FRODO walks into booth and starts to write a name down.
FRODO holds name up.
FRODO: I'm voting for myself. I WANT OFF THIS ISLAND!!!
FRODO folds up papter, puts it in box and leaves.
SAM walks up and starts to write name on paper.
SAM holds paper up.
SAM: I'm voting for Heath... I'm pretty sure he wants Mr. Frodo...
SAM glares at nothing.
SAM puts paper in box and leaves.
HEATH walks up and writes a name on the paper.
HEATH holds up paper.
HEATH: I'm voting off Brandon.. His gayness is just creepy...
HEATH puts paper away and leaves.
LUKE walks in and writes a name on the paper.
LUKE holds up paper.
LUKE: I'm voting off Camera Guy Jimmy... I think he's stalking me...
CAMERA GUY JIMMY: You can't vote me off! I'm a crew member!
LUKE: Meh.
LUKE leaves booth.
IKKI walks up with MEDABEE behind him.
IKKI writes a name down on the paper and holds it up.
IKKI: I'm voting off Medabee... He doesn't listen to me at all!!
IKKI puts paper in bin and starts to walk away.
As IKKI is leaving, MEDABEE sneaks up and starts to write a name down.
IKKI turns around and sees MEDABEE writing.
IKKI: Medabee! you're an inanimate obect! You don't get a vote!
MEDABEE: But you voted for me!
IKKI: ....so? Now, lets get back before Darth Flirt smites us...
DARTH FLIRT: Good plan.
IKKI and MEDABEE cower then leave.
THE REST of the cast each take their turns voting and elaboration would be included if I a) Wan't too lazy and b) This story wasn't dragging on even longer then it should be.
JEFF: Phew, finally... About time you fools got done voting.
DARTH FLIRT: Weren't you just crying a second ago?
JEFF: So?
DARTH FLIRT: Ah well. Looks like you get to play host again then.
JEFF: Crap...
DARTH FLIRT: Do it...
JEFF: Eep! Looks like I'll read the votes then. Lemme see... 1 vote for Heath...
HEATH glares around room.
JEFF: One vote for Brandon..
BRANDON: That, like so can't be true..
JEFF: One vote for an inanimate object...
METABEE punches IKKI.
IKKI: Ow!
JEFF: One vote for Camera Guy Jimmy... Wait a second.. You can't vote for a crewmember or an inanimate object!
JEFF throws out the two votes.
JEFF: And the rest are for the entire fellowship?! What?
DARTH FLIRT: You heard me.
JEFF: This game is screwed... I'm leaving to go host Rock and Roll Jeopardy!
DARTH FLIRT: Ew... That show actually exists?
JEFF: Don't make fun of me!
JEFF runs off crying again.
DARTH FLIRT rolls eyes.
DARTH FLIRT: Wuss.... Now Fellowship! Follow me to an un-fated cruise ship ironically named the Titanic!
SURVIVORS: What! They get to go to an un-fated cruise ship!
DARTH FLIRT: Yup. And you get to stay here and slowly die... Have fun!
DARTH FLIRT leads the FELLOWSHIP to the docking bay.
DARTH FLIRT: Here's your ship! Have fun.
DARTH FLIRT grins evily.
DARTH FLIRT snaps and disappears.
HEATH: What's so scarey about this un-fated cruise ship?